Question

Which duo from the NHL Center Ice commercial need the bigger beating?

The Habs fans in New Orleans vs. the Hawks fans in Boston.



The sweaters are sick, can't argue with that. But they most likely hate the US and hump each other.



Again, great sweaters and if they are father and son that's pretty cool. But look at the guy on the right. Paul from Wonder years needed work this badly? And they couldn't think of anything other than "Send deep dish pizza"? Imagine you move to another city and pizza is the number one thing you miss about home.

Our take: The two with the Go Habs Go sign need a beating more than the deep dish jerkoff. If the pizza guy didn't have his old man with him it would be much closer.

- Nemmy

Happy Friday

I'm just going to see where this one takes me.

I know many people are against the shootout to determine regular season winners. BUT if you spent money to go watch the Boston Bruins and Florida Panthers battle to a 0-0tie at the end of regulation I think you deserve to see a little show at the end. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy defensive battles and scoring chances and goalie duels. But to think that some parent spent $200+ bucks to take their kids to an ice hockey game without Savvy and Black Booth and didn't see one tally makes the shootout okay with me.

So my boss and I were partners in a company-sponsored beer pong tourney for all the credit trading guys. Everyone else was in suits and ties at Down the Hatch - yeah. Negative 1,000. Anyways since they made us partner up and sign up we thought there would be a structure and brackets and maybe a trophy. Wrong! We might as well have been drinking in Somalia. So my boss and I dominate and lose one game to 2 guys who didn't use the whole pitcher to fill their cups. I'm still salty about it. Here's my point/question:

We were down 2 cups to 1 at our final game and my boss and I go back to back hitting the final 2 cups. Now the team across from us had one cup to hit and they took their turn and one hit the final cup thinking they forced OT. Shouldn't we have gotten something for hitting back to back on the final 2 cups? I thought we should have gone again because we brought it back and if we hit a cup it would have been a walk off. It really doesn't matter because we were ossified and looking to go home. Don't get me started on people leaning over the table. If your tie is in your beer you need to step back. Why are you still wearing a tie????

Chris Neil has 60 PIM already. With some luck he'll go 250+ this season. That's why I have him on my fantasy roster. Look at his steak head. He wants to fight your mother. Every roster needs a PIM machine like Neil. You know what the difference between you and Chris Neil is? If Neil was in your seat he'd have a casein/whey mix in in that file cabinet. He wouldn't be excited for the premiere of Lopez Tonight and he wouldn't be wasting his day reading shitty hockey blogs.

I just got this email from my fiance:

"i just remembered that i really liked this song in high school. do you still want to marry me?"


Yikes

Scotty told me that the rumor floating around is that Kovy, Ovy, Gonchar, Malkin, etc. are all taking their time with injuries because they are saving themselves for Vancouver 2010. I'm sure there's nothing to it but the fact that team Russia may be up to shady ish makes this rumor awesome.

I was going to make a big deal that 2Man buddy, Vinny Bruiser picked up Jeff "the Truth" Tambellini in our fantasy league because the truth is a 2Man favorite. Vinny dropped him 4 hours after picking him up.

Who will be the first NHLer with a leaked sex tape?

92.3 used to be an awesome station in the New York area. They used to play rock music and have Howard Stern in the morning. Now it's top 40 no guitar Long Island girls with platform sandals BarNone bouncers and guys with gel drinking Corona shit. I'm at the gym from 8-9:30 a few days a week and some guy named Chunky on "92.3 Now" plays the same shit over and over. I'm sure Chunky is a good guy but every time I hear the Black Eyed Peas and Britney Spears back to back I want to break my face open.

So this kid DuckDude8 has a ton of videos on youtube where he's scoring on some goalie that is probably his little brother. The video is short and there's not much going on but I love how the goalie gets beat and stays on the ground the whole time.



Look at our current goalie options for Vancouver:
Ryan Miller leading in Save % and GAA. Timmy Thomas is tied for the lead in shutouts and Craig Anderson is tied for the lead in wins. Anderson is making everyone forget about John Quick.

Can someone explain that bear pong issue to me?

- Nemmy

Bad Ideas

No preamble. Let's go.

Keeping the water bottles tied down
I've mentioned this before. The Gatorade holster that keeps the water bottles tied to the net is one of the worst ideas in recent memory. If a shooter jams one top shelf the goalie should be forced to skate over and replace the water bottle from the top of the net. If Ovy sends that bottle over the netting into the 400 level seats the goalie should have to go without water until the next TV timeout. The water bottle popping shot is one of the many quirky things that sets hockey apart from sports. It's our thing. Why is Gatorade taking that away from us? Bad idea.

Musicians doing acoustic versions of Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"
I'm sure I've mentioned this before because I haven't had an original idea in years. Why are people still covering this song? You can't possibly bring anything new to the table. Every jackass with an acoustic guitar gets in front of the bar and tries to render In Your Eyes with more emotion than the next guy. I saw a guy at Casey's bar in Stamford choke back tears while doing this song. After 45 minutes of "the light the heat blah blah blah" he just started screaming shit. That's what it has come to with this song. Screaming and emoting. Bad idea.



The bandeu top
Ladies, I understand you want to avoid strappy tan lines but trust me: get rid of this bikini. I can't think of anything that would make me less unexcited to look at boobs at the beach or in US weekly. Trust me, if you take a girl with great cans and put them in this top you are doing the entire world a great disservice. Let's not make the same mistake next summer. Let's get back to straps and nips and cleavage and side boob. Wrapping your tits up in two turbans is a bad idea.

Not having a salary cap
Congratulations to the New York Yankees for buying themselves a world championship. What a joke.

The distinct kicking motion
If you can kick a puck into the net you should get credit for it. For real. If Andy Sutton has your stick tied up outside the top the crease and you boot one past Marty Biron then you are awesome and it should absolutely count. If you can ninja punt a puck and make the water bottle pop then you should get credit for 1,000 goals. Disallowing goals because it didn't go off a stick and spending 5 minutes asking guys in Toronto if it was a kicking motion is such a bad idea.

The H1NI "Swine" flu
I caught a case of the swine flu last week and it knocked me on my ass. It's a bad idea to get the swine flu.

Keeping the Coyotes afloat
The Coyotes had a good run in the desert but if you can't afford to keep your lights on it's time to move on. Any time the league props up an organization it is a losing exercise. I was anti bailout when our Government took over shitty financials and big autos and I feel the same for insolvent hockey clubs. Sorry, Glendale.

- Nemmy

Friday Question

This is Philadelphia's Mr. W. He's a total maniac.

He and his 15 friends will be going to the Pearl Jam concert on Saturday night at the Spectrum. By the time this post is published on Friday he will have started pregamming for the show. Afterwards he will most likely stay up all night boozing and screaming the lyrics to State of Love and Trust.

The next day he will tornado himself into the Linc parking lot to get ready for the Eagles/Jints game. After the Giants win Mr. W will pour himself into spot near a beer pong table until the Phils/Yanks game. Chances are that his Halloween costume will have been permanently etched into his skin by then. Mr. W also tends to drool when he gets boozy. His seat at Citizens Bank park will be soaked. If he's still solvent and manages to stay out of jail it will be a miracle.

But seriously there's a chance that Mr. W gets to see the best American rock band live, the Eagles take 1st place and the Phils win game 4 all in person (and in costume). Hopefully he'll remember some of it.

Has anyone been on a stronger 2 day adventure?

What does the 2Man Executive Committee have to say about Mr. W's weekend plans?

Luke Richardson


"The Yankees? If I wanted to watch a bunch of pussies in tight pants I'd dvr something on Bravo"

Max Cavalera


"In 1992 I toured Indonesia with Sepultura where I saw a crazy ritual. There was self-inflicted pain, knives, blood, fire. It was insane. It stuck in my head. My wife Gloria was pregnant at the time and drank snake’s blood. So every time our son acts crazy I tell her it’s from the snake blood."

Kru Bestor Karte


"I am no longer a competitive fighter but I still make bi-yearly training trips to Bangkok to keep on top of the Muay Thai’s latest techniques, regulations, training strategies and conditioning methods. One time I killed a would-be assassin because he caught me up to my knuckle in his old lady."

Dennis "The Snake" Chalker


"We did a HALO jump into Grenada for Operation Urgent Fury in 83. After 7 days of intense firefighting we were pulled out onto a destroyer anchored offshore. When I got to the boat another SEAL team member noticed my fly was down. I guess I had my cock out the whole time while I was in country. We all had a good laugh about that"

Stay safe, Mr. W.

- Nemmy

My Favorite Hockey Card

So like any kid growing up, I had a bazillion trading cards. I spent hours staring at them and imagining watching the games when the pictures were taken. I would pour over the stats on the back and do quick and dirty inter-year comparisons or put certain guys against each other. I used to get a little chubby when guys finished the season with a crooked number in PIMS because I would imagine all the fighting majors. I would study how players wore their socks and which gloves guys wore. For some reason it was important to me to know what year Ray Bourque switched from D&R gloves to a pair of Sherwoods. Now I have the internet and Youtube so I don't need to stare at a Murray Craven card and use my imagination to see how he scored his 30 goals in a certain year.

Somewhere in my parent's basement in Connecticut I still have a pile of binders but there is one hockey card that really stuck with me. It's the 91-92 Upper Deck of Cujo making a ridiculous save. Look at it at the top of the page. Let it sink in.

(It took me 35 minutes on Google to find this card so when I finally found a picture of it I freaked out like one of those dopes that find out that the wings they are enjoying at a restaurant is actually made by Pizza Hut. "This isn't a restauant at all, motherfuckers! Woooo!")

A few thoughts on:
- Upper Deck had the shiniest, sharpest colored trading cards on the planet. Before 91-92 cards were brown pulpy shit. Upper Deck looked like they invented HD.

- Those St. Louis sweaters were TITS. Great (1,000) breazers. I might look for an old pair on eBay. The Wings may have the best pants in the league right now but older school, Capitals, North Stars and Flames are right up there. Some kid on our men's league teams wears green Devils breazers. I think I've written about that fact 60 times on this blog. I also really like the Tampa pants with the bolt on the side. I also had a trading card of Jeff Lazaro that showed that he had Zs shaved into the side of his head. Okay.

- Look at the save. What a picture! I always tried to figure out what angle the shot came from and how Cujo got to it. I think that Roenick tried to go low blocker and Cujo kicked this shit into the rafters. I want to think that any butterfly style netminder would have been to slow to get down on this puck but young Cujo was able to ninja kick his right leg out and get a stick on the shot.

- I love the way his glove hand flares out for balance. I think he ended up in a full split at the end of the play.

- Standup goalies were the shit. Positional goalies ruined hockey cards forever. To have a good goalie shot you need to kick out a leg and flash some glove.

- Check out the kid from A Christmas Story studying the save from the front row. How cool would it be if it turns out that that kid is actually a young Patty Berglund?

- Can we go back to the time when goalies had scuffed up pads? And how cool are those Heaton pads? That is why I love the Joey MacDonald pads because they looked like throwback pads from the 1990's. Andy Moog and Billy Ranford and all the Vaughn guys had pads in the same style.



BTW Don't get me started on this Bill Ranford picture. I could be here all day.



- I brought up the fact that I liked the Joey Mac pads to him when we shot the backup goalie show for the Isles. He choose the pads because he loves the classic look. He's the man.



- Nemmy

Top 10 Reasons Your Fantasy Hockey Team Sucks

The category: top 10 reasons your fantasy hockey team sucks.

10: Rush Limbaugh is part of the group bidding on your team
9: Yahoo auto-picked the entire 1984 Washington Bullets roster
8: Drafted Scott Nichol in round 3 because he looked firm in his Underarmor
7: You can't figure out why Robert Kron doesn't show on the waiver wire
6: Spotty Internet access from your cave in Tora Bora

5: You're threatening to move the laptop to Kansas City if your mother doesn't carpet the basement
4: You got high and traded the Sedin twins for a box of Nilla wafers
3: Late round sleeper pick - Alexei Cherepanov

2: You're too busy posting "3rd Rock from the Sun" transcripts on the league's message board

And finally the number 1 reason why your fantasy team sucks:
1: Your name is Brian Burke



- Nemmy

At least I'm not playing soccer

Sometimes mens league just isn’t fun.

Our team always has one or two of “those guys” on the roster who show up to every game despite being behind the curve as far as skill level. The problem with playing where we play is that our squad needs to have a big roster to keep the cost of playing down. With the talent pool being what it is it means we have to get a few of “those guys” on board.

None of us are really all that great but it’s frustrating when only “those guys” show up for games.

Throw in the fact that we play against a few idiots who get stupid with the stickwork because we have to wear cages and you can have the perfect storm of getting beat every night and getting stuck by a few jackasses on those winning teams.

That’s where we are right now. Our team can’t get anything going and we play against just enough assholes to make me want to either get thrown out of games or stay home all together.

Last night we played our second game in as many days and I wanted to skip it. I told Scotty that we should ditch the game (we show up every night, let’s let the slackers take their turn to get hacked), get a bottle of something and watch Predator On Demand. Scotty convinced me to play.

My plan was to skate and drop the first guy that got creative with his stick so I could go home early and get some sleep. Fortunately for me we played the team that has the guys who sometimes play roller hockey with us. They are good guys and solid humans for the most part. I say fortunately for me because with my luck I would have took offense to a high elbow, fought a guy and had to explain to everyone at work why I had to get stitches in my forehead the next day.

Well I played and we lost again. I fought the puck all night and took a few shots off my left skate. The game got somewhat chippy with our buddy, McD getting slashed in the back by some loser in a play that culminated with Scotty pulling one of the more dangerous and retarded moves when he attempted a single leg takedown HS wrestling style to another player. The game was garbage and after losing we are assured of missing out on the playoffs.

Of course I had to rollerblade back to my apartment in a thunderstorm. My girlfriend told me before I left for the game not to skate over because it was going to rain. I ignored her because it was dry at the time and I really wanted to blade for a bit. Great call, Nemmy.

As I was on the stairs of the rink’s fire escape lacing up my skates and getting wet I was thinking about how badly I had played and how late it was, how much shit I had to do at work the next day and how I should maybe skate up to a cab to keep from getting soaked and slipping into a gutter on the trip home.

It was right then that I saw a few teams playing indoor soccer at 11:40 at night. The team with the maroon pinnies and weird beards was threatening to score on some other team made of guys in baggy shorts and long hair. A few of the guys had straggly hair that was held back by scrunchies sold at stores in the mall that 14 years girls work during the summer.

After watching that shit I knew that things could be so much worse. When it comes down to it I would rather get blown out, hacked to death and soaked in our middle of the night hockey games than win at indoor soccer. I have nothing to complain about.

-Nemmy

Question

First off, thank goodness the Finals start this weekend and not next week like we originally thought. I just told Scotty how sick I am of reading countless articles about the Wings/Pens rematch. A week of being bent over and rammed with Marian Hossa stories would have been unbearable. The two best teams are in the Finals. Let's sit back and enjoy this one.

Now someone asked me this over Memorial Day weekend and I had about 12 different answers:

What's the best NHL city to play in?

Is it Detroit because they are the most talented team? Keep in mind that you'd be living in Detroit. Florida and LA have great weather but your team would be terrible. Toronto has the largest fanbase but again your team would be terrible and everyone (including certain members of the media) think they could do your job better than you. Weather, fanbase, locale, team strength - everything should be considered.

I can make arguments for and against every team. I didn't get into it too much with the guy who asked the question because he really wasn't a hockey guy he was just making small talk. I won't get into the whole thought process on this blog because I don't have 12 drinks in me BUT I think Dallas may be my city.

- Great town - drinking town
- Solid fanbase - not a hockey town per se but far from an LA, Florida or Long Island
- Talented team
- Better weather than Chicago or New York
- Closer to civilization than Calgary


What say you?

- Nemmy

I don't know

I really have nothing to talk about today.

- I want to sit down and write a post thanking the Boston Bruins for one of the most enjoyable seasons in a while but I'm afraid I don't have that shot in my bag. Usually when I write I blurt out anything that's on my mind. I'm afraid if I really tried to say thanks it would fall flat on its face. This year's team deserves a little more than that.

- As you may know young Bress broke two bones in his leg in an ugly affair. The picture above shows his latest xray with the metal rod. Bress, being the trooper he is, has been handling the injury and pain as well as any active 26 year old possibly could. He's healing over at his girlfriend's apartment because his 5th floor walkup isn't handicap accessible. Poor Bress is at the mercy of his girlfriend when it comes to the remote control. While the Hawks and Wings went into overtime he was forced to watch the game during Dancing with the Stars commercials. Other than that he is doing well and his beard is coming in nicely. As soon as he doesn't have to keep his foot elevated it will be hanging off a barstool at the Tavern.



- My girlfriend doesn't mind me walking around in hockey sweaters but she made me wash my Bourque jersey the other day because I stunk.



- W24st street between 6th and 8th Avenue is the nicest street for rollerblading in NYC. Go against traffic on that mufu and you have a smooth road with a sneaky downhill lie. Don't keep going through 8th ave because you'll end up in an episode of Law and Order.



- Why did I hear the linesmen in Sunday's Det/Chi game on NBC screaming when plays weren't offside. Has this always gone on and I just never noticed it? What were they even yelling? "Good"? I'm confused.



- During the next NBC game I'm watching with a pen and paper and keep tabs of the number of times Pierre McGuire says "Edzo". For some reason "Edzo" drives me crazy.



- I was not picking my nose in the pictures Scotty put up in the post below. I do pick my nose constantly but he didn't catch me there.



- Scotty had a one-timer in mens league last night that was so violently hard. He was on the doorstep point blank and he put EVERYTHING into this shot. No hands just brute force Edzo trauma. In the 3rd period he rattled off a random Seinfeld line on the bench out of nowhere. For that he got the game puck.



- Does anyone have an old pair of goalie skates they no longer use and can send us? I need to conduct an experiment. I'm being serious so send us an email.



- I am enjoying watching the playoffs even though the Bruins fell down and I no longer have skin in the game. I'd watch a few hours of shinny if I had some cocktails.



- Yeah. Edzo.



- People keep asking me what "1,000" means. Without being too esoteric, 1,000 means everything. Sometimes we get to using words or phrases and they morph into everything and nothing all at the same time. So I'm not even sure what "1,000" means anymore. It could mean anything and it depends on the context. Hope that cleared things up.

- My hockey dream usually has me as a 4th line crash winger because I know I am too small to be a defenseman and not good enough to be a 1st line center. But why? It's my dream. Why can't I put reality aside for my dream and really explore the space? I don't fuck the halfwit chick that rings up my morning Cheerios in my dreams, I dream about celebrity skin. So why can't I imagine myself as Mario Lemieux and not Ken Linseman?

- I really want a 1990s black LA Kings jersey but am unsure what name and number to get. 99? Honestly, I dunno if I can pull that one off. McSoreley? Again not sure if that one really fits. There hasn't been a player in the Kings organization that I really identify with. But the sweater is sick.

- Guerin goes for Game 2 tonight.

- Edzo

Game 7

Do you think that as a fan you have the ability to jinx your team?

I do. I’m a Boston Bruins fan and I am an idiot.

I’m that guy who thinks that I have some control over the outcome of sporting events. It sounds ridiculous and I’m trying to get over it but it’s been hard for me. I swear to you that outside of sports I am a reasonably normal.

Tonight, during the biggest game of the season for the Boston Bruins, I will be out to dinner. Normally I would be a complete trainwreck at the thought of missing any part of this game. BUT I am fine with it for 2 reasons:

1) I’m going to dinner with my girlfriend for her birthday. I have been looking forward to this night for a little while and it should be great. While I love my Bruins, only P.J. Axelsson has been with me longer than I’ve known my girlfriend and PJ and I aren’t that close. Things would be different if I were going to a cousin's wedding that I don't really like.

2) I can’t jinx the Bruins by missing a portion of the game because jinxes don’t exist.

You know what I found interesting about Claude Julien and Zdeno Chara’s comments to the press yesterday? They didn’t mention me. Seriously, not once did they mention that the key to Game 7 would be if I got up to use the men’s room during an icing or if I was even watching at all. And I’m not some ultra secret weapon that they don’t talk about or anything; I am of no consequence to the outcome of this game.

Not a news flash, right? But this is tough to get though my head considering that I’m a douche. My mother called me 2 days ago to make sure that I would behave myself during Game 7. She said that she was watching a bit of the Bruins Game 6 with my father and wondering if I was watching in the fetal position like I did when I was a kid. I’ve been an idiot my entire life.

Tonight all that shit changes. I know I won’t jinx the Bruins if I go out to a dinner and drinks. It’s not like I haven’t missed games before and − with the game starting at 8PM − I ‘m not even sure that I’ll be missing any part of this game. After dinner I may take my time getting in front of a tv. I may try out that shiny juicer I bought my girlfriend with a few berries or apples or we may decide to get naked. She’ll close her eyes and pretend I’m Brody Jenner and I’ll close my eyes and think about Cam Neely putting a slapshot past Darren Puppa. It’ll be great.

Afterwards I will get to the tv and watch the Bruins launch into a 2nd round matchup with the Penguins. If disaster strikes I'll take it like a man.

Either way whatever I do tonight won’t affect the outcome. Only a moron would think they could have some hand in the game.

Let’s go Bruins.

- Nemmy


Unless of course this whole post is some early shock and awe campaign designed to unjinx the future jinx of me missing some of the first period. Hiss.

Bressler DTD (lower body injury)

Long story here that has nothing to do with Ovechkin, Crosby or Sean Avery. We understand if you click off this site.

So we are playing a mens league game last night at 11:30. We have a solid core of 9 guys doing battle with a team that always beats the hell out of us. Actually, every team but one in this league always beats the hell out of us but this team is special. For some reason we keep dragging ass to the rink in the middle of the night.

We were down 4 goals at one point and we scratched and clawed to go ahead by one late in the 3rd. We were really putting some good lathe work in on both ends of the ice and actually having some fun in the process. Our goalie, Plenty, is a manchild.

2Man producer/point guard, Daniel Bressler was doing the needful chasing down a puck in the offensive zone and gets pulled down by some retard with a slew foot. What makes things worse is that the ice is more chewed up than Courtney Love's vag and Bress catches a rut and ruins his right leg.

It was an ugly scene. Bress was on the ice screaming in pain and we were just helpless. Was it a dirty play? Yeah but not the dirtiest play that night. What made things nasty was the soft ice. On a good sheet Bress gets put down like a soccer riot and I end up posting about Tom Poti's man-purse or how I can't figure out the plot to the new Terminator movie.

Anyways, Bress gets carefully carted off the ice and we hold on for the win. Probably one of the best comebacks in mens league history but at what cost? Thanks for ruining a great win, slew foot jerkoff.

Getting Bress to the hospital was an adventure. 2Man Director/Russian ex-pat, Artem drives to the game so the a few of us carefully stripped Bress of a skate and his uppers, gingerly sat him in a rolling office chair and took the service elevator to roll him to Artem's car. Please note that even the slightest movement made Bressler scream out in pain.

He screamed the entire way to the hospital. It was awful and hilarious at the same time. Scotty and I were in the back of the car crying laughing because Bress is in agony and were trying to keep things light by making jokes. Bress is such a good guy that even when Artem would take a hard turn and Bress would scream "FUUUUUCK" he'd immediately apologize. It was clown college. It was also 2AM.

So we get to the hospital and Scotty and I got some nurses and a wheel chair and we got Bress inside. He was still yelling and waking up all the drunks who were brought to the ER to dry out. One of the drunks looked like he'd been drinking since the prohibition era. His face looked like an olive pit like he's literally pickling from the inside. Not a good way to spend your elder years.

But hey, Bressler's nurse (not pictured) was cute. Her name was Adina and she had a great smile and looked good despite working 12+ hour shifts the entire week. She was very thrown off by Bressler's jock because it's black and bulbous and she kept staring at it and laughing. She told us that she didn't grow up with brothers and had never seen one before. When he heard this, Bress nearly fell off the stretcher trying to whip his tool out but she meant the jockstrap and cup, not a weenus.

The most embarrassing part of the night for Bress (besides screaming more than the Octomom delivering her litter) was when the doctor came into the room. Here's how it went down:

Dr: (walking into the room) Okay, you must be Dan so let's see what we can do about that nose.

Bressler: Uhh, my nose? It's my leg that's the problem.

Dr: Really? So you're good with that nose? Really? Hmm. Alright.

Yikes

Turns out Bress broke his tibia and fibula. He didn't have knee or nerve damage that they could tell last night and he could be out 3+ months.

Look at this picture. Artem is looking down at Bressler's mangled foot which looks like Serbia. Artem can't hide his disgust.

I would have live blogged this whole event last night but I didn't know how to work Bressler's blackberry. When you try to type "google" it gives you "goat". Why goat? Anyone who deals with goats doesn't need google.

This is a crushing blow to the 2Man crew. Our mens league team loses it's spiritual leader (and not just because his girlfriend got him into Kabbalah) and an active participant in our weekend roller hockey games. Bress didn't miss hockey games and he was always willing to jump in net for street hockey. The guy broke 2 bones in one of the ugliest mens league injuries I've seen. What garbage.

Anyways Bress is stuck in the hospital wearing nothing but a spandex jock and watching Regis and Kelly. One way to make him feel better is by posting all the horrific injuries that NHLers have played through in the comments. If we shame him maybe he'll strip off the cast and get in net this weekend.

Come on, Bress. Don't be a pussy.

And here's one of the trays of shots that Scotty made us drink the other night when Staal got the GWG to send New Jersey home.

I slept a solid 1:30 last night. I need to go home.

-

Nemmy

Round 2

The Bruins play on Friday night at 7:30. For at least the next 4 games I know what I’ll be doing. I have my team, they have their mission and it’s all scheduled out ahead of time. Things are pretty simple for fans if your team is still in the fight.

However, if you are a fan of a playoff team that was ousted recently your situation is a little more complex. Here’s how you unlucky fans should proceed:

Sharks fans
Take comfort in the fact that the Ducks were no run-of-the-mill 8th seed and they are getting picked by some to advance past the Wings. When that doesn’t work go outside. Everything tastes better when it’s 75 and sunny. Make sure to invite Andrei Nikolishin to the bbq. He knows a bunch of hot chicks.

Flames fans
I thought this team was going to go far. I can’t imagine what the Flames fanbase is going through. If you are a Calgary fan you should probably spend your time ripping into Mike Keenan or Kipper or Dion or Jarome or just wait it out until the rodeo comes in July. Root for anyone but Vancouver.

Columbus fans
You guys have nothing to be salty about. Take pride in the fact that your team reached the postseason and lost to what will most likely be the Cup winner. I have no idea who you should root for maybe Lebron and the Cavs? I dunno. No snark here – that was a good 2008-2009 campaign.

Blues fans
Another fanbase that can still sleep at night. Start looking forward to starting next season with a healthy roster. Root for anybody but the Wings and BlackHawks and go see Pujols bully through the National league.

Ranger fans
No worries – your deeply flawed team had a great run, the Devils had a more painful collapse and the Islanders hardly exist. You’re still excited that you got a second chance to wear that custom Avery sweater and ARod is close to his return for the Yankes. Start cheering for the Caps. If they win the Cup the Rangers’s “meltdown” will be spun into “the start of Washington’s run” and you’ll get a better look at Semin and Ovy who will be over 35 and overpaid in a blue sweater down the line.

Devils fans
It might take a while before those Game 7 wounds heal. This should help:
Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band - Thu. May 21, Sat. May 23, IZOD Center. Cheer for Max Weinberg.

Canadiens fans
You guys should spend your evenings circling prospective free agents and booing the tv when Chara touches the puck. Those who felt the need to boo our National Anthem should enjoy the respite by spending more quality time with their teenage boytoys. Cheer for Larry Robinson.

Philly fans

Cheer against Crosby. Fuck it, cheer against everyone. Keep getting belligerent and scream down anybody who publically roots for another playoff team at the bar. You better get a few blurry fights under your belt this summer, you need to tune up before Eagles season.

Everyone else who still has skin in the game can look forward to at least 4 more games of drunken, sleepless nights and getting trapped in your personal glass cases of emotion. Just thinking about Eric Staal and Cam Ward makes me want to bleed out of my hair all over my keyboard. You have to love this time of year.

Good luck in round 2.

- Nemmy

Onto Round 2

Sorry if my random thoughts don’t make any sense this week. I’m not checking spelling or anything in this one so bear with me.

Congrats to the Boston Bruins for treating the Montreal Canadians like how a 1 seed should treat an 8th seed. I’m not going to write how disappointed I am that this series wasn’t a one-for-the-ages nail biter. I’m not going to write how I never thought I’d see a Montreal team rollover after getting up early on the Bruins in their own arena. That’s garbage. I’m over those assholes booing my Anthem. I’m pleased with the sweep and looking forward to getting some sleep before the second round.

These are my thoughts on the series and then I’ll put it behind me:

* Komisarek wants nothing to do with Milan Lucic. Mike is a tough guy and a rugged defender but Lucic has his number. Seeing Komisarek get tossed at the end of Game 4 was disappointing because I wanted to see those two guys shake hands in the line.

* Laraque should not retire. I realize his back isn’t holding up and he was out of place on Kovalev’s line early in the series but he was one of the more effective wingers in the 4th line role. To say that Chara, Ward and co. had a difficult time moving him from the crease is an understatement. Plus Georges was murder in the corners and laid out every Bruin at least once in the series.

* Not only was Laraque very gracious in the handshake line but he gave the cool urban handshake to every Bruin. He is awesome. Add this to my bucket list: get the cool urban handshake huggy thing from BGL before I die. Someone set this up. My birthday is December 10th.

*My girlfriend came home from the gym between the 1st and 2nd and I was all worked up from the period and needed to vent about what transpired. She was more interested in opening her mail about how her voting district had changed. Great.

* People love to rip on Jack Edwards but he was fantastic this series. I like his homer appeal and the way he leans on Andy Brickley for analysis. Many of those Youtube clips that people show of his calls are taken somewhat out of context.

* Patty Bergeron and David Krejci are the real deals. I can’t say enough about the way these guys play. I’m really freaking out right now.

* When the Bruins are at their best they are very businesslike and typical. The only guys who really show emotion are Thomas and Lucic. The rest of the team is very calm and professional like the assets in the Bourne Identity. Lucic lost his cool in game 2 and learned from it. He didn’t freak out when Komisarek sticked him in the closing minutes. I don’t know how Thomas stayed cool in this series. He had traffic all over him and at every whistle there was Lapierre, Latendresse, Laraque, LaKostitsyn, Ray LeBlanc, The chick from La Bouche and Jason LaBarbera in his face trying to get him to flip his shit. Way to take it like a man, Thomas.

* Chuck Kobasew all day. All fucking day. Just all day Chuck Kobasew. 1000.

* If the Bs can thrive in Montreal under all that madness then I’m confident they can stay focused in MSG where you could have heard a cell phone in the first 58 minutes of the game. The Canadien fans booed Price louder than the Rangers fans cheered at the end of the game.

* Fuck yeah, Michael Ryder. Enjoy this victory.

That’s all about that. Now I’m getting ready for the Rangers/Canes.

Other stupid quick things:
* I had a dream where Bress sent me a YouTube clip of two assholes doing stupid interviews with hockey players and calling themselves “the 2Man Bromantage”. It was awful and these guys had highlighted hair and were drinking energy drinks with Felix Potvin. If two assholes are going to do stupid interviews and make dumb jokes it’s going to be me and Scotty. I literally Googled “the 2 Man Bromantage” this morning just to see if I needed to kick somebody’s ass this weekend.

* Can you just play hockey and stop mouthing off, Adam Burish? You can’t guarantee any kind of “war” when you take 1 shot on net in 10 mins of icetime. Aside from the cross check to Rene Bourque’s face you haven’t made a dent in this series. If it wasn’t for warm-ups your underclothes would be cleaner than Jamie Foxes’s facial hair.I like your game and love the smack talk but let’s let your game make headlines before you go all media crazy. I get what you are trying to do but you’re not there yet.

* Ovy hit a post last night that was so loud my cat jumped up a bit. Wow. He was so tired after that shot. Wow.

* What’s with all the face washing in every series?

That’s all. Looking forward to the 2nd round.

- Nemmy

Mens League Confidential

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Kevyn Adams - Wow

I love YouTube because it’s great fun to get lost in its huge library searching for random videos. Sometimes you search for a Family Guy clip and 20 minutes later end up laughing at old bits from Sinbad. Yesterday I was eating a taco bowl watching Cam Neely highlights and ended up watching videos of different fly overs before sporting events. It was the sickest way to waste the lunch lull.

I don’t know how I found this next video. I think I was searching for “sick goal” and this was at the top of the list. I don’t remember seeing this before. Maybe it was because Kevyn Adams scored it and it was from way back when hockey was still broadcast on ESPN2. Not only is Melrose and Brian Engblom featured on the call but Brian Leetch (on the Rangers) gets the minus on the play. I’m guessing it was from 2002 because Mike Dunham (?) is in net and Adams poopies Boris Mironov (?) on the play. Who knows?

Watch the highlight and let’s go a bit further and break down this goal frame by frame.


Yeah, ridiculous.

I wish the replay was backed up a bit so we could see the play develop. But what we see is Adams come out of the corner with his head up looking for whoever that guy is in the high slot.


Who is that in the high slot? Bates Battaglia? Jeff Daniels? The Siberian Guard? Whoever he is he wasn’t getting the puck with Boris Mironov betwixt him and Adams. Adams has his head up the whole way so he knows what is at stake. Just like how I went to the deli and ordered my egg sandwich on white bread. The guy may have asked me twice if I ordered white bread because they only use white bread for French toast now that everyone is scared of refined foods and it is en vogue to go 7-grain or whole wheat but I knew what I wanted. My head was up I’m seeing the play develop and I know where I’m going with it.


But things change quickly in hockey and in life. Adams wanted to hit the shadowy figure in the high slot with a pass but that option was closed. I bet he looked to throw the puck in the crease for Rod the Bod to get a stick on but that option disappeared because Mironov closed the gap on him in a hurry. Once upon a time I went to a womens lacrosse party and wanted to hook up with a dark-haired girl with freckles and a healthy rack. I ended up spending the majority of the night talking with the blonde with strep throat. (Bressler left with some girl that night and ended up coming back out to the bar after. It was impressive.) Great trade for me. That blonde with the strep throat and I now live together. Be ready for change. As long as you have your head up and stay on the balls of your feet you’ll be in a position to win. To me, everything (wristshot, right cross, dancing, promotions etc.) comes down to footwork.

Check out the wide Neil Young rock stance Adams has when Mironov makes a break for him. Adams doesn’t have time to throw the puck to the net and who knows where his option is on the point. I bet Glen Wesley or Aaron Ward were sniffing glue but Adams pulls a superstar toe drag (Scotty tells me Roenick likes to call it a toe tuck. Do folks in Chicago call it a Taves tuck?) and undresses Mironov. It’s a good thing Mironov was not looking to get a piece of Adams otherwise I would have nothing to write about. Mironov played it soft and we have a chicken snap toey with the puck on Kevyn’s backhand at the right dot.


The Bod has set up shop in front of the net and the Helicopter Pilot from the Bond video game goes down low because that’s where the puck is going. He smells blood in the water and wants a crack at that rebound. The Bod is holding court and has Leetch’s undivided attention. Notice that Ward has now moved down to get involved in the play. Was he looking for a backdoor drop? Not happening. Ward is slow, well covered and Adams has top shelf toey on his mind.


So here we are. The prude in me says he needs hurry up and put the backhand low far side in hopes that Dunham kicks the rebound in front for the Bod to Hungry Hippo into his wheelhouse and pot top shelf. Video game Kevyn Adams would have taken it to his forehand and went near side top shelf but this is real life and that doesn’t happen to Kevyn Adams. It turns out Dunham is positioned funny (not that it mattered with this shot) and Adams somehow goes for the far side high. It’s unclear how Adams saw that this was where he was going to score. I think he was just trying to put something hard toward the net. Maybe he saw Dunham cheating to his left and some daylight? Who knows? If I tried this shot without looking I would have hit the Bod in his shorts and Petr Nedved would have scored on the transition. All I know is Adams really reaches back to crank this backhand and the end result is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start.


Bar and in.

Adams looked a little surprised that that the puck had eyes like that. He rattles of a great celebration and Carolina goes apeshit.


Let’s review:
1) Head up out of the corner
2) Plan for change; chicken snap toey around the Dman
3) Dial up a nasty backhand
4) Bar and in
5) Models, speedboats and fellatio

Has Adams scored since?

-Nemmy

Wayne Gretzky's Helmet

I’m blogging later than usual because I was out all morning with an apartment move. I personally wasn’t doing any of the moving; I was in the supervisory role making sure that the two gentlemen from this moving company didn’t damage my limited edition Eddie Van Halen painting. Long story short: one of the guys was carrying out my street hockey stick to the truck and asked if I played pro hockey. Obviously this guy wasn’t a big fan of the NHL but I didn’t lie (though I really wanted to) and told him that we play old man hockey over at Chelsea Piers. Then, out of nowhere, this guy goes:

“Wayne Gretzky used to play on the Rangers. He wore such a small helmet”.


Wait what? I mean, yeah, he did wear that ridiculous Jofa that was so weak that I wouldn’t prevent a concussion from a cumshot but where did that comment come from? The subject of hockey comes up and he brings up Gretzky’s helmet?? This guy spouted out the first random hockey thought that popped in his head. I felt like I was hanging out with Scotty. It was fantastic.

But this got me thinking about that helmet. I mean that Jofa worn by Gretzky, Kurri and McSoreley among others was a complete joke. The doo-rag under Kelly Hrudy’s goalie cage offered as much protection as this thing. My father has one that he wears when he coaches house league. I tried it on one time and I gotta tell you I would feel safer wearing a yarmulke and some Dep. (I had to wiki ‘yarmulke’ for that one. Hope it was worth it.) McSoreley had to have some set of balls to get into fights knowing that he had only a thin layer of plastic between his head and some guy’s fist.

The sickest helmets are the old Coopers that Kelly Buchberger and Messier used to wear. They had those hard plastic wings on the side that would probably break your arm if you punched them.
Osgood still wears one when he’s in the net trying to sabotage the Wings’ season. The geniuses who made Tron featured these guys prominently. The difference between Messier and Gretzky’s brain protection was like the difference between Mark Messier and Joby Messier. Didn’t any of the Oilers say to Wayne, “Hey man, can you wear something a little more durable? You’re our best player and that Jofa scares the shit out of me”.

On the next level of helmet sickness are the lids that are tricked out to have the durable chin straps. Kris King, Jim Mackenzie and Tony Twist used to rock these back in the day.

These were regular helmets but instead of the weaker plastic loops near the ears they had thick –ass cloth ear and chin straps made out of the same material as the straps that weight lifters use. I have no idea where to get one of these but I imagine they are only for the toughest of guys who hate having their straps ripped off during a scrap. Do they have a name? Scrap straps? I just made that up.
Finally the most badass level of helmet sickness was the lid that Jim Cummins wore that was the Tron-style Copper joint with the leather straps. He drove the Humvee on his head and then got it up-armored for his style of play. If anyone remembers how Jim Cummins fought it’s not surprise that he needed this level of protection. He ate more punches than he gave out.

This picture is tits.

Randomness: Is David Volek’s helmet in the Hall yet? The retarded things that Mike Foligno and Lanny McDonald wore were in style back in the day but Volek’s lid was never cool. Volek stands alone and if his helmet doesn’t have its own wing in Toronto then we need to make some calls immediately.
Let’s go UConn. Get well, Calhoun.

-Nemmy

My Center Ice Package woes continue

We had a mens league game at 11:30 last night. It’s a brutal timeslot especially considering I should be at my desk by 7AM. I’m tired, unshaven and whatever I write is not going to make any sense. At some point during this post I expect the Flyers bench to try to fish me away from my computer like I’m a concussed Sami Kapanen.

To make a long story short I am moving into a new apartment and in the process of switching my cable I had to suspend my Center Ice Package. I still can watch the Devils, Rangers and Isles tonight but I rarely watch those teams if another more interesting game is on or the Bruins are scheduled. I’m getting everything hooked up and back to normal on Sunday but here is what I’ve been missing as far watching games on tv. Keep in mind I’m not the director of central scouting. I’m just a guy with a tv, beer and a haircut loosely based on former Canadians coach Guy Carboneau.

New Jersey – A few years ago this was one of the least interesting teams to watch. Now with Parise and Elias going crazy at least you can see some magic. For me the best part of Devils games is watching John Madden play. He’s so good at hockey.

NYR – Joe Micheletti makes this team unwatchable. His color analysis is nothing more than repeating what happened during replays. I was never a JD fan because his chateau bow wow bullshit was annoying but I really miss him as the Rangers analyst. Having the games in HD helps.

NYI – I watch too many Islander games but it’s a pleasure watching Richard Park kill a penalty.

Philly – I enjoy getting pissed at watching Scott Hartnell and his Bon Jovi keyboard player mop being an asshole after the whistle. He’s such a dick. If he was on my team I’d really enjoy his work.



Pittsburgh – Haven’t watched a full game with Guerin on Sid’s line yet. Really looking forward to it because Billy looks very happy in the highlights. Too bad the games are shot from the Mir space station. Games in the new rink will be a joy to watch.

Boston – My favorite team, number 1 in the East (for now) and Jack Edwards losing his shit with every “SAVE by Thomas”. Life is good.

Buffalo – I’m a big Derek Roy fan. He’s a little like Marc Savard. Bress once dressed up as Janine Garofalo for Halloween. It has nothing to do with hockey but I had to get that off my chest because it always bothered me.

Montreal – I don’t really watch many Montreal games unless they are playing the Bruins.

Ottawa – This team is lousy and it’s not worth watching a game just to see Carrie Underwood in a luxury suite. I will say that Chris Phillips is one of my favorite defensemen in the game. I enjoy watching him play.

Toronto – I watch when Sifers is playing. That’s about it. I used to be a small fan of Jason Blake but now his game just annoys me. Jamal Mayers is an entertaining fighter.

Atlanta – These are not always the best games but Kovy, Little and White are fun to watch. It always seems that when I watch a game with the Thrashers that there are 8+ goals on the board. You need that every once in a while.

Carolina –Eric Staal is a chucker. It’s great to watch him flying down the ice and blasting something on net.

Florida – Only watched a couple Panthers games this year. They aren’t a regular stop for me on the dial but I like how the defense really took it to the Bruins this season.

Tampa Bay – Radioactive.

Washington – Wildly entertaining team to watch. I like how I can hear the arena announcer screaming in the rink in my living room. That guy is high voltage.

Chicago – I like watching the young kids except when Brian Campbell does his spins. They just always seem unnecessary.

Columbus – Rick Nash is a force, J. Boll is always fighting, Steve Mason has been unbelievable and the crowds are more active than anything in the Tri-state area. This is a great team to watch. Shocking.

Detroit – I enjoy watching the puck control and the fact that the Wings have to score 4+ a game because their goaltending is lousy.

Nashville – Another sneaky enjoyable team to watch. Although the broadcast is either too dark or washed out these guys show the best commercials in the league. Better than the one in Columbus for the farmers dating service or the truck bed liners in Minnesota.

St. Louis – Dave Backes and BJ Crombeen are 2 of my favorite players to watch this season.

Calgary – Best games on tv. The Flames broadcast is top notch, the team is fun to watch and they always have hot chicks in the stands. The 2MA like to watch the Calgary games so we can see Bertuzzi loaf around the ice.

Colorado – Boring except for the two Codys.

Edmonton – The best part of watching the Oil on tv is when they sing the anthem and catching Gagner’s shootout moves on the highlight show. That’s really it.

Minnesota – I like watching Cal Clutterbuck hit. When I dream at night sometimes I imagine myself in the Clutterbuck role just thrashing defensemen.

Vancouver –Haven’t watched a game since Sundin arrived. To me, the best part about watching this team is Willie Mitchell playing hard-nosed defense. Mitchell and Rivet in Buffalo remind me of those kids who played on both the hockey and football teams at school.

Anaheim – Hitting, fighting, Niedermayer rushing the puck and not needing to use a spin-o-rama to gain the blueline. This team is worth staying up for.

Dallas – There was a time when every night the 2Man crew got together for drinks a Stars game would be on. Not having Morrow in the lineup really hurts my viewing pleasure.

LA –I say these guys aren’t very fun to watch but Bress disagrees with me. Artem and I watched when they played the Devils a few weeks ago and he fell asleep in my bed before the end of the first. It was funny because my girlfriend accidentally climbed in with him. She eventually found out it wasn’t me because he has no cock.

Phoenix – Strader, Pang and Doan are all that’s exciting about the desert. I made a bet with Scotty at the beginning of the season that Doan wouldn’t be on the 2010 Olympic roster. That’s gonna cost me.

San Jose – It’s not often I stay up to finish these games but the 2 periods I watch before I doze off are always high energy and violent.

My hockey channel comes back on Sunday. Until then I’m on the struggle bus with Joe Micheletti and Chico Resch.

PS I need to change the name of my weekly post to something other than the nocturnal emission. Bress tells me that we are attracting the wrong class of people who find our sight by google search words.

-Nemmy

What can Black do for you

First off, are we done with the cold weather in NYC yet? I hate to whine but I haven’t seen my sack in 2 weeks. Times like these I wonder how anything gets done in Alberta when the temps are worse on average than what we’ve been going through. How do people work outside? How do people have sex? It takes me 2 hours just to warm up from my walk from the subway when I get home. The real winner from yesterday’s trade deadline was anyone who got traded to Phoenix. Enjoy the weather down there because yesterday I had use a roach clip to take a leak.

I won’t recap the deadline deals. Bress did a great job of putting together the trades and summing up some immediate thoughts. You can read the other blogs for their analysis. I just want to take the opportunity to praise the Pens on grabbing a 2Man favorite yesterday.

Congrats, Pittsburgh. You managed to add Billy Black Guerin to your squad by giving up what, at the most, could be a 3rd round draft pick. I’m not an Islander fan; I’m not here to scream and shout about the Lighthouse Project or dickride Rick Dipietro. I am a Billy Black Guerin fan and having worked with the Islanders for the last two seasons I can say that Penguins fans got great value.

The Penguins are treading water and Marian Hossa wasn’t available this deadline. Billy Black won’t win the day but he will bring sick value for what could be a 4th round pick. Being an American, a Bruins fan and a complete badass I probably overvalue Black and his skillset but here is what the Pens can expect from Guerin.

You’re getting a winner
Guerin got a Cup with Jerz. He didn’t light up the playoffs that year but he was a factor and a beast and he forever has that Stanley Cup stink on him. The man has been dragging wagon on Long Island for two years so a trip to a squad with a rosier outlook will do him very good. In Pittsburgh he’s going to act like those Amish kids who get to go to keg parties in that Devil’s Playground dvd that Mason has.

You’re getting a leader
Our first trip to Moncton for the Islanders training camp was Guerin’s first with the squad. He was named the captain before he put on the sweater because GM Snow and Co. knew what kind of man they had signed.

Guerin has lived up to every expectation and more. I could ramble all day about his signing autographs and doing charity work and that’s all great but that doesn’t win you playoff games. Black’s real leadership is how he takes care of business on and off the ice. Guys follow his lead. Off the ice it was interesting to watch Guerin walk around and see guys like Rick Dipietro and Mike Comrie scurry behind him. He was the cool kid in school the second he walked into the arena.

Our second year at camp the 2Man crew was out getting oiled up at a local bar when Black walked in and immediately dominated the entire place. He walked right up to Ken Morrow and Gerry Hart and just took over the entire room. Those old timers fawned over him like he was Will Smith or Barack Obama or Will Smith playing Barack Obama. Black has that total badass biker quality.

His numbers may be closer to Miro Satan that I would like to admit but Miro doesn’t walk into a locker room holding his dick like a fireman lugs hose up a ladder. Miro doesn’t get shit done and guys don’t follow him.

You’re getting a beast
When Guerin is on the ice don’t expect Sid to get cheapshotted without repercussions. Now Crosby gets run and bullied and the only answer is Max Talbot giving some guy a facewash. Guerin holds court on the ice and hasn’t lost that nasty streak in his old age.

Consider Black the new Gary Roberts except that Black can actually do something with a puck on his stick. He still rips shots early and often. Guerin has worked long and hard to earn his space on the ice and makes the most of it. With some room he can bury the puck and he hasn’t lost that powerful stride to get open.

His game is simple but welcome on a Pittsburgh team that gets too cute on the powerplay. Malkin and Crosby steer the ship but you need a street tough like Black to go far in the playoffs.

At some point in the next 25 games Black will be sitting in the box after scrapping with some douche who tried to run Marc-Andre. His facial hair will be as coarse as 40 grit sandpaper and his sweat will irritate your nose like Deep Woods Off. He will have a few points already after being freed from the New York Islanders and his example will rub off on young Crosby teaching him a thing or two about how to handle shit like a man. Crosby is an unbelievable player but he can learn some things from a veteran like Black.

I’m not sure what GM Garth Snow had planned when he pulled Guerin of the ice last Saturday. I doubt he was getting ready to trade Black for a conditional pick but we may never know what happened. I’m sneaky hoping there were better offers but Snow and Black took this one to fulfill Guerin’s wishes. Who knows?

Sometimes the deals down by NHL rainmakers make no sense to me. It’s like the time I tried to read what the latest Terminator movie plot was about and my brain short-circuited my cell phone. I’m not the brightest guy but sometimes I do feel like Garth Snow is over his skis.

To me Garth Snow always seems unprepared for situations. He’s like the kid in your midget locker room that was always looking for coins to put in his garter belt to keep his socks up. But that’s just me. If I really knew how to run a team I sure as shit wouldn’t be blogging about it, right?

Anyways

Is Guerin the bug-eyed young gun skating for Jersey? No. Although he’s past his prime it doesn’t mean that he can’t bring the pain. The 2 ladies from Heart used to be smoking hot back in the day but those fatties can still rock out. Black’s got some juice left and the Pens fans will find out that they got a steal at the deadline and a horse for the course.

For the next few weeks we will be posting short webisodes from our interview with Black and Doug Weight from training camp. On Friday the 2Man crew will get together to toast Black for getting out of Long Island prison for time served with good behavior. We will never forget that time we were sitting around eating when Black walked in the room and said “What’s up, shitheads!” as he walked by. That is still one of the coolest things ever.

Congrats, Pittsburgh and good luck Black on your new team



- Nemmy

Fantasy Trade Deadline

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