Sabtu, 28 Februari 2009

Juicing because we must...

So last night 2man producer/manager Daniel Ess Louis Leston the 19th came over with Nemy to discuss the vision of The 2man Advantage. Actually they came over to watch some hockey and drink some bud heavies that filled up a bag outside my apartment that I saw today, that was ample might I say. I woke up feeling clean and unused around 11 am. Immediately to the bathroom to explode and let out some budweiser, than to fantasy, than to video game hockey than to the roller courts on 6th ave and Houston Street. I needed a skate to clear out some of the mac and cheese I destroyed before bed last night.

I rolled up to the courts and they were packed. A full game with multiple 4 on 4 teams playing. Tim Robbins was even there. Out on wheels and really involving himself. Long flowing old white hair. Good strong effort though. I'm sure he will fit into the picture at some point. Sometimes you just know. I got on and ran the table for a few games until I was so out of breath that I went home and passed out on my couch with my skates on. Never been that out of shape in my entire life. I really have to stop putting the bad in me.
Than I showered and made a 5:10 train to Long Island as the doors were shutting, no joke AS the doors were closing. Jumped off the uptwon A train at 5:09 and like 24 seconds and booked like Booker T down the stairs and all the way down to track 14. I glanced at the big board as I ran down the stairs to see what track I was on and some guy felt my need for aid and screamed out...Track 14 dude...go! go! go! Explosive moment of the week by the way. Back on LI. Gotta catch a flight on the GiaJet express. I got 1st class seats to the ressurection with Mel.

I miss you. Please come home to me.

- Screwdriver down

Jumat, 27 Februari 2009

Before you head to happy hour...

Big games on the tv tonight. Here's your recession special edition Friday night schedule.

6:40 - Sit down at Scotty's computer to post shit on the 2Man blog. Scotty is grabbing some beers from the deli. We drink Bud. Not because it's cheap but because we're American and our hearts pump battery acid.

7ish - Montreal at Philly - Mike Richards beasts all over the Habs.

7:30 - LA at Detroit - We're going to have to flip back and forth here. Who gets smoked out harder tonight: Scotty's one-hitter or Quick?

8:30 - Pitt at Chicago - Why is Burrish being a dick on that video that Puck Daddy showed today?

9:00 - Minnesota at Calgary - We love the games in Calgary. Best talent is in the stands.

10:00 - TB at Vancouver - Honestly. You can miss this one. We might.

Bressler is heading over after the gym. 2Man director, Artem, is out being a hipster somewheres. Get you're buddies over. Put the kids to bed.

This weekend is all about Elijah Price.

"Do you see any Teletubbies in here? Do you see a slender plastic tag clipped to my shirt with my name printed on it? Do you see a little Asian child with a blank expression on his face sitting outside on a mechanical helicopter that shakes when you put quarters in it? No? Well, that's what you see at a toy store. And you must think you're in a toy store, because you're here shopping for an infant named Jeb."
Have a happy.
- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were trying to wrap your head around Kyle Okposo's move

In a scrimmage last night I tried doing the Okposo shoot-out move and failed miserably. I can't rap my head around that move.
Anyway, onto Friday's Hockey Haikus (sorry for the delay today, I had busy morning at the dayjob)

Devils shut-out the Avalanche, 4-0:
Parise's goal - WOW
Brodeur is back and got the
shut-out. Jers feels good.

Maple Leafs beat the Islanders in the shoot-out, 5-4:
Tambellini can
snipe, not in-game though. Blakes spin
is bush. Witts elbow - ouch.

Panthers come back to beat the Rangers, 2-1:
Shoulders hunched, arms crossed
that is the Tortorella
losing press meeting.

Hurricanes win over the Sabres in the shoot-out, 2-1:
For teams outside of
the playoffs, these three point games
must be killing them

Capitals beat the Thrashers, 4-3:
Ovy did not score
but tried to fight the wrong guy
when he got high sticked

Bruins shut-out and dominate the Ducks, 6-0:
Hard work always beats
skill. Example... Bitz outworks
Neidermayer, scores.

Sharks beat the Senators, 2-1:
Roenicks goal is hockey
Fake shot from point is pass to
Thornton, to slot, goal.

Predators beat the Coyotes, 4-1:
All of a sudden
the Predators can score or
maybe the Yotes suck

Blues win over the Stars, 3-1:
Steve Ott always does
something and contributes on
the scoresheet... sometimes.

Blues Jackets shut-out the Oilers, 1-0
Big win for Jackets
and for Mason. He leads the
league in shut-outs, now.

Kamis, 26 Februari 2009

Fantasy Trade Deadline

We have 6 days until the NHL trading deadline. I haven’t heard any scuttlebutt; I’m not privy to any inside scoop and I can barely analyze any of the trades with rational, coherent thoughts. I just enjoy sitting at my desk and refreshing whichever TSN trade tracking page they put online. I sit on the sidelines and enjoy the show. This post is not about the NHL though.

The trading deadline in my fantasy leagues is more of a pressing concern for me. In fantasy hockey I do not have the luxury of sitting in my tower in my parent’s basement blogging about how ridiculous certain GM’s moves appear. In fantasy hockey I am the one in the trenches. I am the one putting calls into other teams. I am my own silo of scout, GM, owner, fan and nerd. I’m knee deep in the shit and I need to vent.

Normally I keep the trades to a minimum during the season; the waiver wire is my main tool. I’ll only trade guys if I see great value on someone else roster or find some disconnect out there.

But in this one league we have a ridiculous maximum games played rule. Is this a staple of your leagues? If you aren’t familiar with the rule it’s simply a limit on the number of games you can play guys at each position. I haven’t heard a good reason why we have this rule but it’s anti-fun.

Basically, in this one league with the fucked up rules, my overachieving team was bolstered by centers Malkin, Getzlaf, Roy and Modano. Since we only have 2 C spots on my roster my team is over the maximum games played by a lot right now. Fuck me running.

Yes I know I should have been familiar with the league rules before jumping in and I also should have seen this coming more than 3 weeks before the deadline but that’s all in the past. Now I have a mad scramble to trade centers for the spots that I haven’t played the max games with (defensemen, tenders and Ws).

Currently I have to send trade proposals out which always sucks because 90% of people out there automatically assume that you are trying to jam them up. As soon as these folks read the trade offer they:
- laugh it off
- get all offended and take shit personally
- post a message about what a joke of an offer that was

It’s not good enough to simply reject the trade or try and rework the players involved. These people need to insult the player you offered and berate you on the message board. Even if you offered Crosby for Jim Dowd and Matry Turco’s cockring you get immediately rejected with a comment like “Crosby’s a diver”. Great.

In full disclosure I am guilty of this too. Scotty once offered me Scott Walker for some stud and I rejected it immediately and told him that Scott Walker was “peni”. I won’t apologize for that. Scott was trying to hoodwink me and Scott Walker was peni at the time.

The worst is when you send out trade offers and the owners never respond to your requests. Sure there are the scumbags who’ve stopped checking their rosters but sometimes you send trades to guys that are active owners and they still sit on offers.

These idiots get offers and think about it for a week. Now everyday that I look at my roster I see that stupid link reminding me that I have a live offer on someone’s table that is perched on top of my lineup all distracting like a swollen tit on some chick’s pregnant gut. Accept, reject or counter just don’t have me stare at that offer everyday. That’s bullshit.

I always feel like these guys are keeping it there just in case the guy they are giving up has his leg blown off they’ll hurry to push the trade through.

Of course that only happens when I offer trades to people I don’t know. Normally you can call up your buddy and sit for 5 minutes and work something out.

Heals and I got into it a little bit the other day over email because the trade I offered on the yahoo site was different than the one we discussed over email. Totally my fault here. He agreed in principal to the trade over email but when I saw that it was uneven as far as the numbers of players (2 for 1) I had to offer him something different. I sent him an email about that but he opened the trade up immediately and accepted.

Only after he accepted did he see that I reworked some things and slid Lidstrom in there and he freaked out and accused me of cheating at life. Cooler heads prevailed and we worked out a nice deal where I gave him Getzlaf in a firesale for Huselius and Weber. I had to drop Mikey Mo on the trade and had to find an active buyer for a really strong center in a hurry because of the stupid games played rule.

A day before I sent Malkin to Scotty for Kovy in a deal that took 4 seconds. It’s a win for both and he didn’t have to threaten to slash my mother’s face open like cocksucker Heals did.

Here are some quick rules for trading in fantasy:

1) Offer fair trades
2) Check you team. This also means updating your roster, Bress.
3) Don’t be a dick.
4) Be rational.
5) Try your hardest to snake the other team’s best players for your worst.

Bless you if you sat through some nerd talking about his fantasy shit. Happy trading.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were convincing Carla not to make sou-anything

Maple Leafs beat the Rangers in the shoot-out, 2-1: Tort's debut did not go as well as possible. Worst case for him - he can't even blame the goalie. If only Lundquist had let in the soft backhand by Blake that waltzed (Joe Betinati!) along the goal line. Anyway, TSN already has a poll up about what player will be in Tort's doghouse first. I vote for Dubinsky.

Red Wings beat the Sharks, 4-1: Hossa had a great goal. He protected the not-yet-his puck, with a nice post up move and then the quick shot beat Nabakov through the legs. He later got crushed by the guy he beat (Doug Murray) and left the game. Ville Leino (yes, another Scandinavian stud) scored a beaut by knocking the puck out of mid-air. And of course Zetterberg was so Zberg by scoring a spin shorty far side. Will the Sharks face the Wings in the playoffs? And if so can they beat them? Find out this May!

Penguins shut out the Islanders, 1-0: The chant "You are awful" could have applied to both teams. To the Islanders for the Jayvee style they played. And to the Penguins for only scoring once.

Flyers shut-out the Kings, 1-0: Ways in which the Flyers should determine their starting goaltender:
  • % of owners who have the keeper in Yahoo! Fantasy leagues
  • coin flip
  • GAA during warmups
  • open net shoot-out

Rabu, 25 Februari 2009

The Land of Barbonin

When the Hittites and the Menanites came over from Jerusalem, Mike Richards was born. Power "I" Richards as he was deemed by Camille (Pic below), the God of sick back hand toewy's top shelf in a hurry. He found young Mike strung out in a field near a basket of cale. He raised him as his own. Teaching him the ways of the sick back hand toewy top shelf in a hurry. He forced Mike to run between towns fetching produce and lumber to create the means to go top shelf in a hurry. Today we see Mike Richards in his highest form. His most pronounced definition of Mike Richards. The man has hustle and flow unlike most in the NHL. The ways of Mike Richards are a by-product of years of 3 Olives and mere patience to explode that moment when it presents itself.Camille currently has 139 points in 18 men's league games. A.K.A. blogger name Mr. W is a mean animal when he wants to be.

On to other news or once I landed in real life on Wednesday morning - My trip skiing to Colorado ended well. The last few runs, down the mountain my brother and I were moving upwards of at least 50 mph and could have reached 70 at some point. This is not an uncommon speed for very experienced skiiers by the way, Bress/Nemy. I mean we were going so fast and I had Nemy's BlueBlockers on that I couldn't see and had to stop because of the wind making my eyes so watery. If you are going to bomb on skiis, make sure you use your goggles just in case despite the weather outside. If your going to lumber down the mountain, then break the glasses out. The pic above is one taken from a peak at Vail which was just awesome.

On the way back to New York, I spotted Billy Mays in the security line behind us with his wife. He was so Billy Mays and to be honest he had no idea.

For those of you who don't recognize him by name.

Sitting in first class on our flight was Brian Engblom. Of course I gave him a 2man card and explained my side of it. He was kind and interested and somewhat surprised, I have to believe. Wish he still had a sick mullet!

While on the flight, I began to think about things. Why is Brind'Amour having such a low season? Here's why. He makes a nice play to get someone a goal last night against Ottawa and than the same shift turns it over at his own blue line and Chris Kelly snipes. Turning a nice positive into momentum shifting to the downside. His sack isn't fully there right now. Carolina may make the playoffs with Miller down and the Rangers racing furiously to the bottom. Be that as it may, i think rod may step it up on the playoffs. We'll let's be serious, I hope he will. Still leading the league in Faceoffs won though.

That was crazy though. 3 goals in like a minute last night in that game followed by Bushy Alf soaring thru the neutral zone and getting Dany Heat the puck to bury. Watch that goal and you will 100 percent see why Alfreddson is who he is. What strides man. Seriously!

Does Patty Lalime hold it down for the Sabres? Not well at least. He let in his first goal against on his second shot last night. That just has bad omens and 666's written all over it. Papa Shango is not impressed.

Do the Penguins get it together? To be honest I think they will clean themselves up and get into the playoffs but I also think they should go after another winger like they did with Hossa last season. Gonchaaaa is back and that adds powerplay value so you don't need to use Ryan Shannon at the point on your powerplay like Ottawa has been doing. Good or bad, it's just weird, that's all I'm saying.

Conundrum 717: On one of my fantasy teams, I have Mike Mckenna/Kari Ramo and Joey Mac/Yann Danis. At times, I didn't know who would be starting. They rarely let you know on TSN or yahoo so its a guess. However I figured out on my own that you can check a few minutes before game time on the box score and they will list on yahoo who is in net. No more guessing. Not that these goalies are going to lead us back to the land of Canaan however it is points and we are on a dog lay left here entering the turn and I already drank 9 beers. At this point I'm aiming 90 degrees to the left of my normal shot to compensate for the worst drunk slice since arboretum.

A quick synopsis of my Wednesday. Please get some!

- Luscious Barzell

What you missed last night while you were resting your sprained ankle

In honor of "Brian Burke" being outed on twitter, all recaps will be 140 characters or less.

Flames beat the Blue Jackets, 4-1: when Iginla and Cammalleri both score the Flames are probably unbeatable

Canadiens shut-out the Canucks, 3-0: not only did Halak get the shut-out, he also should get credit for starting a goalie controversy reminiscent of any flyers team

Oiler beat the Lightning, 5-3: Stamkos' snipe was really really nice. Also I hope Vinny isn't hurt after taking that shot off the ankle.

Senators win over the Hurricanes, 4-2: Spezza must have taught Comrie the ol' fake slap shot down the wing freeze the goalie go wide and score move

Flyers beat the Capitals, 4-2
: Carter had a goal and an assist, but he really had two assists if you count the pass he put on Ovy's tape in the first

Kings beat the Wild in the shoot-out, 2-1: not a real deserving win as the kings goal went in off a Wild player and then Doughty lost the puck five-hole in the shoot-out

Ducks beat the Sabres, 3-2
: Even though the promos said otherwise, Ryan Miller did not play

Bruins win over the Panthers, 6-1
: Byron Bitz... what a name!

Thrashers beat the Avalanche, 4-3: 2 of the 3 worst teams in the league in an empty arena. on ice that was ruined by the circus. no i did not watch

Blues beat the Coyotes, 2-1: Holy crap there were so many games on last night

Predators beat the Hawks, 5-3
: is this the last one?

Selasa, 24 Februari 2009

Unless you don't get Versus and also don't live in Dallas or NoCal, there was no reason to miss this game last night

Sharks shut-out the Stars, 1-0:
Devin Setogouchi's goal was all it took. He took a pass in the neutral zone with SPEED and easily side stepped Darryl Sydor (old man is a step behind). On his strong side, Setogouchi's wrister went bar and in. And that was all it took for Sharks to win. Nabakov's best save was probably the two-pad stack he pulled on Fabian Brunnstrom (with an added Mystery, Alaska spin). Of course, I wanted the Stars to tie up (otherwise I was obligated to watch Hills spin-off, The City with the gf). I felt they were being pretty low-energy and even with various face-off wins could not get the puck on net (maybe Robidas can only really really cleary see through the cage) and when Mike Ribiero casually lost the puck at the red line, I was ready to change the channel. However, that last second rush and passing play and shot were high level hockey and the block by the Sharks d-man sealed the shut-out.

Some other stuff:

  • Ok, so if the Lightning fired John Tortorella, why can't coach where he wants? I could understand if he quit, but....
  • Versus, please shoot promos for games with more than one player in case said player gets run into by Scott Gomez and sprains his ankle... be sure to watch the Ducks plays Ryan Miller and the Sabres tonight on Versus!

Senin, 23 Februari 2009

The case for more Ovy-centric NHL advertising

It became obvious to me while watching Sundays NBC broadcast. The NHL made a mistake. No, I’m not talking about giving NBC flex-scheduling capabilities (guess what the Rangers are back on NBC next week!). The NHL should have hitched its marketing wagon to Alex Ovechkin.

To me the NHL is something of a conundrum in the sports-as-a-business landscape. They embrace the niche status of the sport (how many times can you hear Gary Bettman say, that the NHL has the best fans in all of sports – he doesn’t say most fans – but hes right), but continue to make decisions of a mass audience sport (the NBC example above).

Here’s where the Crosby/Ovechkin argument gets inserted. Now, I am not saying that Crosby is a poor ambassador for the league or the game, but it’s the execution of the marketing that would actually make better use of Ovy. The NHL (hopefully) understands that it has mostly hardcore, passionate fans and very very few casual, I-don’t-know-much-but-I’ll-watch-if-its-on fans. Now here’s where it might get confusing, so try to follow me here. The NHL picks Sidney Crosby to be in its ads, sends him to do interviews (I guess), etc. Where are those ads playing? Versus and the NHL Network. Who’s watching Versus and the NHL Net? Those hardcore passionate fans. They don’t need Crosby to sell them the game. They are sold. Now, Ovy isn’t in many national ads. He can’t really speak English and his haircut looks bad even next our buddy McG. But, he makes the SportsCenter top 10. And you know who watches SportsCenter… that casual fan. Who now is sneaky interested.

So in my field of advertising/research, you need 5 or impressions to make an impact with an individual. Using my girlfriend as an example – we watched SportsCenter Sunday morning. The Ovechkin goal was in the weekly top 10. Later we watched NBC’s game, who did my girlfriend notice – number 8 of course.

Here’s what I’m getting at; besides those few official channels, the NHL should be riding on what little coverage the mainstream press does give. It was an easy example this week – someone sees that flying 8 on sportscenter, they flip through the channels and see that same flying 8 again and boom the NHL on NBC gets a pretty damn high rating


Weekend Wrap Up OR Frost/Nixon was robbed!

Friday night I was back at my folks house, so forgetting that there was a free preview of the Center Ice Package, I got all my updates via a DVRed NHL: On the Fly on Saturday.

Zetterberg really did the most damage to the Ducks Friday night, but I really love the cherry on top (appropriate because Draper has read hair) that Kris put on the game by beating Giguere with the slap shot on a breakaway.

Am I the only one surprised by Joe Corvos cannon? He had 2. Heres the final one versus the Lightning

Saturday was Hockey Day in Canada. So for me it was Hockey Day on my Couch watching the NHL Network.
Chris Campoli and Mike Comrie were traded to the Senators on Friday and both were in uniform on Saturday afternoon. The Comrie addition gives the Senators a dynamic duo of girlfriends with Duff and Underwood. Can't wait for that CD.
Anyway, Comrie probably felt good being back and Campoli must enjoy dishing passes out to guys that can finish. However, Mr. Kovalev was back and killed penalties well and also dished:

Other Saturday games included Marty Biron dropping the ball (or puck) with this mistake that lead to Penguins win

There were Flyers highlights, like this so subtle, so sweet move from Mike "I love being shorthanded" Richards.

Quite possibly the worst D-to-D pass ever.

Is the Nashville/St. Louis "Rivalry" the lowest scoring rivalry in history. God, even the "highlights" from the game are boring: Kick save from Rinne... Onto the 2nd period, great breakout pass to Tckachuk... and a goal... Onto other action from Saturday.

Jimmy Howard is NOT NHL ready. How much more "rest" does Osgood need?
At least t2MA! man crush Owen Nolan scored by simply crashing the net.

Johnny Toews and the Snake Bitten Weekend:

NBC could have renamed "Game of the Week" to "The Ovechkin Show"

What did I miss?


Jumat, 20 Februari 2009

Before you head to happy hour...

By the time you read this, I'll already be gone.

I'm catching an afternoon train down to Philly. 2Man friend and frequent commenter, Mr. W, is graciously putting me up for a booze filled weekend. He's got a couch for me to sleep on, tix for the Fylers/Pens and a tremendous thirst for 3 Olives vodka.

Random Mr. W story for you:

We are in college and doing a full ice flow drill where two players simultaneously skate out of opposite corners with a puck. Once they hit the opposite blueline they put a shot on net. Once the players shoot the next guy in line takes off down the ice for the blueline and the player that just shot has to get on his horse and backcheck.

Awful explanation I know but I've never told this story sober so bear with me.

W has just finished backchecking and gets in the back of line. Artem (2Man genius behind the camera) fires a shot that is waaay off target and drills W in the ankle. W is limping around and completely fired up at Artem. He picks up a puck at the hash marks and fires a slapper down the other end of the ice that hits Artem center mass in the chest. But here's the thing: Artem was in a moving line when he got hit. In fact, Artem wasn't even near the spot where he got hit when W fired the puck. He had just finished the drill when W shot.

W's shot was like a heat seeking missile on target for Artem's chest. Marine snipers couldn't have fired a better shot that W did that day.

I was right in front of W in line and as soon as I saw him take that slapper into a crowded line of his own teammates I rushed over to him. Being the captain of the team that year I was not about to let a guy endanger the rest of the team because he was pissed about taking a puck off the ankle. I was pissed and it was a bullshit thing to do during practice. When I got in W's face I was ready to kill him when I saw the shot pick Artem off from 190 feet away. How could I eat this kid's lunch when he just blew my mind. All I could scream at W was that it was "the best fucking shot I've ever seen in my life".

To this day that was the greatest athletic accomplishment I've seen in person. Ovy scores pretty goals but can he pick off a moving target from across the ice with a slapshot?

Anyways, we are NOT on the isles website this week due to some unforeseen circumstances. Hopefully we'll be back shooting our weekly show next time around.

Someone asked if we write the stuff we talk about. The answer is no. Scotty and I like to let things flow freely. Artem pushes for us to script the stuff we do but it doesn't feel right when we've tried. Besides we're not clever enough to write anything worthwhile anyways.

If you watch the weekly show you'll most likely see the 2nd or 3rd take of a segment. This happens because we'll start drifting out of control and off topic or I'll say something off color and we have to do the whole thing over again.

We really enjoy hosting that show and would sit there all day talking Islanders hockey if they let us but we get to talking and next thing you know Scotty is going off calling the guy from Fast & the Furious a cunt or something. We really should consider scripting it.

Of course you don't come around here looking for professional, polished hockey analysis. Everything we write or say is off the top of the head and rarely makes sense. Hopefully our love of the sport shines through and people can understand what we are trying to get across.

It's amateur hour here. Our only credentials include throwing up in the penalty box during a St. Patrick's Day tournament and playing rug hockey goalie with a Triple Fat Goose as a upper pads. Seriously. Bressler's prom date once asked him if he brought protection so he fucked her with Mike Peluso watching. We're total idiots but we live this shit and appreciate you reading along.

Enjoy Hockey Day in Canada. I'm going down for disaster day in Philly. Sunday Jaime Sifers and the Toronto Maple Leafs come to town to see if they can end Tom Renney's Ranger coaching career.

Have a great weekend, thanks for reading and that's not Billy Guerin down there. That's the money you could be saving with Geico.


Webi - Rangers Practice Facility Entrance

The 2 Man crew checked out the private practice facility of the New York Rangers, here's their initial reaction...

What you missed last night while you were getting ready for the trade deadline

Canucks beat the Senators, 5-2:
So Henrik is the
passer and Daniel is the
scorer. What about Alex?

Flames beat the Wild in OT, 3-2:
Gaborik would help,
at least, score in the third. He
can rest the first 2.

Stars win over the Oilers, 4-2:
The Stars ascent to
play-off position, is a
remarkable feat.

Blue Jackets beat the Maple Leafs in the shoot-out, 4-3:
Justin Pogge just is
not that good. He's no Carey
Price. That once made sense

Sharks win over the Kings, 4-2
The underrated
players on the Sharks are studs.
Pavelski and more.

Coyotes beat the Thrashers in the shoot-out, 4-3:
So does Carcillo's
winning shoot-out goal complete
the Gordie hat trick?

Flyers beat the Sabres, 6-2:
Mike Richards equals
fantasy stud with PIMs, goals
and assists. Nice night!

Blackhawks shut-out the Panthers, 4-0
The only upside
for the Panthers is that a
West team took the points.

Blues beat the Predators in OT, 2-1:
Tkachuk is a huge
fat rock in front of the net
that wont move, but scores

Devils beat the Lightning in the shoot-out, 3-2:
Parise is an
American beauty.
The new Modano?

Hurricanes beat the Islanders, 6-2
The score says it all
You didn't want to watch this
one. No energy.

Penguins win over the Canadiens, 5-4
This game had it all
High scoring third and called by
video game guy.

Kamis, 19 Februari 2009

Skiing and thinking hockey

So Nemy is over his max games played in the center position in one fantasy league we are in so he dished out Malkin to me for a hot Ilya Kovalchuk. It's a good move for him but hey in the end we are all in an all out race to the bottom of the cauldron. People keep getting fired from the Islanders TV team and I can't help thinking about the insane dream I had with Jessica Alba last night that got cut off because someone screamed outside. Yea, thanks outside drunk screaming guy at 4 am.

So I am in Vail, Colorado and I am testing a phat pair of Demo powder skiis and tearing up the mountain. Today, the weather was so fantastic. I had a backwards Mets fitted cap on with Nemy's blueblockers that I am happy to say are still intact. Yesterday was brutal windy cold. It got so bad toward the end of the day that my mom was crying down the mountain and bleeding a little from her face from the wind burn. Never seen that in Vail but hey we are back on track with good weather. The real cool thing about being here is that I get to watch Altitude, the Avs network. Nice overtime winning goal connection between Wolski and Svatos the other night. I love their announcer. We also got to here the Jaffster doing color which was even better.

Turned on the tv this morning to see OVY's goal and than it went to commercial. I don't even know what channel it was. Hallmark was on the bottom of the screen and I looked at my brother and said...what???? My dad is sitting next to me with a screwdriver saying he can beat all the fighters in the UFC...I said, "I can't write this if your talking to me but than I said out of curiosity to here how he conjured this up, "How may I ask would you complete this task?" He goes, "I would just shoot 'em with a tommy gun, old school style!"

Fantasy update:

Matheiu Schneider - traded to Montreal...great powerplay action and he actually just scored on the powerplay so Juice if you need a D-man.

Richard Zednik - Some interesting volume over there right now. Take a look.

Matt Cullen - Involvement...good volume

By the way, as I type this Mike Richards is putting up just a bullet blast fantasy evening. A shorthanded goal, 3 assists, two on the powerplay, +3 and 2 Pims. How the hell did he do this and get in the box too. Uhhh...I love this game.

This video is Mike Richards night.

- Zell

Thinking out loud

A few beer league games ago I took a lousy D to D pass from Scotty at our blueline and put my pass into the skates of my center as he was curling up through the neutral zone. It was ugly. My first night with the swimsuit edition was less messy.

In another beer league game I was playing center and when the puck was dropped I got manhandled by the opposing pivot and lost the draw without even getting my stick near the puck. If you googled “most brutal face off” you’d get a picture of my helpless ass and a link to the story about that chimp attack in Stamford.

I think being a lousy hockey player helps my appreciation for the sport. The fact that I’ve played a lifetime of hockey at such a mediocre level enhances my admiration for the guys who can do what most call “the little things” on the ice. Do most NHL fans get a stiffy when guys go tape to tape with a backhand saucer. Do most NHL fans spend hours talking over beers about taking passes off the dasher. Fans like us at the 2Man, who know we can’t pull that shit on a regular basis, eat that up. Can a person fully comprehend how great some of the moves that players routinely make if you’ve never put on skates and failed at pulling over those moves? Do people who’ve never played hockey ever really understand how dirty the toe drag bar and in goal is?

Like I worship Eddie Van Halen and recognize that some of the shit he does with a guitar is crazy but having never learned guitar am I missing something? If I actually played a guitar would I appreciate a band like Hoobastank? I choose Hoobastank because that was the first awful band that came into my head. Seriously, would I have some respect for Hoobastank if I learned chords when I was a kid?

By now the blogger world is going crazy over Ovy’s goal last night, as it should be. That goal is a great example of insane athleticism that anyone can appreciate. But even the dirty little low blocker side snipe that players so easily pull is an example of how talented NHLers are. That goal is so automatic, so animal yet it looks easy when a guy like Kovalev (back when he was welcome in the Canadians locker room) rips it for a goal. Does the non-hockey playing public know how nasty that goal really is?

Our buddy, Bruins blogger Cornelius, just got a pair of skates for Christmas. He has season tickets at the TD Garden and is learning to skate. Soon he’ll be mixing it up at a beer league with guys early in their hockey careers. He loves the Bruins now but I think after trying to speed past a defenseman or sauce a pass through traffic that he’ll truly appreciate how nasty guys like Phil Kessel and Marc Savard really are.

I’m just thinking out loud on this one. Is it Friday yet?


What you missed last night because some jackass in a Kocur jersey wouldn't shit down or shut up

Rangers beat the Islanders, 3-1: While I'm sure it wasn't the offensive explosion the Rangers were looking for, they did get the must needed win last night. Oh boy, was that game winning goal s-o-f-t. The Islanders first/only goal was off a very nice feed from Blake Comeau, somehow finding the passing lane from the corner to a streaking Mark Streit. This game wasn't much of exciting, but it was surprising to see Andy Hilbert go after whatever douche kneeed Sean Bergenheim - who then fought Petr Prucha.

Capitals beat the Canadiens in the shoot-out, 4-3: Nothing else matters from this game, except Alex Ovechkin's goal. Yes, the finish was superb, but I especially liked the way he got around the Montreal d-man: off the boards, reverse spin.GONE.

Red Wings win over the Predators, 6-2: This was an old fashioned beat down by the Wings. They were pretty much unstoppable on the power play and gave the Predators nothing.

Kings beat the Ducks, 4-3: Has there ever been a year with all 3 California teams making the playoffs? Midas?

BJs beat the Blues, 4-3: Yes, they certainly do.

Rabu, 18 Februari 2009

Hardest Drinking Fanbase?

I'm reading the NY Post this morning and I come upon this story about a drunk who lost a leg because he fell into a subway's path a few years ago. Turns out that the guy sued NYC Transit and won a solid $2.3MM because the jury felt that the train operator should have stopped the subway. Yeah, I know.

The part of the story that got me was that Dustin Dibble (the one-legged drunk) is a huge Sabres fan and was getting oiled up watching his team before he fell on the tracks.

From the Post:

Dibble, then an investigator for Bergdorf Goodman, had gone out with friends to an Upper West Side bar on April 25, 2006, to watch his beloved Buffalo Sabres take on the Philadelphia Flyers in an NHL playoff game. Smiley said his client was heading back to Staten Island when he entered the station at about 1:30 a.m. He doesn't recall anything else.
He got hammered watching what was an 8-2 Sabres win, fell on the tracks going back to STATEN ISLAND (awesome. He didn't even get to the ferry!), lost a leg and didn't remember it. What a joke. We could argue all day about the verdict and payout from the trial but this kid is one of the biggest boozebag hockey fans in the league. I mean, I've heard of blacking out during periods, games and even an entire series one time but I never heard of a guy wake up without a leg.

I just added this kid to the long list of hockey fans that I know from Buffalo who are ridiculous boozebags. The Sabres fanbase can really drink. When we were in town for the New Year's game there were girls in tubetops doing shots right up until they had to go to the stadium to pregame. It was unbelievable.

My question to you is:

Which NHL team has the drunkest fanbase?

Also: Would you give up a leg for $2.3MM?


What you missed last night because you got drunk and fell asleep

Canucks beat the Flames in the shoot-out, 4-3: Did anyone see Pavol Demitra's shoot out goal? It was like Kipper was a street hockey goalie. It also reminded me of Roman Checkmanek.

Sharks beat the Oilers, 4-2: Patrick Marleau leads by example. Stick down hard to the net.Boom. Score a goal.

Avalanche beat the Senators in OT, 3-2: Both awful teams. Both with poor goaltending.

Sabres win over the Maple Leafs, 4-1: Everytime the Leafs call up Justin Pogge, they get killed. I was going to blame the defense, but time after time after time, maybe Pogge ain't a savior.

Blackhawks beat the Lightning, 5-3: Steve Stamkos gets his first hat trick and can't even enjoy it. Also, how bad is the crowd in Tampa? I couldn't even tell if this was a Lightning home game or not.

Bruins beat the Hurricanes. 5-1
: There is no way 3 teams are making the playoffs from the SE, so enjoy your golf season, Hurricanes.

Panthers shut-out the Devils, 4-0: I didn't see that coming. Perfect time for Marty's return.

Selasa, 17 Februari 2009

Holiday Weekend Wrap Up OR Seriously, what the hell is a truffle?

So I fell asleep real early on Friday night. I was getting ready for a big day on Saturday. Luckily, I didn't miss much. Mostly low scoring games, no memorable highlights.....
Saturday had some outstandingness to it.
Who knew an Oilers/Kings game would have so much punch (pun intended):

I initially thought Jack Johnson was fighting Andrew Cogliano - his old college teammate.

Mike Green set a record with this goal:

Its not the prettiest of his, not even the prettiest of the streak, but they all count.

So Friday was bleh, Saturday had its spots, but Sunday was where the NHL Center Ice Package pays for itself. Unfortunately, you really needed it, because NBC switched from the Devils/Sharks (2 best teams in each conference who played a 6-5 thriller) to Flyers/Rangers (we get it, NY is a big market).

Ovechkin had a hat trick. My favorite was his first goal. A low wrist shot snipe from the point:

The replay angle is perfect!

So the Islanders played in a matinee yesterday. Okposo tried his sick shoot-out move again and failed. Its so good.

And the Rangers lost again. Who's getting fired?

I know I missed a lot...


Jumat, 13 Februari 2009

Before you go to Scotty's to watch the Boston game

Long weekend. Spend some time with a loved one on Saturday. If you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, make sure to go out anyways on Saturday night. It is the NFC Championship night of hooking up.

Once you're done cuddling you need to hit the gym. We need to get into mid-season form quickly. Guts don't help you in the corners. We all need plenty of work. Let's go.

Start off with some business on the treadmill. Put the incline up to 15, keep the speed at 3.5 and strut for 30 mins. Get the blood flowing. Focus. Congrats, you are Miro Satan right now.

Next get a good stretch and try not to stare at any girls that walk by. Oh, and if hot chicks go to your gym you might want to cancel your membership. You can't put in work with great looking woman doing hanging leg lifts. Scotty once got a membership at Riker's Island just to get pumped without the distactions. Sacrifice.

Now you're ready to put your wraps on. Climb up into the ring and shadowbox for 4 rounds. If you've been through this make sure to hold some 3lb weights. Let your arms go! That's better, now you are in Cal Clutterbuck territory.

Water break? Nah. Good fighters don't need water and bad fighters don't deserve it. Which one is you, mufu?

Strap your gloves on for some pad work. 5 rounds. Watch your pivots and make sure you stay on that back foot. You just grew some sick Kelly Buchberger neck hair. You're getting there.

You tired? Don't stop now. You got a good sweat going and some blood flow but you're still travelling with a rolling suitcase in the airport. Bad news. Don't be that guy. Hit the heavy bag.
4 rounds on the bag. Snap the jab and don't pull your right hand when you throw it. That's better. Never end on the straight right, always finish with the jab and move around the back. Let those hands go. Jab - right hand - left hook - jab out. Pop, pop, pop, snap and over. Do your arms feel heavy? They should. You just grew some Tony Twist biceps.

Move on to the double-end bag. 4 rounds and try not to trip all over that Iginla snake you just grew.

Tired yet? Of course you are but if you bust your ass now the first 2 rounds of playoffs will feel like your girlfriend just made you Hamburger Helper and is letting you watch the Rangers game when the Hills is on.

Those arms are burning so pushups, pullups and dips are going to be murder. Now's where you decide if reaching Link Gaetz status is worth it to you. Strap one on. It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll. Finish this up and we're almost ready to practice backhand toeys with Pavel Datsyuk.

Ab work? You can skip it. Instead watch some Youtube clips of Rocky Thompson and maybe a Wendel Clark tribute.

Finish of your work out with a 6 pack of tall boys and pat yourself of the back. You're ready to help your squad secure that playoff spot. Don't be alarmed by the Pat Marleau facial hair that just sprouted.

Hit the shower and if you are man enough check out the Islanders website for the 2Man weekend show. It's like a protein shake for the hockey set.

Have a great weekend.


What you missed last night while you were preparing for your court date

Sorry about missing the recaps yesterday - lots of meetings/Scotty's post scared me.

Its Friday. Its haikus. Its hockey.

Senators beat the Flyers, 5-2
Brian Elliot,
play-off goaltender? Do not
forget Alex Auld.

Canucks beat th Coyotes, 4-3:
Late game comebacks make
play-off teams. Giving up 3
goals in third means golf.

Flames shut-out the Kings, 2-0:
Bertuzzi showed some
sweet backhand sauce to Cammy
Kings need to beat West.

Lightning beat the Maple Leafs, 6-4
I didn't know that
St. Louis was so old. The
shortness did fool me.

Red Wings win over the Wild, 4-2:
The perfect hip check
was done by Bret Lebda. His
ex-girlfriend is hot.

Panthers shut-out the Hurricanes, 5-0
It is mindblowing
that two, yes two teams from the
Southeast make playoffs.

Predators win over the Blues in the shoot-out, 4-3
These 2 teams will look
different in a month
after the deadline

Kamis, 12 Februari 2009


It’s Thursday. We’ve almost made it to the weekend. I haven’t said an intelligent thing since February 21st of last year. I have a Mike Green streak going with retarded hockey-related babble. If you must read this, please make sure you get leave it in the stall for the next guy.

All this talk about steroids and whenever a hockey head is asked about possible cheaters in the NHL they say “it’s not part of our culture”. Are you sure? I realize that NHLers are very different from other pro athletes in a myriad of ways but I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that a few guys were shooting up. The signs won’t be as obvious as seeing Brady Anderson hit 50 homers out of nowhere but maybe some guys are coming back from injury a little faster because of some banned meds. I’m not saying I know anything but let’s not fool ourselves into thinking it’s not possible in the NHL.

Not to make light of domestic abuse (I did that yesterday) but the following is a list of NHLers that Chris Brown could beat up right now:
1) Alexander Semin
2) Valtteri Filppula

Don’t try to defend Semin. Half of the Islanders Ice Girls would eat him up. And I can talk shit all I want because I’m a beastmaster. My grandfather was Tully Blanchard and I put Myoplex in my cocopuffs. I've been working out with Artem and we benched so much I can't get my hands closer than the caps lock and L key.

I would like to do a show where we have players talk about their tattoos. I found this picture of Scott Parker the other day noticed his sleeve. We talked about ink with Aaron Voros briefly and wanted to talk with Colton Orr but we were too afraid. I’m not sure how I came across a Scott Parker picture or why I was searching him.

Not hockey related but the SI swimsuit issue covergirl has so much extra sideboob it’s not even funny. It’s like right-to-left there’s so much extra boob there.

Also, why do they keep putting the skin painting photos on the pages with the staples? Such garbage.

Also, my buddy sent me a youtube of Salma Hayek breast feeding a random African baby. I don’t know the context of the video but it looks like she just picks up a baby and throws a nipple in its mouth. Seriously, that kid is one of the luckier African kids in the league next to whichever kid gets bought by Angelina Jolie. By the way have you been keeping up with the size of Salma Hayek’s chest lately? There’s a lot of nourishment there. That baby got breast fed on Tuesday and is now on a roster in the WHL.

It would be nice to see the Bruins pick up a defensive body for the playoff campaign but I would feel ill if they gave up one of their younger guys to rent a Chris Pronger or Jay Boumeester. I think Boston has the roster right now (assuming Ryder’s face heals) to make a serious serious run but they have the tendency to go flaccid late in games. In the loss to San Jose the other night Boston didn’t bring the puck past the San Jose hash marks in the first 15 minutes of the 3rd period. Lucic’s 2 goals came from unleashing hell in the offensive zone and late in the game the Bs were turning the puck over at the San Jose blue line. Another body won’t cure that lazy attitude. I know it must sound stupid to complain about a team as successful as Boston has been this year but these are the problems that will keep a good regular season team from moving forward in the playoffs.

Also, Phil Kessel is missing at least 2 gears since coming back from mono. The extra step that used to back defensemen up isn’t there right now and he’s lost his fastball with the toey-snap shot through the defensmen’s legs.

Kyle Okposo is a beast. His confidence is sky high right now. His goal last night and his missed SO attempt vs. LA are just the beginning. Watch the interview we do with him, Comeau and the Truth and watch how I dominate him with my dinner order. He wasn't thinking cheeseburger until I came around. Seriously, Myoplex in my cocopuffs, bodies in bags.

Interesting argument brought up by Mr. W. Which young-ish duo would you rather have on your team right now? I am going off of the top of my head so if I missed some guys forgive me.

Kessel/Krejci (Lucic?)
Ovy/Green (Backstrom?)
Doughty/Quick (Kopitar?)
Mueller/Boedker (eh)

Am I leaving anyone out?

Soft quarter for Glatfelter (Ticker: GLT). Tim eto get back to work. Wipe until it’s white.


It's Thursday and that Grappa from last nite is coarsing thru me

So last night I went to Valentines dinner with my girlfriend because she is leaving NYC for a few weeks and we wanted to get some and so we did. Before retiring to the bedroom to talk things over we watched the conclusion of the Rangers Caps game. When Ovy went, she shouted, "Hey it's Ovalchuk!" One of the cutest things she's done. What's amazing is that I explain it to her that she has combined two Russian superstars being obviously Ovy and Kovy. I tell her, "Don't change it...ever!" One of those small good know?

The two together is simply this animal of the deep.

So Paddock is blaming Murray for the Senators woes? Why? The team is having an off year, it happens. Look at the New York Islanders. You'll work it out in time. Stop pointing fingers, it helps NOBODY!!!!! The two of them should sit down with a tall glass of Jamison with a lot of ice and simply see what the two minds, (not arguing and blaming) can come up with.

How about Zach Parise, Zajac and Langenbrunner. They are Carter Beauford right now simply put. If the Devils can snag a puck-moving, powerplay point type defenseman...things get interesting over there. That team is Real Good.

They have two (A) scoring lines. A bunch of healthy lower line depth with plenty of scrappers, not to mention Marty coming back soon.
This was interesting the other day. Aside from the Dry Bulk Index (BDI) being up consistently until today for a good long while I had a moment on the subway the other day. This chubby old guy was on the platform at 34th street waiting for the train to stop. Now this cracked out (not a bum) but way messed up dude shows up on the watch the gap yellow caution line as the cubby guy shows up so they bump each other slightly. Almost as if the crazy guy wanted it to happen so he could start some shit. We get on the train and this crazy guy wouldn't let it go. He was like, "Yo don't be doin that shit to ME!" He even walked over to the guy who has his head down doing the right thing by ignoring him and pokes his glasses, like he actually touched him and the chubby guy doesn't even flinch. The crazy guy moves a few feet away and continues muttering to the guy much like I do after a bad trade or a bad men's league game. Now here's the rub...the crazy guy is out of line, clearly, it's just unecessary what he is doing and I am standing in the middle of them by one of the subway doors. What the crazy guy doesn't realize is that I JUST lost 12,000 dollars on a trade not but a few hours ago and I am piping with rage. PIPING! Like sweet saliccia right out of the ovem over a bed of rigatz. This is who is on the downtown B train.
It is not somewhat controlled sane Scotty. Its Arzonus. My chest is breathing fast up and down because I sneaky want to have to protect the chubby guy from this lunatic and release SOOO much stress. Nothing happened! However had he made a move toard the guy, with a sneaky big Aeropostale sweat shirt on like GIO would wear to conceal his Canons, I had a similar thing going on. I would have pile driven this guy so deep and hard into the shag of the subway car, that the prospects of a gun or knife never would have come out because he would have been pancaked into the floor. Matty would not have stopped laughing for a year, every morning in the shower he would laugh for a few secs if this happened.
So I'm a Lebowski, you're a Lebowski when does it end..uhh don't make a maniac out of me. In other news, the education companies finally kicked the bucket today on inline earnings from Strayer and a lower forecast from New Oriental Education. couldn't see that coming. Steve Ott raised guidance and sees a promising outlook, and Antero Nittymaki has locked in the job in philly right now as fantasy owners sold the news in classic form as the tech heavy Nasi gave back 4%. Stop me at any point when you just can't see it anymore. Dan Lacosta? What? I just...can't.
The other night I woke Amber up in the middle of the night because of the dream I had. Back in college, in the locker room before we headed onto the ice Nemy would always be at the door with our goalie and without missing this one time all season, he would scream, "Where's Scotty?" I would hustle up to the door, than and only than would we head out to play. I woke up screaming, "I'm here!" The good ole days. Chicken quesadilla from Cosmic Cantina with Mase. Has anyone tried to drink a white russian every time Lebowski does and do the other thing when he does as well? What a game to play, what a night it was.
- Narzellius

Rabu, 11 Februari 2009

Wild Wild West (not an exaggeration)

Every team in the Western Conference is legitimately in the playoff hunt!

Western Conference

1 San Jose 51 37 7 7 81

2 Detroit 54 36 11 7 79

3 Calgary 53 31 18 4 66

4 Chicago 51 29 14 8 66

5 Dallas 52 26 19 7 59

6 Anaheim 56 27 24 5 59

7 Vancouver 53 25 20 8 58

8 Minnesota 52 27 22 3 57

Columbus 54 26 23 5 57

Edmonton 53 26 23 4 56

Los Angeles 52 24 21 7 55

Nashville 54 25 26 3 53

Phoenix 54 24 25 5 53

Colorado 54 25 28 1 51

St. Louis 53 22 25 6 50

(not the greatest copy and past job, I'll admit it)

Teams currently out that I want to see in: LA (for Midas), Phoenix (help out the franchise, lots of good youth to watch), Columbus (I want to see Nash in the playoffs)

Teams currently in that I want out: Minnesota (the trap is boring), Anaheim (trade Niedermeyer back to east and start playing golf), Detroit (unlikely, I know, but with that goaltending they'll be out in the first round anyway).


What you missed last night because you took a nap and then went to bed really really really early

I was beat last night for some reason and woke up to various text messages about various games.

Panthers come back to beat the Maple Leafs in OT, 4-3: Everyone talks about this being the 1 year anniversary of tying goal and game winning goal scorer Richard Zednik getting sliced open like a horror movie victim. Why does everyone have to ruin Richard's night by bringing it up? Also, the pass from Stillman was perfect and a sneaky no look. Someone talk to that guy.

Canucks beat the Blues, 6-4: And Mats Sundin is finally showing up!

Sharks beat the Bruins, 5-2
: Text from Nemmy: "No more posts for me from home. I threw my laptop into my bathroom. Thanks, dickhead Ryan Clowe"

Red Wings win over the Predators, 5-3
: The Red Wings seem to score a lot of backhanded goals. Also, I was surprised to see Datysuk not pass the puck over the Zetterberg on the empty net to get him at hat trick. Is someone jealous over someones extension?

Kings beat the Islanders in the shoot-out, 4-3: After the first Nemmy wrote, "Guerin still gets excited when his line scores." Post game Midas wrote, "Big kings win!"

BJs shut-out the Avalanche, 3-0
: Who is Dan Lacosta (he got the shut-out last night). According to HockeyDB, he is 23 years old from New Foundland. A third round pick in 2004 and may have stolen the backup job from Dubie.

Thrashers beat the Lightning, 3-2: Dear NHL, get some laser technology between the posts so you can freaking be sure if its a goal or not. Get some x-ray goal cams, I don't care. Get it right!

Selasa, 10 Februari 2009

Blog Survey

A little while ago ESPN conducted an NHL player survey and blah blah blah you've probably read it already.

The only question that was really interesting was Question 3: IF YOU COULD CHANGE LIVES WITH ANOTHER PLAYER, WHO WOULD IT BE?

The NHL players surveyed picked Ovy. We are more interested in what our 6 readers have to say.

Below are the results of the ESPN survey in order of number of votes. We've included a short description of the players to get the thought process started. Don't feel limited by the players on this list. The entire league roster is up for debate.

Ovechkin - best player in the league
Lecavalier - set for life, 6'4 220lbs.
Sakic - unquestioned leader, Cup champion
Lidstrom - 4 Cups, bunch of Norris trophies, Swedish girls
Thornton - 6'4 230lbs+, gets to play in San Jose
Crosby - face of the NHL, really good at hockey
Mike Fisher - dates Carrie Underwood
Modano - American hero, married to Willa Ford
Chelios - still alive
Comrie - dates Hillary Duff
Iginla - probably has a bigger dick than you
Kovalev - "most talented", flies planes
Lundquist - cleans up in NYC, probably kills in Sweden
S. Niedermayer - 4 time Cup winner (?), perma-playoff beard

I don't know how to post an actual poll so leave a comment if you want to opine.


What you missed last night while you were organizing your t-shirts

Devils shut-out the Rangers, 3-0: This game had a lot of firsts (in a long time). First time in a long time Scott Clemenson had a shut-out. First time in a long time I've heard Eddi Olczyck say something relevant and insightful (at the end of the 3rd he correctly observed that Dubinsky was too fancy with the puck and should just get it on net, down 3 goals). As I watched Parise zoom down the ice to put away the game with an empty netter, I wondered to myself if he's this generations Mike Modano (Scotty says maybe). Truthfully, Mikey Mo was a more voractious points getter this early in his career, but the speed and saavy of Parise makes me want to call him the baby shark.

Flames beat the Canadiens, 6-2: I'm going to channel my inner Buccigross and say the song of the moment for the Canadiens is Hold On. My favorite part about this game was that TSN's preview of it was titled "Slumping Canadiens face Slumping Flames" Not only is the Montreal power play awful (do you miss Mark Streit?) - its not even even. The PP is minus (last night). Thats a problem. Also will the Canadiens make a sneaky goalie move? Bring in Khabibulin (that would be full circle).

Senin, 09 Februari 2009

Weekend Wrap Up OR Taken is all about kicking ass and taking names

If, per chance, you fell asleep without 2 minutes left in the 2nd period of the Stars/Rangers game Friday night, you might have been shocked by the final score of 10-2. See it was 3-2, Stars, until Mike Ribiero scored to make it 4-2 going into the final period. And then, well, as Nemmy might say, I'll try to break it down: Valiquette softening up + stupid penalties + low energy = 6 goals by the Dallas Stars in the 3rd. Steve Ott really had himself a game - a goal and 2 assists and 9 hits. And if hits could be assists, he would have gotten himself one for this play:

So Steve Mason is out for the BJs (and Rick Nash starts dusting off his irons) so Wade Dubielewicz got his first start in a country not named Russia. He played well, but not well enough and not better than his counterpart, MAF of the Penguins. I love the stretch he gets to keep Power Move Nash from putting in the wrap around:

Also on Friday night, Brendan Shanahan fought (yay)

Speaking of old man fights, Bill Guerin fought Ryan Malone, providing the only highlight in the Islanders/Lightning game:

I like Guerin protecting Sean Bergenheim.

To be honest, for all the games on Saturday, there were few great highlights.

Goalies, don't piss of the Red Wings they have a lot of firepower. Rolosson was chased shortly after this:

Mike Green kept his goal scoring streak alive (holy cow!). A really nice snipe and then an empty netter later:

Seriously, doesn't San Jose have a goalie coach to teach Nabakov how to handle a breakaway?

The Red Wings nicely schooled the Penguins yesterday in the very boring Game of the Week on NBC. The Penguins are uniquely bad. They have so much talent and just can't put it together. And I usually love Pierre Maguire, but calling out MAF for poor rebound control on this goal is just crazy. He puts the rebound in the corner, how about calling out the D, for letting Datsyuk get the puck first and then walking around him?

So what did I miss?


Jumat, 06 Februari 2009

Before you hit the gym before hitting the bar

Check out the Islanders website and Itv under the 'Multimedia' tab for the Friday 2 Man Advantage weekly show where we introduce some features filmed by the Itv crew. The Islanders streak ended at 4 games but Scotty's streak of wearing sunglasses during taping is approaching 5 weeks strong.

What the hell happened this week?

Seriously, the last few weeks have been excellent without mentioning Sean Avery. Way to possibly jam everything up down the stretch, Rangers.

Best case scenario for tonight:
Get out of work around 4, hit the gym hard like Ronnie Coleman
Saddle up to your bar for the Jackets/Pens game at 7:30
Buds, 2 slices of pizza and shots of something from a plastic bottle
Rangers/Stars at 8:30 on the bar's other TV
Take home a girl who has eyebrows like Jennifer Connelly

Don't get out of bed and watch the Flyers/Bruins at 1 the next day.
No shower and sweatpants for Ducks/Flames or Oil/Wings.
Call that chick with the sexy eyebrows and tell her you had a great time and see if she'd be interested in getting some dinner and watching HNIC.

If she says no then you shoot up to Boston and have drinks with Cornelius and Frasier Crane.

Go hard or go home.


What you missed last night while you were smelling Marc Savard

Its, Friday, so its Hockey Haikus!

Blackhawks beat the Flames, 5-2:
Phaneuf scored a top
shelf goal, but forgot to play defense.
therefore, the hawks win.

Bruins beat the Senators in the shoot-0ut, 4-3:
Scotty screamed out YYEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!
at the exact right moment
to scare the whole bar.

Oilers beat the Blues in the shoot-out, 2-1
Two teams who will miss
the playoffs, decide their game
via a skills comp.

Hurricanes beat the Sharks in the shoot-out, 4-3:
Seriously, does
Nabakov even practice
facing breakaways?

Kings beat the Capitals, 5-4:
The Kings scored a lot
of bar and in. but they let
the Caps make it close.

Predators win over the Ducks, 4-2:
I hope neither of
these teams make the playoffs. Their
games have bad lighting.

Avalanche beat the Stars, 3-2:
The Rangers want Sean.
Too bad the Stars have no pull
Its all on waivers.

Panthers win over the Islanders, 3-2
Zednick beat one man
at the blue line, then jumped Witt
and scored for great goal!

Kamis, 05 Februari 2009

Ladle and Soup - Fantasy Cross-Section

This is what I see from the bell tower people.

Pierre-Marc Bouchard who I recently dropped has been out-performing the Dow Jones with a nice little game log as of late. 3 goals and 6 assists in his last 4 games. He is known for patches of greatness than patches of sadness so keep a watchful eye...maybe trade him for someone at a peak?

Dominic Moore on Toronto has been involved as of late. 2 goals and 7 assists in his last 6 with 6 pims. Yea....yea!

Not that there is a play to be made here but Marty Turco as of late. How about that? Somehow he is still getting by over there in Dallas. Nice little win streak going at 5 games with only 7 goals allowed. OK Marty! Fantasy owners need a reprieve at some point. If it gets significantly better...get off the train and sell him high for someone better.

Jere Lehtinen is in the house. 11 points in 13 games. Pay attention. Mo loves passing to this guy and he CAN score goals...especially on the powerplay. Little Jere a Seinfeld!

Kyle OOOOOOOOposooo - 5 goals and 1 assist in his last 5 games. There is always value. ALWAYS! He has the goods, just hasn't figured out how to use them. When he does...he will be a nice addition to any fantasy squad.

Dave Bolland - Little David Black Betty Bolland is involved and alive over in Chi-town. I think he is playign alongside Havlat a little which is positive...throwing up a couple of shorties and booby If you need a Dave Bolland, pick up a Dave Bolland.

- Scotty

Warm-up Music

Some of my fondest memories of hockey in my younger days had nothing to do with actual hockey. I always enjoyed the times when we had to choose our warm-up music. The amount of time spent and the number of arguments had when choosing which songs played while you stretched on the home sheet seem excessive now but back in the day there was nothing more important. Seriously, this was the warm-up! It set the tone for the game and the rest of the season. If you play some shitty music in the shoot-around you might as well start the game down a man. I don’t know why this is on my mind but here are some scattered thoughts on the subject.

Keep in mind that the warm-up music is what you play when you are out taking shots, stretching and getting the blood flowing. The music that you come out to is what’s playing when you hit the ice at the start of the game or periods.

In HS we had a pre-game skate in just bottoms where we played whatever CD the captain was feeling that day. Then we had the warm-up where we played the most aggressive music mix that 20 kids can think of and when we came out to start the game we played the Brass Bonanza. Our goaltender was a huge Whaler fan and this was his way of keeping the dream alive. The songs we warmed up to were constantly changing but the Brass Bonanza was a fixture.

In college we came on the ice in the 3rd period to Baba O'Riley by the Who. To this day I cannot hear the Brass Bonanza or Baba O’Riley without shaking and getting the urge to bite flesh. A few weeks ago I was on the subway to work when my ipod shuffled to Baba and by the time the song ended I had sprinted up the side of my building to get to my desk.

I don’t think the songs were pumping me up back then. I think it was more the fact that I was 18 and a complete lunatic and these songs were playing in the background while I was already pumped up. Back then I didn’t need music to get me ready to play. You could have played the theme to Reading Rainbow and I still would have been a Double Dragon renegade. Times have changed. The other night I fell asleep in the cab on the way to my men’s league game. It was 8:30 at night. Where did the fire go?

Enter Sandman was a great warm-up song back in the day but it’s so tired now. If you team is rocking out to that now it just shows that you have no imagination and are most likely starting a goalie in Aeroflex pads and a waffle.

That being said I have no problem with some classic rock in the warm-up mix. If a team wants to go back to Unchained by Van Halen or Ace of Spades by Motorhead or some ACDC then God bless. They don’t make cups big enough for the team that comes out to Ace of Spades.

Can we stop with the techno music? In HS we briefly used some Prodigy for the warm-up. It worked for a while but weird, frenzied house music never worked for anyone. Techno in the warm-up is a major problem in hockey as far as I’m concerned. It is not as bad as frosted tips but we are monitoring the situation closely.

Save the Eminem warm-up mix for women’s basketball. If it pumps your team up then I guess it’s OK but really you should only be playing Eminem if 3 or 4 of your players are on the rag that day.

I’m all for wrestling theme songs. We once used the Dx theme in a warm-up mix and it was awesome. I loved wrestling back in the day and looking back we should have come skating out to the Bastion Booger theme music. I think it was just a fat guy breathing heavy.

The last time I saw my HS team play they warmed up to Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria. It was a great choice. Hearing that song got my old ass going like a lady getting called down on the Price is Right. It was no surprise that after listening to that track the team put up a crooked number in the 1st period and ended up blowing out the visiting team. I watched and ate popcorn in the stands like a chub.

I had a buddy who made his HS team warm up to old Irish tapes that he took from his father. It was ridiculous that two teams are ready to play and Seamus Moore is singing The Big Bamboo over the loudspeakers. That always got me thinking if it would help your team to play some weird songs during the warm-up in an effort to get the visitors flustered or distracted. Would you lose focus if you went into a barn where they were playing the Indigo Girls? How about sounds of a chainsaw? Babies crying? What if you just looped sounds from a Max Hardcore tape with him gagging some lady? You’d win every game. No one would even show up on game days. I’m embarrassed that I even brought that up. If you even know who Max Hardcore is then you should be ashamed of yourself. Don’t google him.

I like it when teams have a regional theme to the songs they come out to. If you are a club hockey team in Jerz then it would fit if the Boss, Southside Johnny, or Jovi led you out of the tunnel. Teams from Mass get extra points for the Dropkick Murphys, Cali schools for 2Pac or hairmetal and Vancouver teams for Michael Buble. My college team warmed up to Welcome to NYC by Jay-Z and Cam’ron. Hip-hop isn’t the first thing that comes to my head when thinking of warm-up tracks but a school in the middle of New York playing something by a rappers from Brooklyn and Harlem worked for us. If that song comes on my ipod my hamstrings automatically get looser and if you really think I would condone a squad warming up to some Michael Buble then you should never visit this website again. I don’t care if you are trying to psych out the other team or how amazing his ex-girlfriend is. Buble won’t work.

Off the top of my head if I had to pick one song to warm up to now it would be Fucking Hostile by Pantera. Enjoy but try not to assault your coworkers.