pittsburgh penguins

Jumat, 06 Maret 2009

What you missed last night while you were blowing off meetings to go look at apartments in Park Slope

New guys with new teams last night and below are the haikus to describe how that went.... or something else, completely.

Flames beat the Flyers, 5-1:
Flames new additions
had a great night. Flyers' new guys -
not sure if they played.

Maple Leafs beat the Capitals, 2-1:
Gerber's helmet now
looks stupid. He should go to
all white or sell ads.

Senators beat the Oilers, 4-2:
Spezza scored quickly and
new additions mike and chris
scored. MacT was mad.

Rangers beat the Islanders, 4-2:
Antropov got a point
There are a thousand new guys
on the Islanders.

Wild comeback and beat the Sharks in OT, 4-3:
Where is Nabakov?
Sharks came out on fire and
then a bad bounce/loss.

Coyotes beat the Bruins, 2-1:
Upshall scored for his
new team. The Bruins have lost
9 of the last 12

Kings comeback to beat the Stars in OT, 5-4:
Handzus capped his hat
trick with the game winner. Its
wild in the west.

Predators win over the Blue Jackets, 4-2:
Weber fought again.
Thats 3 fights in 3 games. And
the preds have won them.

Penguins beat the Panthers, 4-1:
Crosby and Billy
team up and Crosby gets a
goal. Splits D and snipe.

Kamis, 05 Maret 2009

What can Black do for you

First off, are we done with the cold weather in NYC yet? I hate to whine but I haven’t seen my sack in 2 weeks. Times like these I wonder how anything gets done in Alberta when the temps are worse on average than what we’ve been going through. How do people work outside? How do people have sex? It takes me 2 hours just to warm up from my walk from the subway when I get home. The real winner from yesterday’s trade deadline was anyone who got traded to Phoenix. Enjoy the weather down there because yesterday I had use a roach clip to take a leak.

I won’t recap the deadline deals. Bress did a great job of putting together the trades and summing up some immediate thoughts. You can read the other blogs for their analysis. I just want to take the opportunity to praise the Pens on grabbing a 2Man favorite yesterday.

Congrats, Pittsburgh. You managed to add Billy Black Guerin to your squad by giving up what, at the most, could be a 3rd round draft pick. I’m not an Islander fan; I’m not here to scream and shout about the Lighthouse Project or dickride Rick Dipietro. I am a Billy Black Guerin fan and having worked with the Islanders for the last two seasons I can say that Penguins fans got great value.

The Penguins are treading water and Marian Hossa wasn’t available this deadline. Billy Black won’t win the day but he will bring sick value for what could be a 4th round pick. Being an American, a Bruins fan and a complete badass I probably overvalue Black and his skillset but here is what the Pens can expect from Guerin.

You’re getting a winner
Guerin got a Cup with Jerz. He didn’t light up the playoffs that year but he was a factor and a beast and he forever has that Stanley Cup stink on him. The man has been dragging wagon on Long Island for two years so a trip to a squad with a rosier outlook will do him very good. In Pittsburgh he’s going to act like those Amish kids who get to go to keg parties in that Devil’s Playground dvd that Mason has.

You’re getting a leader
Our first trip to Moncton for the Islanders training camp was Guerin’s first with the squad. He was named the captain before he put on the sweater because GM Snow and Co. knew what kind of man they had signed.

Guerin has lived up to every expectation and more. I could ramble all day about his signing autographs and doing charity work and that’s all great but that doesn’t win you playoff games. Black’s real leadership is how he takes care of business on and off the ice. Guys follow his lead. Off the ice it was interesting to watch Guerin walk around and see guys like Rick Dipietro and Mike Comrie scurry behind him. He was the cool kid in school the second he walked into the arena.

Our second year at camp the 2Man crew was out getting oiled up at a local bar when Black walked in and immediately dominated the entire place. He walked right up to Ken Morrow and Gerry Hart and just took over the entire room. Those old timers fawned over him like he was Will Smith or Barack Obama or Will Smith playing Barack Obama. Black has that total badass biker quality.

His numbers may be closer to Miro Satan that I would like to admit but Miro doesn’t walk into a locker room holding his dick like a fireman lugs hose up a ladder. Miro doesn’t get shit done and guys don’t follow him.

You’re getting a beast
When Guerin is on the ice don’t expect Sid to get cheapshotted without repercussions. Now Crosby gets run and bullied and the only answer is Max Talbot giving some guy a facewash. Guerin holds court on the ice and hasn’t lost that nasty streak in his old age.

Consider Black the new Gary Roberts except that Black can actually do something with a puck on his stick. He still rips shots early and often. Guerin has worked long and hard to earn his space on the ice and makes the most of it. With some room he can bury the puck and he hasn’t lost that powerful stride to get open.

His game is simple but welcome on a Pittsburgh team that gets too cute on the powerplay. Malkin and Crosby steer the ship but you need a street tough like Black to go far in the playoffs.

At some point in the next 25 games Black will be sitting in the box after scrapping with some douche who tried to run Marc-Andre. His facial hair will be as coarse as 40 grit sandpaper and his sweat will irritate your nose like Deep Woods Off. He will have a few points already after being freed from the New York Islanders and his example will rub off on young Crosby teaching him a thing or two about how to handle shit like a man. Crosby is an unbelievable player but he can learn some things from a veteran like Black.

I’m not sure what GM Garth Snow had planned when he pulled Guerin of the ice last Saturday. I doubt he was getting ready to trade Black for a conditional pick but we may never know what happened. I’m sneaky hoping there were better offers but Snow and Black took this one to fulfill Guerin’s wishes. Who knows?

Sometimes the deals down by NHL rainmakers make no sense to me. It’s like the time I tried to read what the latest Terminator movie plot was about and my brain short-circuited my cell phone. I’m not the brightest guy but sometimes I do feel like Garth Snow is over his skis.

To me Garth Snow always seems unprepared for situations. He’s like the kid in your midget locker room that was always looking for coins to put in his garter belt to keep his socks up. But that’s just me. If I really knew how to run a team I sure as shit wouldn’t be blogging about it, right?

Anyways

Is Guerin the bug-eyed young gun skating for Jersey? No. Although he’s past his prime it doesn’t mean that he can’t bring the pain. The 2 ladies from Heart used to be smoking hot back in the day but those fatties can still rock out. Black’s got some juice left and the Pens fans will find out that they got a steal at the deadline and a horse for the course.

For the next few weeks we will be posting short webisodes from our interview with Black and Doug Weight from training camp. On Friday the 2Man crew will get together to toast Black for getting out of Long Island prison for time served with good behavior. We will never forget that time we were sitting around eating when Black walked in the room and said “What’s up, shitheads!” as he walked by. That is still one of the coolest things ever.

Congrats, Pittsburgh and good luck Black on your new team

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were packing your bags and catching a flight to where ever your new team is playing

Three of the four teams playing last night did not make a move on deadline day. NHL conspiracy or coincidence?

Team that won in the deadline yesterday: Phoenix - got rid of some guys, but collected big time on picks and speed.
Team that lost the deadline: Rangers/Philly - The Philly deals made no sense and the Rangers gave up a lot for not much.
Surprise team that didn't make a move: Washington/Colorado - I thought the Caps would at least look to get a more capable back up behind Theodore and 5-6 D-man. How did the the Avalanche not move one of there older UFAs?
Non-surprise team that didn't make a move: Red Wings - no reason to mess with that and there was no goalie on the market to blow them away.
Surprise team that made moves: San Jose - Even if Grier is out, I don't think Travis Moen really fills that role.
Non Surprise team that made moves: Calgary - With Cammaleri on his way out, Sutter knew this was the year to make another run.

Onto last nights games:

Sabres beat the Canadiens, 5-1: The Canadiens should also be a surprise team for not making any moves. They are kind of slow (or Buffalo is just that fast). Lalime stepped up his game (no Tellqvist!).

Red Wings beat the Avalanche, 3-2: And now Detroit is the top team in the league. Where did that come from? Wow.

Rabu, 04 Maret 2009

If you haven't...

Seen Alexander Semin's goal from his knees last night with no time left in the period please do so now.

Been a part of this internet ridiculousness please do so now. One of the sneakiest, greatest things I have ever seen in my life. Comedic timing and all. Please! These guys are about to move as a unit into a battle in a video game and the hilarity that ensues.

"What do you think Abdul? Can you give us a number crunch real quick?"
"Oh my god he just ran in!"

Taken Patty Bergeron's broad side shot deep into your head, please try.

Put Datsyuk, Crosby, Ovechkin, Phaneuf and Barbonus on a video game line...let it happen and don't fight it. In order to obtain my own made up player, Scotty Barbonus, whom I thought I had deleted, I had to give up Staal, Rafalski and a 1st round pick. Get some!

Seen this in your lifetime and have absolutely NOTHING on the horizon right now, I mean George Costanza had the paper he liked to read. You have to have nothing going on. Eeeery and funny with Dorn in it.

Part II

Yes I know. Never again. But I had to get it out of me. Happy Wednesday! And a happy Newmark/Ess Express Merger first game later against Goldman Sachs.

Barzell