Jumat, 12 November 2010

All-Star Game Draft

By now you have heard the changes in the selection process for the All-Star Game.

Scotty and I decided to have a 2-man 2Man All-Star fantasy draft over email at work.
We named ourselves non-playing coach/captains and picked the customary 4 forward lines, 3 defensive pairings and 3 tenders. Scotty had 1st overall pick. Here's how the draft went:

A few notes from the draft:
- It's an all-star game so I took D that can rip. Mike Green that early (5th round) was a no brainer

- Scotty didn't keep it totally real by taking a few injured players like Parise and Marty. It's all good for our fantasy draft purposes.

- I should've taken Perry to pair him with Getzlaf. When Scotty took Perry I took Bobby Ryan just so Scotty wouldn't snatch him up later on and pair him with Perry.

- Goalies get torched every year but at least Tim Thomas competes so hard that he can make a few unreal saves.

- I feel like Eric Staal always comes up big in these games.

- We broke up the Sedins and Scotty took the good one. In the real draft will the captains have to handcuff them like how you pick your star RB's backup in fantasy football?

- Our rosters are ridic. I don't really think we left anyone off but some arguments can be made. Where did we eff up?


- Kovy didn't get picked because of how badly he snuffed his last SO attempt. He looks like a broken man.

- I was considering taking Dwayne Roloson with my final goalie pick because he is the best goalie when facing 50+ shots. I made that stat up but I feel like it's true.

- If Savard wasn't concussed he would have went top 3 for me. There is no better player for a pickup game than that guy.

- John Carlson is a beast. Dude has a bomb.


- Nemmy

Rabu, 03 November 2010

2Man Central Scouting

Someone hire me to scout for your NHL team. I'm employing some new evaluation techniques and I'm certain I will put winners in jerseys.

Of course I'll watch these guys play games but mostly my determinations will come from personal interviews and some private investigation work.

Here's a taste of some of my criteria.

1) Does the player have an awful haircut?
Mario, Jagr, Ovy, Malkin, Matty Weindel, etc. all made serious missteps in their hairstyles before becoming stars. Checking what's under the helmet is an easy way to narrowing down the potential stars.
Open up any pack of NHL prospects cards and pick out two. Take Todd Harvey and Pat Falloon for example. Who has the more brutal hairstyle? Which one will be the better NHLer. It’s kind of easy.
You know who had the best hair in amateur hockey history? Answer: Vinny Bruce. Kid was a HNIB stud and standout at Taft but now him and his sick haircut trade investment grade debt for a living. Having tragic hair isn't a sure ticket to NHL stardom but if Vinny had some frosted tips he would have at least made some ECHL money.

2) Does the player have a brain in his head?
I'm going to put a pane of glass to the left of the crease and see if the kid can break it by shooting on a goalie. Does he know where to put a puck on net to get a rebound? This is just like how coaches in basketball teach big men how to anticipate rebounds.

3) How does the player react to wiffle ball?
I'll take a few of the kids out to the park to bbq and play some wiffle ball but I'm not looking for the next Wally Joyner. This test is simply to see:
a) Is the guy athletic enough to not look like a moron?
b) How pissed does the kid get when he loses
c) or How much does he gloat when he wins
Put it this way: I bet when scouts saw Tim Thomas at Vermont they might have noticed some raw athletic ability, labeled him as a "project" because of his mechanics and passed him over.
They totally missed the part of Thomas where he wants to rip so hard that he will literally throw his cock in front of Sheldon Souray to deflect a low slapper. Part of my PI work is finding out if they can remember how many strokes the player beat his father in-law the last time they played mini golf. Common questions include:
Have you ever thrown a pingus paddle in anger?
Has anyone ever called you a "piece of shit" after a family game of Scrabble?
Do you think you have a puncher's chance against anyone anytime?
Would you ever fuck Lenny Kravitz? (Actually that was part of my dating questionnaire.)

There's so much more to my method. After I'm down exhaustively scouting players I guarantee I could fill a team with leaders who you can root for instead of a few passive jerkoffs with "great hockey sense".

Please use the2manadvantage@gmail.com with any inquiries.

- Nemmy

Senin, 01 November 2010

Why Danielle should stick with the Islanders and forget the Habs

Last week the Active Stick posted the reasons that my girlfriend should become a Habs fan (you can read that post here). While there is much I don't agree with in that post, I can agree that Danielle is gorgeous and that any team would be lucky to have her fandom. However, I will not be posting a picture of Danielle to confirm said gorgeousness, so if thats what you came for, I'm sorry to disappoint.

Anyway, here are the reasons that Danielle should stick with the Islanders:

  • Notice that I didn't say choose the Islanders, but instead, stick with them. Thats because the only hockey game that Danielle has every been to was an Islanders game. Why would she choose to be a fan of a team she has never even seen live? I could understand more if she wanted to be an Avalanche fan, but thats neither here nor there. If Montreal is such a great hockey city and has such terrific fans, how come not one of them ever invited Danielle to game when she was living there for 6 years!?

  • Orange is a great color and with the throwback royal blue look terrific on Danielle. Granted, she's so hot, that she would look smoking in a burlap sack, but the point is that Islander's orange looks great on her

  • If speaking French is the only qualification you need to be a coach in Montreal, no wonder they've struggled lately. The Islanders have plenty of french-speaking players for Danielle to converse with. Plus she can teach the non-french speakers how to trash talk their Quebecois opponents

  • Islander fans are just as passionate as Canadien fans, but you know, without the rioting or occasional racism.

  • Following the Canadiens means that there are super-high expectations every year followed by massive disappointment. Danielle has a high stress job, she doesn't need much more to worry about. Following the Islanders means low expectations, so any success is a bonus!

  • The Islanders will continue to get high draft picks, so she won't have to stay up too late to find out who they draft in the first round.

  • Finally, since Danielle lives in New York now, its important that she choose the right side of the New York rivalry, and being a Rangers fan might be even worse than being a Habs fan.


Selasa, 26 Oktober 2010

Chucking Sauce

I don't know where this video is from but at the 0:15 mark one of the Wings pulls out the mini lob wedge and makes my afternoon. Does anyone recognize the player? Might be a guy on the Grand Rapids taxi squad up for the day or a peewee with sick hands. I suck at hockey.

- Nemmy

Jumat, 22 Oktober 2010

Who do you call at that point...has to be Gretz

How ridiculous does Bridget Moynihan look here. Tha might be the sexiest photo I have ever seen. Always liked Brady's pick there.

Let's start off with some Datsyuk sneak compliments of Branis's eye.

sorry couldn't get the embedding with my browser but watch sneaky pavel with some behind the backness, gettin the joints loosy-goosy.

So last night I saw Ovy do such a sneaky thing, that I never thought about. In the NHL as in men's league for all us idiots you can't make a change when you ice the puck. I like this rule because it forces teams to deal with a break-out or gives the other team a chance to capitalize on a tired line in their zone. Ovy stayed out for an entire powerplay last night and should have gotten off with 10 seconds left in it when they broke it out, however he did not and they got caught in their zone. They could not get it out so Ovy iced it because he was dead tired. Now in men's league when this happens, I am like shit I am so tired and now I have to deal with clearing it or breaking it out and I am so tired. Ovy used his brain and realized, hey we need some more rest so they won the next draw and Ovy iced it again to give him and the boys a bit more time to re-group. They wound up taking a penalty anyway but a smart heads up (capacity utilization move) by OV to by some rest time. Really thinking outside the box.

Artem he does look like a Russian Mig fighter jet pilot out there from Top Gun.
There was a back to back Kyle Brodziak goal situation in the Minnesota game and the San Jose box score had a back to back Joey Pavelski assists from Heater and Marlenis.

Dany Sedin keeps throwin ppg's into the kitty and Kelsey Grammar's new girlfriend already mis-carried on a child. I love that man.

Sean Bergenheim had a breakaway goal and Dp played it perfectly and than had a short-handed situation against DP that DP said no to thank god. That would be the last thing we need is a win streak stopped because Doug Weight keeps getting roasted on the powerplay blue-line and a guy that never did anything for us comes out and scores a shorthanded game winner in our eye.

If any of you have not heard about or seen the Isles finish last night in overtime. Matty Mouls-juice is just being Matty Mouls. He may have 37 goals this year. Yes I have Gloria Estefan on while I write so hold on.

The isles are......well.....ok....but please this Doug Weight thing at the point...I get it but he is just too slow to catch people that break the other way. Remember when DP bailed out Dougy when he pulled Gaborik down and gave him a penalty shot. Dp bailed him out once at least with Bergenheim last night. I mean come on now. I love Dougy but we need at least another speedy D man that can cover when this happens.

Matt Cullen is a mule deer right now. An absolute minotaur. Well maybe he's not Arnold of the NHL right now, that may go to Hossa or the Kid or Stamkos but Cullen may finally have a break out season with all those sneaky guys in Minnesota.

We added hits to our fantasy leagues this year. Really puts much more emphasis on players that previously had been discarded in the trash can or places more emphasis on bruisers like Downie and Morrow. OVY is almost unfair in a league with hits because he gets 200 hits on top of everything else he does. I thought he was going to score 20 game winners at one point this season but Boston put him and the Caps in their place. BErgeron missed an empty net short handed goal in the first game for me. Come on dude. I needed that one.

Which brings me to my final point. The Isles goal in overtime went to video review. The longest review ever. If you saw the goal...it trickled off Ellis's back and he swung his glove around and caught the puck shoving it out of the net. It never actually hit the ground but it crossed the goal line plane in mid-air. I think they were consulting the hockey grail as to whether or not this counts as crossing the line. Who should they call in the event that someone had to make that precedent right than if there wasn't one. Does it have to hit the floor or can it just cross the plane in air without touching net and be pulled out? You woudl have to theoretically call Gretz no? He would have to stamp it as the supreme court justice of the land. Right? Maybe a panel of Gretz, Mess and Yzerman with Roenick cooking food in the background adding a little say.

Stay long Clark MacT and give him a chance to fully squeeze out all short positions against him this season. Stevey Sulls was interesting but I just can't tell. I'm long a little Tommy Kopecky playing with Fuegas Hossa right now. Buy the Kesler dip and pile into the Dallas Stars this season...everyone from Lehtonen to Jamie Benn. I have Steve Downie in all three of my leagues. He is going to just add so much value to your squad this season playing with Stamkos and collecting pims like crazy. He will re-define the word Arabian for me this year.

Remember the end goal of life is to sell someone this hard at least one point.

Thats enough for now.


Kamis, 21 Oktober 2010


Hossa is a superbeast this season. The clip above is from Monday's 3-2 OT win over the Blues. Let it simmer for a moment and let's break down the nastiness.


I give Turco some grief for trying to do too much with the puck but this is what he can do for you. Down 2 in the 3rd Turco delivers a strike to Hossa with a better pass than half of the Dmen in the league can make.


Hossa catches a beat running like Randy Moss as the Blues are caught in a change.


Hossa is down 2 with less than a minute to go in the PP. I'd say 85% of the league's forwards would have put this puck either to the net or tried to crow bar the puck to the man in front. Hossa has too much swagger this season. Credit to the St. Louis dmen for both laying out to take away that lane and getting a body on the Hawk in front.


Hossa takes his time with a little deep Gretzky curl and sees a lane across the slot. The St. Louis PK box isn't as tight as they'd like as they were scrambling to get back into the play but that forward is trying to get his "active stick" in the passing lane. Eddie O would have a semi just thinking about it.


The pass makes it through. You get those bounces when you are playing with a full tank like Hossa. Now the guy with the puck has options. Walk in from the dot before young Oshie comes to lay him out? Hit Bolland who is geared up to unleash some serious torque? Throw one on net through traffic? How about he waits until Bull Hossa drives to the net and feed the hot hand?


Hossa wants it. He's a big dude and BJ Crombeem or whoever is not keeping him from a tally tonight. He's impressed me with his toughness. He's in the grimy areas and he's got his feet up on the good furniture.


Again the pass gets through and Hossa has a backhand layup. It doesn't happen if he's playing the perimeter just hanging around for a one-timer. It also doesn't happen if Roman Rolak doesn't poo his diaper and let that puck get past him.

Let's review:
1) Turco converts on 3rd and long
2) Hossa has room thanks to a Blues change
3) Hossa doesn't rush the play
4) Hossa nearly trips on his cock as he looks for an outlet
5) Bullrush to the net
6) Shake off the haters
7) Mazel Tov

If you don't think Hossa has that extra badass spark to him check out how he ties the game a few minutes later.

The guy wants it again this year.

- Nemmy

Rabu, 20 Oktober 2010

Guess the Suspension

I say give him 10 games. 1 for grabbing the fan and 9 for suckering Brad Staubitz.

If you watch the Canucks broadcast they give it to the fan pretty good. I don't know what the guy did to get Rypien going but any player that needs to be restrained by his coach and teammates doesn't need much to push him over the edge.

Trust me, I know a little something about assaulting fans.

- Nemmy

Jumat, 15 Oktober 2010


1) This season doesn't seem the same without the big dogs. The Isles wouldn't benefit from Black in the system? Money to spend and a familiar face...

2) Josh Bailey and Sam Gagner are my breakout players for this season. Over 60 points. Call it a hunch.

3) The Bruins over the Wings for the Cup is my fantasy. In reality I think the Wings or Hawks are the two teams to beat. The East looks wide open after Philly and Washington.

4) After Khabibulin and Ribeiro the next alcohol-related arrest comes out of Calgary. That team seems rudderless to me.

5) I like Doug Weight, Kris Huselius, Lucic, Getzlaf, Downie, Derek Roy and John Quick for big bushy seasons. Weight and Lucic are healthy, finally, Downie is playing with some busy line mates, Huselius and Roy have been warm before but they are one hot stretch away from putting up a crooked number this season and Quick for no reason other than a better team in front of him.

6) I think Matt Moulson, Ryan Malone, Mike Fisher and Bryzgalov come back down to earth.

7) Bruce Boudreau gets fired at some point this season. I think he catches the blame if the Caps struggle. McPhee won't be on the hook because he drafts too well.

8) I'm a dopey hockey blogger I don't need to back any of these up with anything.

- Nemmy

Kamis, 14 Oktober 2010


With all due respect to Marty, this is the greatest goaltender I've ever seen play.

I'm willing to discuss but only after 12 beers.

- Nemmy

Rabu, 13 Oktober 2010


This was worth 2 games.

This was also worth 2 games.

I'm not going crazy that Niklas Hjalmarsson sits for 2 games for this hit. He jumped into a play and was a touch too aggressive. In my perfect world he would sit for a game.

When Scotty and I watched the Isles game and saw Wiz simulate a blowjob we both laughed. We also laughed when MSG showed clips of Avery simulating a handjob during a warmup spat with Konopka. We just figured it was part of the game that two guys were goofing on each other between whistles. Giving James Wisniewski 2 games seems silly to me. I get that he's a repeat offender now as he was suspended last season for nailing Brent Seabrook in the head. I get that saying "hey, blow me" and miming the act are different but 2 games for something pretty harmless in my opinion is crazy. Of course Avery was suspended 6 games for making a joke so we have seen outrageous suspensions for something not so outrageous before. Maybe my sense of humor is different from the league front office but I would only suspend Wiz 2 games if he actually blew a player on the ice.

- Nemmy

Senin, 11 Oktober 2010

Weekend Warrior

Mike Delisi once called me a weekend warrior one time when I attempted to make my drinking habits seem ok. This weekend required the warrior in me. It started off with Justin McDizzle knocking at my door around 1:30 Thursday AM. Two greasssyyyy spider monkeys and an Abe Lincoln later and Friday night was upon us. Nemy's wedding night.
wow what a photo of Nem there huh?
A splendid affair which featured the best Clark Kent rendition by Mac. Camille had quite a strong impression on his person as well. Together they operated machinery that had not been in use in quite some time.

Yes Dance got hitched Friday and it was a glorious affair overlooking Lady Liberty Harbor in New York. I sang Lazy Mary by Lou Monte in token to my friendship. I said Yes. Just say Yes!

The wedding night saw many old friendships come back together. Many gestures came out that we hold so high here at the 2man heart. Why just yesterday, James Wisniewski new member to the Islander D-core exemplified to Sean Avery some remnants from the Wedding.

Perhaps our best group rendition of the photo at the Piers displaying the Rangers in 94 after they won their last stanley cup. Notice how I use the word Last!

Then there is Brian Kinahan doing his best impression of everything in this photo.What about me snaking Brad Boyes in the 15th plus round of every single draft I had this year. Come on dude. Buying on a pullback year. The man will have a 30 and 30 at the worst.
Ovy's game winner last night and all is back and right with the world as it should be.

My weekend continued the following night at another great friends wedding out on Long Island whose highlights included my Pops in a fire red tie, Sternberg head butting me after many drinks and the calming presence of Geno Malkin on a powerplay in mid-February. My neck and knees are sooo soar from dancing that I am just sitting out of life this week. I am on the verge of either leaving my job or getting fired and I figure thats fine because as Nemy always said the Josef Vasicek show we did is pulling in a ton of royalities from the networks so I got that going for me.

I met up with Leonard the Cat recently and he tried to make me remember to look at bright side of everything. He wasn't always a billionaire. He didn't always have the largest emerald mine in the world or the largest collection of subterranean bug faces but what he did always have was his integrity, beliefs and good nature. He and Camille recently ventured to the Falkland Islands to one of Leonards many summer retreats to discuss business ethics and the crisis in the Middle East. They bought the only liquor store on the main island and locked themselves in the house for a week. It ended with a Matt Moulson hat-trick, a goal, assist and a snot rocket before Camille boarded his space ship and headed for the hedge.

This Saturday the 2man crew will head to the Coliseum for a cancer night against the powerful Avalanche army. We go in rememberance of a fallen comrade. A great man whose spirit is strong and steady in the after life. A man who would always cheer me up after a college game that I felt I hadn't played well in. He would always help me get over it with a smile or a laugh. Well this Saturday we shall pour some out for him and maybe eat one too many brownies in honor of him. When I think of the Islander team in my lifetime I think of a few select memories. Pat Lafontaine, Trottier, Nystrom, Tambellini, Bruno, Dan Bressler and his old school mesh jerz, my grandma bathing me in her sink during games when I was a pup so I could see the tv and Al Bressler with his jolly old smile and good nature. Travis Green is in there too with maybe Mic Vukota or Rich Pilon...weird.

Well until next time...fight the trend and FUCK the haters!


Senin, 13 September 2010


First off I think its interesting that Kesler has a kid
Just saying...not judging...just saying
Thought a player that young and with skill developing like it is that he might want to play the field awhile longer


Nemchinov sent me a text the other night with the above picture and needed me to guess who that was.

First off the guy looks tiny in that photo and it is supposed to be Shane Doan. Apparently he cut his hair. There is no way that I would ever be able to tell Shane Doan without long hair, sunglasses and a hat on....no way
Whats also crazy is that I have stock photos of Doan already in my computer at work.

The 2 man had a great roller skate on Saturday...Truly fun

The way it was supposed to be

Kamis, 09 September 2010

Selasa, 07 September 2010

NHL 11

So the new season is almost here and the new video game as well. I pretty much only play the hockey games on xbox at this point and have gotten scary good. I said that I would attempt to contact the EA Sports headquarters...you know like their question, comment, feedback thing which I'm sure they have about some new ideas for the upcoming games. Obviosuly I didn't because I'm lazy however I'd like to list the additions and deletions as I see them. Maybe I'll get these in for 2012 game.

They apparently have altered the faceoff system which is solid. Meaning instead of the pull it back only situation, you can now push and pull the opposing center and have a forward come in on your team or you can actually go for the shot off the faceoff in the offensive zone which will be cool. Move OVY to the center in a clutch sitch and have him just rip off the faceoff. I like this.
Apparently there was a huge push for broken stick effect. WHAT! Stop it...this takes up graphic and memory space to make the game work properly. Yes it makes the game more realistic but its not realistic its video games so can we please do something else and stop wasting valuable space on this stupidity.

They added dekes and the Brad McGann texas two step hop over opponents that have fallen or you just want to do the Texas Mac Two Step around an opponent. They have added more moves like the Bure to the skate and such and other things which is solid.
The thing I like the most is apparently they have stretched out the amount and type of hits that occur. Meaning you wont see the same type of hit very often. Different body reactionary movements from the hits. I love this. Because I love turning up the aggression meter and the hitting difficulty down and just re-writing history with Zdeno Chara.
Overall it looks to be sexy but here is what I wanted to submit to the gaming programmers.
In the opening menu there are game modes like international tourney, season, playoff...whatever. I thought you could create a mode like pro-beach roller hockey with the ramps behind the net and your on the beach. Maybe you can use alumni like McSorley, Gretz, Mess whoever. And they use a ball so it bounced and does different stuff than puck mode does. Xbox hockey games used to do pond hockey which was sick along with mini games and such. Bring that shit back. Its video games....have the mode that resembles real hockey like every game has and than spin it up. And most importantly...enable gamers to be able to play with 2 on 2 or 3 on 3 or 4 on 4 in season mode or tourney mode. I always wanted to be able to play with like Washington and use Ovy Backstrom and Green and do a 3 on 3 tourney instead of 5 on 5. Or use Getsome, Perry and Niedermayer, no line changes and just have fun. Make the flip passes easy and high arcing so you can home run breakaways easily. And about the flip passes, 2 years ago you would flip a pass out of the zone and it cxould bounce in the neutral zone and than bounce over the opponents Defenseman's stick and you'd be off to the races. In 2010, it bounces in the neutral zone and the computer glitch intercepts it all the time. Don't make it all the time...its fun in video game world to homerun passes.

Jumat, 20 Agustus 2010

Friday Reading

This was sent by my friends dad. Enjoy:

I’ve put some thoughts together about my “hockey career” which I hope you find amusing. Also from a fans perspective I think that the NHL should stop changing the rules every year and should consider the pre 1960 rules. Here goes:

I’ve been watching hockey since 1954 when my dad took me to Madison Square Garden to see the Rangers play the Bruins in front of maybe 6,000 fans. Since then I’ve probably seen over 700 NHL games in 10 cities including Montreal and Toronto. When my son Ted was 9 years old he started playing youth hockey which became travel hockey with teams on Long Island and in Princeton, NJ. Youth hockey games total over 300 from Marlborough, Mass. to Tysons Corner VA. Additionally he played four years of club hockey at Rider University.

Considering that my dad came from St. Catharines, Ontario I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t know how to skate. My dad, who attended the first ever NHL game in New York at the old Madison Square Garden in 1924 between the Americans and Canadiens, told me that Howie Morenz was the greatest player ever and I believe that his great grandson is currently playing hockey for the University of Wisconsin. Hockey is in my blood and after being married 30 years my wife Susie knows not to make plans for any night when the Rangers are playing. I’m always frightful of May or June wedding conflicting with Stanley Cup Play Off Games. I always tell people that after getting married and having two children the happiest day of my life was June 14, 1994 when the Rangers finally won the Stanley Cup.

Years ago in the old MSG they would permit fans to go down to the entrance of the Ranger’s room to see the team make their way on to the ice. My parents had just given me a new Polaroid Color Camera for Christmas and there I was ready to take a picture of Jacques Plante coming out of the Ranger room. Frank Paice the longtime trainer of the Rangers says to me “You’re not going to take a picture of the goalie are you?” to which I said yes I was. He asked me not to as the flash of my camera could conceivably blind the goaltender. Wow I’m sure glad I didn’t shoot Jacques Plante because he gave up two goals to the Bruins just moments after the Star Spangled Banner was sung by Everett Morrison with Gladys Gooding at the organ. The Rangers as I recall came back to win the game. Instead of getting a picture of Jacques Plante my photo is of a young Rod Gilbert. That picture with his autograph that I got many years later is in our home. Speaking about the Star Spangled Banner and O Canada it’s sad that they have been replaced by TV commercials. If it was this way years gone by I never would have heard Roger Doucet sing O Canada from the Montreal Forum

I grew up in Rockville Centre out on Long Island and my buddy from down the street was the late Pete Axthelm who about 35 years ago wrote a book about New York City basketball called “The City Game”. It was New Years Eve 1959 and our parents had given us permission and a few dollars to see the Rangers play the Bruins. At the Garden we buy a pair of tickets in the Side Promenade which was the three rows closest to the ice. At $4 a ticket even in 1959 it was pretty cheep. We wound up in Section R in the first row behind the Bruins’ bench. No glass – just a steel mesh screen. I was 17 and Pete was 16 and we had heard our share of fowl language at La Salle Military Academy and Chaminade by then or so we thought until hearing both “Bronko” Horvath and Vick Stasiuck. Their vocabulary didn’t prevent them along with Johnny Bucyk from forming the Bruins famous “Uke Line” as all three players were of Ukrainian heritage. Talk about being fowl mouthed - we could hear every word they said. Into the game the Rangers’ Camille Henry was injured and down on the ice when we hear the Bruins Jerry “Topper” Toppazani sarcastically say “Poor little boy got hurt” and my sidekick Pete Axthelm says to me “Topper why don’t you shut up” never thinking for a moment that his comment could be heard! Suddenly we are looking at each other as a hockey stick is being waived at our heads as “Topper” says to Pete “Shut up kid or I knock your f’ing teeth down your throat”.

So I feel more qualified than a lot of fans to offer my opinion of the National Hockey League since it resumed play in 2005 with several rule changes some of which I like and of course a few that I don’t. But before I start let me say that you think you’ve seen everything possible until you get involved in youth hockey. So let me throw this question at you. A penalty shot is awarded if the goal tender throws his stick at a player right? So the kid on our team taking the penalty shot skates toward the goal and, so help me you can’t make this up, the goalie throws his stick again! What’s the call? Well our kid was awarded an automatic goal and the goal keeper got two minutes for delay of game. It would be interesting for you go into your archives to see if this ever happened in the NHL.

Five years ago when play resumed there were several rule changes made in an effort to increase scoring and really this has not happened. That being said with there are more PP goals because of the increase number of power plays but at even strength goal scoring is about the same. To me the obvious reason is that the talent is spread too thin which might become a bigger problem with the Kontinental Hockey competing for European players. Anyway here is what I would do if I became the NHL Hockey God:

· Bring back the automatic icing as it was many years ago as Don Cherry has pontificated about this for several years & in the Olympics too.

· Eliminate the trapezoid. So what if the goalie handles the puck. Now they puck handle in front of the trapezoid anyway. We want play to continue don’t we and why should the goalie be penalized for demonstrating his puck handling ability?

· Put the Blue Lines closer to the goal where they were before. Currently with the Blue Line closer to the Red Line an attacking player is further from the opposing goal. With the Blue Lines in their pre 2004 position, a potential attacker is closer to the opposing goal.

· No more automatic Delay of Game minor penalty for putting the puck over the glass. Let the referees decide if it’s intentional or not. The automatic penalty is too severe for a simple mistake. Putting the puck over the glass is not a restraining foul like tripping, hooking, holding or interference nor can a player get hurt as might result from boarding, high sticking, elbowing, cross checking or charging yet the same two minute penalty is assessed! More power plays rather than speeding up the game was only reason for this rule. By the time the referee makes his call & the player goes to penalty box the game is delayed more! Finally do you really want a game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals decided by this type of call? Let the players decide who wins and who looses and not some foolish, gimmicky and Mickey Mouse rule!

· The enforcement against hooking and to a lesser extent holding is way too tight. There isn’t a game I’ve watched in the last 5 seasons in which the announcer or color man hasn’t commented about a penalty for either side being a phantom call or being too “ticky tacky” or being very weak. “Was that the penalty?” or “That can’t be it can it?” or words to that effect are uttered in virtually every game that I see! Back off a bit please.

· Eliminating the two line pass rule is Ok.

· Goalie Pads have to be made smaller!

· 15 minutes between periods not 17 minutes.

· You want to increase scoring then make a penalized player serve his full penalty time irrespective of the number of the goals scored as was the rule until about 1960 when it was changed to off set Montreal’s fabulous PP.

Now clearly the most controversial rule change has been the Shootout which some will argue is ridiculous….65 minutes of team play to be decided by an individual skills competition! But you can’t ignore the excitement that a shootout brings to the building. Therefore I’m onboard and support the shootout provided it is never used in the Stanley Cup Playoffs. One downside to the Shootout is that it takes away the excitement of a penalty shot during the game.

Many things have happened in this game that produced unexpected results. Years ago, before helmets, opponents had more respect for one another and now with advent of helmets and better equipment the game has gotten much rougher particularly along the boards where we now see major penalties and suspensions for hits to the head including boarding or cross checking. I was going to say charging but I can’t remember the last time I saw a charging penalty. Unfortunately the new equipment gives players from youth hockey on up a false sense of security and has made the game rougher than it ought to be. Make these guys take off the head gear & see what happens! That’s a bit too radical isn’t it?

One thing though was that without helmets you didn’t have to buy a program to see that Eric Nesterenko of the Blackhawks was No.16. If he was walking down 49th St. any NYR fan would immediately recognize him. No helmets? I don’t think so.

We definitely have a problem with players crashing the net and the goalie. This could be corrected immediately if the goal posts were anchored into the ice but while this isn’t as wacky as helmet elimination I couldn’t support this idea either. I’ll tell you what though. Make the goal crease its original size and change the rule so as to make goalies fair game if they are out of the goal crease. Again at one time this was the rule. I heard Dave Maloney on a NYR telecast use the term “frontier justice” meaning how the goal tenders like the Islanders’ Billy Smith policed their turf before the rules were amended. Now I know that you can’t come out and say it’s Ok for Marty Brodeur to slash an opposing player who is in his turf but maybe the refs should kinda look the other way unless it gets out of hand.

As for fighting – it’s part of the game! As a Ranger fan who can forget that Gordie Howe – yes Gordie Howe – broke Lou Fontanato’s nose. Then there was the war between Vic Hadfield & Henri “Pocket Rocket” Richard and of course John Ferguson against anyone. Unfortunately I was ”aweigh” in the USN for the battles between Ted Harris & Orland Kurtenbach. For the most part these fights were spontaneous and part of the individual contest. Hadfield and Richard had their battles but considering that there were 14 games each season between Rangers and Canadiens altercations between the two were few. Also Howe, Hadfield, Ferguson and Richard were skill players and goal scorers while Fontanato and Harris were dam good defencemen! These guys were hockey players first who could defend themselves and fight if need be. The same could even be said about Dave Schultz of the Flyers who once had a Hat Trick against the Rangers. But in today’s game it seems that most teams skate with a “designated” fighter such as Colton Orr, Georges Laraque and Donald Brashier all of whom are 4th line skaters. The difference is that these guys are fighters first and hockey players second. It’s one thing to see Vic Hadfield defending the honor of the New York Rangers while at the same time scoring 50 goals. On the other hand today’s designated fighters don’t see much ice when the game is on the line. To fix the problem I would cut back to 16 the number of skaters each team can dress. In this scenario you would have 11 forwarders and 5 defencemen and teams would not have the luxury of dressing a designated fighter. Good luck with the NHLPA on this idea as it would mean the elimination of 2 players from each team or 60 jobs league wide. Maybe 17 skaters could cure part of the problem.

Clearly the 2005 rule changes have not worked and the truth is that but for the two line pass rule and the shoot out maybe the NHL should consider going back to the pre 1957 rules when each team had 16 skaters and we had automatic icing with penalties being served in full and goalies could roam but at their own risk. By changing the rules every year the NHL looses credibility.

Selasa, 13 Juli 2010

Sweater watch

Yesterday I tweeted that a young Angie Jolie was wearing a red Devils jersey in the 1995 dopey computer movie Hackers.

Today we have Mike Inez, bassist for Alice in Chains wearing a Kings sweater on stage.

I could waste a full day on the internet watching 90's rock bands and searching for hockey jersey sightings. Until Kovy signs this is all we got.

- Nemmy

Selasa, 29 Juni 2010


Got anything to talk about? Nope? Let's talk about hockey pants.

The worst breezers in the NHL are the teams that go with the plain black style. The Flyers, Bruins, Avalanche, Sharks, Kings, Stars, and Devils do nothing.

The Devils went from those sick green with red striped pants to plain black pants.

Terrible move. The only way teams can get away with the solid colored pants is if the teams sweaters are elaborate like the Caps and the Predators.

If you have more simple jerseys like the Flyers or Devils throw a stripe and a logo on there.

Just like Detroit. Plain, simple, classic.

I like how the teams that do the throwback unis bring back sick looking pants. Edmonton and the Isles went the Canadiens route with great success.

Calgary not only had the best deep red in sports but added the yellow stripes.

The Pens used to have the solid yellow line then went boring with the solid black and now have the gold Thomas Pink gold triangle cut.

This style is kind of cool and works with the All-Star unis from 2008.

Not like the plain stars and lines in the worst All-Star pants in 1983

The Tackla pants with the logos down the side are too Euro looking even though I wore a pair like this in pee-wee.

When you have boring black pants this is how you make shit work: The Tampa Bay Lightning put a bolt down the side.

When you have boring black pants this is how you mess everything up: The Dallas Stars spelled out the city down the side.

Before they tried to put stars down and that looked dopey.

The only team to pull off the stars was the Caps. Scotty still has a pair of the white Tackla Capitals breezers with the red and blue stars and 2 stripes that I wear when I suit up for roller hockey goalie. Awesome pants but you have to be an amazing hockey player to wear them and not have everyone in the rink take a run at you.

The only other guy that should be run as much as the kid in the white pants is the kid who won't zip up the insides of his Tackla pants. The extra un-zipped room is for players to pull the pants up over your skates. The zippers aren't there because you are such a dynamic skater that you need the extra room for your Kariya-like stride. Zip that shit up, loser.

Ottawa also gets away with the plain black pants with one white and one red stripe. Solid.
Kind of like Chicago which gets it done all over the board.
Some teams try to add the stripe at the end of the pants like Columbus and Carolina. I don't like these because they both look like the players are wearing shells and we can see their black pants sticking out underneath.

The only two times I think the bottom stripes work. One is the New York Rangers because they have thin white and blue stripes on red breezers along with vertical stripes.

The other time the bottom stripe worked was with the Jets. Again it worked because of the red color and white stripe didn't make it look like it was a shell.

The Blues have pretty cool futuristic RBK pants but the curved stripe. Not a bad look.

The other strong new pants are the Coyotes because of the color, stripes and it has the moon logo. Every team should have some logo on the pants.

The Wild keep it real.

The Panthers should switch to these pants full-time. Sick color, one white stripe and the sneaky sun logo on the bottom. SICK.

The best breezers in my opinion were the CCM Supras. Classic pants, simple with the two white lines down the side.

The Kings made the most of having black pants when Gretzky wore the Supras with the white stripes and the logo.

Better than the classic New Jersey green breezers were the old Whalers pants. The Whale had plain green with the logo and the white stripes on the side. If they went with a blue stripe in there it would have been game over.

A big step up from this shit:
But the best pants were Supras that the Nordiques wore.

The best pants going unless you can get away with wearing no pants at all.


- Nemmy