Rematch!

Thank god that the Finals can start this weekend and we don't have to sit through the dreaded bye-week.

I don't care about Marian Hossa. He's been mostly invisible this post season except for one game. Either he'll make a difference or he'll completely shirk, because he's embarrassed that he's facing the team he dissed.

Although the Pens team has changed more than the Wings from last year, its like they also got Malkin back who sucked in the playoffs in 08.

If the Wings win, wouldn't Osgood get the Conn Smythe. Maybe regardless of the winner the Conn Smythe will go to either Crosby or Malkin.

Let's get it on!

Its hard to go against the Wings, but with Malkin grooving and the Wings sneaky banged up, I'm taking the Penguins in 6.

-Bress

Make your pick in the comments. Here are the leaders:

Bress – 53

Cornelius– 51

Nemmy – 42

Alex – 74

Moe –41

Heals – 46

Brando – 41

Mac – 43

Question

First off, thank goodness the Finals start this weekend and not next week like we originally thought. I just told Scotty how sick I am of reading countless articles about the Wings/Pens rematch. A week of being bent over and rammed with Marian Hossa stories would have been unbearable. The two best teams are in the Finals. Let's sit back and enjoy this one.

Now someone asked me this over Memorial Day weekend and I had about 12 different answers:

What's the best NHL city to play in?

Is it Detroit because they are the most talented team? Keep in mind that you'd be living in Detroit. Florida and LA have great weather but your team would be terrible. Toronto has the largest fanbase but again your team would be terrible and everyone (including certain members of the media) think they could do your job better than you. Weather, fanbase, locale, team strength - everything should be considered.

I can make arguments for and against every team. I didn't get into it too much with the guy who asked the question because he really wasn't a hockey guy he was just making small talk. I won't get into the whole thought process on this blog because I don't have 12 drinks in me BUT I think Dallas may be my city.

- Great town - drinking town
- Solid fanbase - not a hockey town per se but far from an LA, Florida or Long Island
- Talented team
- Better weather than Chicago or New York
- Closer to civilization than Calgary


What say you?

- Nemmy

What you missed last night because VersusHD was frozen

Red Wings beat the Blackhawks in OT, 2-1 (DET wins series 4-1): Great game and the result was needed so that we (the fans) didn't have to wait and wait for the finals to begin. Huet was surprisingly fantastic and so was Osgood. "The Shift" this year belongs to Darren Helms forecheck on the penalty kill. Pat Kane's backhand was sick, but it took too long for him to get going. I love the rematch. I'll update The 2Man play-off game and give a prediction tomorrow.

Peter Zezel RIP

Zezel was 44 when he died from hemolytic anemia. Awful news.

The only real memory I have of him was when I went to an Albany River Rats game as a youth and was surprised to see how chubby he looked on skates. I'm probably not getting the look for the eulogy.

Surprising point total for Zezel? Scored in 70% of his NHL games? Sneaky solid.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were trying to catch up on Lost-season 3 in one night

Penguins beat the Hurricanes, 4-1 (PIT wins series 4-0): I thought Eric Staal's opening goal wrap around was awesome. Full power/reach sweep. But that was it for the Hurricanes. Yea, they had some more pressure, but the Penguins were almost surgical in the win. Things might go wrong, but they successfully complete the operation. As soon as that 2-on-1 developed with Sid and Black, you knew the puck would be in the net. I loved how Sid grabbed the Prince of Wales Trophy, and then explained that he didn't touch it last year and look how that worked out. Just awesome. Lets get the rematch!

Weekend Wrap Up OR I might dance better on one leg

Here's a quick summation of the Blackhawks weekend: Great start, oops, thank you patrick. Oh man we just got pooped on.

I think anyone who saw the games pretty much gets that.

Carolina can be summed up with just the last sentence.

How great was that pass from Guerin to Crosby.




Lets get to the Finals rematch already!

Clean Sweep and Aramis Ramirez

Imagine if your name was Aramis? Imagine if I actually got into a fight out one night with a black dude who thought I was being racist because I said Billy Black Guerin and that shot was just sooo Blaaacckk! Nothing to do with the color of a person but I could totally see it being mistaken for that. Watch for Black to be black tonight and put the series away. Malkin has been simply hot Magenta and Crosby has been very Wawa-esque. I'd really like to see some lash-back from Carolina and win one or two but down by 3 to a team that has been playing solidly doesn't leave much room for a comeback.

Bress you good over there? I miss Bress.

People Detroit whooped Chicago without Datsyuk and Lidstrom? Oh man! That is brutal. Yea the goalie situation has just gone poopy-off-a-cliff over there but jeez! So a rematch of last year huh? Hossa on the other side? Did he make the right choice? I think both Detroit and Pitt are better barring Gonchar playing as well as Datsyuk and Lidstrom than they were last year. I said the other day that if Datsyuk and Lidstrom both did not play in the finals that Pitt could easily win. I mean Nikky Lidstrom goes out for 5 minute clips regularly. Despite Datsyuk not scoring much this playoff he provides space for Franzen and Zetts to get the job done as the Hossa/Datsyuk line gets keyed on. If Malkin scores like he has been, they will DEFINITELY win. He is magenta right now.

This week starting on a Tuesday...tits up!

11:30 game tomorrow without Lenti against a team I haven't beaten in over a year? What do you guys think?

2man pilot being picked up? 1000 (Barring Artem actually making it)

The Incredible Sliding Guerin - hmmm...


Yes to Mikey Douglas in this movie.

- Scotty "Barzus" trying to trade Generaal Motors

What you missed last night while you were singing along to Journey's Don't Stop Believing

Penguins beat the Hurricanes, 7-4 (PIT leads series 2-0): Sid opened the scoring and it was a back and forth first period, but Malkin stole the show. Love to see him score when crashing the net. His second goal, he was stopped twice, before he finally put it home. Someone pick up his stick! His third goal was just so good its stupid. Did you see where he put that puck? Did you! No-look-top-shelf-short-side backhand. YES. I don't think the Canes home crowd will do much to Pitt. They are sneaky experienced.

I don't know

I really have nothing to talk about today.

- I want to sit down and write a post thanking the Boston Bruins for one of the most enjoyable seasons in a while but I'm afraid I don't have that shot in my bag. Usually when I write I blurt out anything that's on my mind. I'm afraid if I really tried to say thanks it would fall flat on its face. This year's team deserves a little more than that.

- As you may know young Bress broke two bones in his leg in an ugly affair. The picture above shows his latest xray with the metal rod. Bress, being the trooper he is, has been handling the injury and pain as well as any active 26 year old possibly could. He's healing over at his girlfriend's apartment because his 5th floor walkup isn't handicap accessible. Poor Bress is at the mercy of his girlfriend when it comes to the remote control. While the Hawks and Wings went into overtime he was forced to watch the game during Dancing with the Stars commercials. Other than that he is doing well and his beard is coming in nicely. As soon as he doesn't have to keep his foot elevated it will be hanging off a barstool at the Tavern.



- My girlfriend doesn't mind me walking around in hockey sweaters but she made me wash my Bourque jersey the other day because I stunk.



- W24st street between 6th and 8th Avenue is the nicest street for rollerblading in NYC. Go against traffic on that mufu and you have a smooth road with a sneaky downhill lie. Don't keep going through 8th ave because you'll end up in an episode of Law and Order.



- Why did I hear the linesmen in Sunday's Det/Chi game on NBC screaming when plays weren't offside. Has this always gone on and I just never noticed it? What were they even yelling? "Good"? I'm confused.



- During the next NBC game I'm watching with a pen and paper and keep tabs of the number of times Pierre McGuire says "Edzo". For some reason "Edzo" drives me crazy.



- I was not picking my nose in the pictures Scotty put up in the post below. I do pick my nose constantly but he didn't catch me there.



- Scotty had a one-timer in mens league last night that was so violently hard. He was on the doorstep point blank and he put EVERYTHING into this shot. No hands just brute force Edzo trauma. In the 3rd period he rattled off a random Seinfeld line on the bench out of nowhere. For that he got the game puck.



- Does anyone have an old pair of goalie skates they no longer use and can send us? I need to conduct an experiment. I'm being serious so send us an email.



- I am enjoying watching the playoffs even though the Bruins fell down and I no longer have skin in the game. I'd watch a few hours of shinny if I had some cocktails.



- Yeah. Edzo.



- People keep asking me what "1,000" means. Without being too esoteric, 1,000 means everything. Sometimes we get to using words or phrases and they morph into everything and nothing all at the same time. So I'm not even sure what "1,000" means anymore. It could mean anything and it depends on the context. Hope that cleared things up.

- My hockey dream usually has me as a 4th line crash winger because I know I am too small to be a defenseman and not good enough to be a 1st line center. But why? It's my dream. Why can't I put reality aside for my dream and really explore the space? I don't fuck the halfwit chick that rings up my morning Cheerios in my dreams, I dream about celebrity skin. So why can't I imagine myself as Mario Lemieux and not Ken Linseman?

- I really want a 1990s black LA Kings jersey but am unsure what name and number to get. 99? Honestly, I dunno if I can pull that one off. McSoreley? Again not sure if that one really fits. There hasn't been a player in the Kings organization that I really identify with. But the sweater is sick.

- Guerin goes for Game 2 tonight.

- Edzo

Juicing Scotty

Juicing Scotty came to visit Nemy on a lazy Sunday and vandalized his surroundings. This is what he looked like.Juicing Scotty might be necessary for the Hawks so that they can get back in the series. Darren Helm is the only reason it went to OT in the first place. Dan cleary is lighting the lamp which just leads me to believe that they are going to be so insurmountable. They rely on second tier guys like Samuelson and Hudler and Holmstrom to get scoring done when Datsyuk, Hossa and Zetterberg aren't doing it. Franzen is somewhere in between despite being a playoff meast but Cleary just makes it so hard to beat this team if he is scoring like this.

Juicing Scotty wants to to say yes to Memorial weekend. Yes to squats and hammer curls. No to deadlifts. Yes to back-hand snap toewys top shelf. No to men's league. No to saying they didn't receive my payment when I have the statement confirmation from Amex in my pocket. No to everything but sexual relations and the playoffs on Versus. Look at juicing Scotty's back muscles. Very real defined back muscles that Bress just loves. Hope your ok over in the east village Es?

This is Bress right now.

What you missed last night while you were waiting and waiting to see who won dancing with the stars

Red Wings beat the Blackhawks in OT, 3-2 (DET leads series 2-0): Pat Kane, I like you because you are American, tiny, and have a hot sister
but you still have to backcheck. Especially in OT.




Notice how he's the last man back besides Campbell, yet his teammate gets closer to the pass. As I said in my twitter, I was happy the Hawks tied up the game, but I wanted them to win. Coming back from 2-0 against the champs, probably won't happen.

"It's really no big deal"

Um, it kinda is, dude.


- Nemmy

What you missed last night because your girlfriend was controlling the remote

Penguins beat the Hurricanes 3-2, (lead series 1-0): This game might have a different result if Rod the Bod doesn't pass puck so darn hard. It hurt li'l Eric's hands and he couldn't put that sweet pass in an open net. Actually there were a lot of opportunities for the Canes to score, but MAF played really really well.

Tonight - Billy Black Guerin

"My guy in L.I. tells me that we are not dealing with a student here, we're dealing with the professor. Anytime the military has an operation that can't fail, they call this guy in to train the troops, OK? He's the kind of guy that would drink a gallon of gasoline so he could piss in your campfire! You could drop this guy off at the Arctic Circle wearing a pair of bikini underwear, without his toothbrush, and tomorrow afternoon he's going to show up at your pool side with a million dollar smile and fist full of pesos. This guy's a professional, you got me? If he reaches the Finals, we're all gonna be nothing but a big goddamned hole right in the middle of Detroit."

It would be nice to see the BabyHawks win the Cup but I'm putting whatever spirit I have left behind Black and his Penguins this postseason.

Good luck tonight.

- Nemmy

Weekend Wrap Up OR Seriously, watch the Memorial Cup

If you have the NHL Network, watch the Memorial Cup. You might catch your teams' young prospects, or future draft picks. You will definitely see some great, inspired hockey.

Anyway,

there was only one NHL game on this weekend and the Red Wings kind of, sort of, dominated the Blackhawks. Instead of the Hawks exploding for offense in the third, it was the Wings who had 3 goals in the final period. Pat Kane was invisible. The game was somewhere between ugly and fast paced. There were a lot of good back checks. And Khabibulan had that string of sick saves in the second period when the Wings were on the power play. Both Cleary goals were nice, the snipe on the rush and then the great tip.

That what I saw. What did I miss?

Final 4... teams that is

Penguins vs Hurricanes

I hate the Hurricanes for winning that series and ruining what would have been a salty match up. The Hurricanes were awful for most of the year and got hot at the right time to make the playoffs. But do the right thing (like the Ducks did) and bow out after round 2. Their only hope is for Cam Ward to be hotter than an SI swimsuit cover model.

I'm taking the Pens in 6.


Red Wings vs Blackhawks

I fucking love this series the way I love the snooze button. I love this series the way I love snack packs. I love this series so much that I want to take it home to meet my parents. I love this series so much that I want to introduce Artem to its sister. Patrick Kane fucking impresses me. He's tiny, but an absolute stud. That backhand off the bar and in in game 6. Watch it from this angle-even better



I know I might be wrong, but I'm going to be rooting for them anyway, so Hawks in 7



Here are the leaders after 2 rounds. Give your picks in the comments.


Bress – 48

Cornelius– 40

Nemmy – 30

Mr. W – 27

Moe –38

Heals – 40

Brando – 35

Alex – 63

Mac – 43

Losing

When I was a young pup one of my Little League teams went the summer without a win. When you are 11 years old all you want to do is have fun with your friends, wins some games and get a trophy. Winning wasn’t life or death for me back then but getting beat day after day can really crush a kid's spirit.

After one of the many losses that year my mother took me aside and tried to comfort me saying that as the years go on losing will get easier to handle. She was right.

Losing (in whatever form) is still has painful as it ever was. That won’t change. The fact that it’s a binary occurrence and that some other jackass wins while I lose makes me saltier as I get older.

What got easier through the years is being wise enough to put things in perspective. I’ll still sleep like shit after mens league defeats or get pissy if I lose to a buddy in ping pong but realizing that the world doesn’t end because of a loss is probably what my mother was talking about.

That being said I’m crushed about the Bruins losing last night. I don’t know why I take these things so personally but I do and I’ve been sick to my stomach all morning. We were talking last night about the time I walked home from Grand Central after a heartbreaking Mets loss and I couldn’t even name which disastrous, soul-crushing loss it was. There have been about 5 in the last 10 years that qualify.

After one particular Mets collapse I remember waiting in the bathroom line (in a puddle, no less) where a guy looked at me after he was done with the urinal and said, “What? It’s not like this is the worst loss you’ve seen”. The guy didn’t even know me yet gave me one of the best come-to-Jesus talks in my career.

Perspective comes with age. It also helps when you lose a lot. This old salty Mets urinal guy had seen his share of disappointment and that helped soften each marginal blow. I bet my Mom knew because of the teams I rooted for and that I couldn’t hit Little League pitching that I was set up for some lean times in the years ahead. I should be a fucking pro at dealing with losing by now.

I have my special method.

First: I allow myself to be miserable for just a little bit. It’s ok to keep away from stuff that reminds me of the loss and to distract myself for a small period of time. I don’t let this last too long because I’m not the fucking lead singer of Staind.

Second: It’s time to meet the disappointment head on. I let the loss into my apt, let it crash on my couch. I let the loss drink all my booze and take over the bed. I let it make a mess and leave toe nail clippings in my sink. I let the loss answer my cell phone and swear at my friends. It’s important to let this loss run my shit for a little while because I want to hate that loss. I need to let it sink into the blood and make me physically ill. Losing is like a nerve gas, in order to detect it early and prevent it from killing you, one needs to be exposed to it.

Third: I wait one day when the loss is feeling the most comfortable in my place and I sneak up on it and choke that mufu to the ground. I drag the loss into the kitchen where I fashion its bones into arrowheads. I keep those arrowheads in my pocket and get them ready to fire at my next opponent.

So being 27 years old I now know that just because the Bruins or my rec hockey team gets knocked out of the playoffs its doesn’t mean that the world is on fire. There are teams whose seasons end much earlier and guys that got slew-footed by some asshole who are laid up on their hot older girlfriend’s coach right now. Shit, the kid from Slumdog got his house taken from him the other day. At the end of the day it’s really only a game.

But the losses still hurt and they should hurt. If it wasn’t a complete nightmare to lose then the day that I get to shoot my arrow wouldn’t feel so good. Maybe next year.

- Nemmy

P.S. The Mets suck this year.

As you were furiously racing out of the bottom...

Thanks for ultimate Beer Pong. Scott and Green in the aftermath of Heavy Bike on my parents driveway with a suite at the bottom.

Yea so the Bruins lost. Nemy is pissed and the bottom is still no where in sight. Stick with turkey and a chipotle mayo until we find it. It's their own fault, they should have never let it get to 7. Detroit almost blew it as well. Game 7's are game 7's for a reason. I cannot believe that Scott Walker put it in. That was a negative hemoglobin shot for Nemy. It was his girlfriends bday yesterday and when Walker scored he turned and I didn't see him again until roller hockey that is slated for later.

The level...the shear level of snap toewys that will occur later barring rain, other roller games, kids and anything else that can possibly go wrong will be immense. That court is almost like my college locker room to me. Shirts off, tits up and blockers on!

If you had to choose a Carolina Dman and a Chicago Dman who would they be? Duncan Keith, Soupy, Babchuk, Corvo, Pitkanen? Black Guerin?

Leonard continues to predict Detroits domination over the rest of the NHL. As of right now, it looks as though it will be a rematch of last years cup with Marion Hossa on the other side this time. Imagine if they lose to the Penguins? That would be ridiculous. If they win, it just shows Hossa's proper choice. Anaheim made them look human. Is Chicago really ready to beat this team 4 times? Is Pitt or Carolina? Dan Cleary got it done last night. Imagine when Datsyuk gets going and Hossa ignites? Last night was the closest that they come to losing again until the playoffs next season. Yes I know...very bullish on Detroit.


Just a simple snap toewy for the road people.


This is probably a close representation of Nemy at work today a day after a second round game 7 loss. Just pushing it as far and wide as he can.

Nemy stormed out of the bar last night better than Timmy Thomas does after a shoot-out loss. No joke! My girlfriend just kept saying the whole cab ride back, "I feel so bad for Nemy! I feel so bad for him!" Than she made me a grill cheese before bed. Gotta love hockey and gotta love that girl.

Gotta hate that there is no puck on til Sunday afternoon.

Friends of the 2man Heals and Mac are heading in to town. Well you know how that goes.

Have a safe and a healthy weekend people.

- Zelli

What you missed last night because you were fundraising for a 3-day breast cancer walk

Red Wings beat the Ducks 4-3, (DET wins series, 4-3): Nik Lidstrom had a sneaky bad game. He didn't clear out the front of the net or make great break out passes. Datsyuk still didn't score. And you know what - the Red Wings still won. It took a sick goal with great hand-eye coordination from Dan Cleary, but they won. Chris Osgood played pretty darn well also.

Hurricanes beat the Bruins in OT, 3-2 (CAR wins series 4-3): Well, that sucked. First of all regulation was great. Joni Pitkanin's pass to Sergei Samsonov was superb, so was Sarvard banking it off the side of the net to Lucic, whose sneaky quick hands got the puck upstairs quickly. In OT, it didn't look like the Bruins had it, but I also didn't think that Scott Walker would knock in a rebound of mid air. Nice sprint out by Tim Thomas - guess he forgot about the handshake.


I'll have the updated standings and picks in a post later today

Game 7

Do you think that as a fan you have the ability to jinx your team?

I do. I’m a Boston Bruins fan and I am an idiot.

I’m that guy who thinks that I have some control over the outcome of sporting events. It sounds ridiculous and I’m trying to get over it but it’s been hard for me. I swear to you that outside of sports I am a reasonably normal.

Tonight, during the biggest game of the season for the Boston Bruins, I will be out to dinner. Normally I would be a complete trainwreck at the thought of missing any part of this game. BUT I am fine with it for 2 reasons:

1) I’m going to dinner with my girlfriend for her birthday. I have been looking forward to this night for a little while and it should be great. While I love my Bruins, only P.J. Axelsson has been with me longer than I’ve known my girlfriend and PJ and I aren’t that close. Things would be different if I were going to a cousin's wedding that I don't really like.

2) I can’t jinx the Bruins by missing a portion of the game because jinxes don’t exist.

You know what I found interesting about Claude Julien and Zdeno Chara’s comments to the press yesterday? They didn’t mention me. Seriously, not once did they mention that the key to Game 7 would be if I got up to use the men’s room during an icing or if I was even watching at all. And I’m not some ultra secret weapon that they don’t talk about or anything; I am of no consequence to the outcome of this game.

Not a news flash, right? But this is tough to get though my head considering that I’m a douche. My mother called me 2 days ago to make sure that I would behave myself during Game 7. She said that she was watching a bit of the Bruins Game 6 with my father and wondering if I was watching in the fetal position like I did when I was a kid. I’ve been an idiot my entire life.

Tonight all that shit changes. I know I won’t jinx the Bruins if I go out to a dinner and drinks. It’s not like I haven’t missed games before and − with the game starting at 8PM − I ‘m not even sure that I’ll be missing any part of this game. After dinner I may take my time getting in front of a tv. I may try out that shiny juicer I bought my girlfriend with a few berries or apples or we may decide to get naked. She’ll close her eyes and pretend I’m Brody Jenner and I’ll close my eyes and think about Cam Neely putting a slapshot past Darren Puppa. It’ll be great.

Afterwards I will get to the tv and watch the Bruins launch into a 2nd round matchup with the Penguins. If disaster strikes I'll take it like a man.

Either way whatever I do tonight won’t affect the outcome. Only a moron would think they could have some hand in the game.

Let’s go Bruins.

- Nemmy


Unless of course this whole post is some early shock and awe campaign designed to unjinx the future jinx of me missing some of the first period. Hiss.

What you missed last night because you forgot to show up

Penguins beat the Crapitals (not a typo) 6-2, (PIT wins series 4-3): Really, kind of a dissapointing game to end a terrific series. Maybe if Varlamov could have answered Fleury's sick save on Ovechkin in the opening minutes. But instead, it was a rout. So is Varlamov the starter in Washington next year? I don't think so. I think he has to win it in a preseason battle with Theodore. There isn't much more to say about this game. Lets get to the conference finals!

What you missed last night beacuse the warning of "drowsiness" on your Percocet label is legit

Bruins beat the Hurricanes, 4-2 (series ties 3-3): I read this somewhere already, but if you were a Bruin last night and wanted to score, you just had to have your stick on the ice. The passing was superb. Whether it was Bergergon fighting off a backchecker on the first goal or Lucic's great look or Krejci sweet touch pass or Bergeron (again) extracting DNA - the Bruins were playing some great hockey.

Ducks beat the Red Wings, 2-1 (series 3-3): I'm pissed that I slept through the end of this game. Nice little animosity to take into game 7. I still hope the the Red Wings win, just for the rivalry aspects of playing the Hawks.

What you missed last night while you were getting clearance to write "what you missed last night"

Blackhawks beat the Canucks, 7-5 (CHI wins series 4-2): Even if you missed the first 2 periods of this game (like I did), you still caught a hell of a game. Tied 3-3 going in to the third, there were lead changes, great saves, and young stars showing off. My favorite goal was Kane's third. And Edzo actually said something that added value to the replay. Kane subtly faked a wrist shot to open up the D-man and then stick handle and the sweet back hand and you know the rest - bar and in. Khabibulin played great, and not just great for a goalie who gave up 5 goals. Seriously. some of his saves were game-saving. I hope Chicago plays Detroit in the conference finals, just for some good old fashioned hate. However, I hope that Ducks/Wings series goes to 7 first.

Capitals beat the Penguins in OT, 5-4 (series tied 3-3): I was texting Nemmy updates of this game while he was at the new Shea, and it got out of control. Just like the third period of above, this game had the lead changes, great saves, young studs, etc. There is no way I could talk about all the goodness that this game was before my Percocet wears off. Is there anyone who watched this series and was a Crosby-hater beforehand and still has no respect for Sid? I can't believe that there would be. Kozlov's first goal was on of those snipes, where it takes a me a while to figure out how the puck physically got from the ice to the back of the net, so high so quickly - it boggles my mind. Hal Gill, really? I don't really care who wins game 7, but I'd rather that team face the Bruins then the Hurricanes.

Saturday and those who followed thru...

Featured here is Jay-Guard and Weens over something that we will bring back this summer once more time.

Last night we nested with Ness and than watched the Bruins crumble in game 4. Somebody is gonna light a match in that locker room and they'll get going. We followed thru on a bottle of Sky and than went to a usual spot of ours that was too crowded so we went somewhere else. Two budweisers each and a polite reference by the waitress of my inadequacy of a shirt which was ample, at least by my standards.





So Tsioma, Nemy and I got up and headed to the hospital around high noon today to visit Lester with a splitting headache and a sadness that lingers like the movie RoboCop does in my life. If you haven't seen this movie your reaction to Kurtwood Smith's character who also plays the dad in That 70s show plays a bad ass motha in this. Awesome!





One of the best sci-fi movies of American culture for all time...believe it or not...sneaky. Up there with Predator and Star Wars (Bress called Star Wars a Space Western which I really enjoyed). The only reason I bring it up is because Nemy is right when he said I cannot go more than a few days without bringing up Cop. See the movie if you haven't.

This is a car commerctial for the 6000 SUX fake sports ride in the movie. Yea I know. After this you get to see a Joe Sakic Snap Toewy.








Today after the hospital everyone was just phoned out for Bress so we called the Roller game, not that we had anyone really coming anyway. However I needed a skate so I rolled over to Houston St. and burned some rubber for a while. Bunch of nice kids over there and Timmy Robbins was out. I played with 3 other guys in a 4 on 4 garbage can with a Z-puck game and we rolled hard for liek 5 or 6 games straight unbeaten until the cotton mouth from my activity prior to the game led to an ultimate breakdown of breathing for me so well the streak ended.

Just as I was about to leave Tim Robbins and this other guy I know from my gym who is a die hard Penguins fan needed another for their skate so needless to say I had to play. Hit Tim with a sweet pass that he hit the edge of the can with from Way out...one timed too. I than proceeded to fall and get some good razz action on my forearm. One guy on me team says thats a nice one and I looked at him and Tim and said at this point I don't even care...one of my best buds broke his leg in two places in men's league and I'm a joke. I than gave Tim Robbins a pound and said, "It's an honor to play with you man, I really respect your work." Good sweat out there. Good Blueblockers, good jean shorts and 1000 dollars. Bress 1000 to you. Guy who sleufooted you and hasn't even tried to contact you even when Artem told their goalie the next night at another game what the results were on Bress, -1000 x 10.


People please submit what his punishment should be. Nothing physical but like maybe he buys Bress pizza every week til the cast comes off. Or a 6 pack a week. Or getting dropped off in Montauk naked in the middle of the night with no way of getting home after a carefully monitored schedule for weeks in advance by multiple people. Huge NYU hockey network in the big apple. Its awesome! Be safe tonight people. Throw a shot down for Nestea and Co.

- Nascency and Company

DK is comin for u dawg!

Happy Friday

The above picture is from the set of the upcoming film "Tooth Fairy" starring The Rock, Ashley Judd and Billy Crystal. Our buddy, Midas (#43), is front and center and apparently provides some traffic on top of the crease for the winning goal.

Do you think the Islanders can borrow some of those cardboard fans for next season?

Ba-dum-bum

The 2Man headquarters is closing early to enjoy the weather and check on our injured producer. Bress had surgery this morning and with some time he'll be back on skates in the fall. Or we can strap some pads to his wheelchair and he can hop in net for roller hockey.

Enjoy the games tonight, pull for the Bruins and we'll see you later on Facebook.

-Nemmy

What you missed last night because your hospital room doesn't get VS

I bet Bressler never thought he'd miss hearing Joe Beninati's voice.

VAN 1, CHI 2 (OT) Series 2-2
The funny thing wasn't that hard-nosed Darcy Hordichuk got Vancouver on the board but that Rick Rypien set the play up with a Soupy-ish spin move in the high slot. Hordi definitely didn't puck the puck where he wanted to but got the point anyways. It was bizarro world in the 2nd period. In the 3rd, Marty Havlat who, with the proper haircut, could find himself on my fantasy team next year, put one past Luongo with the hockey equivalent of the the fade away jump shot. He was falling/diving forward and got a nice shot off. I dunno.

Andrew Ladd deflected a Dave Bolland shot from the right side late in OT for the winner. It was such an OT goal. Seriously when you close your eyes and think OT goal you know what I'm talking about. Dave Bolland also had a hand in the Havlat goal so there you go.

DET 6, ANA 3 Series 2-2
If anyone comes up to you today and wants to talk about this series just say Corey Perry and Johan Franzen are beasting. That's it. Agree to meet up for a beer later to discuss but there's no need to really go into details right then and there. Can we start calling him "Jo" Franzen? Yeah, that's better.

Perry's first goal was great because he comes in pretty much alone down the right side and spooks Osgood with a slight shoulder dip and puts a beauty low blocker for the goal. I'm pretty sure with the bionic playoff boner Perry has right now he could have put the puck anywhere he wanted to. He choose that old tried and true low blocker beauty. That's it right there. Dance with the girl that brought you to the prom.

We were talking the other night how a team like Detroit that isn't the toughest in the world responds when they get mauled by a rugged crew like Anaheim. Scotty said something to the fact that they don't need to out-face wash out anyone after the whistle. They just need to keep flying and getting those goals in traffic and all that other stuff gets less important. Solid analysis from Barbone. I don't know why he just called me frantically asking where I got the Ovechkin shirt that I gave him.

Back to the game. Franzen's first was from a drop pass in the slot. His second was a deflection where he ghosted across the crease at the perfect time. The first goal was set up because Filppula got the puck in the neutral zone and, instead of getting it over the red and deep, threw it back to his dman who took a look and hit Filpulla back as he was then streaking towards the blueline (Perry didn't have his stick in the lane). It was a regrouping pass without the regroup. Filpulla skates in, feels pressure, protects the puck and leaves it for Jo Franzen to blast one. When the Wings get going they make shit look like mens league.

Later Getzlaf and Perry connected for a goal, Samuelsson had a snipe, Hossa got 2 and Getzlaf and Perry hooked Scott Niedermayer up towards the end. There was a tussle towards the end of the 3rd but it didn't do much to change the momentum and the Wings cruised and evened the series.

Does it concern anyone that the Wings can put 6 up on the board without Datsyuk involved or Rafalksi on the ice?

Tonight the Bruins are tying shit up in Carolina and I want to see Ovy and Malkin destroy each other at the Igloo.

- Nemmy

Bressler DTD (lower body injury)

Long story here that has nothing to do with Ovechkin, Crosby or Sean Avery. We understand if you click off this site.

So we are playing a mens league game last night at 11:30. We have a solid core of 9 guys doing battle with a team that always beats the hell out of us. Actually, every team but one in this league always beats the hell out of us but this team is special. For some reason we keep dragging ass to the rink in the middle of the night.

We were down 4 goals at one point and we scratched and clawed to go ahead by one late in the 3rd. We were really putting some good lathe work in on both ends of the ice and actually having some fun in the process. Our goalie, Plenty, is a manchild.

2Man producer/point guard, Daniel Bressler was doing the needful chasing down a puck in the offensive zone and gets pulled down by some retard with a slew foot. What makes things worse is that the ice is more chewed up than Courtney Love's vag and Bress catches a rut and ruins his right leg.

It was an ugly scene. Bress was on the ice screaming in pain and we were just helpless. Was it a dirty play? Yeah but not the dirtiest play that night. What made things nasty was the soft ice. On a good sheet Bress gets put down like a soccer riot and I end up posting about Tom Poti's man-purse or how I can't figure out the plot to the new Terminator movie.

Anyways, Bress gets carefully carted off the ice and we hold on for the win. Probably one of the best comebacks in mens league history but at what cost? Thanks for ruining a great win, slew foot jerkoff.

Getting Bress to the hospital was an adventure. 2Man Director/Russian ex-pat, Artem drives to the game so the a few of us carefully stripped Bress of a skate and his uppers, gingerly sat him in a rolling office chair and took the service elevator to roll him to Artem's car. Please note that even the slightest movement made Bressler scream out in pain.

He screamed the entire way to the hospital. It was awful and hilarious at the same time. Scotty and I were in the back of the car crying laughing because Bress is in agony and were trying to keep things light by making jokes. Bress is such a good guy that even when Artem would take a hard turn and Bress would scream "FUUUUUCK" he'd immediately apologize. It was clown college. It was also 2AM.

So we get to the hospital and Scotty and I got some nurses and a wheel chair and we got Bress inside. He was still yelling and waking up all the drunks who were brought to the ER to dry out. One of the drunks looked like he'd been drinking since the prohibition era. His face looked like an olive pit like he's literally pickling from the inside. Not a good way to spend your elder years.

But hey, Bressler's nurse (not pictured) was cute. Her name was Adina and she had a great smile and looked good despite working 12+ hour shifts the entire week. She was very thrown off by Bressler's jock because it's black and bulbous and she kept staring at it and laughing. She told us that she didn't grow up with brothers and had never seen one before. When he heard this, Bress nearly fell off the stretcher trying to whip his tool out but she meant the jockstrap and cup, not a weenus.

The most embarrassing part of the night for Bress (besides screaming more than the Octomom delivering her litter) was when the doctor came into the room. Here's how it went down:

Dr: (walking into the room) Okay, you must be Dan so let's see what we can do about that nose.

Bressler: Uhh, my nose? It's my leg that's the problem.

Dr: Really? So you're good with that nose? Really? Hmm. Alright.

Yikes

Turns out Bress broke his tibia and fibula. He didn't have knee or nerve damage that they could tell last night and he could be out 3+ months.

Look at this picture. Artem is looking down at Bressler's mangled foot which looks like Serbia. Artem can't hide his disgust.

I would have live blogged this whole event last night but I didn't know how to work Bressler's blackberry. When you try to type "google" it gives you "goat". Why goat? Anyone who deals with goats doesn't need google.

This is a crushing blow to the 2Man crew. Our mens league team loses it's spiritual leader (and not just because his girlfriend got him into Kabbalah) and an active participant in our weekend roller hockey games. Bress didn't miss hockey games and he was always willing to jump in net for street hockey. The guy broke 2 bones in one of the ugliest mens league injuries I've seen. What garbage.

Anyways Bress is stuck in the hospital wearing nothing but a spandex jock and watching Regis and Kelly. One way to make him feel better is by posting all the horrific injuries that NHLers have played through in the comments. If we shame him maybe he'll strip off the cast and get in net this weekend.

Come on, Bress. Don't be a pussy.

And here's one of the trays of shots that Scotty made us drink the other night when Staal got the GWG to send New Jersey home.

I slept a solid 1:30 last night. I need to go home.

-

Nemmy

What you missed last night because you were at the ER until 4:30 AM

More on the 2Man's adventure to the emergency room in the next post.

Washington 2, Pittsburgh 3 (OT)
What a game! I think Malkin shut up a good number of people who were complaining about his output in the first two games of this series. The guy took control of Game 3. The game started with Ovy putting home a loose puck after a strange carom off of a dump in that fooled MAF. Tenk scored next with a little AND-1 playground move where he got the puck right back to his stick after trying to nutmeg the D in front of him. My girlfriend thinks he scored that way on purpose. Yeah, in your bra! Malkin scored a PPG the in 3rd by muscling a wrister over Varlamov's shoulder. Billy Black Guerin was parked in front of the net screening the bejeebus out of the rookie goalie. Nice veteran snake on that play. The Igloo went nuts and I thought the game was over until Backstrom, Ovy and Semin connected late in the 3rd to send it to OT. Amazingness.

In the OT Kris Letang put a pool shot past Varlamov to end things. What a series.

Boston 2, Carolina 3 (OT)
This one hurts to talk about. Carolina owned the 2nd period with Staal scoring on the PP off of a broken play and fucking Samsonov has to go and just ruin my night like 2 seconds later. The interference call on Ryder to set up the Staal goal was some real horseshit. Savard's penalty was dumb as hell but credit Cam Ward for setting that one up. I can't even get into this game. It's like falling in love with the girl of your dreams then finding out that she once spent a weekend with Lenny Kravitz. I don't even recognize this Bruins team right now. They kinda look like my favorite team that controlled the tempo and played disciplined hockey but they just smell like incense, sweat and sing ridiculous lyrics like "We've got to stand up if we're gonna be free YEAH"

Next game is Friday so help me God.

-Nemmy

What you missed last night

Canucks beat the Blackhawks, 3-1 (VAN leads series 2-1): Hey, Chicago, you are allowed to score first. I just wanted to give you the heads up. Its kind of a problem, but another problem is Dustin Byfuglien being your best player. Brian Campbell did about 17 spin moves in the third period. How come only Shane O Brian laid him out?


Ducks beat the Red Wings, 2-1 (ANH leads series 2-1): Man oh man, do the Wings miss Rafalski. I'm not sure what Rafalski would add specifically, but I do know he could probably catch up to Teemu Selanne. Chris Chelios, not so much. Please don't call Scott Niedermayer a defenseman. Did you see how he scored his goal - crashing the net. He's a rover.

What you missed last night because you realized you picked Malkin and not Crosby on your Sportsnet.ca fantasy team and hung yourself out of shame

Capitals beat the Penguins, 4-3 (lead series 2-0): Ok, this isn't the best play-off game of all time, but its something. Its something special. The 2 best players in the league both had hat-tricks. Are you kidding me! Did you see that Chicagoooo! I was at a loss for words when Ovy ripped that wrister for the hat-trick and eventual game winner. I had to rewind and rewatch multiple times the out-of-mid-air goal that Crosby scored to complete his hat trick. Thats like his third out-of-midair goal this post season. Will this game be topped this series? Can those 2 guys play any better? Both one-timer goals by Ovechkin were pure perfection. Fleury gets over quick, but that shot is fucking unstoppable. And his wrister is the Ovechkin calling card: A d-man's stick in his kitchen and he still snipes. Crosby's goal were the result of smart hard work, good positioning and a sick mid-air swing. Too bad his team didn't show up. Ovy's quote sums it up, "Sick game. Sick goals by me and him."

Seriously at this point....

First off...hats off to a godly Monday night game from the two superstars of the NHL. Caps off to the both of them. Steckel was the difference. Nice goal by him though too! To be honest I really don't understand how OVY drills those shots right in the zone from way out. Puts it on the net hard with that natural Russian Force. It's really quite remarkable...Federov hesitation, Kozlov banging his stick he wants it, even though it's a tight fit...grabs it and slaps it over to OVY and BANG! Than the 4th goal with the swerve in at the line, get the d's feet moving the other way along with Fleury looking the other way than Ovy, toewy snap, hop right, toewy in wrister wide jesus christ! Fleury was like, "Really?" Than the best part of the whole game. 1000!


You can't see it clearly here but you can see the makes of it. Right after he scores, OVY jumps so hard and far into the boards that I thought they were going to shatter all over those poor caps fans. One day...seriously, mark my words in his career, he will smash the glass, and I just hope no one including him gets hurt. So much energy is Alex Ovechkin.

The 2man is in a playoff fantasy grouping in which you choose a line from the east and one from the west. From the east, we have Thomas in net with Green and Gonchar at the points and Crosby, Staal and Ovy up front. We got like 10 points from that game alone last night. Just juicing. Out of the west we went with Bobby Lu in net, Lidstrom and Niedermayer at the point and Getzlaf, Franzen and Zetterberg up front. We were torn between Staal and Savard and we basically flipped a coin if you will but I think Staal is scrapping this playoff and will take this to at least 6 games so he serves as a beautiful hedge against Bruin drought as we saw in game 2. He pumped out a goal and an assist so call Staal your ultrashort. For example while long a certain number of us equities, I am long a little TWM and SDS which go up when the market moves down. Don't ask me why these things exist. Don't ask m e why Nemy won't watch a Bruins game with us. Don't ask me why Sue Sung is in fact Sue Sung. Just listen to Billy and get pumped for Tuesday nights games.


Why is it still raining in New York? I feel like I'm with Frasier in Seattle.

And dude if your going to swing your stick in anger please watch your goalie.

- Scotty

Nice Work, Dick

Way to go, Nemmy. Way to praise the Bruins for their effort. You didn't jinx the team or anything. Quick angry thoughts before I go to bed and/or assault a random stranger.

- Hard to tell the difference between the promos for the MTV Steve O drug addiction melt-down special and Andrew Ference's game highlights. Rusty players shouldn't get big minutes in this game.

- Stop freaking out about Eric Staal. The stats line doesn't show the whole story. I want to eat my own hand.

- Not one tape to tape pass from Chara tonight. Not one. I'm halfway out the window.

- Cam Ward was fantastic.

- In that ridiculous Enterprise rent-a-car commercial, why does the idiot dad rent a pickup truck to get supplies from the lumber yard? GET THE LUMBER DELIVERED. Watching the Bruins try to force soft passes through the neutral zone and watching some jackass rent a truck for the sole purpose of picking up some 2x4s is making my brain itch. I wish his daughter nails him with the hammer at the end.

- Thank Jesus the Family Guy we dvr'd was funny.

- And thank goodness it didn't take them 3 overtimes to lose.

- I'm not writing about the Bruins again until the season is over.

- Nemmy

Back to Work

Yikes. Apparently the only hole in the Bruins lineup is Marc Savard's beard. Savvy is one of the most gifted passers in the league but has a playoff beard that looks like Bressler's lower back (minus the tribal tramp stamp). Should I give him shit for the Michael Jackson facial hair or do I appreciate the fact that he's giving it everything he has? I'm not sure.

Huge game tonight with the Bruins hosting the Whale. Hopefully the layoff made the Bruins hungrier and they'll have a first period like Vancouver had last night.

You know what I was thinking about? After the Flyers were eliminated last week I politely waited a day or so to text our buddy, and Flyer fan, Matty to give my condolences. He said something to the fact that he was upset that he felt as though he wanted it more than most of the guys on the roster.

My stomach hurt when I thought about that. I know the feeling of wanting to win more than the guys you cheer for and it's the fucking worst. It's the reason why the overpaid Mets always break my heart and why I've fallen out of love with the Knicks. I'm sure it's a big reason why some people prefer college athletics to their professional counterparts.

I don't ask for much as a fan. I know my teams can't win every loose puck or always make the postseason. All I want is to root for a team that wants to win as much as I do. I cheer and worry and yell and scream and I want to be rewarded by having my team compete every shift, every night.

That's why I love this Boston squad as much as any other season's roster. Yes they've been wildly successful in the regular season and recently bounced the Canadiens in 4 but it's the effort, intensity and compete level that really make me proud. Everyone blocks shots, everyone finishes checks and everyone wants it. Up and down the roster you have guys that scratch and claw and make their fans proud. Tim Thomas looks funny hurling himself at pucks but the man has never given up on a play. The way he jets off the ice after giving up a walk-off goal? Yeah, that's how I look after they lose too. I love that about him.

Anything short of the Cup would be a letdown for this Boston team. I'll will suck if they don't get there but I know they'll stay in the hunt. Because, fuck it, if they lose I know they'll go down swinging. That's been this team's calling card all year and we even saw it in the way they hung tough in last year's postseason. Win or lose they make me proud.

Game 1 is tonight at 7:30.

Not without a fight.

Thanks for stopping by this week. Feel free to join up with our Facebook group, the friends of the 2 Man Advantage. Join up and let us know what we're doing right, wrong or not enough of.

Have a great weekend and thanks to Cornelius and his fantastic site for letting me steal that picture of Savard's lesbian beard.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night because you were trying on shirts from J.Crew

Canucks beat the Blackhawks, 4-3 (lead series 1-0): This game was eerily similar to our men's league game the other night. One team takes a 3-0 lead, the other team comesback to tie it up, and the first team takes the win anyway. The only difference was that we lost in OT... and oh yea, the quality of play. No one on our men's league team can make a pass like Sundin to Demitra for the first goal or roof the puck like Kane did on his first. I like how the refs are sneaky putting their whistles away in third periods of tie games (except for too many men on the ice penalties). Did anyone else see Brian Campbell's totally unneccessary spin-o-rama in the third? Maybe its in his contract that he has to one at least once a game. Besides that, I actually noticed him,for the first time, for other stuff he did. He might have the best turn-away-from-a-forechecker-with-a-puck in the league. This game was a great way to start round 2. Enjoy the Ducks and Wings tonight.