Kamis, 30 April 2009

Round 2

The Bruins play on Friday night at 7:30. For at least the next 4 games I know what I’ll be doing. I have my team, they have their mission and it’s all scheduled out ahead of time. Things are pretty simple for fans if your team is still in the fight.

However, if you are a fan of a playoff team that was ousted recently your situation is a little more complex. Here’s how you unlucky fans should proceed:

Sharks fans
Take comfort in the fact that the Ducks were no run-of-the-mill 8th seed and they are getting picked by some to advance past the Wings. When that doesn’t work go outside. Everything tastes better when it’s 75 and sunny. Make sure to invite Andrei Nikolishin to the bbq. He knows a bunch of hot chicks.

Flames fans
I thought this team was going to go far. I can’t imagine what the Flames fanbase is going through. If you are a Calgary fan you should probably spend your time ripping into Mike Keenan or Kipper or Dion or Jarome or just wait it out until the rodeo comes in July. Root for anyone but Vancouver.

Columbus fans
You guys have nothing to be salty about. Take pride in the fact that your team reached the postseason and lost to what will most likely be the Cup winner. I have no idea who you should root for maybe Lebron and the Cavs? I dunno. No snark here – that was a good 2008-2009 campaign.

Blues fans
Another fanbase that can still sleep at night. Start looking forward to starting next season with a healthy roster. Root for anybody but the Wings and BlackHawks and go see Pujols bully through the National league.

Ranger fans
No worries – your deeply flawed team had a great run, the Devils had a more painful collapse and the Islanders hardly exist. You’re still excited that you got a second chance to wear that custom Avery sweater and ARod is close to his return for the Yankes. Start cheering for the Caps. If they win the Cup the Rangers’s “meltdown” will be spun into “the start of Washington’s run” and you’ll get a better look at Semin and Ovy who will be over 35 and overpaid in a blue sweater down the line.

Devils fans
It might take a while before those Game 7 wounds heal. This should help:
Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band - Thu. May 21, Sat. May 23, IZOD Center. Cheer for Max Weinberg.

Canadiens fans
You guys should spend your evenings circling prospective free agents and booing the tv when Chara touches the puck. Those who felt the need to boo our National Anthem should enjoy the respite by spending more quality time with their teenage boytoys. Cheer for Larry Robinson.

Philly fans

Cheer against Crosby. Fuck it, cheer against everyone. Keep getting belligerent and scream down anybody who publically roots for another playoff team at the bar. You better get a few blurry fights under your belt this summer, you need to tune up before Eagles season.

Everyone else who still has skin in the game can look forward to at least 4 more games of drunken, sleepless nights and getting trapped in your personal glass cases of emotion. Just thinking about Eric Staal and Cam Ward makes me want to bleed out of my hair all over my keyboard. You have to love this time of year.

Good luck in round 2.

- Nemmy

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