Kamis, 05 November 2009

Bad Ideas

No preamble. Let's go.

Keeping the water bottles tied down
I've mentioned this before. The Gatorade holster that keeps the water bottles tied to the net is one of the worst ideas in recent memory. If a shooter jams one top shelf the goalie should be forced to skate over and replace the water bottle from the top of the net. If Ovy sends that bottle over the netting into the 400 level seats the goalie should have to go without water until the next TV timeout. The water bottle popping shot is one of the many quirky things that sets hockey apart from sports. It's our thing. Why is Gatorade taking that away from us? Bad idea.

Musicians doing acoustic versions of Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"
I'm sure I've mentioned this before because I haven't had an original idea in years. Why are people still covering this song? You can't possibly bring anything new to the table. Every jackass with an acoustic guitar gets in front of the bar and tries to render In Your Eyes with more emotion than the next guy. I saw a guy at Casey's bar in Stamford choke back tears while doing this song. After 45 minutes of "the light the heat blah blah blah" he just started screaming shit. That's what it has come to with this song. Screaming and emoting. Bad idea.

The bandeu top
Ladies, I understand you want to avoid strappy tan lines but trust me: get rid of this bikini. I can't think of anything that would make me less unexcited to look at boobs at the beach or in US weekly. Trust me, if you take a girl with great cans and put them in this top you are doing the entire world a great disservice. Let's not make the same mistake next summer. Let's get back to straps and nips and cleavage and side boob. Wrapping your tits up in two turbans is a bad idea.

Not having a salary cap
Congratulations to the New York Yankees for buying themselves a world championship. What a joke.

The distinct kicking motion
If you can kick a puck into the net you should get credit for it. For real. If Andy Sutton has your stick tied up outside the top the crease and you boot one past Marty Biron then you are awesome and it should absolutely count. If you can ninja punt a puck and make the water bottle pop then you should get credit for 1,000 goals. Disallowing goals because it didn't go off a stick and spending 5 minutes asking guys in Toronto if it was a kicking motion is such a bad idea.

The H1NI "Swine" flu
I caught a case of the swine flu last week and it knocked me on my ass. It's a bad idea to get the swine flu.

Keeping the Coyotes afloat
The Coyotes had a good run in the desert but if you can't afford to keep your lights on it's time to move on. Any time the league props up an organization it is a losing exercise. I was anti bailout when our Government took over shitty financials and big autos and I feel the same for insolvent hockey clubs. Sorry, Glendale.

- Nemmy

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