We had a mens league game at 11:30 last night. It’s a brutal timeslot especially considering I should be at my desk by 7AM. I’m tired, unshaven and whatever I write is not going to make any sense. At some point during this post I expect the Flyers bench to try to fish me away from my computer like I’m a concussed Sami Kapanen.
To make a long story short I am moving into a new apartment and in the process of switching my cable I had to suspend my Center Ice Package. I still can watch the Devils, Rangers and Isles tonight but I rarely watch those teams if another more interesting game is on or the Bruins are scheduled. I’m getting everything hooked up and back to normal on Sunday but here is what I’ve been missing as far watching games on tv. Keep in mind I’m not the director of central scouting. I’m just a guy with a tv, beer and a haircut loosely based on former Canadians coach Guy Carboneau.
New Jersey – A few years ago this was one of the least interesting teams to watch. Now with Parise and Elias going crazy at least you can see some magic. For me the best part of Devils games is watching John Madden play. He’s so good at hockey.
NYR – Joe Micheletti makes this team unwatchable. His color analysis is nothing more than repeating what happened during replays. I was never a JD fan because his chateau bow wow bullshit was annoying but I really miss him as the Rangers analyst. Having the games in HD helps.
NYI – I watch too many Islander games but it’s a pleasure watching Richard Park kill a penalty.
Philly – I enjoy getting pissed at watching Scott Hartnell and his Bon Jovi keyboard player mop being an asshole after the whistle. He’s such a dick. If he was on my team I’d really enjoy his work.
Pittsburgh – Haven’t watched a full game with Guerin on Sid’s line yet. Really looking forward to it because Billy looks very happy in the highlights. Too bad the games are shot from the Mir space station. Games in the new rink will be a joy to watch.
Boston – My favorite team, number 1 in the East (for now) and Jack Edwards losing his shit with every “SAVE by Thomas”. Life is good.
Buffalo – I’m a big Derek Roy fan. He’s a little like Marc Savard. Bress once dressed up as Janine Garofalo for Halloween. It has nothing to do with hockey but I had to get that off my chest because it always bothered me.
Montreal – I don’t really watch many Montreal games unless they are playing the Bruins.
Ottawa – This team is lousy and it’s not worth watching a game just to see Carrie Underwood in a luxury suite. I will say that Chris Phillips is one of my favorite defensemen in the game. I enjoy watching him play.
Toronto – I watch when Sifers is playing. That’s about it. I used to be a small fan of Jason Blake but now his game just annoys me. Jamal Mayers is an entertaining fighter.
Atlanta – These are not always the best games but Kovy, Little and White are fun to watch. It always seems that when I watch a game with the Thrashers that there are 8+ goals on the board. You need that every once in a while.
Carolina –Eric Staal is a chucker. It’s great to watch him flying down the ice and blasting something on net.
Florida – Only watched a couple Panthers games this year. They aren’t a regular stop for me on the dial but I like how the defense really took it to the Bruins this season.
Tampa Bay – Radioactive.
Washington – Wildly entertaining team to watch. I like how I can hear the arena announcer screaming in the rink in my living room. That guy is high voltage.
Chicago – I like watching the young kids except when Brian Campbell does his spins. They just always seem unnecessary.
Columbus – Rick Nash is a force, J. Boll is always fighting, Steve Mason has been unbelievable and the crowds are more active than anything in the Tri-state area. This is a great team to watch. Shocking.
Detroit – I enjoy watching the puck control and the fact that the Wings have to score 4+ a game because their goaltending is lousy.
Nashville – Another sneaky enjoyable team to watch. Although the broadcast is either too dark or washed out these guys show the best commercials in the league. Better than the one in Columbus for the farmers dating service or the truck bed liners in Minnesota.
St. Louis – Dave Backes and BJ Crombeen are 2 of my favorite players to watch this season.
Calgary – Best games on tv. The Flames broadcast is top notch, the team is fun to watch and they always have hot chicks in the stands. The 2MA like to watch the Calgary games so we can see Bertuzzi loaf around the ice.
Colorado – Boring except for the two Codys.
Edmonton – The best part of watching the Oil on tv is when they sing the anthem and catching Gagner’s shootout moves on the highlight show. That’s really it.
Minnesota – I like watching Cal Clutterbuck hit. When I dream at night sometimes I imagine myself in the Clutterbuck role just thrashing defensemen.
Vancouver –Haven’t watched a game since Sundin arrived. To me, the best part about watching this team is Willie Mitchell playing hard-nosed defense. Mitchell and Rivet in Buffalo remind me of those kids who played on both the hockey and football teams at school.
Anaheim – Hitting, fighting, Niedermayer rushing the puck and not needing to use a spin-o-rama to gain the blueline. This team is worth staying up for.
Dallas – There was a time when every night the 2Man crew got together for drinks a Stars game would be on. Not having Morrow in the lineup really hurts my viewing pleasure.
LA –I say these guys aren’t very fun to watch but Bress disagrees with me. Artem and I watched when they played the Devils a few weeks ago and he fell asleep in my bed before the end of the first. It was funny because my girlfriend accidentally climbed in with him. She eventually found out it wasn’t me because he has no cock.
Phoenix – Strader, Pang and Doan are all that’s exciting about the desert. I made a bet with Scotty at the beginning of the season that Doan wouldn’t be on the 2010 Olympic roster. That’s gonna cost me.
San Jose – It’s not often I stay up to finish these games but the 2 periods I watch before I doze off are always high energy and violent.
My hockey channel comes back on Sunday. Until then I’m on the struggle bus with Joe Micheletti and Chico Resch.
PS I need to change the name of my weekly post to something other than the nocturnal emission. Bress tells me that we are attracting the wrong class of people who find our sight by google search words.