Friday Question - What the hell is going on with the Boston Bruins offense?

What does the 2Man Executive Committee have to say about Boston's offensive struggles?

Luke Richardson


"I think having Savard out with a broken foot screws up everything. Lucic isn't there to fish out pucks and get dirty in the crease and Savvy isn't there to set up the powerplay. Also I walked by the Yankees parade today. The last time I saw that many Hispanics in Yankees caps it was an unemployment line."

Max Cavalera


"We toured Boston with Soulfly when little Igor and Zyon were very young. Backstage at Ozzfest that year we were partying with some of the guys from Megadeth and Tool and I saw a girl take Crown Royal shots out of a human skull. Afterwards I watched Dave Ellefson perform oral on her while she was vomiting into a Marshall stack. That was by far the most offensive thing I've seen in Boston."

Kru Bestor Narte


"A good offense starts with your footwork. Don't give up your stance! It's jab-jab high kick then back into striking position. I'm confident that Boston can get back into scoring with concentration on footwork and balance. Also why are they paying Sturm and Bergeron so much money for? Shouldn't they pick up the scoring slack?"

Dennis "The Snake" Chalker


"Shortly after I returned from my first mission in Panama I went to a Bruins game. I was still nursing a flesh wound I received when our Huey took on small arms fire while the rest of the team was repelling into the jungle. I remember taking a shot into my backside and seeing white foam spray on Lt. Stevenson. The bullet happened to hit my can of shaving cream and it looked like I was made of marshmallows. Anyways I was surprised that Anson Carter was on a top line with Jason Allison. What kind of offensive production can you expect when those two are your top guys. Don't get me started on Dmitri Khristich."

Have a great weekend

- Nemmy

Before you head to happy hour...

We're almost done with this week. Scotty and I are heading over to the 2Man editing room to see if we can create something of value from this little hockey show hobby of ours. You should go home for a quick nap before the weekend. It's been a tough one and you need your sleep.

Here's a question to mull over while you rest:

Would you agree to play in one NHL game under the condition that you had to fight Tie Domi?

Thanks to 2Man buddy, Bradley for the question. Before you go asking questions let's assume that you can play for any team you want and you'd be fighting the Tie Domi that has been retired since 2006 and chilling with Mario in the owner's box. Not like it would matter in the fight's outcome anyways.

-Nemmy

GUEST BLOG - Before you head to happy hour

Wazzzzzup!

The 2Man boys are all off getting ready for the weekend so Bressler asked me last night if I could pinch in with the blog. I'm not the biggest hockey fan in the world but I'm always up for the challenge. How does a bottle of Budweiser write a blog post? A: With plenty of help from spellcheck. Ru du doooo!

So before you head to happy hour here’s a short list of do’s and don’t’s to follow this weekend.

Do Get together with some buddies and watch the Columbus/Chicago game tonight at 8:30. Make sure to invite me and some friends.

Don’t stick around for the LA/Vancouver game.

Do clear your schedule for Saturday. The Islanders are in Boston at 1PM just in case you don’t want to watch the Rangers get crushed by Philly. Does Darius Kasparaitis, Sandis Ozolinsh or Theo Fleury still play for the Rangers? Those were some of my closest pals back in the day.

Don’t end up like this guy because you spent the day drinking in your retarded “Irish” getup at some rinky-dink St. Patrick’s parade.

Do go see a golf tournament down in Florida this weekend with your old man like Bressler is doing.

Don’t get dragged to a St. Patrick’s Day hockey tournament somewhere in Connecticut by some of Nemmy’s buddies like Scotty is doing.

Take it from me, a bottle of Budweiser: Take it easy this weekend. Don’t get all wasted tonight because you’ll forget every sick Rich Nash goal you see tonight. And be careful drinking before playing hockey because you may try to explode a moment and end up falling awkwardly or picking a fight with a guy who is stone sober and carved from granite. And don’t be that guy who puts up Mogilny numbers at the bar because his great great great great grandfather fucked an Irish lady on the boat over from Naples. If you want to enjoy St. Patrick’s day and get into 5th gear go ahead. But don’t claim it’s because you are 1/16th Irish. Real Irish folks would be sitting in church and you are American. Matter of fact, I AM AMERICAN. I was born in St, Louis, MO. Just because I now work for a European company doesn’t mean I’m not as red-blooded as Chuck Norris, apple pie and road head. Shit, Nemmy works for a European company and that kid is a God-dang American icon.

Don’t make a maniac out of me. Be sure to join up with the Friends of the 2 Man Advantage Facebook page and stay safe out there.

“'Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can't take that away.”

GUEST BLOG - Before you head to happy hour

Hey, homos. It’s me, Luke Richardson. Nemmy is busy with shit at work and asked me to “guest blog” and wrap up all the shit that happened during the week. Normally I don’t do all this sissy computer stuff but I owe Nemmy a few favors ever since he posted my bail when I bit the face of that police horse. So here I am blogging. I figured I have nothing else to do today because fucking Netflix sent me the Scorpion King and I already own it.

I guess a bunch of trades went down the other day. My old buddy Mark Recchi went to Boston. It must have been great to get the hell out of Tampa Bay. That fucking city is a dog track. Also Olli Jokinen got sent to Calgary. I’m not a big fan of Jokinen. I guess he’s a good player but he’s overpaid and soft. Also, I’ve never seen a white guy with a Pat Ewing nose like he’s got. He’ll love it in Calgary though. Great city with great fans. Have you ever been to that rink? You should go. Have you ever humped a one-eyed chick in the back of the Saddledome? Tits bigger than a coconut crab. Ask Craig Berube about that one. Chief tells that story better than I can. HA

Some other teams made moves but nothing important. Since I retired I’ve been missing the game and was hoping one of these teams needed a stay-at-home D man for the playoff push. Unfortunately the only person who called my cell was some guy to tell me I left my credit card at the HipHugger.

Did I see that Ryan Shannon is playing the point man on Ottawa’s powerplay? I could fire a puck with my meast harder than that punk. I bet those homos miss me back there.

Have you losers joined up with the 2Man’s facebook thing? I’m not into the whole facebook thing. I only have a computer to watch Lady Sonia movies and let my kids do their studies. But if you live in your parent’s basement I bet it’s really cool. HA

Did I just hear that Dan Briere is injured again? What a pussy. The only times I missed games was when coach scratched me or that one time a Chinese guy sneezed on me while on line at a Wawa. But seriously what a pussy. I’ve seen babies get pulled out of wells in better shape than that guy.

Some good games are on tonight. Hopefully I can get Gus to put the Dallas – Anaheim game one of the sets at the OTB. Tomorrow there’s a bunch of day games and NBC is showing the Rangers – Bruins on Sunday. The Bruins are limping into that game, eh? Nemmy and his old man are going so I hope the Bs win for him. BTW you had to see the size of this fish sandwich Nemmy pulled in for lunch. This thing was big, flaky and covered in tartar sauce. It reminded me of that old lady I brought home from Von Stueben’s the other night. HA

Anyway enjoy kissing men and shaving your legs or whatever you jerkoffs do this weekend. I got an end piece meatloaf smmy in the icebox so I’ll see you around.

Before you head to happy hour...

Big games on the tv tonight. Here's your recession special edition Friday night schedule.

6:40 - Sit down at Scotty's computer to post shit on the 2Man blog. Scotty is grabbing some beers from the deli. We drink Bud. Not because it's cheap but because we're American and our hearts pump battery acid.

7ish - Montreal at Philly - Mike Richards beasts all over the Habs.

7:30 - LA at Detroit - We're going to have to flip back and forth here. Who gets smoked out harder tonight: Scotty's one-hitter or Quick?

8:30 - Pitt at Chicago - Why is Burrish being a dick on that video that Puck Daddy showed today?

9:00 - Minnesota at Calgary - We love the games in Calgary. Best talent is in the stands.

10:00 - TB at Vancouver - Honestly. You can miss this one. We might.

Bressler is heading over after the gym. 2Man director, Artem, is out being a hipster somewheres. Get you're buddies over. Put the kids to bed.

This weekend is all about Elijah Price.

"Do you see any Teletubbies in here? Do you see a slender plastic tag clipped to my shirt with my name printed on it? Do you see a little Asian child with a blank expression on his face sitting outside on a mechanical helicopter that shakes when you put quarters in it? No? Well, that's what you see at a toy store. And you must think you're in a toy store, because you're here shopping for an infant named Jeb."

Have a happy.

1,000

- Nemmy

Before you head to happy hour...

By the time you read this, I'll already be gone.

I'm catching an afternoon train down to Philly. 2Man friend and frequent commenter, Mr. W, is graciously putting me up for a booze filled weekend. He's got a couch for me to sleep on, tix for the Fylers/Pens and a tremendous thirst for 3 Olives vodka.

Random Mr. W story for you:

We are in college and doing a full ice flow drill where two players simultaneously skate out of opposite corners with a puck. Once they hit the opposite blueline they put a shot on net. Once the players shoot the next guy in line takes off down the ice for the blueline and the player that just shot has to get on his horse and backcheck.

Awful explanation I know but I've never told this story sober so bear with me.

W has just finished backchecking and gets in the back of line. Artem (2Man genius behind the camera) fires a shot that is waaay off target and drills W in the ankle. W is limping around and completely fired up at Artem. He picks up a puck at the hash marks and fires a slapper down the other end of the ice that hits Artem center mass in the chest. But here's the thing: Artem was in a moving line when he got hit. In fact, Artem wasn't even near the spot where he got hit when W fired the puck. He had just finished the drill when W shot.

W's shot was like a heat seeking missile on target for Artem's chest. Marine snipers couldn't have fired a better shot that W did that day.

I was right in front of W in line and as soon as I saw him take that slapper into a crowded line of his own teammates I rushed over to him. Being the captain of the team that year I was not about to let a guy endanger the rest of the team because he was pissed about taking a puck off the ankle. I was pissed and it was a bullshit thing to do during practice. When I got in W's face I was ready to kill him when I saw the shot pick Artem off from 190 feet away. How could I eat this kid's lunch when he just blew my mind. All I could scream at W was that it was "the best fucking shot I've ever seen in my life".

To this day that was the greatest athletic accomplishment I've seen in person. Ovy scores pretty goals but can he pick off a moving target from across the ice with a slapshot?

Anyways, we are NOT on the isles website this week due to some unforeseen circumstances. Hopefully we'll be back shooting our weekly show next time around.

Someone asked if we write the stuff we talk about. The answer is no. Scotty and I like to let things flow freely. Artem pushes for us to script the stuff we do but it doesn't feel right when we've tried. Besides we're not clever enough to write anything worthwhile anyways.

If you watch the weekly show you'll most likely see the 2nd or 3rd take of a segment. This happens because we'll start drifting out of control and off topic or I'll say something off color and we have to do the whole thing over again.

We really enjoy hosting that show and would sit there all day talking Islanders hockey if they let us but we get to talking and next thing you know Scotty is going off calling the guy from Fast & the Furious a cunt or something. We really should consider scripting it.

Of course you don't come around here looking for professional, polished hockey analysis. Everything we write or say is off the top of the head and rarely makes sense. Hopefully our love of the sport shines through and people can understand what we are trying to get across.

It's amateur hour here. Our only credentials include throwing up in the penalty box during a St. Patrick's Day tournament and playing rug hockey goalie with a Triple Fat Goose as a upper pads. Seriously. Bressler's prom date once asked him if he brought protection so he fucked her with Mike Peluso watching. We're total idiots but we live this shit and appreciate you reading along.

Enjoy Hockey Day in Canada. I'm going down for disaster day in Philly. Sunday Jaime Sifers and the Toronto Maple Leafs come to town to see if they can end Tom Renney's Ranger coaching career.

Have a great weekend, thanks for reading and that's not Billy Guerin down there. That's the money you could be saving with Geico.

-Nemmy

Before you go to Scotty's to watch the Boston game

Long weekend. Spend some time with a loved one on Saturday. If you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, make sure to go out anyways on Saturday night. It is the NFC Championship night of hooking up.

Once you're done cuddling you need to hit the gym. We need to get into mid-season form quickly. Guts don't help you in the corners. We all need plenty of work. Let's go.

Start off with some business on the treadmill. Put the incline up to 15, keep the speed at 3.5 and strut for 30 mins. Get the blood flowing. Focus. Congrats, you are Miro Satan right now.

Next get a good stretch and try not to stare at any girls that walk by. Oh, and if hot chicks go to your gym you might want to cancel your membership. You can't put in work with great looking woman doing hanging leg lifts. Scotty once got a membership at Riker's Island just to get pumped without the distactions. Sacrifice.

Now you're ready to put your wraps on. Climb up into the ring and shadowbox for 4 rounds. If you've been through this make sure to hold some 3lb weights. Let your arms go! That's better, now you are in Cal Clutterbuck territory.

Water break? Nah. Good fighters don't need water and bad fighters don't deserve it. Which one is you, mufu?

Strap your gloves on for some pad work. 5 rounds. Watch your pivots and make sure you stay on that back foot. You just grew some sick Kelly Buchberger neck hair. You're getting there.

You tired? Don't stop now. You got a good sweat going and some blood flow but you're still travelling with a rolling suitcase in the airport. Bad news. Don't be that guy. Hit the heavy bag.

4 rounds on the bag. Snap the jab and don't pull your right hand when you throw it. That's better. Never end on the straight right, always finish with the jab and move around the back. Let those hands go. Jab - right hand - left hook - jab out. Pop, pop, pop, snap and over. Do your arms feel heavy? They should. You just grew some Tony Twist biceps.

Move on to the double-end bag. 4 rounds and try not to trip all over that Iginla snake you just grew.

Tired yet? Of course you are but if you bust your ass now the first 2 rounds of playoffs will feel like your girlfriend just made you Hamburger Helper and is letting you watch the Rangers game when the Hills is on.

Those arms are burning so pushups, pullups and dips are going to be murder. Now's where you decide if reaching Link Gaetz status is worth it to you. Strap one on. It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll. Finish this up and we're almost ready to practice backhand toeys with Pavel Datsyuk.

Ab work? You can skip it. Instead watch some Youtube clips of Rocky Thompson and maybe a Wendel Clark tribute.

Finish of your work out with a 6 pack of tall boys and pat yourself of the back. You're ready to help your squad secure that playoff spot. Don't be alarmed by the Pat Marleau facial hair that just sprouted.

Hit the shower and if you are man enough check out the Islanders website for the 2Man weekend show. It's like a protein shake for the hockey set.

Have a great weekend.

-Nemmy

Before you hit the gym before hitting the bar

Check out the Islanders website and Itv under the 'Multimedia' tab for the Friday 2 Man Advantage weekly show where we introduce some features filmed by the Itv crew. The Islanders streak ended at 4 games but Scotty's streak of wearing sunglasses during taping is approaching 5 weeks strong.

What the hell happened this week?

Thanks for showing up, Craig Hartsburg

Same to you, Chris Clark

Ovie starts to run away with the scoring race

Vanek gets back on his horse

Lindros resigns from NHLPA post; no mention of headaches

NO NO NO WRONG

Seriously, the last few weeks have been excellent without mentioning Sean Avery. Way to possibly jam everything up down the stretch, Rangers.

Best case scenario for tonight:

Get out of work around 4, hit the gym hard like Ronnie Coleman

Saddle up to your bar for the Jackets/Pens game at 7:30

Buds, 2 slices of pizza and shots of something from a plastic bottle

Rangers/Stars at 8:30 on the bar's other TV

Take home a girl who has eyebrows like Jennifer Connelly

Don't get out of bed and watch the Flyers/Bruins at 1 the next day.

No shower and sweatpants for Ducks/Flames or Oil/Wings.

Call that chick with the sexy eyebrows and tell her you had a great time and see if she'd be interested in getting some dinner and watching HNIC.

If she says no then you shoot up to Boston and have drinks with Cornelius and Frasier Crane.

Go hard or go home.

-Nemmy