What you missed last night while you were taking a bath

Bruins beat the Leafs in the shoot-out, 3-2:
Miro Satan's move
was dirty. Even though it
made no sense at all.

Sharks beat the Canadiens, 3-2:
Dany Heatley is
completely unlikeable.
I hate his face shield.

Hurricanes beat the Senators, 4-1:
Did Pascal Leclaire
get hurt again last night? Is
he softer than Rick?

Coyotes beat the Avalanche, 3-1:
I am rooting for
the Coyotes. I don't care
that the league "owns" them.

Capitals beat the Lightning, 5-4:
I wonder if the
Caps have the record for most
games scoring 3 plus?

Penguins beat the Rangers in OT, 5-4:
Paul's status - "Cindy
Crosby diving. Big Surprise."
Paul, you stop crying!

Blues beat the Stars, 6-1:
Paul Kariya, great
college hockey product or
greatest product?

Predators beat the Kings, 4-2:
Johnny Quick looked bad.
He must be rusty from the
press box in BC.

Thrashers beat the Islanders, 6-3:
How come Garth couldn't
move one keeper? This team is
about to implode.

What you missed last night while you were finally finishing your crhistmas shopping

Since there are no games the rest of the week, today's recaps will be hockey haikus. Think of it as an early Christmas gift!

Penguins roll over the Senators, 8-2:
Lost in this blow out,
are Fleury's 45 saves.
And Alfie got hurt.

Blues beat the Flames in the shoot-out, 2-1:
On one play, Langkow
laid out Paul Kariya. The
Blues swept all the west.

Canadiens beat the Hurricanes, 5-1:
So, are all games that
the Canadiens play in
the southeast in French?

Islanders beat the Maple Leafs, 3-1:
Blake Comeau played great
He could be this teams, Selke
candidate. John scored!

Wild beat the Oilers, 3-1:
I think that Owen
Nolan should only be known
as Cowboy. He scored.

Flyers beat the Lightning, 5-2:
I hope the Flyers
improve after Christmas
for the Classic.

Blackhawks shut-out the Red Wings, 3-0:
They're not booing you
Hossa, they're say, "yoooooooou sucked
in the play-offs, jerk."

Coyotes shut-out the Ducks, 4-0:
If a team wins in
the desert and no one is
there, does it matter?

Stars beat the BJs, 3-1:
Fire Hitch? Trade who? What
are the Jackets going to
do to stop this slide?

Bruins beat the Thrashers. 6-4:
Boston looks like a
team hitting their groove. Kessel
who? exactly, right.

Rangers beat the Panthers, 4-1:
I was supposed to
go to this game, but glad I
did not. Gabby scored!

Capitals win over the Sabres, 5-2:
Ovechkin scored his
24th goal in his game
29. Dream's alive.

What you missed last night because there was seeing eye dog at the gym

I don't understand why the seeing-eye dog was at the gym. I couldn't even find the blind-person.

Blues beat the Flames, 4-3: The game winner from TJ Oshie was a sweet cross-bar and in wrist shot. The pass from Kariya to Oshie was even better. It was through sticks and legs and past another Blue's teammate. Sick vision from Paul.

Kings beat the Oilers, 3-2: I like everything about the Kings except their jerseys. Go back to the early 90s style. Thats it. Or go way back to the original Luc style. Don't half-ass it with some purple or make the third-jerseys all black. John Quicks helmet is sweet though.

Penguins beat the Flyers, 6-1: Have 2 coaches ever been replaced by the same team in the same season? How long can the Flyers wait before they can Laviollette? Or are they going to blow up the team like they did a few years back? Ok, ok I went a little too far there. Seriously though, the Flyers are mostly terrible the past month. Maybe they'll make a huge trade before the christmas break.

Capitals win over the Avalanche, 6-1: How can the Caps score 6 and Ovy not have 1? That just pisses me off.

Predators beat the Lightning, 7-4: Was this game televised?

Wild beat the BJs, 2-1: see above

For Real

RIGHT?

- Nemmy

An even more boring summer work day

But the news today is the official retirement announcement of Burnaby Joe. What can you say but raise your glass of Pinot, Jack, Gin or Juice in high praise of this once mighty super power. In my opinion Joe Sakic represents the land of America when factories were booming during World War II. He represents all that is a mid-stride toe tuck top shelf. He portaits me mashed up with Wendel, Nemy and Mac pounding Absolut to our faces. What a player!

625 goals 1,016 assists and up there on the all time list. Put up a hundo even in his 37th year on the planet. That is sick. I wish the snowblower didn't fully ruin last season because I would have liked to see a 60-70 pt. final Joe run. Hoisted the cup twice, got some lady Bing action and was 1000 at all times. Remember the Colorado team that never was. Sakic, Kariya, Selanne, Forsberg, Tanguay, Hejduk. I wish that team was healthy for a full season.

Last night on the opposing team we played there's this kid that I thought...don't quote me but I am pretty sure he has called me this and I thought he said this last night again. He called someone a 'tit.' Like a real serious pasty mean quiet person. Good defenseman but weird in a weird way. I actually heard from someone that he rode the bench for four years at Michigan on their D1 squad. That's fucked up dude. I met some of my best friends forever by playing and bonding with them over my college tenure. The point of the story is that I asked him last night if I could use the phrase 'Tit' because I liked it. He was confused...Nemy just kept laughing on the bench. I was serious. He's the complete opposite of Burnaby Joe and what he stood for.

Congrats to Sakic on his accomplished career as an athlete. His combination of skill, class and leadership are a rarity in sports today and will always be remembered on the ice.

- Barbone