Selasa, 29 Desember 2009

Player of the Year/ Douchebag of the Year 2009

I've gone through great pains to select my player of the year 2009. I've decided that the honor should be based on:
1) performance post last season's All-Star break
2) anything in the off-season
3) performance this season so far
4) other shit

In keeping with my 2Man indie street cred I've decided to purposely think outside the box as it would be too easy to hand this honor over to Ovy or Crosby. While both players are more than deserving it just wouldn't be right for this blog.

My player of the year 2009 went along for the ride to the bottom with the awful Toronto Maple Leafs, the team he was traded to in early January. In late September this player was picked up by the Wings to be a soldier and so far has not disappointed. This guy has crashed, policed, and fought through 28 games this season filling a role as a combination of Aaron Downey and Dallas Drake. He has gone from performing a thankless role for a terrible team to a thankless role on a Stanley Cup contender. He is wildly entertaining because of his scrappy, on the edge style and I'm sure Datsyuk and company appreciate his 9 fights this season. For all that and for the fact that he's still ripping it up in his 19th season I would like to honor Brad May as the player of the year 2009.

Congrats, Brad May. Your award will be 12 buds if you ever want to stop by Tavern.

The Douchebag of 2009 needs no introduction. He was clearly the biggest loser of the due to his inability to act as if he has male testicles. Because his whiny voice almost ruined every Versus game he deserves to be honored as douchebag of the year. Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, the pussy from the Enterprise Rent A Car commercials:

"It's not expensive, Ma". Terrible.

The Asian lady can't believe she's in a commercial with Madea and this pussy.

- Nemmy

Senin, 28 Desember 2009

Weekend Wrap Up OR I really hate dogs

This is American power out-muscling Canadien whatever.

When you have bad hands, you should just play with Evgeni Malkin. I'm talking to you, Mike Rupp.

Hey, Todd Bertuzzi scored twice!

And this fight happened. Rick Rypien is fearless!

What did I miss?



This one comes in from reader MPH who asks,

"Is it me or is Wayne Gretzky looking more and more like Tim Russert?"

What up with that?

- Nemmy

Jumat, 25 Desember 2009

A Festivus for the rest of us

We are going to have a whole day of Russian Olympic pics discussion on Monday. Enjoy your holidays.

P.S. I'm writing this in my Mets Snuggie. Jealous?

- Santa

Kamis, 24 Desember 2009

What you missed last night while you were finally finishing your crhistmas shopping

Since there are no games the rest of the week, today's recaps will be hockey haikus. Think of it as an early Christmas gift!

Penguins roll over the Senators, 8-2
Lost in this blow out,
are Fleury's 45 saves.
And Alfie got hurt.

Blues beat the Flames in the shoot-out, 2-1:
On one play, Langkow
laid out Paul Kariya. The
Blues swept all the west.

Canadiens beat the Hurricanes, 5-1
So, are all games that
the Canadiens play in
the southeast in French?

Islanders beat the Maple Leafs, 3-1:
Blake Comeau played great
He could be this teams, Selke
candidate. John scored!

Wild beat the Oilers, 3-1
I think that Owen
Nolan should only be known
as Cowboy. He scored.

Flyers beat the Lightning, 5-2:
I hope the Flyers
improve after Christmas
for the Classic.

Blackhawks shut-out the Red Wings, 3-0
They're not booing you
Hossa, they're say, "yoooooooou sucked
in the play-offs, jerk."

Coyotes shut-out the Ducks, 4-0
If a team wins in
the desert and no one is
there, does it matter?

Stars beat the BJs, 3-1
Fire Hitch? Trade who? What
are the Jackets going to
do to stop this slide?

Bruins beat the Thrashers. 6-4:
Boston looks like a
team hitting their groove. Kessel
who? exactly, right.

Rangers beat the Panthers, 4-1:
I was supposed to
go to this game, but glad I
did not. Gabby scored!

Capitals win over the Sabres, 5-2
Ovechkin scored his
24th goal in his game
29. Dream's alive.

Rabu, 23 Desember 2009

Just a reminder

Happy Holidays from the 2 Man Advantage family.

Bishop Bill Guerin is in the mix tonight. 2 and 2 through 2 periods. Stay salty.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night because only the west coast teams were playing

Sharks beat the Hawks, 3-2: Not to say that any of the goals that Huet gave up were soft, but he should have done better. He went down so early on Heatleys. I guess Thornton made a good shot. And Demers' release was quick, but I think that's a stoppable shot. And Nabakov was better. And right there, in 4 or so sentences, is the game.

Canucks beat the Predators, 4-1: Last night, when Paul Hornqvist beat Luonguo with a sweet backhand to ruin Lou's shut-out, Roberto did something interesting. He smacked the post with his stick. Well, thats not interesting, but I can't remember ever seeing him emotional mid or post game. I think this is a good thing.

Ducks beat the Avalanche, 4-2: Are the Ducks maddingly inconsistent or just shallow with flashes of brilliance? Was this a great comeback or a game they slept through and got lucky? Also, pick a starting keeper already and trade the other one!

Selasa, 22 Desember 2009

What you missed last night while you were

There were a lot of games, its already the afternoon, and since I want to mention Marty Brodeur, and because the Giants rolled the RedSkins last night, I'll name the "giant" of each game.

Devils shut-out the Penguins, 4-0
: Martin Brodeur - I only turned on this game after it was already 4-0 and I just wanted to see if he would get the record. The last 2 minutes were interesting, with Pittsburgh really turning up the pressure. However, when it was finally over, the Pens crowd was classy, so were some pens players. whatever. Marty Brodeur owns most if not every important goalie record. He's played in 2 eras really, but been great in both. Nemmy still starts a team with Roy, but I think its no question Brodeur.

Panthers beat the Flyers, 4-1
: Ian Laperriere - The guy fought three times and picked up 20 pims in the 3rd period alone. The Flyers are sicking and seem to think they can fight their way out of it.

Bruins shut-out the Senators, 2-0
: Tim Thomas - This was a prototypical Tim Thomas shut-out. I don't think the guy made one save that didn't have a rebound, but in true Timmy fashion he just fought the puck all night and won.

Avalanche beat the Wild, 4-3: Niklas Backstrom - I think he's still getting used to his new/old equipment. There are some plays where he is completeley out of position. He looks like Tim Thomas before he knew to scrape up the crease. Thank god Finlad has Kipper.

Canadiens beat the Thrashers in OT, 4-3
: Anyone who speaks english - This game was only in French on the center ice package. I guess it makes sense that the Atlanta station doesn't show it, but there has to an English speaking feed from Canada, right? Do they Canadiens sometimes broadcast only in French?

Sabres beat the Maple Leafs in OT, 3-2: Instant Replay - This game and the Canadiens game had the OT winners scored pretty much simultaneously. Of course I missed both of them live, but instant replay - old fashioned kind, not dvr - helped me out, so I could see Roy's backhand move.

Coyotes beat the BJs, 5-2: Mathieu Garon - Hitch made it public that there is no number 1 keeper and Garon makes sure that he lets everyone know that he's a back up.

Sharks beat the Stars, 4-2
: Patrick Marleau - Guy just gets it done. 2 goals last night.

Rangers beat the Hurricanes, 3-1: Gabby or Henrik - I didn't watch the game and skimmed the highlights, but when the Rangers win its only because of either one of those 2.

Blues beat the Oilers, 7-2
: The great city of Edmonton - Every time I come here it gets hard to leave. I bet they put something to the water.

Lightning beat the Islanders, 4-2: Dwayne Rolosson -

Save of the Century

Thank God Doan had the gwg last night because I was really starting to wonder.

How about David Blackes!!!!

Buy the dips people. Don't dump Rinne before the best run of his career to Vin Bruce.

- Idiot

Senin, 21 Desember 2009

Weekend Wrap Up OR If you have to wake up in the middle of the night to poop, that can't be good

On Friday night, Tim Thomas broke his stick after a shoot-out loss. All is good in the world.

On Saturday night this hit happened:

Its a clean hit. A really really good, clean hit.

Ovechkin had 2 goals saturday night. This one is silly.

He had zero angle on that rebound and took a freaking slap shot!

This is a power move. Its from last nights Blues/Canucks game

What did I miss?


Jumat, 18 Desember 2009

What you missed last night because you just couldn't watch anymore

Thrashers beat the Stars in OT, 6-5:
Peverley is the
waiver-wire pick up of
the decade. 2 goals!

Flames beat the Kings, 2-1
and Brown were throwing hits all
night. Great physical game.

Sharks beat the Ducks, 4-1:
Marleau doesn't give
a fuck about the C. He
just wants Ws.

Predators beat the Oilers, 6-3:
Arnott had a sick
one-touch, slap-plass to Hornqvist
for his goal. yea!

Penguins beat the Flyers in the shoot-out, 3-2
Rupp and Asham fought
again. When will Philly make
the "shake-up" big trade?

Red Wings shut-out the Lightning, 3-0:
Drew Miller knocked the
puck out of mid-air, scored, then
flew over the goalie.

Rangers beat the Islanders, 5-2:
When Redden is in
the press box, the Rangers are
better. Who is shocked?

Wild beat the Canadiens, 3-1
The crowd is better
at the Molson center than
any other place.

Coyotes beat the Blue Jakces in the shoot-out, 2-1
What is wrong with the
BJs? Is it Hitch? Is it
Mase? Seriously!

John Tortorella

Why is young John Tortorella in a Kettle One commercial?

- Nemmy

Kamis, 17 Desember 2009


Which duo from the NHL Center Ice commercial need the bigger beating?

The Habs fans in New Orleans vs. the Hawks fans in Boston.

The sweaters are sick, can't argue with that. But they most likely hate the US and hump each other.

Again, great sweaters and if they are father and son that's pretty cool. But look at the guy on the right. Paul from Wonder years needed work this badly? And they couldn't think of anything other than "Send deep dish pizza"? Imagine you move to another city and pizza is the number one thing you miss about home.

Our take: The two with the Go Habs Go sign need a beating more than the deep dish jerkoff. If the pizza guy didn't have his old man with him it would be much closer.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night because you ate too much

Its mid-week monster time.

Islanders beat the Rangers, 2-1
: If Roloson got the shut-out, he would be the Monster of this game. Maybe I should give it to Tortorella for his awesome post-game press conference. But in all seriousness, it was a true team effort from the Islanders to win this game.

Panthers beat the Thrashers, 4-3
: Michael Frolik - he scored the game-winner late in regulation on a sweet spin-o-rama backhand.

Hurricanes beat the Stars, 5-3
: Tuomo Ruutu - he got his first career hat-trick. Granted his third was against an empty net.

Senators shut-out the Sabres, 2-0
: Brian Elliot - he's filled in admirably for the oft-injured Pascal Leclaire. He made some terrific saves last night to earn the zero.

Devils beat the Canadiens, 2-1: Patrick Elias - he got the game winner, by going hard to the net. Kids, learn from that.

Ducks win over the Canucks, 3-2: Bobby Ryan - scored the games opening goal and had plenty of other opportunities. The kid is a beast.

Coyotes beat the Maple Leafs, 6-3: Vern Fiddler - I didn't even know he was still in the league. And he scored last night!

Blackhawks shut-out the Blues, 3-0
: Cristobel Huet - his team makes it easy in front of him, but he made the needed saves

Rabu, 16 Desember 2009

What you missed last night because there was seeing eye dog at the gym

I don't understand why the seeing-eye dog was at the gym. I couldn't even find the blind-person.

Blues beat the Flames, 4-3: The game winner from TJ Oshie was a sweet cross-bar and in wrist shot. The pass from Kariya to Oshie was even better. It was through sticks and legs and past another Blue's teammate. Sick vision from Paul.

Kings beat the Oilers, 3-2: I like everything about the Kings except their jerseys. Go back to the early 90s style. Thats it. Or go way back to the original Luc style. Don't half-ass it with some purple or make the third-jerseys all black. John Quicks helmet is sweet though.

Penguins beat the Flyers, 6-1: Have 2 coaches ever been replaced by the same team in the same season? How long can the Flyers wait before they can Laviollette? Or are they going to blow up the team like they did a few years back? Ok, ok I went a little too far there. Seriously though, the Flyers are mostly terrible the past month. Maybe they'll make a huge trade before the christmas break.

Capitals win over the Avalanche, 6-1: How can the Caps score 6 and Ovy not have 1? That just pisses me off.

Predators beat the Lightning, 7-4
: Was this game televised?

Wild beat the BJs, 2-1
: see above


The 2Man would like to remind you that strong men also cry.

Strong men also cry.

- Nemmy

Senin, 14 Desember 2009

Weekend Wrap Up OR Will stable ownership undermine the Coyotes play-off run

There were some great goals this weekend. It all started with Bertuzzi's theres-no-room-up-there-but-ill-sneak-it-somehow overtime winner versus the Ducks.

He needed like an 85% wedge to get the puck up that quickly.

There were other sweet OT winners, like Havlat's goal. Kipper had a sick sick game, but who can defend a passing play like this?

Love the patience by Havlat.

Here's Kovy just doing what Kovy does. You can't give him time and space like this in OT. He'll win.

The great goal weekend ended on a nice note with Hossa catching a puck, then doing some infield practice on the Lightning keeper.

There were some saves too, but those are harder to find out youtube.

What did I miss?


Jumat, 11 Desember 2009

What you missed last night because the bar didn't have the center ice package the week after

Friday Haikus are back!

Canucks beat the Thrashers, 4-2:
One of the Sedins
had a hat-trick. Which one? I
don't know. I think Dan.

Penguins beat the Canadiens, 3-2:
Backhand sauce from Bill
created the first goal. That
third goal was awful

Senators shut-out the Flyers, 2-0:
In Canada, the
worst team is the Leafs. Then Sens
or Oilers. Right, Zim?

Bruins beat the Leafs, 5-2
No matter how drunk
you are, David Krejci is
not the next Steve Y.

Predators beat the BJs, in the shoot-out, 4-3:
Rick Nash's long reach
led to him having 2 break
aways. He scored one.

Kings beat the Coyotes, in the shoot-out, 3-2:
Long shoot-outs are
only exciting when they
keep scoring - not saves.


- Nemmy

Kamis, 10 Desember 2009

Chalk Talk

Pretty sick way to finish off the Rangers in OT, right? Let's break down the goal (because I have nothing to write about) and parse what happened in this play. Keep in mind I can't spell Dustin's last name without Google's help so I'll refer to him as "Buff".

So we're in OT with plenty of skating room and Marc Staal find himself with some pressure from Andy Ladd (at least I think it's Ladd). Staal does his best to use the net and get's some space from the aggressive forecheck and hoofs it out of the zone up the right side.

Rozsival (at the end of his shift) offers a very weak outlet for Staal considering it's a 4-4, right? I think he was just looking to have the puck carried out so he could get a blow. Anyways Staal gets to the nuetral zone and hits Gabby cross ice who is waiting at the blueline.

Rozsival goes for a line change and Gilroy hits the ice. This is important but in the grand scheme of things might not have changed the end result. So I guess it isn't important but noteworthy. Roll the film.

Gabby steps into the zone unmolested and sets up camp. Staal, being the Dman he is, goes right to the net as Gabby looks for an outlet pass.

Since Rozsival changed Gabby doesn't yet have defenseman at the top of the zone to he feigns making a cross ice pass (unless I imagined this) and sends it to Staal down low.

Now Staal is a defenseman and most Dmen think that their offensive roles when not on the point is to get some traffic and look for a tip. No way another forward makes that play. Dmen are mostly meaty folks who try for steak and potato jobs. Gabby's pass wasn't nearly hard enough for Staal to try a between the legs tip but by chance the puck squirts to Vinny Prospal.

Prospal has a chance here. He's lefty and has been lucky enough that everytime Gabby has breathed on him he's been scoring. So even though Staal tried his hardest to end this play the puck gets on his stick.

When you look at the picture above you think Vinny could easily throw something on net for a Staal rebound or slide it to Staal for the finish. Wrong. Duncan Keith doesn't freak out and kicks Prospal's pass attempt out of the reach of Prospal.

Now Gilroy still isn't in this play. I thought he was an ultra-mobile dman? How slow was Rozsival getting to the bench? Buff is looking at the puck like he stares at a Sonic commericial and Gabby doesn't know whether to engage or let Gilroy play his man. Gabby gives a half-hearted sweep and it's a race to the bottom.

Buff turns on the jets. Not only that but in the above picture Buff pulls a little toey and catches Gilroy flat footed. Once Gilroy tries to pokecheck he is finished. Buff is churning and Gilroy should have got on his horse and forced Buff wide. Instead he made a play for the puck and gets sent down to the AHL.

Gilroy does his best Mike Green impression and reaches for his inhaler when physical defensive play is involed. He lunges one last time like a hipster running after a Brooklyn bound L leaving 3rd avenue. Now if Gabby were a dman he would have beaten Buff to the post to make the stop. Instead he acts like anyone would if they saw a sofa flying past them and maintains his distance. Buff gets in on Henrik who has a dog collar shock him if he steps out of his crease.

Henrik does 35% of a poke and Buff slides the puck through his legs. It's tough for Hank with Buff coming left to right with all that speed but Hank still wishes he had committed to the poke check.

It's a walkoff.

In hindsight Gabby should have tried to skate through 4 Blackhawks and get a quality shot on net. That's really all the Rangers have right now.

- Nemmy - horseshit since 1981

Rabu, 09 Desember 2009

Brendan Witt

New York Islanders defenceman Brendan Witt was hit by a car in Philadelphia on Tuesday, according to Newsday. But Witt reportedly picked himself up off the road and, after a few profanities, assured everyone he was all right before continuing on his way, prompting one witness to say, "it was like seeing Clint Eastwood, but in hockey."
Witt was crossing Arch Street to get a cup of coffee when a gold Yukon truck made an illegal turn and hit the 34-year-old. Newsday says Witt tried to jump on the hood of the vehicle before being thrown to the ground as he was struck.
"I'm okay," Witt told the crowd as he dusted himself off, according to Newsday. "I've got to go play some hockey. I'm a hockey player. I'm okay. No big deal." "Boy that guy is tough," added the same witness, one of many who saw the event occur.
But the 6'2, 219-pound blueliner downplayed the incident.
"I just got lucky," said Witt, who oddly enough had declined an offer for a drive to Wachovia Center from the team's medical staff just prior to the accident. "Fortunately nothing bad happened. I'm just a little sore."
The Humboldt, Saskatchewan native chose not to call police or get medical care, and played in Tuesday night's 6-2 loss to the Flyers.

Witt is a maniac

By the way someone in one of my leagues is trying to justify trading Frolik and poopy Vanek straight up for Kovalchuk. And the counter party in the league remains quiet and why of course would you make that trade in the first place. You can't trade 2 dimes for a quarter ya know?

Witt is an animal. He gave us the best on ice look at camp two years ago. Than he taped up Nemy to a chair and carried him off. We'll air that one day.

- Pancho Barilla

What you missed last night while you were dissecting Teen Wolf

Canadiens beat the Senators, 4-1: Is Alexei Kovalev even dressing for the Senators? He was a guy you couldn't miss last year. The power play ran through him and now, I don't even know if he's out there.

Predators beat the Canucks, 4-2: Martin Erat is probably the most underrated player of the decade. Ok, maybe not, but for 7th round pick, he quietly picks up around 50 points a year since the 2001 season.

Flyers beat the Islanders, 6-2: As usual, the cure for an ailing team is to play the Islanders.

Ducks come back to beat the Stars, 4-3 in OT
: Neither goaltender was particularly good in this game, but Turco was worse because he got the loss. Also he did one of those things where he saved the breakaway but than slid into the net anyway for a goal.

Selasa, 08 Desember 2009

What you missed last night when you were attacked by a rabid racoon in central park

Devils shut-out the Sabres, 3-0: Marty ties Sawchuk. Impressive, but I'm sure someone somewhere is trying to argue that most of his shut-outs are the result of "trap hockey." Whoever that is... shut up.

Canadiens beat the Flyers, 3-1
: Braydon Coburn made a very unorthodox play on a 2-on-1 that led to the eventual game winner. As Maxim Lapierre was skating down the right wing with the puck, Coburn dove at him at the top of the circle. Lapierre simply, toe dragged around the flying d-man and then fed a pass to Cammalleri who easily scored. Usually the d-man dive might occur lower in the zone, when the forward with the puck has run out of space, but Coburn decided to try something new for his new coach and it failed, spectacurlarly.

Oilers beat the Panthers in the shoot-out, 3-2: As I watched this game, I saw all the empty seats in Florida and really tried to think about how you would sell this game (this particular game) to Floridians. Do they even know where Edmonton is? Is there even anyone on the Oilers you could sell this game around?

Kings beat the Flames, 2-1
: Jonathon Quick made some stellar saves and the Kings won an old-school game last night. Scott Parse (who?) scored a high-light reel goal on Kipper when he cut in from the left and some how found the space to tuck a backhand in on the far side.

Maple Leafs beat the Thrashers, 5-2: I have no idea if the Leafs are good now or improving or if Toskala just got repeatedly lucky.

Coyotes shut-out the Wild, 2-0: Something about watching Coyotes home games is depressing. I think its the bad lighting in their arena.

Avalanche shut-out the Blues, 4-0: Peter Budaj is a great backup, but seemingly cannot play more than 3 games in a row.

Capitals shut-out the Lightning, 3-0
: Ovy's back and scores 2. Thanks for the rest, NHL. Is he still on pace for 50 in 50?

Hurricanes beat the Penguins, 3-2: Why wasn't Tim Gleason ready for the fight will Bill Guerin? They were lined up next to each other and off the draw Billy drops the mitts, but Gleason plays the puck and its embarrassing and then Billy kind of got beat up a bit.


Your boy is -7 in 29 games for Detroit. Production isn't great either (4 G, 9 A). Not moving the feet or getting to the net. Just not making it happen.

Senin, 07 Desember 2009

What you missed this past weekend

Thank you Nemy for finding this and putting this in my life because if he hadn't, I never would have known that Guerin did this ridiculous pose in a pic.

This is all you missed this weekend so get some.

Great seats at the Ranger game last and Nemy were cashew nuts on a super sunday night. I'm tired today and the game was very uneventful except for the 5 minute 5 on 5 powerplay that Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Holmstrom, Rafalski and Lidstrom had. It was truly great to watch even though they didn't score.

Msgless Scotty

Jumat, 04 Desember 2009

Happy Founder's Day

Today we celebrate the birth of Scotty. Celebrations vary by region but typically include:
- beer
- jerseys
- getting punched by Jim Cummins
- watching hockey
- drunk dialing Marty McSoreley because you lifted his number off of a friend's cell phone

We did a quick Google picture search for "Founder's Day celebration" to see how others around the globe spend the holiday. Here's a taste:

Enjoy the day

- Nemmy