Jumat, 13 Februari 2009

Before you go to Scotty's to watch the Boston game

Long weekend. Spend some time with a loved one on Saturday. If you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend, make sure to go out anyways on Saturday night. It is the NFC Championship night of hooking up.

Once you're done cuddling you need to hit the gym. We need to get into mid-season form quickly. Guts don't help you in the corners. We all need plenty of work. Let's go.

Start off with some business on the treadmill. Put the incline up to 15, keep the speed at 3.5 and strut for 30 mins. Get the blood flowing. Focus. Congrats, you are Miro Satan right now.

Next get a good stretch and try not to stare at any girls that walk by. Oh, and if hot chicks go to your gym you might want to cancel your membership. You can't put in work with great looking woman doing hanging leg lifts. Scotty once got a membership at Riker's Island just to get pumped without the distactions. Sacrifice.

Now you're ready to put your wraps on. Climb up into the ring and shadowbox for 4 rounds. If you've been through this make sure to hold some 3lb weights. Let your arms go! That's better, now you are in Cal Clutterbuck territory.

Water break? Nah. Good fighters don't need water and bad fighters don't deserve it. Which one is you, mufu?

Strap your gloves on for some pad work. 5 rounds. Watch your pivots and make sure you stay on that back foot. You just grew some sick Kelly Buchberger neck hair. You're getting there.

You tired? Don't stop now. You got a good sweat going and some blood flow but you're still travelling with a rolling suitcase in the airport. Bad news. Don't be that guy. Hit the heavy bag.
4 rounds on the bag. Snap the jab and don't pull your right hand when you throw it. That's better. Never end on the straight right, always finish with the jab and move around the back. Let those hands go. Jab - right hand - left hook - jab out. Pop, pop, pop, snap and over. Do your arms feel heavy? They should. You just grew some Tony Twist biceps.

Move on to the double-end bag. 4 rounds and try not to trip all over that Iginla snake you just grew.

Tired yet? Of course you are but if you bust your ass now the first 2 rounds of playoffs will feel like your girlfriend just made you Hamburger Helper and is letting you watch the Rangers game when the Hills is on.

Those arms are burning so pushups, pullups and dips are going to be murder. Now's where you decide if reaching Link Gaetz status is worth it to you. Strap one on. It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll. Finish this up and we're almost ready to practice backhand toeys with Pavel Datsyuk.

Ab work? You can skip it. Instead watch some Youtube clips of Rocky Thompson and maybe a Wendel Clark tribute.

Finish of your work out with a 6 pack of tall boys and pat yourself of the back. You're ready to help your squad secure that playoff spot. Don't be alarmed by the Pat Marleau facial hair that just sprouted.

Hit the shower and if you are man enough check out the Islanders website for the 2Man weekend show. It's like a protein shake for the hockey set.

Have a great weekend.


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