Rock the Vote

The Good


The Bad


and the Ugly


- Nemmy

All-Star Game Draft

By now you have heard the changes in the selection process for the All-Star Game.

Scotty and I decided to have a 2-man 2Man All-Star fantasy draft over email at work.
We named ourselves non-playing coach/captains and picked the customary 4 forward lines, 3 defensive pairings and 3 tenders. Scotty had 1st overall pick. Here's how the draft went:



A few notes from the draft:
- It's an all-star game so I took D that can rip. Mike Green that early (5th round) was a no brainer

- Scotty didn't keep it totally real by taking a few injured players like Parise and Marty. It's all good for our fantasy draft purposes.

- I should've taken Perry to pair him with Getzlaf. When Scotty took Perry I took Bobby Ryan just so Scotty wouldn't snatch him up later on and pair him with Perry.

- Goalies get torched every year but at least Tim Thomas competes so hard that he can make a few unreal saves.

- I feel like Eric Staal always comes up big in these games.

- We broke up the Sedins and Scotty took the good one. In the real draft will the captains have to handcuff them like how you pick your star RB's backup in fantasy football?

- Our rosters are ridic. I don't really think we left anyone off but some arguments can be made. Where did we eff up?

- WOW

- Kovy didn't get picked because of how badly he snuffed his last SO attempt. He looks like a broken man.

- I was considering taking Dwayne Roloson with my final goalie pick because he is the best goalie when facing 50+ shots. I made that stat up but I feel like it's true.

- If Savard wasn't concussed he would have went top 3 for me. There is no better player for a pickup game than that guy.

- John Carlson is a beast. Dude has a bomb.



Thoughts?

- Nemmy

2Man Central Scouting

Someone hire me to scout for your NHL team. I'm employing some new evaluation techniques and I'm certain I will put winners in jerseys.

Of course I'll watch these guys play games but mostly my determinations will come from personal interviews and some private investigation work.

Here's a taste of some of my criteria.

1) Does the player have an awful haircut?
Mario, Jagr, Ovy, Malkin, Matty Weindel, etc. all made serious missteps in their hairstyles before becoming stars. Checking what's under the helmet is an easy way to narrowing down the potential stars.
Open up any pack of NHL prospects cards and pick out two. Take Todd Harvey and Pat Falloon for example. Who has the more brutal hairstyle? Which one will be the better NHLer. It’s kind of easy.
You know who had the best hair in amateur hockey history? Answer: Vinny Bruce. Kid was a HNIB stud and standout at Taft but now him and his sick haircut trade investment grade debt for a living. Having tragic hair isn't a sure ticket to NHL stardom but if Vinny had some frosted tips he would have at least made some ECHL money.

2) Does the player have a brain in his head?
I'm going to put a pane of glass to the left of the crease and see if the kid can break it by shooting on a goalie. Does he know where to put a puck on net to get a rebound? This is just like how coaches in basketball teach big men how to anticipate rebounds.

3) How does the player react to wiffle ball?
I'll take a few of the kids out to the park to bbq and play some wiffle ball but I'm not looking for the next Wally Joyner. This test is simply to see:
a) Is the guy athletic enough to not look like a moron?
b) How pissed does the kid get when he loses
c) or How much does he gloat when he wins
Put it this way: I bet when scouts saw Tim Thomas at Vermont they might have noticed some raw athletic ability, labeled him as a "project" because of his mechanics and passed him over.
They totally missed the part of Thomas where he wants to rip so hard that he will literally throw his cock in front of Sheldon Souray to deflect a low slapper. Part of my PI work is finding out if they can remember how many strokes the player beat his father in-law the last time they played mini golf. Common questions include:
Have you ever thrown a pingus paddle in anger?
Has anyone ever called you a "piece of shit" after a family game of Scrabble?
Do you think you have a puncher's chance against anyone anytime?
Would you ever fuck Lenny Kravitz? (Actually that was part of my dating questionnaire.)

There's so much more to my method. After I'm down exhaustively scouting players I guarantee I could fill a team with leaders who you can root for instead of a few passive jerkoffs with "great hockey sense".

Please use the2manadvantage@gmail.com with any inquiries.

- Nemmy

Why Danielle should stick with the Islanders and forget the Habs

Last week the Active Stick posted the reasons that my girlfriend should become a Habs fan (you can read that post here). While there is much I don't agree with in that post, I can agree that Danielle is gorgeous and that any team would be lucky to have her fandom. However, I will not be posting a picture of Danielle to confirm said gorgeousness, so if thats what you came for, I'm sorry to disappoint.

Anyway, here are the reasons that Danielle should stick with the Islanders:

• Notice that I didn't say choose the Islanders, but instead, stick with them. Thats because the only hockey game that Danielle has every been to was an Islanders game. Why would she choose to be a fan of a team she has never even seen live? I could understand more if she wanted to be an Avalanche fan, but thats neither here nor there. If Montreal is such a great hockey city and has such terrific fans, how come not one of them ever invited Danielle to game when she was living there for 6 years!?

• Orange is a great color and with the throwback royal blue look terrific on Danielle. Granted, she's so hot, that she would look smoking in a burlap sack, but the point is that Islander's orange looks great on her

• If speaking French is the only qualification you need to be a coach in Montreal, no wonder they've struggled lately. The Islanders have plenty of french-speaking players for Danielle to converse with. Plus she can teach the non-french speakers how to trash talk their Quebecois opponents

• Islander fans are just as passionate as Canadien fans, but you know, without the rioting or occasional racism.

• Following the Canadiens means that there are super-high expectations every year followed by massive disappointment. Danielle has a high stress job, she doesn't need much more to worry about. Following the Islanders means low expectations, so any success is a bonus!
  

• The Islanders will continue to get high draft picks, so she won't have to stay up too late to find out who they draft in the first round.

• Finally, since Danielle lives in New York now, its important that she choose the right side of the New York rivalry, and being a Rangers fan might be even worse than being a Habs fan.

-Bress

Question

What's going on here?

- Nemmy

Chucking Sauce

I don't know where this video is from but at the 0:15 mark one of the Wings pulls out the mini lob wedge and makes my afternoon. Does anyone recognize the player? Might be a guy on the Grand Rapids taxi squad up for the day or a peewee with sick hands. I suck at hockey.

- Nemmy

Who do you call at that point...has to be Gretz

How ridiculous does Bridget Moynihan look here. Tha might be the sexiest photo I have ever seen. Always liked Brady's pick there.

Let's start off with some Datsyuk sneak compliments of Branis's eye.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93bpmaBmYPg&p=AEB1C2D63CFC884A&playnext=1&index=51

sorry couldn't get the embedding with my browser but watch sneaky pavel with some behind the backness, gettin the joints loosy-goosy.

So last night I saw Ovy do such a sneaky thing, that I never thought about. In the NHL as in men's league for all us idiots you can't make a change when you ice the puck. I like this rule because it forces teams to deal with a break-out or gives the other team a chance to capitalize on a tired line in their zone. Ovy stayed out for an entire powerplay last night and should have gotten off with 10 seconds left in it when they broke it out, however he did not and they got caught in their zone. They could not get it out so Ovy iced it because he was dead tired. Now in men's league when this happens, I am like shit I am so tired and now I have to deal with clearing it or breaking it out and I am so tired. Ovy used his brain and realized, hey we need some more rest so they won the next draw and Ovy iced it again to give him and the boys a bit more time to re-group. They wound up taking a penalty anyway but a smart heads up (capacity utilization move) by OV to by some rest time. Really thinking outside the box.

Artem he does look like a Russian Mig fighter jet pilot out there from Top Gun.
There was a back to back Kyle Brodziak goal situation in the Minnesota game and the San Jose box score had a back to back Joey Pavelski assists from Heater and Marlenis.

Dany Sedin keeps throwin ppg's into the kitty and Kelsey Grammar's new girlfriend already mis-carried on a child. I love that man.

Sean Bergenheim had a breakaway goal and Dp played it perfectly and than had a short-handed situation against DP that DP said no to thank god. That would be the last thing we need is a win streak stopped because Doug Weight keeps getting roasted on the powerplay blue-line and a guy that never did anything for us comes out and scores a shorthanded game winner in our eye.

If any of you have not heard about or seen the Isles finish last night in overtime. Matty Mouls-juice is just being Matty Mouls. He may have 37 goals this year. Yes I have Gloria Estefan on while I write so hold on.

The isles are......well.....ok....but please this Doug Weight thing at the point...I get it but he is just too slow to catch people that break the other way. Remember when DP bailed out Dougy when he pulled Gaborik down and gave him a penalty shot. Dp bailed him out once at least with Bergenheim last night. I mean come on now. I love Dougy but we need at least another speedy D man that can cover when this happens.

Matt Cullen is a mule deer right now. An absolute minotaur. Well maybe he's not Arnold of the NHL right now, that may go to Hossa or the Kid or Stamkos but Cullen may finally have a break out season with all those sneaky guys in Minnesota.

We added hits to our fantasy leagues this year. Really puts much more emphasis on players that previously had been discarded in the trash can or places more emphasis on bruisers like Downie and Morrow. OVY is almost unfair in a league with hits because he gets 200 hits on top of everything else he does. I thought he was going to score 20 game winners at one point this season but Boston put him and the Caps in their place. BErgeron missed an empty net short handed goal in the first game for me. Come on dude. I needed that one.

Which brings me to my final point. The Isles goal in overtime went to video review. The longest review ever. If you saw the goal...it trickled off Ellis's back and he swung his glove around and caught the puck shoving it out of the net. It never actually hit the ground but it crossed the goal line plane in mid-air. I think they were consulting the hockey grail as to whether or not this counts as crossing the line. Who should they call in the event that someone had to make that precedent right than if there wasn't one. Does it have to hit the floor or can it just cross the plane in air without touching net and be pulled out? You woudl have to theoretically call Gretz no? He would have to stamp it as the supreme court justice of the land. Right? Maybe a panel of Gretz, Mess and Yzerman with Roenick cooking food in the background adding a little say.

Stay long Clark MacT and give him a chance to fully squeeze out all short positions against him this season. Stevey Sulls was interesting but I just can't tell. I'm long a little Tommy Kopecky playing with Fuegas Hossa right now. Buy the Kesler dip and pile into the Dallas Stars this season...everyone from Lehtonen to Jamie Benn. I have Steve Downie in all three of my leagues. He is going to just add so much value to your squad this season playing with Stamkos and collecting pims like crazy. He will re-define the word Arabian for me this year.

Remember the end goal of life is to sell someone this hard at least one point.

Thats enough for now.

Barzelli