Rabu, 16 September 2009

Crib Notes - Toronto Maple Leafs

Toronto Maple Leafs
Finished Last in the Northeast. Did not make the playoffs
Signed Brian Burke familiar D Francois Beauchemin
Signed physical D Mike Komisarek via free agency
Signed backup G Joey MacDonald
Signed enforcer Colton Orr via free agency
Resigned albino Jason Blake and speedy Mikhail Grabovski
Let Cujo, Brad May, Ryan Hollweg and Olaf Kolzig among others become UFAs
Traded for Wayne Primeau
Traded Pavel Kubina and change for Garnet Exelby and change

Questions going into 2009-2010:
Is Toronto that desperate for offense that they'd invite Jason Allison to camp?
Have you seen this roster's offensmen lately?
Is Toronto that desperate for offense that Brian Burke would go against his word and throw an offer sheet to Phil Kessel?
The defense has improved by leaps and bounds but is Vesa Toskala the goalie to lead this team to a playoff berth?
How long before Jonas Gustavsson gets a shot in net this season?
Is it still OK to make Jiri Tlusty jokes?
How come they aren't the Toronto Maple Leaves?

Poised for a breakout season:
Luke Schenn definitely tears shit up this season. I'm sure of it.

If you had to buy one Leaf sweater:
I think the blue Maple Leaf jersey is top 5. My only issue with the new Reebok ones is that there's not bottom stripe so it looks like a shirt that my girlfriend wears to bed.
I wouldn't be ashamed to rock a blue Komisarek. An away Gilmour or Clark would make a sick Christmas gift.

Player whose game you sneaky like:
If Jamal Mayers is on your 4th line your in good shape. If he's on your second line you may have issues.

Best quote from Full Metal Jacket:
"Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and fuck my sister!"

Old guys:
Jason Blake is 36
Jamal Mayers is 34

Young guys:
Luke Schenn is 19
Jiri Tlusty is 21

Tough guys:
New edition Colton Orr learned how to skate last season and will get $1MM/year to hunt down Chara.
Jamal Mayers hits and has some quick hands for a hockey player.
Mike Komisarek and Garnet Exelby are Mike Komisarek and Garnet Exelby.

Favorite old school Leaf:
Jaime Sifers

NHL network commercial that I never want to see again:
The one about Darryl Sittler's 10 point game

Goaltending coach:
The godfather of the butterfly style and former coach of Patrick Roy, Francois Allaire

Tim Hunter - the guy with the worst nose in the NHL a few years back - is one of Ron Wilson's assistant coaches

Jonas Gustavsson recently had a catheter ablation to correct an abnormal heart rhythm.
I'd try to tie this into a pedestrian House joke but here's a pic of Olivia Wilde instead.

NHL 94 players:
Doug Gilmour, Dave Andreychuk and Nikolai Borschevsky up front.
Dave Ellett and Todd Gill on D with Felix Potvin in net.
Glenn Anderson was rated a 71 but his Playoff OT goalscoring rating was 165.

Jody Shelley had no idea what to do with this stick because Jody Shelley has no idea what to do with any stick.

- Nemmy

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