Weekend Wrap Up OR The only cure to a hangover is to sweat it out at the gym

Ovy won the weekend. Hat trick on Sunday and the Caps just keep on winning.
His best goal though was the one-time on friday night:





To recap - he went to the bathroom, got a new stick and then walked into a pass set on a plate for him. That goal shouldn't even count against Pavelec. It might as well have been an empty-netter because no one was stopping that.

It was also the weekend on grizzled vets scoring and fighting:
First it was Black:



And then it was The Cowboy:


They both had previously scored unspectacular goals.

Here's a spectacular goal from Phil Kessel. Lets bring that wrister to vancouver!





What did I miss?

-Bress

What you missed last night while you were finally finishing your crhistmas shopping

Since there are no games the rest of the week, today's recaps will be hockey haikus. Think of it as an early Christmas gift!

Penguins roll over the Senators, 8-2:
Lost in this blow out,
are Fleury's 45 saves.
And Alfie got hurt.

Blues beat the Flames in the shoot-out, 2-1:
On one play, Langkow
laid out Paul Kariya. The
Blues swept all the west.

Canadiens beat the Hurricanes, 5-1:
So, are all games that
the Canadiens play in
the southeast in French?

Islanders beat the Maple Leafs, 3-1:
Blake Comeau played great
He could be this teams, Selke
candidate. John scored!

Wild beat the Oilers, 3-1:
I think that Owen
Nolan should only be known
as Cowboy. He scored.

Flyers beat the Lightning, 5-2:
I hope the Flyers
improve after Christmas
for the Classic.

Blackhawks shut-out the Red Wings, 3-0:
They're not booing you
Hossa, they're say, "yoooooooou sucked
in the play-offs, jerk."

Coyotes shut-out the Ducks, 4-0:
If a team wins in
the desert and no one is
there, does it matter?

Stars beat the BJs, 3-1:
Fire Hitch? Trade who? What
are the Jackets going to
do to stop this slide?

Bruins beat the Thrashers. 6-4:
Boston looks like a
team hitting their groove. Kessel
who? exactly, right.

Rangers beat the Panthers, 4-1:
I was supposed to
go to this game, but glad I
did not. Gabby scored!

Capitals win over the Sabres, 5-2:
Ovechkin scored his
24th goal in his game
29. Dream's alive.

Yeah

The Price is Right Losing Horns sound bite  The Price is Right sound bites

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were voting in any of the governor or mayor elections around the country

Lightning beat the Maple Leafs in OT, 2-1: Phil Kessel, whatever. He was impressive last night because he took a lot of shots? Alright Toronto media, I guess this is the honeymoon period. The vegas line for games until the Toronto media rips him for not scoring is 4.5. I'm taking the under. "The Monster" - I don't even care about remembering the Maple Leafs goalie's name - had a good game. The one goal he gave up was the result of 2 mistakes: First, he played the puck right to Matias Ohlund. Ohlund then ripped a low hard shot on net, that rebounded perfectly to Vinny Lecavalier. Whoever was doing color commented that Euro goalies have trouble playing the puck in smaller NHL rinks, but also, rebound angles are different as well. With Vinny's slow start, I'm surprised he hasn't fought more.

Thrashers beat the Canadiens, 5-4: If I was clever, this entire recap would be in French. I don't understand, was this game not broadcast in English anywhere? I think the next time this happens, I'm going to open a nice bottle of red and really explore the French space. This also makes me realize how important the play-by-play guy is.

Canucks win over the Rangers, 4-1: The line of Mason Raymond-Ryan Kesler-Rick Rypien might be the fast in the NHL. Also they need a nickname. I'm going with "The Law Firm." Think about it: "Raymond-Kesler-Rypien and Associates will represent you!" I'm sold.

Red Wings shut-out the Bruins, 2-0: Was this shut-out a result of a) Osgood turning the corner or b) the piss-poor Bruins offense? I'm going to say B with a little A sprinkled in. Osgood made some good saves and even 1 or 2 great ones, but the Bruins miss Sarvard and no one else is really stepping up consistently for their scoring.

Penguins beat the Ducks, 4-3: I think the Ducks have to make a decision with their goaltending. Pick a starter already and trade the other one. Nashville, Toronto, Florida (maybe), and Detroit (eventually) are probably looking for tenders.

What you missed last night because you stopped watching the Chicago/Calgary game after the first period

Blackhawks came back to beat the Flames in OT, 6-5: Seriously, you should have not stopped watching this game. I didn't start watching until the third, so I didn't know about the epic comeback until post game. The Flames racked up 5 goals in the first period and then slowly watched the lead slip away. All ten goals were scored in all different ways, odd man rushes, breakaways, rebounds, tips, good old fashion garbage goals, etc. I proclaimed the Flames to have the best D in the league, but if you can't hold a 5 goal lead, well, simply put you're not the best D.



Rangers win over the Maple Leafs, 7-2: Oh dear god, the Maple Leafs are bad. I would compare them to the Mighty Ducks (movie version), but the Ducks couldn't fight. I can't compare them to either the Thunder Bay Bombers or the Syracuse Bulldogs, because those teams were at least good enough to make the finals. Its a disaster in Toronto. I bet Phil Kessel can't wait to skate.





Oilers beat the Predators, 6-1: If you have Zach Stortini on your fantasy team, you are a happy fantasy owner today. However, I can't imagine anyone having him, unless the whole league is based on some sort of PIMs-to-ice time ratio. Anyway, the guy had 2 goals (one was on the PP) and a nice fight.



Penguins beat the Senators, 4-1: Pascal Leclaire isn't good. His pads are too good for his play. That upsets me.



Coyotes win over the Sharks in the shoot-out, 1-0: Do both goalies get credit for a shut-out?



Devils beat the Capitals in the shoot-out, 3-2: Alex Ovechkin is a sneaky good all-around player. Still everyone, myself included, expects and wants him to shoot everytime, but he can put a pass tape-to-tape as good as anyone. His cross-ice pass to Mike Knuble last night was faster than my slap shot and obviously more accurate. Great play, but I still want to see Ovy get 50 in 50, so as those Rangers fans say, "Shooooooooooooot."



Lightning beat the Panthers, 3-2: All the Lightning goals last night were the stereotypical goals you would expect from those players. Stamkos: in the high slot, one-timer on the PP. St. Louis: one-timer, bad angle, five hole. Malone: crashing the net.



Kings beat the Islanders, 2-1: Matt Moulson is a first line player. Who? Exactly.



Avalanche win over the Bruins, 4-3: Blake Wheelers mid-air tip was sweet. Not much else to say about this game.

Crib Notes - Toronto Maple Leafs

Toronto Maple Leafs
Finished Last in the Northeast. Did not make the playoffs
Signed Brian Burke familiar D Francois Beauchemin
Signed physical D Mike Komisarek via free agency
Signed backup G Joey MacDonald
Signed enforcer Colton Orr via free agency
Resigned albino Jason Blake and speedy Mikhail Grabovski
Let Cujo, Brad May, Ryan Hollweg and Olaf Kolzig among others become UFAs
Traded for Wayne Primeau
Traded Pavel Kubina and change for Garnet Exelby and change

Questions going into 2009-2010:
Is Toronto that desperate for offense that they'd invite Jason Allison to camp?
Have you seen this roster's offensmen lately?
Is Toronto that desperate for offense that Brian Burke would go against his word and throw an offer sheet to Phil Kessel?
The defense has improved by leaps and bounds but is Vesa Toskala the goalie to lead this team to a playoff berth?
How long before Jonas Gustavsson gets a shot in net this season?
Is it still OK to make Jiri Tlusty jokes?
How come they aren't the Toronto Maple Leaves?

Poised for a breakout season:
Luke Schenn definitely tears shit up this season. I'm sure of it.

If you had to buy one Leaf sweater:
I think the blue Maple Leaf jersey is top 5. My only issue with the new Reebok ones is that there's not bottom stripe so it looks like a shirt that my girlfriend wears to bed.
I wouldn't be ashamed to rock a blue Komisarek. An away Gilmour or Clark would make a sick Christmas gift.

Player whose game you sneaky like:
If Jamal Mayers is on your 4th line your in good shape. If he's on your second line you may have issues.

Best quote from Full Metal Jacket:
"Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister!"

Old guys:
Jason Blake is 36
Jamal Mayers is 34

Young guys:
Luke Schenn is 19
Jiri Tlusty is 21

Tough guys:
New edition Colton Orr learned how to skate last season and will get $1MM/year to hunt down Chara.
Jamal Mayers hits and has some quick hands for a hockey player.
Mike Komisarek and Garnet Exelby are Mike Komisarek and Garnet Exelby.

Favorite old school Leaf:
Jaime Sifers

NHL network commercial that I never want to see again:
The one about Darryl Sittler's 10 point game

Goaltending coach:
The godfather of the butterfly style and former coach of Patrick Roy, Francois Allaire

Nostalgia:
Tim Hunter - the guy with the worst nose in the NHL a few years back - is one of Ron Wilson's assistant coaches



Interesting?:
Jonas Gustavsson recently had a catheter ablation to correct an abnormal heart rhythm.
I'd try to tie this into a pedestrian House joke but here's a pic of Olivia Wilde instead.



NHL 94 players:
Doug Gilmour, Dave Andreychuk and Nikolai Borschevsky up front.
Dave Ellett and Todd Gill on D with Felix Potvin in net.
Glenn Anderson was rated a 71 but his Playoff OT goalscoring rating was 165.

YouTube:
Jody Shelley had no idea what to do with this stick because Jody Shelley has no idea what to do with any stick.


- Nemmy

Crib Notes - Boston Bruins

Boston Bruins
Last season - Finished 1st in the Northeast, Lost in round 2 of the playoffs to Carolina
Lost physical D Steve Montador to Buffalo via free agency
Lost physical D Shane Hnidy to Dallas via free agency
Lost veteran C Stephane Yelle to Carolina via free agency
Traded D Aaron Ward to Carolina for Pat Eaves (who was subsequently dropped)
Singed D Derek Morris with the money from the Ward salary dump
Signed rugged Steve Begin via free agency
Signed Andy Wozniewski - bottom story of the year
Resigned Vezina winner Timmy Thomas, David Krejci, Byron Bitz, and Mark Recchi.

Questions going into 2009-2010:
What the hell is happening with Phil Kessel's contract situation?
Can Peter Chiarelli trade resign Kessel by making room on the roster?
Can Tim Thomas possibly keep this level of play up?
Will this be the Michael Ryder letdown season?
Will injuries to Phil Kessel (shoulder) and David Krejci (hip) have any effect on this season?
Will Savard go Kill Bill on the league because he's pissed about the Canadian Olympic camp snub?
Can't the Bruins only decline from last year's regular season success?
Can Marco Sturm stay healthy and pot some goals so Bruins fans can feel somewhat ok about losing Jumbo?
How the hell are we going to get tix for the Winter Classic this year?
Who gets to Scott Walker first?

Poised for a breakout season:
Because I think David Krejci had a breakout season last year I'm going with Blake Wheeler. He was good in spots last season but will put it together in 2009-10.

If you had to buy one Bruins sweater:
My girlfriend wants a Chara sweater. Does it make me gay if I do her while she's wearing it?

Player whose game you sneaky like:
Marc Savard is pretty much hated by the rest of the league but you have to admit he dishes the puck as good as Adam Oates or Craig Janney ever did.
I'm a Bruins fan so I'll give you a player whose game I sneaky don't like: Phil Kessel. He's got a nasty release but is too soft in the corners and reaches too much.

If you name your children this they can only grow up to become hockey players:
Johnny Boychuk and Andy Bodnarchuk

Old guys:
Recchi is 41
Thomas is 35
Chara and Savard are 32

Young guys:
Lucic and Kessel are 21
Krejci and Wheeler are 23
Patrice Bergeron is 24.

Tough guys:
Lucic is an animal. Shawn Thornton polices.

Worst part about losing Shane Hnidy:
Not hearing super homer announcer Jack Edwards say "SHERIFF Shane Hnidy" at the top of his lungs.

Goaltending coach:
Bob Essensa


Nostalgia:
Cam Neely is in his 2nd year as Bruins Vice President

Interesting?:
The Bruins will unveil their new Winter Classic jersey next week.

NHL 94 players:
Oates, Neely, Joe Juneau up front - 1,000
Ray Bourque and Glen Wesley on D with Andy Moog in net.
Loved it when slow-ass Vladimir "Rosy" Ruzicka came off the bench.

YouTube:
Unbelievable short video about the Canadien/Bruin rivalry. I watched this 45 times today and I'm ready to roll.



- Nemmy

What you missed last night because you were visiting The Rock for the first time

Last night was my first visit to the Prudential Center, the Devils new home arena. That place is gorgeous. I don't know how I'll ever be able to go back to the Coliseum. Everything is awesome, except for one weird mural where there no heads on the players.



Islanders beat the Canadiens in OT, 3-2:
Okposo will be
playing for USA in
World Championships

Flames beat the Red Wings in the shoot-out, 6-5:
Quite a game. First the
Flames come back and take the lead,
but the Wings don't die.

Devils beat the Coyotes, 5-2:
Parise got goal
number 40. Marty is
one win from Roy's mark.

Thrashers beat the Oilers in OT, 4-3:
Here's the game winner:
It was a hail mary flip pass
tipped to breakaway

Bruins beat the Senators, 5-3:
I love slap shot goals
on breakaways. I also
love glove high snipes, Phil.

Lightning win over the Maple Leafs, 4-1:
Stamkos seems to have
developed great chemistry
with Marty. Don't trade?

Capitals win over the Flyers, 2-1:
Ovechkins stats were:
One game winner, one assist
and EIGHT freaking hits!

Rangers beat the Predators, 4-2:
Guess what everyone?
The Rangers are on TV,
AGAIN, fucking great.

Avalanche beat the Wild in the shoot-out, 2-1:
The Wild play great games
against great teams and shitty
games versus bad ones.

Blues beat the Sharks, 3-1:
On my men's league bench
someone said the Blues were the
hottest team in league.

BJs beat the Penguins in the shoot-out, 4-3:
Great comeback by the
Penguins to get at least a
point. Mason stood tall.

Stars beat the Hurricanes, 3-2:
Carolina was
hot until they lost to the
coldest team - Dallas.

Sabres win over the Panthers, 3-1:
The Sabres have no
leadership. I don't like them.
Vokoun robbed Vanek.