Selasa, 31 Maret 2009

What you missed last night while you were trying to get the last piece of apple pie

Rangers shut-out the Devils, 3-0: Avery was a good boy last night. I hope people paid attention to Henrik Lundqvist. Lundqvist is an odd-style goalie. He plays super deep in his net and covers almost the complete bottom third. He is almost always beaten up high. Last night, however, Lundqvist made some nice glove saves. And when he does that and holds onto the puck, he's damn near unbeatable. Avery is important, but Lundqvist is the guy that makes or breaks the Rangers.

Coyotes beat the Stars, 6-5: Of the 11 goals scored in this game, I would estimate that 9 of them were of the ugly variety. I mean really ugly. Ugh. I can't believe that Versus chose this game over the Sharks/Flames. Seriously, why are you even reading a bad recap about 2 teams who will miss the playoffs. Move on...

Sharks beat the Flames, 2-1: Joe Thornton found Dan Boyle on the power play to get the sharks out to a 1-0 lead. Boyle put the one-timer high glove, back from where the pass came from. A very very very good shot. Later Jarome Iginla did a stop move that froze the D and Nabakov and then he ripped a wrist shot through both sets of legs. Great innovative skill. Cheechoo got the game winner. Simple, hard hitting, playoff-type game.

Senin, 30 Maret 2009

Finals Preview in the 2man Head to Head League

Well now that Mike Sung has officially dragged me down this morning from consistent staring at my P+L and making me lose my focus, we can talk about the finals match-up.

Please put this song on in the back-ground for the following post.

Trefo (a.k.a.) "Schmitty" takes the Spin-O-Rama squad, which has consistently outperformed the S&P 500 all year long. He brings the likes of players such as a dominant Rick Nash, street-savy Marc Savard, the big cat Marty Brodeur between the pipes with Yann Danis and Nikolai maybe he'll save it Khabibobby backing him up. He also yields the ever-impressive Jeff Carter and his sexual campaign this year with decent under-belly support in players like Patty Berglund, Joey Pavelski, Alexei Kovalev and the MTL PP domination, Michael Ryder and Mikey Kanubull.

For the next preview, place this song on please.

When I hear this song for NHL '95, I get watery a little as I remember my mom buying this for me and I just wasn't ever more excited for any other version as a kid, I don't know why. It makes me wanna play roller hockey on Mildred Drive. We would order Domino's and try to get the Seagulls to eat an alka-seltzer tab, to see if it would actually explode.

On the back-end Brad Mac brings his iron clad Omar DevOne Little squad that also has outperformed the S&P 500 all year in good form with well oiled axles from front to back. In goal he throws Niklas Backstrom alongside Dwayne Roloson, two goalies back-stopping two teams in the playoff hunt which is always good down a fantasy stretch with Bryzgalov there to support the save category. Mrs. Phelps (a.k.a. Brad Mac) yields the power I Mike Richards which is something you need in a finals matchup this year. He holds a strong D-pairing in Gonchar and Streit with Dany Heat, interesting Lucic over the last few, Stevey Sulls who will only continue his match play when and if Arnott returns, Marty Aggrippa Havlat who has crushed the street's expectations this year and is surviving and thriving in this recession. I like this team to win it for the goaltenders who will be in TOP form, and most of all for his lower line scrape. Sam Gagner, Okposo, Antropov, Stamkos, T.J. Oshie and some Jared Boll PIMs. Many of these guys have been very strong over the last month.

Should be interesting to watch. My team just didn't have it this year. A poor draft, alongside a few injuries and some missed pick-ups and you have a bottom story forming.

- Nascency in the pull-back

Weekend Wrap Up OR College hockey was crazy, but I'm not going to talk about it

I watched hockey every time it was on this weekend, but I couldn't figure out what game I was watching in the NCAA's. Cornell was in the mid-west regional - thats confusing.

The Islanders shut-out the Red Wings Friday night. Yes, Hossa and company hit about a thousand posts, but Joey MacDonald made saves like this:

He looks like Nemmy during roller hockey.

Ovechkin embarrassed the Lightning again. Not with a stupid celebration, but with a solid night. Ovy had 2 and 2 assists:

Saturday night was fight night at the Coliseum, this heavy weight bought came right after Nate Thompson fought Dan Carcillo and before Aaron Asham dropped Tim Jackman. Also Doug Weight fought!

While the fights were happening on the island, a pond hockey game was breaking out in Toronto. Justin Pogge sucks. Or he's learning. He got pulled for CuJo - exactly the opposite of what happened the night before. Recchi had 2 sweet tip-ins. He's not a Jew, because he knows how to tip. (ed note: bress is a jew).
Of the 7 Boston scored this one is my favorite. Really make sure to watch the nice pass from Lucic.

Earlier on Saturday Crosby was Crosby and got the game winner versus the Rangers. Uhhh, good effort, Redden?

The Blue Jackets and the Blues played a home-and-home series (or more accurately home-and-away). The BJs lost both and Mr. Nash has a new nemesis.

Yea, thats TJ Oshie.

I can't think of a better way to end this recap than with this ridiculous slap-pass from Lidstrom to Zetterberg. And watch how Rik really put thats backhand through the five-hole, strong!

What did I miss?


Jumat, 27 Maret 2009

What you missed last night because Nyquil knocked you the fuck out

Canadiens beat the Lightning in OT, 4-3:
2 point is 2 points.
Thats all the Canadiens
care about right now.

Coyotes beat the Oilers, 3-2:
Every team is
still in the play-off hunt out
west. Go Coyotes!

Blue Jackets shut-out the Flames, 5-0
All that O, and the
Flames can't score 2 nights in a
row. Mason is stud.

Blues win over the Canucks, 4-2:
If the Blues make the
play-offs, is Andy Murray
the coach of the year?

Thrashers beat the Rangers in shoot-out, 5-4:
Valiquette got his
first assist, but needed to
make one more great save.

Predators beat the Sharks, 3-2:
If the Predators
are in the post-season they
better win a round.

Kings shut-out the Stars and win in the shoot-out, 1-0
Even without the Nyquil,
I'm guessing this game would have
made me fall asleep

Panthers beat the Flyers, 4-2:
If Anderson keeps
winning, would he start the first
panthers play-off game?

Kamis, 26 Maret 2009

Leonard and his hunt for value down the home stretch

Feeling a bit betwixt and confused after his sizeable loss in natural gas futures, Leonard found himself one morning on a dirty lenoleum floor with zero recollection of his indulgences the night before. As usual after accepting defeat in his investments, Leonard would often grab a Stone Temple Pilots album and head south to the heartland to imbibe unhealthy amounts of spirits with his comrade Camille.
Forgetting about a saddlebags investment in a commodity, they engaged in heated discussions about value down the stretch. Many names were thrown around. It was here, in these discussions about the game of hockey that Leonard would find himself. They came up with the following certainties, that seemed rational at the time, however we will look at them a bit closer now in a more sober light.

Obviously hilarity ensued when Bill Nertin was brought up because, well because Leonard found it funny to say Bill Nertin. They agreed that Owen Nolan was playing well leading the Gabby-less Wild down the stretch. With Gaborik back, they concluded that Andrew Brunette's value along with Owen would receive a boost. When Koivu returns, this team gets into the playoffs.
Weak and powerless Nemy. Buy the dips people!

Camille made mention of recent volume up in Toronto. Mikhail Grabovski and his recent stretch of 5 goals, 6 assists in the last 7 games. More room now for this guy up front with no Dominic Moore. Even CUJO was tossed around with Gerber attacking referees, you could squeeze some CuJo juice out over the next few if you need a keeper for the head to head playoffs or something. Poopy but you know!

Leonard made mention of Sam Gagner with 15 points in his last 11 games and Camille threw up all over Leonard's cousin Allan Marcus who happens to be a British Op in town for a convention. He wasn't amused yet Leonard wet himself over what had happened.
Leonard's cousin Allan on a "supposed" secret assasination mission in the Falkan Islands in December of '05.
They got a good laugh over Brad Richards and his return to the IR after a brief stint of action. Sometimes you have to just hang it up. Camille explained to Leonard that had he cut his losses in Natural Gas, he might still have the Porsche along with a higher end bottle of liquor but Leonard did not believe in an 8% sell rule and bet the farm at the wrong time.
Jason Williams, came up and his peppering gamelog over the last 15 games could be a hell of a lot worse. Probably available in every league and may provide hairline value down the stretch.
Don't you find it funny that Billy featured here from the movie Predator, along with Jesse the body and Arnold Sioux City Schwartz are all politically elevated individuals now. Yes this man is like a Senator or something now. Crazy!

Tomas Holmstrom is fully back now and they are playing the Islanders tomorrow night. That might be free points if you pick him up for the night and drop maybe Rich Peverley or something because people, stop with Rich Peverley.

The meeting down south with Camille brought comfort, solace, reassurance and one of the nastiest hang-overs ever for Leonard. Those hang-overs, when you get up and get a meatball sub from Subway and feel sooo much worse after. Than you hit the pipe and pass out from inability to exercise even the slightest hinting of a coherent thought.

In closing, Leonard met up with Bridget Moynahan on his private jet back to Heathrow and they discussed international intrigue and hairline encounters. That led them to some chilled Chardonnay which pointed them toward the bottle of Patrone in the Captain's lockbox which well, we all know how the remaining 2 hours of the flight were spent.

- Narzell ( A fly on the wall in Leonard's travels)

Kevyn Adams - Wow

I love YouTube because it’s great fun to get lost in its huge library searching for random videos. Sometimes you search for a Family Guy clip and 20 minutes later end up laughing at old bits from Sinbad. Yesterday I was eating a taco bowl watching Cam Neely highlights and ended up watching videos of different fly overs before sporting events. It was the sickest way to waste the lunch lull.

I don’t know how I found this next video. I think I was searching for “sick goal” and this was at the top of the list. I don’t remember seeing this before. Maybe it was because Kevyn Adams scored it and it was from way back when hockey was still broadcast on ESPN2. Not only is Melrose and Brian Engblom featured on the call but Brian Leetch (on the Rangers) gets the minus on the play. I’m guessing it was from 2002 because Mike Dunham (?) is in net and Adams poopies Boris Mironov (?) on the play. Who knows?

Watch the highlight and let’s go a bit further and break down this goal frame by frame.

Yeah, ridiculous.

I wish the replay was backed up a bit so we could see the play develop. But what we see is Adams come out of the corner with his head up looking for whoever that guy is in the high slot.

Who is that in the high slot? Bates Battaglia? Jeff Daniels? The Siberian Guard? Whoever he is he wasn’t getting the puck with Boris Mironov betwixt him and Adams. Adams has his head up the whole way so he knows what is at stake. Just like how I went to the deli and ordered my egg sandwich on white bread. The guy may have asked me twice if I ordered white bread because they only use white bread for French toast now that everyone is scared of refined foods and it is en vogue to go 7-grain or whole wheat but I knew what I wanted. My head was up I’m seeing the play develop and I know where I’m going with it.

But things change quickly in hockey and in life. Adams wanted to hit the shadowy figure in the high slot with a pass but that option was closed. I bet he looked to throw the puck in the crease for Rod the Bod to get a stick on but that option disappeared because Mironov closed the gap on him in a hurry. Once upon a time I went to a womens lacrosse party and wanted to hook up with a dark-haired girl with freckles and a healthy rack. I ended up spending the majority of the night talking with the blonde with strep throat. (Bressler left with some girl that night and ended up coming back out to the bar after. It was impressive.) Great trade for me. That blonde with the strep throat and I now live together. Be ready for change. As long as you have your head up and stay on the balls of your feet you’ll be in a position to win. To me, everything (wristshot, right cross, dancing, promotions etc.) comes down to footwork.

Check out the wide Neil Young rock stance Adams has when Mironov makes a break for him. Adams doesn’t have time to throw the puck to the net and who knows where his option is on the point. I bet Glen Wesley or Aaron Ward were sniffing glue but Adams pulls a superstar toe drag (Scotty tells me Roenick likes to call it a toe tuck. Do folks in Chicago call it a Taves tuck?) and undresses Mironov. It’s a good thing Mironov was not looking to get a piece of Adams otherwise I would have nothing to write about. Mironov played it soft and we have a chicken snap toey with the puck on Kevyn’s backhand at the right dot.

The Bod has set up shop in front of the net and the Helicopter Pilot from the Bond video game goes down low because that’s where the puck is going. He smells blood in the water and wants a crack at that rebound. The Bod is holding court and has Leetch’s undivided attention. Notice that Ward has now moved down to get involved in the play. Was he looking for a backdoor drop? Not happening. Ward is slow, well covered and Adams has top shelf toey on his mind.

So here we are. The prude in me says he needs hurry up and put the backhand low far side in hopes that Dunham kicks the rebound in front for the Bod to Hungry Hippo into his wheelhouse and pot top shelf. Video game Kevyn Adams would have taken it to his forehand and went near side top shelf but this is real life and that doesn’t happen to Kevyn Adams. It turns out Dunham is positioned funny (not that it mattered with this shot) and Adams somehow goes for the far side high. It’s unclear how Adams saw that this was where he was going to score. I think he was just trying to put something hard toward the net. Maybe he saw Dunham cheating to his left and some daylight? Who knows? If I tried this shot without looking I would have hit the Bod in his shorts and Petr Nedved would have scored on the transition. All I know is Adams really reaches back to crank this backhand and the end result is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start.

Bar and in.

Adams looked a little surprised that that the puck had eyes like that. He rattles of a great celebration and Carolina goes apeshit.

Let’s review:
1) Head up out of the corner
2) Plan for change; chicken snap toey around the Dman
3) Dial up a nasty backhand
4) Bar and in
5) Models, speedboats and fellatio

Has Adams scored since?


What you missed last night while you were looking for sudafed you know you still have somewhere

Penguins shut-out the Flames, 2-0: It should have been 3-0, but Matt Cooke can't hit an empty net. I'm not really sure what he's doing out there anyway, protecting a lead. Malkin ran shit in this game. He was a beast, hitting, skating, etc. My favorite play was his end to end rush and when he made a move around a Calgary d-man, he high sticked him, just for good measure. Also, Pierre Maguire, described Crosby owning the end boards as "vintage" The kids 20, relax.

Hurricanes beat the Senators, 2-1
: Is this the end of the Senators play-off run? Is Anton Babchuck the best-worst name in the NHL? Is Cam Ward a real goalie again? Lots of questions from this game.

Blackhawks win over the Sharks in the shoot-out, 6-5: This game was SICK. Early lead by the Hawks. Some nice goals in there. Comeback by the Sharks, capped by Jumbo Joe going hard to the net and tucking the puck somewhere. I don't think I've ever seen Joe put the shoulder down and drive to the net. Could this be a foreshadowing for the playoffs? If yes, and Joe turns up his game, the Sharks are scary.

Sabres beat the Panthers, 5-3: I feel for the Panthers. I want them to make the play-offs, but holy wow, they are playing awful the past 2 weeks. The Sabres get Miller, back so maybe they make a run.

Ducks killed the Avalanche and the Wild won big over the Islanders. Race to the bottom.

Rabu, 25 Maret 2009

What you missed last night while you were learning to sweep the leg

Its high-light of the night... day:

Canadiens beat the Thrashers, 6-3: Tanguay's night - 2 goals and three assists. He did have some sweet sauce passes, but his first goal was patience, hands, and a little bit of luck. He deked by 2 sliding Thrashers d-men, and another sort of took out goaltender Kari Lehtonen. Still, he had to control the puck in tight and tuck it far side.

Canucks beat the Stars, 5-2: The 2nd period - Ott was sent to the box for something and his time ran out just as Canuck D-man Kevin Bieska was rushing up the ice with the puck. A well timed hip check from Ott led to a skirmash. After that, Darcy Hordichuk put a pretty good body on Marty Turco and Trevor Daly decked him. Finally, late in the period Ott got laid out on an after the whistle hit by Willie Mitchell. I expected this all to escalate in the third, but the Canucks scored and ran away with the game. Did anyone else see the talent behind Dave Tippet? WOW

Maple Leafs beat the Capitals in the shoot-out, 3-2: Ovy's 51st - Recipe Ovechkin. Take the nice saucer pass down the wing. Cut in with speed (no one can catch you). Beat the goalie. Tuck in puck on the wide side.

Rangers win over the Wild, 2-1: Zherdev's goal - He had no angle and had to get it upstairs. One sitck handle and then the puck finds the little bit of available twine. Pretty play in an ugly game.

Ducks beat the Predators, in the shoot-out, 2-1
: Shea Weber's game tying goal: Weber is a right-handed defensemen, playing the right side. He time his cut perfectly and recieved the pass in between the top of the circle and the dot and some how one timed the puck to the far side. That is difficult. I've only seen a few other super shots like that beating a goal wide, when you are on your strong side. If you play hockey, I'm pretty sure you get what I'm saying.

Red Wings beat the Oilers, 3-2: Hossa's GWG: The finish was nice a one-timer wrister that beat Rolosson low, but it was Franzen's work in the neutral zone and pass that made the play happen.

Lightning win over the BJs in OT, 2-1
: St. Louis' GWG: Great pass from Stamkos through the neutral zone to a speeding St. Louis started the play. Now, Marty is cutting across opens up for the snap shot, but a tricky release fools Mason and he is beaten back on the far side. It defined sneaky.

Blues beat the Kings, 2-0: No highlight worth typing

Selasa, 24 Maret 2009

What you missed last night while you were learning the samba with LT

Flames beat the Red Wings, 5-3: Chris Osgood got pulled after giving up 3 goals on 14 shots. Thats bad in itself, but have you seen the goals? Two of them were banked off Osgood and the other, well, he just should have had it. Think about Osgood's career arc in Detroit: Goat (losing the sharks in 7 games>contributor (Wings win cup with him)>hero (last years cup win)>possible goat again. Also, did anyone see Nik Lidstrom's neutral zone slap pass to Maltby? Silly.

Flyers beat the Devils, 4-2: Jeff Carter was trade bait last year and now he has 40 goals. A little patience goes a long way. The Devils now look like last weeks Bruins and the Flyers look like last years team. That is good stuff for Philly fans. Also, how good of a hockey name is Darren Powe? Awesome.

Hurricanes beat the Panthers, in OT, 3-2: The Panthers got a point, but are falling apart down the stretch. Its unfortunate. I want to see them in the playoffs. They have good youth and smart veterans and good keepers. Seriously, Carolina is playing super good hockey right now and will probably upset someone in the first round of the playoffs. Ray Whitney, one-timer, was the game winner. The pass was from Joni Pitkanen, who faked a slap shot and passed it cross-zone.

Senin, 23 Maret 2009

Weekend Wrap Up OR Can anyone get us a roller hockey net?

The regular season is finally coming to a close, as most teams have less than 15 games to go. Games between teams jockeying for those final playoff spots have some real good energy. And most games are showing off some highlight reel level skill.

Not Friday's games though.... Ok, well just one thing. Crosby's goal versus the Kings. First he stole the breakout pass and then the backhand is so good, its stupid.

The highlight of Saturday was Scotty breaking the roller hockey goal with his laser of a shot that went cross bar (cracked it) and in.

Post roller hockey, I headed to the Ranger's game and saw a real good game. Great seats - I could really see Paul Gaustaud get irrationally angry.

I would like to see a game in Columbus. I would assume that the boisterous crowd is also very knowledgeable. They definitely appreciated the effort from Raffi Torres on Saturday night.

Welcome back Patrick Sharp. Nice little Sunday for you.
Great snipe on the 2-1 - sneaky no look.

A super pass to Havlat.
Really look for the thread.

He later added an empty netter.

So, in conclusion, we need a new roller hockey net.

I missed a lot, let me know what you enjoyed from this weekend in the comments.


Jumat, 20 Maret 2009

Mario Lemiuex's Best Season was 199 points.

Nobody could find him that 200th point? Really? So Gretzky is the only one with that mark? Ahh whatever. Sidney Crosby in my video game season has 230 points in 63 games. Get some!!!!!!!

Alright, alright so I'm a Lebowski, your a Lebowski! On to other news. Finding value in a bear market correction. Where should you position yourself going forward into next season. Please have fun with these and don't put too much seriousness alongside it.

Well for starters, Vinny Lecavalier. Not even going to be points per game this year. Over 100 two years ago and 92 last season. You will be getting him at a good value and not too early in the draft. Vinny is Vinny! Tampa really cannot do much worse than they did this year so a nice little bottom may form with limited downside and massive upside.

AFAM - Almost Family Inc. Great nursing home play that was a favorite since the summer that has been pissed on as of late along with everything else other than gold, jeez. Might be starting another leg down but when and if the market continues some strength or the selling stops for at least a little bit you will have time to grab this thing because it won't move too closely with the overall market. Great revenue growth and old people will always need some help.

Danny Briere had 95 points two years ago and 72 last season. With that nagging injury he had, he will be taken freely om the open market at basement prices next draft. Don't forget him. Soooo much powerplay juice on that dynamic Philly unit. His flow is gone for this season but next season I think he grabs 70 points at the least.

MTN - Vail Mountain Resorts. A leisure time stock that without a doubt has gotten slammed from the recession. They declared a slow down obviosuly in their last call but I see potential, "POTENTIAL" double bottom in place around 14/15 bucks. Another stock that doesn't necessarily have to follow the overall market but with job layoffs and lower levels of money floating around the globe, people will go on less trips and so forth. The thing about Vail is it's customer loyalty and base of WEALTHY consumers. I mean yes the wealthy have been slammed but I was there a month ago and it was packed. I wouldn't grab it at 20 here but throw it on your screens.

Marian Gaborik - 66 points in 65 games three years ago followed by 57 points in 48 games the next season and 80 plus last season. This is when you grab Gabby. When there is NO downside after a season like this, if you can grab him 5th round and beyond you are robbing your league blind. Because at the worst is probably 60 points if he plays two thirds of the season which is highly likely but when you get him off a year like this when he is skiing in Vail with A-Rod nursing their injuries, you clean up and win leagues. brad and I will be watching each other closely next season to see who bites first and in which round. Bradly, I'll take him in the roto league, you get him in the head to head league so we hedge ourselves out.

JOYG - Joy Global juice, put on my map by Nemy awhile ago. Great company. Construction and machinery company that produces the equipment to extract coal out of the ground. EPS came in 3% better than expected by the street with year over year revenue growth of 40% which is huge in this doggard economy especially with construction and commodities. However with the fed buying America and injecting so much coin into the economy, Gold and all commodities in general should move up as the US dollar gets rammed in the ass. $20 stock that I feel could easily move back to the $40 area. Again, very tough to judge with the way of the overall market right now. BUCY, a competitor is even cheaper but I don't think quite as solid a company as JOYG but something to keep an eye on. This WILL follow the overall market so exposure is more dangerous but it has just been pampered.

Dany HEAT - 65 points right now in 70 games and is another victim of the credit crunch. Playing with Spezza, he is a lock next season for at least 45 goals and most likely will get back on pace with 50 goals. Soo much value next season with Heat. If you can get him in the second round you are outright stealing. Get some!

Heat Man from Mega Man 2

PG - Proctor & Gamble. You have all heard of this decaying titan. Probably could still get a little bit cheaper but has definitely come off a significant amount. Not as much value here as Dany Heatley will give you but again if the market even holds here, not even necessarily goes up, there can be upside. People will always need soap and toilet paper. It's a no brainer. Look for mainstay values at this point, I mean MSFT is at 17 bucks and GE is at 10. I'm too tired.

Jeff Carter - You have to talk about this guy. Looking at 80 points with near 80 pims and 800 faceoffs won at the end of this year. Will he duplicate this season? I don't think so but it will be close enough. Matty just sharted! To be honest, I am not taking him in the first or second round. I am going after Heat or Vinny or someone with a more proven track record. Plus Briere comes back for a full go next season and may take some juice away from him. Stay long Jeffrey Carter though because he is young and can score. He walked around Bergeron a few weeks ago like Matty would do in a St. Patty's Day Tourney to someone lesser than himself.
NFLX - I say you buy continued strength as you buy Jeff Carter however if we really need to be serious which we do because it's money, NFLX is at all-time highs and the market is poopy shawn. You have to say something about that conundrum. However many on the street see that as a sign of massive strength. Year over year revenue growth of almost 20%. If the market keeps up its bounce or begins an all out recovery, a strong stock through weakness is seen as a god. Personally, don't fight the trend but I feel that this is due for a rest. They offer a great product and I use their service. Blockbuster is finished apparently so stay long and strong if you must.


What you missed last night because you were watching the Sounders debut

Canucks shut out the Blues, 3-0:
Lou stopped all the pucks
His team didn't play great D.
Luckily, they played Blues

Senators beat the Canadiens, 5-4:
Carey Price is so
inconsistent. Sens play great
with no Cup pressure.

Oilers win big over the Avalanche, 8-1:
Are the Avalanche
tanking for Tavares?
When is Sakic back?

Capitals beat the Lightning, 5-2:
I wonder if the
stupid celebration caused
Cherry to have stroke.

Panther beat the Maple Leafs, 3-1
Stephen Weiss's goal
had the hardly seen move, the

Ducks beat the Coyotes, in the shoot-out, 3-2:
I have nothing to
say about this game, except
Bobby Ryan - great!

Kings beat the Bruins in OT, 3-2
The first Bruins goal
was great hockey, but the rest killed
Nemmy. He threw couch.

Sharks beat the Predators in the shoot-out, 3-2:
When west coast games
go to the shoot-out, bress goes
to bed. Recaps suffer

Kamis, 19 Maret 2009

Wayne Gretzky's Helmet

I’m blogging later than usual because I was out all morning with an apartment move. I personally wasn’t doing any of the moving; I was in the supervisory role making sure that the two gentlemen from this moving company didn’t damage my limited edition Eddie Van Halen painting. Long story short: one of the guys was carrying out my street hockey stick to the truck and asked if I played pro hockey. Obviously this guy wasn’t a big fan of the NHL but I didn’t lie (though I really wanted to) and told him that we play old man hockey over at Chelsea Piers. Then, out of nowhere, this guy goes:

“Wayne Gretzky used to play on the Rangers. He wore such a small helmet”.

Wait what? I mean, yeah, he did wear that ridiculous Jofa that was so weak that I wouldn’t prevent a concussion from a cumshot but where did that comment come from? The subject of hockey comes up and he brings up Gretzky’s helmet?? This guy spouted out the first random hockey thought that popped in his head. I felt like I was hanging out with Scotty. It was fantastic.

But this got me thinking about that helmet. I mean that Jofa worn by Gretzky, Kurri and McSoreley among others was a complete joke. The doo-rag under Kelly Hrudy’s goalie cage offered as much protection as this thing. My father has one that he wears when he coaches house league. I tried it on one time and I gotta tell you I would feel safer wearing a yarmulke and some Dep. (I had to wiki ‘yarmulke’ for that one. Hope it was worth it.) McSoreley had to have some set of balls to get into fights knowing that he had only a thin layer of plastic between his head and some guy’s fist.

The sickest helmets are the old Coopers that Kelly Buchberger and Messier used to wear. They had those hard plastic wings on the side that would probably break your arm if you punched them.
Osgood still wears one when he’s in the net trying to sabotage the Wings’ season. The geniuses who made Tron featured these guys prominently. The difference between Messier and Gretzky’s brain protection was like the difference between Mark Messier and Joby Messier. Didn’t any of the Oilers say to Wayne, “Hey man, can you wear something a little more durable? You’re our best player and that Jofa scares the shit out of me”.

On the next level of helmet sickness are the lids that are tricked out to have the durable chin straps. Kris King, Jim Mackenzie and Tony Twist used to rock these back in the day.

These were regular helmets but instead of the weaker plastic loops near the ears they had thick –ass cloth ear and chin straps made out of the same material as the straps that weight lifters use. I have no idea where to get one of these but I imagine they are only for the toughest of guys who hate having their straps ripped off during a scrap. Do they have a name? Scrap straps? I just made that up.
Finally the most badass level of helmet sickness was the lid that Jim Cummins wore that was the Tron-style Copper joint with the leather straps. He drove the Humvee on his head and then got it up-armored for his style of play. If anyone remembers how Jim Cummins fought it’s not surprise that he needed this level of protection. He ate more punches than he gave out.

This picture is tits.

Randomness: Is David Volek’s helmet in the Hall yet? The retarded things that Mike Foligno and Lanny McDonald wore were in style back in the day but Volek’s lid was never cool. Volek stands alone and if his helmet doesn’t have its own wing in Toronto then we need to make some calls immediately.
Let’s go UConn. Get well, Calhoun.


What you missed last night while you were making some last minute changes to your bracket

Flames beat the Stars, 2-1: After pretty much sucking on their long-ass road trip, the Flames returned home with a win. Eric Nystrom had the GWG. The goal was a nice wrist shot, but the play to keep the puck alive and onsides was awesome. With one hand, Dustin Boyd swept the puck to Nystrom who beat Turco.

BJs win over the Hawks in OT, 4-3
: Currently, the Blue Jackets sit 6th in the west, meaning if the play-offs started today, they would face Calgary. I don't want the BJs to be a one(series)-and-done team, so I don't like that match up. Anyway in last nights game all the young kids scored. Patrick Kane off a great feed. Toews out-battled the BJ defender in front. And Nash scored a silly goal, that was equally silly and impressive (watch the overhead replay). Antoine Vermette scored the game winner when he outraced Brian Campbell and got to a pass and beat Huet in the 7-hole.

Hurricanes beat the Devils, 4-2: Sports Illustrated talks about how Erik Cole really changed or made the same again the dynamic in Carolina. Granted the Devils were coming off an emotional home game, but the Hurricanes have a lot of jump and now depth.

Ducks beat the Predators, in OT, 4-3
: Bobby Ryan had a great power play goal - he found the rebound and then a sneaky little drag to get room to roof the puck. Selanne had the game winner in OT, when he deflected, on his backhand, the pass-shot from Pronger

Rabu, 18 Maret 2009

What you missed last night while you were learning that hot weather outdoor drinking is its own animal

Because I was at a golf tournament (watching, not playing) and didn't get home (hungover and sunburned), until 1 am last night and my only hockey intake was NHL on The Fly this morning, well then it looks like I'll be picking out the one high-light that you should know about from each game.

Devils beat the Blackhawks, 3-2: Yes Marty got win number 552, but the highlight of the night was Patrik Elias's backhand pass to Gionta that got Mr. Elias to be the all-time point leader for the Devils.

Oilers beat the Blues, in the shoot-out, 4-3: Dwayne Rolloson - he made some great saves, but its his salt that I loved - he's trying the be the west coast's Tim Thomas.

Canucks beat the Stars, 4-2: Tic-tac-goal - Bernier, from Mason Raymond, from Kevin Bieska. Yea, it was gorgeous.

Coyotes win over the Sharks, 4-3: Doan's GWG - off a broken faceoff play, Doan gets the puck, drives to the net, and scores falling down, with under a minute left in the game.

Rangers beat the Canadiens, in the shoot-out, 4-3
: Kovalev's one timer - I don't know how Markov found him at the side of the net and I don't know how Kovalev put it in while falling, but its all impressive.

Senators beat the Sabres, 4-2: Spezza's sauce - On a 2-on-1 with Alfie, Spezza laid the perfect saucer pass onto Aflie's tape.

Maple Leafs beat the Lightning in the shoot-out, 4-3
: Blakes goal - the fake pass at the blue line, and then skating around the offensive-zone and eventually tucking in the wrap-around. You might fight teammates Jason Blake, but you also score.

Penguins beat the Thrashers, 6-2
: Malkin - 5 points. He'll score, he'll pass. whatever, he does it all so well.

Capitals shut-out the Panthers, 3-0: Kozlov's wrister - its just that good. one step in to the right and its in the back of the net.

Red Wings beat the Flyers, 3-2: Marty Biron's short side - it got beaten twice last night. The first was by Datsyuk after he faked Carcillo out of his shorts.

Wild win over the Avalanche in the shoot-out, 3-2: can a shoot-out goal be the highlight? if so, then Zidlicky's goal was great. patience and top shelf.

Selasa, 17 Maret 2009

What you missed last night because you were pre-parading

Happy St. Patrick's Day. Try not to get puked on by a fireman at the parade.

Atlanta 5, DC 1
I didn't see this one coming. No Kovy or Mike Green but at least we had Joe Benninati and his entire lexicon on Versus. Colby Armstrong opened the scoring but all the work was done by Rich Peverley who danced through a disinterested Capitals D. The player of the game was the Kozlov on Atlanta who put in work on the right side of the Thrasher's power play. First he had a nasty PP snipe for the second goal and in the 2nd period he put a great saucer to Tobias Enstrom who scored from the point. He was about 6 feet away from Enstrom and his pass had 5 feet of loft. I'm exaggerating slightly. Ovy didn't get to 50 but took 10 shots and lost the puck on a mini break. It's hard to tell if he was pressing for his 50th because he always shoots like if he doesn't score his mother will get flogged by a sweaty Asian holding a kendo stick. Eric Fehr (?) broke the shutout with a little over a minute left to play which made me furious. If your goalie is pitching a shutout you better bear down and pick up some sticks.

Nashville 4, LA 3
Hope you didn't stay up expecting to watch Quick vs. Rinne in a young goalie battle. Instead you had Erik Ersberg hung out to dry for LA and PPGs from Joel Ward and Teddy Purcell. Yep, Joel Ward and Teddy Purcell are getting powerplay minutes for Nashville and LA. But really this game was a pretty good one. Ward's goal came from a sick backhand almost no-look pass from JP Dumont who had 2As on the night and Ryan Jones - who was left unchecked in front of Ersberg - scored late in the 3rd period for the winner. Lazy D late in the 3rd = garbage.

Scotty summed up the weekend yesterday but here is a youtube clip that gets down to the same point. This guy played in net agianst us in the semis and made $100 for this stunt during one of the other matches. The best part is when he trips over the the toe pick on the rental figure skates. Enjoy before youtube takes this down.


Senin, 16 Maret 2009

Weekend Synopsis - Intestinal Fortitude

So yes, I did get dragged into a St. Patty's day tourney which required many wake ups in the early marn! We took a train out to Stamford, CT on Friday afternoon and got under the influence a bit which made the 7pm game interesting. Somehow we won 2-1 and I had the GWG as well as a d-pairing assist with Nemy on the first goal. This is what we looked like going into the first game.

Yea...exactly. It didn't get much better than that. We stopped at the G.A.C. (Glenbrook Athletic Club) where myself, a few guys from the team, Nemy's Dad and cousin all liquidated ourselves over $1.50 coldest beer in town repetitions. They go down so easily. We than proceeded back to the ice rink, up the road because games were going on all night and there was a bar upstairs that was just jumping with people who were super anxious to find there way down to the bottom as quickly as possible. Nemy and I got a ticket and joined the stampede.

Not too long after this addendum we piled into Nile's car and ransacked McDonalds.

About 10 orders of these and a few QP's and we were good and done. Asleep by 3:30 on Kinahan's floor and up at 7am to get to the 8am game which was a complete joke. The guys had pink jerseys on and we rolled over them like 7 or 8 nothing. Than it was St. Patty's day atmosphere all over town. Few beers, some bangers and mash and a 3 and a half hour nap and we were ready for the night game. Well we were almost late to the night game because our driver Brian Kinahan had to coach his youth team that wound up losing in overtime which was disappointing. The whole time, I was trying to hack into the computers in one of the offices to check my fantasy teams. I told you, it was a fantastic race to the bottom.

The night game was another joke and we rolled our way into the semi's.

We attempted to go out Saturday night but one Coor's light and 3 hours of sleep the night before were enough to shut th epower down on us and we crumbled like a house of cards, asleep by 1am. Well rested for the 9:45 am semi game which went to overtime. We went up 4-3 with one minute to go and me and nemy went out there to seal the hatch and water just came rushing in.

They scored to tie it with 45 secs to go. Not to spread blame but our goalie didn't make it easy on that one. A minute or so into OT one of our forwards took off on a virtual breakaway and I went with him to make sure even if he missed that it would get home. He scored and we went to the finals. 3 pieces of french toast and 2 eggs over easy later we played the finals. They scored first and it was 6-1 us by the end of the first. Bottom story of the year. Bukkake was our team name so every time we scored a goal everyone on the bench would scream Buuukakkkkee! Boookakakakaeeee! Through the lowest levels of the bottom did we drill to this weekend.

The best part of the weekend was after the game on Saturday night. I am quietly enjoying a beer outside with Nemy and two other guys from the team and some drunk idiot was outside waiting for his plane to depart to the bottom. He starts talking to me and than spots what looks like the end of a blunt in the cigarette tray and goes, no way! He picks it up and starts to smoke it. Turns out that it is clearly tobacco but he continues to smoke it for a little. Nemy looks at me as we all whince in disgust and goes, "That kid should be in jail."

So just when you think you can't dig any deeper, try again and really exercise your limits. Chop pos to everyone and a happy St. Patty's day!

Who the hell is Peter Mannino? Uhh...I just...

- Zellia

Jumat, 13 Maret 2009

GUEST BLOG - Before you head to happy hour


The 2Man boys are all off getting ready for the weekend so Bressler asked me last night if I could pinch in with the blog. I'm not the biggest hockey fan in the world but I'm always up for the challenge. How does a bottle of Budweiser write a blog post? A: With plenty of help from spellcheck. Ru du doooo!

So before you head to happy hour here’s a short list of do’s and don’t’s to follow this weekend.

Do Get together with some buddies and watch the Columbus/Chicago game tonight at 8:30. Make sure to invite me and some friends.

Don’t stick around for the LA/Vancouver game.

Do clear your schedule for Saturday. The Islanders are in Boston at 1PM just in case you don’t want to watch the Rangers get crushed by Philly. Does Darius Kasparaitis, Sandis Ozolinsh or Theo Fleury still play for the Rangers? Those were some of my closest pals back in the day.

Don’t end up like this guy because you spent the day drinking in your retarded “Irish” getup at some rinky-dink St. Patrick’s parade.

Do go see a golf tournament down in Florida this weekend with your old man like Bressler is doing.

Don’t get dragged to a St. Patrick’s Day hockey tournament somewhere in Connecticut by some of Nemmy’s buddies like Scotty is doing.

Take it from me, a bottle of Budweiser: Take it easy this weekend. Don’t get all wasted tonight because you’ll forget every sick Rich Nash goal you see tonight. And be careful drinking before playing hockey because you may try to explode a moment and end up falling awkwardly or picking a fight with a guy who is stone sober and carved from granite. And don’t be that guy who puts up Mogilny numbers at the bar because his great great great great grandfather fucked an Irish lady on the boat over from Naples. If you want to enjoy St. Patrick’s day and get into 5th gear go ahead. But don’t claim it’s because you are 1/16th Irish. Real Irish folks would be sitting in church and you are American. Matter of fact, I AM AMERICAN. I was born in St, Louis, MO. Just because I now work for a European company doesn’t mean I’m not as red-blooded as Chuck Norris, apple pie and road head. Shit, Nemmy works for a European company and that kid is a God-dang American icon.

Don’t make a maniac out of me. Be sure to join up with the Friends of the 2 Man Advantage Facebook page and stay safe out there.

“'Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can't take that away.”

Really, NHL? Really?

You're going to use Sean Avery in your marketing campaigns? Really sends the right message. Maybe its NBC's copy, but the email was sent to me from Also check out the subject line: Watch Sean Avery, Henrik Lundqvist and the Rangers continue their fight for the playoffs against the Flyers this Sunday on NBC! Lundqvist gets second billing behind a guy who just joined there team? Really? Maybe they went in alphabetical order. I guess the really sad thing is that on the NHL's marquee franchise there isn't another marketable player. If only Mission didn't get bought, we would have taken Scott Gomez to the top!

What you missed last night because you were visiting The Rock for the first time

Last night was my first visit to the Prudential Center, the Devils new home arena. That place is gorgeous. I don't know how I'll ever be able to go back to the Coliseum. Everything is awesome, except for one weird mural where there no heads on the players.

Islanders beat the Canadiens in OT, 3-2:
Okposo will be
playing for USA in
World Championships

Flames beat the Red Wings in the shoot-out, 6-5:
Quite a game. First the
Flames come back and take the lead,
but the Wings don't die.

Devils beat the Coyotes, 5-2:
Parise got goal
number 40. Marty is
one win from Roy's mark.

Thrashers beat the Oilers in OT, 4-3:
Here's the game winner:
It was a hail mary flip pass
tipped to breakaway

Bruins beat the Senators, 5-3:
I love slap shot goals
on breakaways. I also
love glove high snipes, Phil.

Lightning win over the Maple Leafs, 4-1:
Stamkos seems to have
developed great chemistry
with Marty. Don't trade?

Capitals win over the Flyers, 2-1:
Ovechkins stats were:
One game winner, one assist
and EIGHT freaking hits!

Rangers beat the Predators, 4-2:
Guess what everyone?
The Rangers are on TV,
AGAIN, fucking great.

Avalanche beat the Wild in the shoot-out, 2-1:
The Wild play great games
against great teams and shitty
games versus bad ones.

Blues beat the Sharks, 3-1:
On my men's league bench
someone said the Blues were the
hottest team in league.

BJs beat the Penguins in the shoot-out, 4-3:
Great comeback by the
Penguins to get at least a
point. Mason stood tall.

Stars beat the Hurricanes, 3-2:
Carolina was
hot until they lost to the
coldest team - Dallas.

Sabres win over the Panthers, 3-1
The Sabres have no
leadership. I don't like them.
Vokoun robbed Vanek.

Kamis, 12 Maret 2009

My Center Ice Package woes continue

We had a mens league game at 11:30 last night. It’s a brutal timeslot especially considering I should be at my desk by 7AM. I’m tired, unshaven and whatever I write is not going to make any sense. At some point during this post I expect the Flyers bench to try to fish me away from my computer like I’m a concussed Sami Kapanen.

To make a long story short I am moving into a new apartment and in the process of switching my cable I had to suspend my Center Ice Package. I still can watch the Devils, Rangers and Isles tonight but I rarely watch those teams if another more interesting game is on or the Bruins are scheduled. I’m getting everything hooked up and back to normal on Sunday but here is what I’ve been missing as far watching games on tv. Keep in mind I’m not the director of central scouting. I’m just a guy with a tv, beer and a haircut loosely based on former Canadians coach Guy Carboneau.

New Jersey – A few years ago this was one of the least interesting teams to watch. Now with Parise and Elias going crazy at least you can see some magic. For me the best part of Devils games is watching John Madden play. He’s so good at hockey.

NYR – Joe Micheletti makes this team unwatchable. His color analysis is nothing more than repeating what happened during replays. I was never a JD fan because his chateau bow wow bullshit was annoying but I really miss him as the Rangers analyst. Having the games in HD helps.

NYI – I watch too many Islander games but it’s a pleasure watching Richard Park kill a penalty.

Philly – I enjoy getting pissed at watching Scott Hartnell and his Bon Jovi keyboard player mop being an asshole after the whistle. He’s such a dick. If he was on my team I’d really enjoy his work.

Pittsburgh – Haven’t watched a full game with Guerin on Sid’s line yet. Really looking forward to it because Billy looks very happy in the highlights. Too bad the games are shot from the Mir space station. Games in the new rink will be a joy to watch.

Boston – My favorite team, number 1 in the East (for now) and Jack Edwards losing his shit with every “SAVE by Thomas”. Life is good.

Buffalo – I’m a big Derek Roy fan. He’s a little like Marc Savard. Bress once dressed up as Janine Garofalo for Halloween. It has nothing to do with hockey but I had to get that off my chest because it always bothered me.

Montreal – I don’t really watch many Montreal games unless they are playing the Bruins.

Ottawa – This team is lousy and it’s not worth watching a game just to see Carrie Underwood in a luxury suite. I will say that Chris Phillips is one of my favorite defensemen in the game. I enjoy watching him play.

Toronto – I watch when Sifers is playing. That’s about it. I used to be a small fan of Jason Blake but now his game just annoys me. Jamal Mayers is an entertaining fighter.

Atlanta – These are not always the best games but Kovy, Little and White are fun to watch. It always seems that when I watch a game with the Thrashers that there are 8+ goals on the board. You need that every once in a while.

Carolina –Eric Staal is a chucker. It’s great to watch him flying down the ice and blasting something on net.

Florida – Only watched a couple Panthers games this year. They aren’t a regular stop for me on the dial but I like how the defense really took it to the Bruins this season.

Tampa Bay – Radioactive.

Washington – Wildly entertaining team to watch. I like how I can hear the arena announcer screaming in the rink in my living room. That guy is high voltage.

Chicago – I like watching the young kids except when Brian Campbell does his spins. They just always seem unnecessary.

Columbus – Rick Nash is a force, J. Boll is always fighting, Steve Mason has been unbelievable and the crowds are more active than anything in the Tri-state area. This is a great team to watch. Shocking.

Detroit – I enjoy watching the puck control and the fact that the Wings have to score 4+ a game because their goaltending is lousy.

Nashville – Another sneaky enjoyable team to watch. Although the broadcast is either too dark or washed out these guys show the best commercials in the league. Better than the one in Columbus for the farmers dating service or the truck bed liners in Minnesota.

St. Louis – Dave Backes and BJ Crombeen are 2 of my favorite players to watch this season.

Calgary – Best games on tv. The Flames broadcast is top notch, the team is fun to watch and they always have hot chicks in the stands. The 2MA like to watch the Calgary games so we can see Bertuzzi loaf around the ice.

Colorado – Boring except for the two Codys.

Edmonton – The best part of watching the Oil on tv is when they sing the anthem and catching Gagner’s shootout moves on the highlight show. That’s really it.

Minnesota – I like watching Cal Clutterbuck hit. When I dream at night sometimes I imagine myself in the Clutterbuck role just thrashing defensemen.

Vancouver –Haven’t watched a game since Sundin arrived. To me, the best part about watching this team is Willie Mitchell playing hard-nosed defense. Mitchell and Rivet in Buffalo remind me of those kids who played on both the hockey and football teams at school.

Anaheim – Hitting, fighting, Niedermayer rushing the puck and not needing to use a spin-o-rama to gain the blueline. This team is worth staying up for.

Dallas – There was a time when every night the 2Man crew got together for drinks a Stars game would be on. Not having Morrow in the lineup really hurts my viewing pleasure.

LA –I say these guys aren’t very fun to watch but Bress disagrees with me. Artem and I watched when they played the Devils a few weeks ago and he fell asleep in my bed before the end of the first. It was funny because my girlfriend accidentally climbed in with him. She eventually found out it wasn’t me because he has no cock.

Phoenix – Strader, Pang and Doan are all that’s exciting about the desert. I made a bet with Scotty at the beginning of the season that Doan wouldn’t be on the 2010 Olympic roster. That’s gonna cost me.

San Jose – It’s not often I stay up to finish these games but the 2 periods I watch before I doze off are always high energy and violent.

My hockey channel comes back on Sunday. Until then I’m on the struggle bus with Joe Micheletti and Chico Resch.

PS I need to change the name of my weekly post to something other than the nocturnal emission. Bress tells me that we are attracting the wrong class of people who find our sight by google search words.


What you missed last night while you were too wrapped up in coverage of the GM Meetings in Naples

Someone just send me a text with the new rules for next year, otherwise I don't care.

Ducks beat the Canucks, in OT, 4-3: Scott Neidermayer had the game winner in the rarely seen 3-on-3. Thats a lot of open ice for one of the worlds best skaters. Although I don't really care if the Ducks make the play-offs or not, I still really want to see that salt and pepper beard.

Senators win over the Lightning in OT, 3-2
: If this game had been yesterday, the highlight would have been the shot of Carrie Underwood after her boyfriend Mike Fischer scored the game winner. Nice job by camera guy on TSN to get a great shot of her jumping up and down.

Blackhawks beat the Hurricanes in the shoot-out, 2-1: Patrik Kane had about four breakaways during the game, but couldn't score on any of them. But he did score during the shoot-out.

Pixalated Images of Leonard the Cat and his travels to the South Seas

Leonard was a businessman. Not a family man. He spent a good portion of his life on the road...selling. Clearly a true and devout champion of his time, Leonard finished atop his class at Cambridge where he dabbled in the likes of complacency studies and the art of wine tasting. Truly a man's man with a keen sense of things.

Don't kid yourself though, despite listening to Lionel Richie a little to often in the bath, he has a way in situations. Look at him for a second. High, thick collar with a squint that could kill a man, literally. Like Michael Green atop the powerplay point in W d.c. sensing Ovy is creeping back-door for the drop shot.

The reason I ran off about Leonard Skrastins the III making negative sense to you all is that I am currently watching the Senators play the Lightning in which used to not be bottom of the east but just a few years back. It conjured up old thoughts about Leonard and his frequent domination over my mind.

Off of Leonard for a second and onto the 11:30 men's league we have in a few hours. Somebody end my life. I have no excuse not to be there so I will cowboy up or Nemy might break into my apartment and make me listen to The DropKick Murphy's or even Beck. I had like 5 albums from Beck and deleted all but 4 songs tonight after finally listening to them. Really? Does anyone listen to Phil Collins anymore. Throw Duke on while watching the Hurricane Hawks game and see how you respond and no jacket is required people.

What are your top songs to throw on while sifting through fantasy sports or playing NHL 09?
What gets you ready to play the game? What did you like listening to before a college game? What can you throw on to go skate by yourself, ipod under the shirt and just let it out?

My top 10, in no particular order:
(1) Barry White - Let The Music Play
(2) Bob Marley - Satisfy My Soul
(3) Pearl Jam - Oceans
(4) Hall & Oates - Private Eyes
(5) Ludacris - One More Drink
(6) Jack Johnson - Holes To Heaven
(7) MegaMan 2 - BubbleMan Level (For those whose Head just exploded)

That level is so soothing with the music and the water.

(8) Phil Collins - Don't Lose My Number
(9) The Pretenders - Don't Get Me Wrong
(10) Stone Temple Pilots - Wicked Garden

Excuse me while I suck my girlfriends face off for a second!

And we're back. Have you ever just felt like you haven't done anything at work for a REALLY LONG TIME? Wow. I mean...seriously at this point. If Tony Tanti doesn't come into my office and slap the shit out of me soon, I may defect to the Czech Republic with Petr Klima.

Tony Tanti of the foreground.

What does everyone think of Anti Niemi? Just gonna leave that one on the table.

Devils - Flames Stanley Cup Finals?

This is my good friend Santa Barbaris. Leader of the Malignant Fools.

Is anyone a big Scottie Hartnell Fan? Nemy just can't stand his after the whistle antics. So much L'Oreal flow going on and alot of snot to boot. Could be best point/pim man this year. Has anyone seen any of my fantasy teams this year? I think they were lost in the swamps of Sadness. Gmork got to them like he always does. To whomever has the courage and the balls to go back 20 years.

And if you really wanna get some.

And to those who have simply had enough of this mid-week rant about absolutely nothing. I commend for getting this far. Have a good rest of the week and walk as tall as possible over the weekend with a swagger resembling that of only Jeff Wechsler.

- Barnapolis

Rabu, 11 Maret 2009

What you missed last night while you were at work because of the awful "late email"

A lot of games, so I've just picked out THE highlight you should be sure to catch. If I missed the right one, tell me in the comments.

Canadiens beat the Oilers in OT, 4-3: The game winning goal - Montreal on the power play move the puck around to awesome acquisition Mathieu Schnieder. He puts the puck on net and great tip by Saku Koivu gets the win.

Devils beat the Flames, 3-2: Flames first goal - I have no idea how players get the puck up so quickly when they are so close, but don't over look the great pass to Olli Jokinen.

Maple Leafs win over the Islanders in OT, 3-2: Jeff Finger's big hit. This game wasn't great on any level, but Jeff Finger absolutely laid off Tim Jackman. Bruno Gervais fought, and according to Nemmy, "looked like a natural," but not the top highlight.

Red Wing beat the Coyotes in OT, 3-2: Shane Doan's tip to tie the game.

Penguins beat the Panthers in the shoot-out, 4-3
: Malkin's goal - Back to the net, D-man on him and he roofs a backhand. Its so good its stupid.

Sharks beat the Wild in OT, 4-3: Owen Nolan's 400th - How'd he get it? Going to the net with a great tip. He got 401 to tie the game, but the side of the net tip was so great.

Thrashers shut-out the Avalanche, 3-0: no highligt - this game sucked

Flyers beat the Sabres, 5-2: Hartnell's first - side of the net and somehow got his stick on the laser pass from Mike Richards. The Flyers went back and forth cutting up the Sabre's PK and eventually a super pass to back post found Hartnell for the goal.

Blue Jackets shut out the Bruins, 2-0: STEVE MASON

Blues beat the Stars, 5-2
: Neal's goal - James Neal, side of the net, fakes the pass across, and when the keeper went down, he put the puck top shelf from no angle.

Capitals win over the Predators in OT, 2-1: The Fights - Belak knocks out Brashear, Bradley owns up to his from behind and fought Tootoo (and got bloody), Erskine fighting Belak. All good boughts.

Selasa, 10 Maret 2009

What you missed last night while you were looking for a new head coach to inspire your hair style

Hurricanes shut-out the Rangers, 2-0: The Hurricanes are the hottest team in the NHL right now. Its that simple. They are fucking fast, exploded for goals, and Cam Ward can still show that Conn Smythe form. They also probably have the sneakiest hottest fanbase in the league and definitely the hottest ice girls/cheerleaders/whatevers. As Nemmy said last night, "the talent [the girls in the stands] behind Tortorella [was] so much better than the talent in front of him." Is Joe Corvo on the 2010 US team? He's got a rocket of a one-timer and skate damn well and knows when to jump up in the play.

Senators beat the Maple Leafs, 2-1: CuJo played really well in this game. I mean acrobactic saves, saving his own ass off poor rebound control (thats my inner Maguire), but it wasn't enough. Here are some thoughts/questions about Spezza's illegal stick:
  • How does having the toe in a point like that give him an advantage?
  • If there is only one measurement a season or so, why even have the rule?
  • Here the "toe" of Spezza's stick:

Kings beat the Canucks, 3-2: I wish I lived on the west coast and had some job/gig that ended at by 3pm. Then I could get home and watch the east coast games on the center ice package, watch the local games and not be going to bed so darn late. That. Would. Be. Awesome.

Senin, 09 Maret 2009

Weekend Wrap Up OR Who didn't have a hat-trick?

A quick rundown of players that had a hat-tricks this weekend:

Ray Whitney - I loved all 3 of his goals, the great pass on this one...

But the walk in slapper top shelf. It doesn't get better than that

Eric Staal - the very next night! and he had 4. But in a 9-3 win, you don't get the video highlights

Sean Bergenhiem - 2 against Brodeur and 1 (the prettiest) against an empty net

Rick Nash - All unassisted

David Booth - Just got it done.

Some more questions about the past weekend?

How bad was Calgary this weekend?
Gave up 11 total goals to Atlanta and Carolina and only scored 3. 2 of those were from Iggy.

Will Scotty's little brother be in love with Bobby Ryan the way Scotty loves Mikey Mo?

Is this the nicest saucer pass you've ever seen?

I wish they showed the end-zone view.

Does Pierre Maguire fawn over everything?

How Guerin doing in Pitt?
Pretty darn well. He and Crosby have some chemistry:

And old-school billy black showed up as well:

This isn't a question, but Steve Ott is awesome. The Stars lost in spite of him yesterday. He drew 3 penalties... in the first period alone. And lets not forget about the offensive skills he has (from Fridays game):


So, what did I forget?


Jumat, 06 Maret 2009

GUEST BLOG - Before you head to happy hour

Hey, homos. It’s me, Luke Richardson. Nemmy is busy with shit at work and asked me to “guest blog” and wrap up all the shit that happened during the week. Normally I don’t do all this sissy computer stuff but I owe Nemmy a few favors ever since he posted my bail when I bit the face of that police horse. So here I am blogging. I figured I have nothing else to do today because fucking Netflix sent me the Scorpion King and I already own it.

I guess a bunch of trades went down the other day. My old buddy Mark Recchi went to Boston. It must have been great to get the hell out of Tampa Bay. That fucking city is a dog track. Also Olli Jokinen got sent to Calgary. I’m not a big fan of Jokinen. I guess he’s a good player but he’s overpaid and soft. Also, I’ve never seen a white guy with a Pat Ewing nose like he’s got. He’ll love it in Calgary though. Great city with great fans. Have you ever been to that rink? You should go. Have you ever humped a one-eyed chick in the back of the Saddledome? Tits bigger than a coconut crab. Ask Craig Berube about that one. Chief tells that story better than I can. HA

Some other teams made moves but nothing important. Since I retired I’ve been missing the game and was hoping one of these teams needed a stay-at-home D man for the playoff push. Unfortunately the only person who called my cell was some guy to tell me I left my credit card at the HipHugger.

Did I see that Ryan Shannon is playing the point man on Ottawa’s powerplay? I could fire a puck with my meast harder than that punk. I bet those homos miss me back there.

Have you losers joined up with the 2Man’s facebook thing? I’m not into the whole facebook thing. I only have a computer to watch Lady Sonia movies and let my kids do their studies. But if you live in your parent’s basement I bet it’s really cool. HA

Did I just hear that Dan Briere is injured again? What a pussy. The only times I missed games was when coach scratched me or that one time a Chinese guy sneezed on me while on line at a Wawa. But seriously what a pussy. I’ve seen babies get pulled out of wells in better shape than that guy.

Some good games are on tonight. Hopefully I can get Gus to put the Dallas – Anaheim game one of the sets at the OTB. Tomorrow there’s a bunch of day games and NBC is showing the Rangers – Bruins on Sunday. The Bruins are limping into that game, eh? Nemmy and his old man are going so I hope the Bs win for him. BTW you had to see the size of this fish sandwich Nemmy pulled in for lunch. This thing was big, flaky and covered in tartar sauce. It reminded me of that old lady I brought home from Von Stueben’s the other night. HA

Anyway enjoy kissing men and shaving your legs or whatever you jerkoffs do this weekend. I got an end piece meatloaf smmy in the icebox so I’ll see you around.

What you missed last night while you were blowing off meetings to go look at apartments in Park Slope

New guys with new teams last night and below are the haikus to describe how that went.... or something else, completely.

Flames beat the Flyers, 5-1
Flames new additions
had a great night. Flyers' new guys -
not sure if they played.

Maple Leafs beat the Capitals, 2-1:
Gerber's helmet now
looks stupid. He should go to
all white or sell ads.

Senators beat the Oilers, 4-2:
Spezza scored quickly and
new additions mike and chris
scored. MacT was mad.

Rangers beat the Islanders, 4-2:
Antropov got a point
There are a thousand new guys
on the Islanders.

Wild comeback and beat the Sharks in OT, 4-3:
Where is Nabakov?
Sharks came out on fire and
then a bad bounce/loss.

Coyotes beat the Bruins, 2-1:
Upshall scored for his
new team. The Bruins have lost
9 of the last 12

Kings comeback to beat the Stars in OT, 5-4:
Handzus capped his hat
trick with the game winner. Its
wild in the west.

Predators win over the Blue Jackets, 4-2:
Weber fought again.
Thats 3 fights in 3 games. And
the preds have won them.

Penguins beat the Panthers, 4-1
Crosby and Billy
team up and Crosby gets a
goal. Splits D and snipe.

Kamis, 05 Maret 2009

What can Black do for you

First off, are we done with the cold weather in NYC yet? I hate to whine but I haven’t seen my sack in 2 weeks. Times like these I wonder how anything gets done in Alberta when the temps are worse on average than what we’ve been going through. How do people work outside? How do people have sex? It takes me 2 hours just to warm up from my walk from the subway when I get home. The real winner from yesterday’s trade deadline was anyone who got traded to Phoenix. Enjoy the weather down there because yesterday I had use a roach clip to take a leak.

I won’t recap the deadline deals. Bress did a great job of putting together the trades and summing up some immediate thoughts. You can read the other blogs for their analysis. I just want to take the opportunity to praise the Pens on grabbing a 2Man favorite yesterday.

Congrats, Pittsburgh. You managed to add Billy Black Guerin to your squad by giving up what, at the most, could be a 3rd round draft pick. I’m not an Islander fan; I’m not here to scream and shout about the Lighthouse Project or dickride Rick Dipietro. I am a Billy Black Guerin fan and having worked with the Islanders for the last two seasons I can say that Penguins fans got great value.

The Penguins are treading water and Marian Hossa wasn’t available this deadline. Billy Black won’t win the day but he will bring sick value for what could be a 4th round pick. Being an American, a Bruins fan and a complete badass I probably overvalue Black and his skillset but here is what the Pens can expect from Guerin.

You’re getting a winner
Guerin got a Cup with Jerz. He didn’t light up the playoffs that year but he was a factor and a beast and he forever has that Stanley Cup stink on him. The man has been dragging wagon on Long Island for two years so a trip to a squad with a rosier outlook will do him very good. In Pittsburgh he’s going to act like those Amish kids who get to go to keg parties in that Devil’s Playground dvd that Mason has.

You’re getting a leader
Our first trip to Moncton for the Islanders training camp was Guerin’s first with the squad. He was named the captain before he put on the sweater because GM Snow and Co. knew what kind of man they had signed.

Guerin has lived up to every expectation and more. I could ramble all day about his signing autographs and doing charity work and that’s all great but that doesn’t win you playoff games. Black’s real leadership is how he takes care of business on and off the ice. Guys follow his lead. Off the ice it was interesting to watch Guerin walk around and see guys like Rick Dipietro and Mike Comrie scurry behind him. He was the cool kid in school the second he walked into the arena.

Our second year at camp the 2Man crew was out getting oiled up at a local bar when Black walked in and immediately dominated the entire place. He walked right up to Ken Morrow and Gerry Hart and just took over the entire room. Those old timers fawned over him like he was Will Smith or Barack Obama or Will Smith playing Barack Obama. Black has that total badass biker quality.

His numbers may be closer to Miro Satan that I would like to admit but Miro doesn’t walk into a locker room holding his dick like a fireman lugs hose up a ladder. Miro doesn’t get shit done and guys don’t follow him.

You’re getting a beast
When Guerin is on the ice don’t expect Sid to get cheapshotted without repercussions. Now Crosby gets run and bullied and the only answer is Max Talbot giving some guy a facewash. Guerin holds court on the ice and hasn’t lost that nasty streak in his old age.

Consider Black the new Gary Roberts except that Black can actually do something with a puck on his stick. He still rips shots early and often. Guerin has worked long and hard to earn his space on the ice and makes the most of it. With some room he can bury the puck and he hasn’t lost that powerful stride to get open.

His game is simple but welcome on a Pittsburgh team that gets too cute on the powerplay. Malkin and Crosby steer the ship but you need a street tough like Black to go far in the playoffs.

At some point in the next 25 games Black will be sitting in the box after scrapping with some douche who tried to run Marc-Andre. His facial hair will be as coarse as 40 grit sandpaper and his sweat will irritate your nose like Deep Woods Off. He will have a few points already after being freed from the New York Islanders and his example will rub off on young Crosby teaching him a thing or two about how to handle shit like a man. Crosby is an unbelievable player but he can learn some things from a veteran like Black.

I’m not sure what GM Garth Snow had planned when he pulled Guerin of the ice last Saturday. I doubt he was getting ready to trade Black for a conditional pick but we may never know what happened. I’m sneaky hoping there were better offers but Snow and Black took this one to fulfill Guerin’s wishes. Who knows?

Sometimes the deals down by NHL rainmakers make no sense to me. It’s like the time I tried to read what the latest Terminator movie plot was about and my brain short-circuited my cell phone. I’m not the brightest guy but sometimes I do feel like Garth Snow is over his skis.

To me Garth Snow always seems unprepared for situations. He’s like the kid in your midget locker room that was always looking for coins to put in his garter belt to keep his socks up. But that’s just me. If I really knew how to run a team I sure as shit wouldn’t be blogging about it, right?


Is Guerin the bug-eyed young gun skating for Jersey? No. Although he’s past his prime it doesn’t mean that he can’t bring the pain. The 2 ladies from Heart used to be smoking hot back in the day but those fatties can still rock out. Black’s got some juice left and the Pens fans will find out that they got a steal at the deadline and a horse for the course.

For the next few weeks we will be posting short webisodes from our interview with Black and Doug Weight from training camp. On Friday the 2Man crew will get together to toast Black for getting out of Long Island prison for time served with good behavior. We will never forget that time we were sitting around eating when Black walked in the room and said “What’s up, shitheads!” as he walked by. That is still one of the coolest things ever.

Congrats, Pittsburgh and good luck Black on your new team

- Nemmy