Crib Notes - Detroit Red Wings

Detroit Red Wings
Finished 1st in the Central. Lost in the Stanley Cup Finals to Pitt in 7 games.
Signed F Jason Williams
Picked up Patrick Eaves from the scrap heap
Signed lazy/injured F Todd Bertuzzi
Marian Hossa took his act to rival Chicago
Steady F Mikael Samuelsson signed with Vancouver.
Lost Backup G Ty Conklin

Questions going into 2009-2010:
I think the biggest question going into this season is about goaltending. The rest of the team is pretty stacked even without Hossa.
Can Todd Bertuzzi keep up with this lineup?
Can this team top 51 wins?
Was Hossa the jinx keeping Detroit from repeating last year?
Which unheralded Euro will be the next great Red Wing?
Again, Chris Osgood?

Poised for a breakout season:
Mattias Ritola. I randomly picked a young Swede from this lineup because I'm pretty sure with some playing time any one of them will have a strong year.

If you had to buy one Red Wing sweater:
Talk about a timeless, classic logo and jersey. I used to own an Yzerman when I was younger. I think I ruined it when our basement flooded. I'd go with a Draper jersey now but would really like to have my Yzerman back. it had a fight strap and everything.

Player whose game you like and you can't figure out why he isn't considered a superstar:
Okay, maybe not a superstar per se but Rafalski is quietly one of the best defensemen in the league. The trouble is that he's not the best defensemen on his team.

Player who reminds me of Brian Rafalski:
Larry Murphy

Member of the Red Wings tv broadcast team whose fat neck refuses to fit in the confines of a collared dress shirt:
Larry Murphy

Old guys:
Lidstrom is 39
Draper is 38
Osgood, Maltby and Holmstrom are 36
Rafalski is 35
This team is like the older squad in your mens league that doesn't waste energy, moves the puck really well and beats your ass despite having 2 guys on the bench.

Young guys:
Helm and Abdelkader are 22

Tough guys:
This team proves to people who are anti fighting that you can be successful without having a cop in the lineup.

Favorite old school Red Wing:
(tie) Bob Probert and Joey Kocur.
How cool is it that Paul Ysebaert and Steve Yzerman were in the same lineup?

Custom jersey that I may buy Bressler for Hannukah:



Goaltending coach:
Jim Bedard with his 17-40-13 NHL record with a 3.94 GAA. Sick.

Nostalgia:
47 year old Chris Chelios refuses to age and is looking to jump on with the Predators.

Interesting?:
Is the line of Franzen /Datsyuk/Holmstrom one of the scariest in the league?

NHL 94 players:
Steve Yzerman, Sergei Fedorov and Dino Ciccarelli up front. DIRTY
Paul Coffey and Steve Chiasson (over Nik Lidstrom!) on D with Tim Cheveldae in net.
Tim Cheveldae - what a name.

Prediction?
Osgood proves me wrong again and has a solid season in net. The Wings lift another Cup.

YouTube:
This is one of the coolest highlights in the history of sport. What a pure slapshot. Goosebumps 1,000. Listen to the Gary Thorne call, "Yzerman moving. Blueline. Chance. SCORE!". So simple and powerful.


- Nemmy

Oh Yawn Yawn!

Game 6 tonight. Pray that the Pens win tonight so we can get a game 7 on a Friday night. That would be 10,000. You know it too. The type and amount of drinking games that will go on that night will be extravagant. No girlfriends just a shot of beer for every shot on goal. A shot of diaper for every hit Satan throws. A beer chug for a short-handed goal. If it goes to 7, people submit your drinking game bids throughout the remainder of the week. Chew on these little vids in the meantime because the song in this video is very soothing and nice and grows on you as the video progresses.


I love the momentum in this one. Comment from the broadcasters about Melrose is just awesome.


Heysus!

My video game team is almost thru the perfect season without losing a game. Matty W scored his 201st goal the other day and Scotty Barbonus reached his 200th assist in the same game. Heals is a perfect 73-0 with 26 shutouts. Dyanism.

Enjoy the game later people.

P.S. Don't forget to explode off of your calves!

- Barbone

Juicing Scotty

Juicing Scotty came to visit Nemy on a lazy Sunday and vandalized his surroundings. This is what he looked like.Juicing Scotty might be necessary for the Hawks so that they can get back in the series. Darren Helm is the only reason it went to OT in the first place. Dan cleary is lighting the lamp which just leads me to believe that they are going to be so insurmountable. They rely on second tier guys like Samuelson and Hudler and Holmstrom to get scoring done when Datsyuk, Hossa and Zetterberg aren't doing it. Franzen is somewhere in between despite being a playoff meast but Cleary just makes it so hard to beat this team if he is scoring like this.

Juicing Scotty wants to to say yes to Memorial weekend. Yes to squats and hammer curls. No to deadlifts. Yes to back-hand snap toewys top shelf. No to men's league. No to saying they didn't receive my payment when I have the statement confirmation from Amex in my pocket. No to everything but sexual relations and the playoffs on Versus. Look at juicing Scotty's back muscles. Very real defined back muscles that Bress just loves. Hope your ok over in the east village Es?

This is Bress right now.

As you were furiously racing out of the bottom...

Thanks for ultimate Beer Pong. Scott and Green in the aftermath of Heavy Bike on my parents driveway with a suite at the bottom.

Yea so the Bruins lost. Nemy is pissed and the bottom is still no where in sight. Stick with turkey and a chipotle mayo until we find it. It's their own fault, they should have never let it get to 7. Detroit almost blew it as well. Game 7's are game 7's for a reason. I cannot believe that Scott Walker put it in. That was a negative hemoglobin shot for Nemy. It was his girlfriends bday yesterday and when Walker scored he turned and I didn't see him again until roller hockey that is slated for later.

The level...the shear level of snap toewys that will occur later barring rain, other roller games, kids and anything else that can possibly go wrong will be immense. That court is almost like my college locker room to me. Shirts off, tits up and blockers on!

If you had to choose a Carolina Dman and a Chicago Dman who would they be? Duncan Keith, Soupy, Babchuk, Corvo, Pitkanen? Black Guerin?

Leonard continues to predict Detroits domination over the rest of the NHL. As of right now, it looks as though it will be a rematch of last years cup with Marion Hossa on the other side this time. Imagine if they lose to the Penguins? That would be ridiculous. If they win, it just shows Hossa's proper choice. Anaheim made them look human. Is Chicago really ready to beat this team 4 times? Is Pitt or Carolina? Dan Cleary got it done last night. Imagine when Datsyuk gets going and Hossa ignites? Last night was the closest that they come to losing again until the playoffs next season. Yes I know...very bullish on Detroit.


Just a simple snap toewy for the road people.


This is probably a close representation of Nemy at work today a day after a second round game 7 loss. Just pushing it as far and wide as he can.

Nemy stormed out of the bar last night better than Timmy Thomas does after a shoot-out loss. No joke! My girlfriend just kept saying the whole cab ride back, "I feel so bad for Nemy! I feel so bad for him!" Than she made me a grill cheese before bed. Gotta love hockey and gotta love that girl.

Gotta hate that there is no puck on til Sunday afternoon.

Friends of the 2man Heals and Mac are heading in to town. Well you know how that goes.

Have a safe and a healthy weekend people.

- Zelli

The weekend and the playoffs

So this past weekend...passover night actually, I went out to a club on Long Island with my good friend Aaron and my cousin Brittany. Brittany works for a liquor distributor in the marketing division so she gets to go to clubs and bars and drink free bottles in an attempt to rep the brand of liquor. Its a great gig for now but she says she doesn't want to do it for too much longer, obvious reasons, there's just so much drinking and partying on the week nights you can do.

So they were out of tables so we set up at the end of the bar with 4 bottles of this crazy Tequila and a SUPRA bottle of Goose. After about an hour Carnage started to come out (featured above) and Nemy wasn't there to put him away so me and Aaron started walkin' around the club. We stopped by the main entrance and started to chat while observing shorties in da club (don't worry I won't type like this the whole time) and noticed a bunch of dudes walking in. Scruffy guys and one of them had no front teeth. I looked at Aaron and I'm like these guys have to be hockey players. Oh wait maybe they're the Soundtigers who are up with the Islanders and I don't recognize them but than I did recognize Jeff Carter and Mike Knuble. Yes the Flyers got out of the garden as fast as possible that night and Aaron Asham was apparently showing them a pre-playoff night.

I spoke with Knuble for a few seconds because well you just have to talk to Mikey Knuble. He wished me luck with the show and I ditto'd with luck for him in the playoffs. A genuine man if I may say so. Hartnell kinda snubbed me as i said in passing at one point in the night, "Hey Scott good luck in the playoffs man!" He kinda snubbed me just reiterating Nemy's intitial take on him. Nemy's grudge with him lies with his impulsive need to start shit after the whistle with people. It's his game and I understand that and he has had a phenomenal year but it's the way that he does it. And the hair and negative 1000. Nobody but me knows who the hell you are in that club that you have to throw a snub. I have a hockey show...thats one in a million dude. Again negative 1000.At another point in the evening, I saw Danny Carcillo in the bathroom. There were like 50 dudes in there and I remember saying to myself drunk, does anybody know that there is a professional maniac in the bathroom with all of us right now. As we were washing our hands, I said to him, "If you don't absoultely rip someones head off in the playoffs!" He laughed and we parted ways. Good kid. That could mean strong things for the Flyers in the playoffs that I saw them there. I saw McCabe pre-season one time at IceWorks and he had his best season ever. I know that all means nothing but I don't have the Flyers winning it. Speaking of winning it. Lets here who you guys have taking it. Here is my playoff tree for the first round.

East

NJ - Car: NJ

Bos - Mon: Bos

Phi - Pitt: Phi

NYR - Was: Was

West

Anh - San: San Jose

Van - St.Louis: St. Louis

Det - Cob: Det

Cgy - Chi: Cgy

I think Detroit will win it all. Don't know why. Buying a top...I know...been doing it all day.

- Barbone
Artem's jib arm.
P.s. If any of you have any youtube clips of great goals, hits, saves, passes funny things related to hockey...quick clips...not long put the link in the comments, thanks!

The Writ of Habeus Corpus

So the 2man head to head league is heading into the homestretch in the final matchup with Bradly's team edging a slight advantage. I spoke with his opponent, team Spin-O-Rama and Trefo is upset over Bradly's consistent add/drop during the gentlemens weak of the finals. Me and Tanella laughed because he has no idea who he is up against. It is close, being tied through the first week and 6-5 currently going into the last weekend. Good luck to the both of you clowns.
In the video game parlor, the Spartans continue their seige on the league. 15-0. Mikey Heals has 8 shutouts and a 4 game streak going right now. Wendel has edged in points with 68 in 15 games with Bradly trailing by 5 or so. Nemy is leading the D pairing in points but Barbonus is crushing people. The best part is watching the computer try and even things out intra-division. Allow me to elaborate. I am in the southeast division so the computer sees my ranking based on the 5 starting players and how we have not lost. By the way to fill the roster, the rest of my team are players from the Japanese national squad. The computer gets frustrated and tries to cheat by stacking the other rosters in the southeast, which I don't mind because it fosters equality and competition. However, Carolina is running Ovy, Crosby, Datsyuk, Nash, Staal and Ray Whitney and couldn't even get a goal on Heals. We had a home and home with them yesterday and they grabbed a cloned version of Wendel to center the first line. Taking him fromt he free agent list, not obeying the laws of reality just in desperation. Our team is unstoppable. The king and his court. THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!

I really think Detroit will win the cup. 7 games...no one beats that team. Barring poopyshawn from Osgood which may very well happen. Conklin isn't too bad either, so there isn't TOO bad of a last option for them.

After watching the Rangers game yesterday, I have decided that Montreal is neagtive. Not flat, negative. And Sean Avery is a major positive for New York when he plays like he can and did. Nemy kinda liked the move on Tim Thomas but thats just silly too me. If anything say stuff to him like Paul Newman did in Slapshot. She's a dike.....I know! I know! That's good stuff. I can't wait to see Thomas in net for the U.S. next winter. Nemy won't live it down that I built up a massive short position in Thomas a few years back only to cover for a murderous loss late last season. I made back a little of the loss going long T. Thomas this season. Accept the loss and move on. He plays a tight game. I enjoy tight and succinct.

Does everyone clearly remember Al Iafrate's hair? I mean really?
Just refresh yourselves.

Sometime the shark go away....sometime he wouldn't go away.
Get some...have some cuz its awesome. The island of what? Which ever it is, thats where you can find me and Nemy on Friday afternoon with a bottle of Sark. It's like the island of Tinney and Delahee.

This is a picture of OVY just juicing. We were discussing who is the best (equipment wise) looking player in the league. Who do you think? Is it boaty Tkachuk or Andrew Cuomo?

Remember to get that glow this weekend and explode when necessary.

- Zell