I love this

I never saw this. You probably have. It's old Sully. But it's so cool. Drink a glass of tang, sit back and relax.



Barbone

So I'm sitting across the aisle from Brent Johnson

Bress mentioned our trip to the Isles home opener here.

Every time we've gone to film the tailgating we have a shitload of fun. Tons of hockey fans, food, booze and a few old friends. After the Vodka, some free beer and a ceremonial joint of medicinal dope I ended up seated by the Pittsburgh Penguins tunnel across from backup netminder Brent Johnson. So of course I was inappropriate and peppered him with questions. I tried to wait until tv timeouts and only asked after the 1st period when it looked like the Pens were fine game-wise but I was probably annoying.

All answers are from what I think Brent Said. I'm not a journalist, I'm an idiot who shouldn't be within 20 feet of another living person after being over served.

Q: Does the US team have any shot at Gold in Vancouver?
A: He thought so but said that the team needed to play it's best hockey.

Q: Which team is more talented from your experience during practice shootarounds: DC or PIT?
(Note: I think I may have asked which team lit you up more in practice.)
A: Washington

Q: Why does he wear gel in his hair when he may have to jump into net?
Q: Does the gel ever get into his eyes and distract him?
A: Apparently the gel doesn't bother him and he is always gelled up even before starts. A little water in the hair before he gets out there is fine. (Brent is starting to get annoyed so I started spacing questions out a little more.)

Q: Does he ever not shower after sitting through a game?
A: Always showers. One of the NHL crew guys standing around him laughs at the question. Brent didn't find the humor in it.

I asked him something about Billy Guerin I think but I can't really recall. I was just trying to pick his brain but I may have bugged this shit out of him.

- Nemmy

Crib Notes - Pittsburgh Penguins

I'm going to cover 30 teams in 30 days. Aggressive? Not really. No information in these crib notes is new or useful.

First up - the Pittsburgh Penguins



Last season
2nd in the Atlantic, won the Cup

Offseason
Lost Rob Scuderi - who was a dman's dman (including a few butterfly saves in the Finals) to LA via free agency
Lost Hall Gill who was a dman's potato salad to Montreal via free agency
Signed backup G Brent Johnson, defensive rock, Jay McKee, and tough guy Mike Rupp
Re-upped Billy Guerin for another season - Maybe the best move of the summer.

Questions going into 2009-2010:
Can they repeat?
Is Serg Gonchar healthy again?
Can Sid and Malkin top last year's totals?
Has anyone ever seen a baby pigeon in NYC?
Having lost Ryan Whitney (at the deadline), Scuderi and Gill (in the offseason)is this the D corp of a repeat winner?

Poised for a breakout season:
Alex Goligoski playing full seasons with the club.

Guy on roster who most closely resembles Manny Pacquiao:
Casey Pierro-Zabotel


Guy on roster whose nose most closely resembles Patrick Ewing's:
Tyler Kennedy


If you had to buy one Pens sweater:
Black Billy Guerin or Billy Guerin Black/Billy Black Guerin. Powder blue and Billy Guerin don't go together.

Player whose game you sneaky like:
Jordan Staal. Your friends say that if his last name was Brown he'd be making the league minimum. Overpaid or not he gets shit done.

Old guys:
Bill Guerin had so much white in his beard last post season.
If I told you that Sergei Gonchar is 35 years old would it sneaky surprise you?

Young guys:
Almost everyone else.
BTW Sid and Malkin are 22 and 23 years old, respectively. Jesus

Tough guys:
Paul Bissionnette lights up the AHL and Eric Godard is a top 3 tough guy in the NHL.
Kennedy, Kunitz and Cooke aren't big but are consistently physical.

Interesting:
Much-travelled Craig Adams. Born in Brunei Darussalam (somewhere in SE Asia) but reared in Calgary. 4-year player at Harvard, last ever draft pick of the Whale.

Nostalgia:
This is the Igloo's (Mellon Arena) last season. The new Consol Energy Center is scheduled to open for the 2010-11 season.

NHL 94 names
Starting D of Ulf Sauelsson and Larry Murphy

Youtube video:
Bill Guerin with the kids.


- Nemmy

Congratulations, Pittsburgh

So in preparation for Friday's Game 7 Scotty and I took off from work early to have some cocktails and watch Predator and Major League. Those two movies and a few tall boys put us in the proper mood to really enjoy the NHL playoffs. Since HBO has added Predator to its OnDemand channel I've watched the movie about 6 times.

We had a few friends meet up at the Tavern for the game. We arrived around 7 and the place had just cleared out from the happy hour crowd and he dug in for the night.

The Tavern puts the big screen and sound for the big games so we had that going for us. It was a solid group of sprited Americans and we all sat around confused as to why they made Milbury and Pierre give their fake pregame speeches to empty lockerooms. That was the worst.

Out of the 20 or so people we had with us only 2 were really rooting for anyone. Adam wore his Yzerman sweater hoping to bring bad luck for the Pens because he is a salty Ranger fan and Rice Pilaf wore his Crosby sweater to show love for his team. Everyone was else just wanted to get drunk and see triple OT.

Thoughts on the game itself (from what I recall):

Both teams got away with calls. I liked how the refs put away the whistle for the most part.

MAF's glove save on Saltby was awesome.

Talbot's first goal was perfect. Perfect. Even though Pitt scored first everyone felt that Detroit would come back huge. Little surprised that they didn't dominate at home. We were waiting.

Our Director, Artem, showed up at the bar. We hadn't seen him in weeks because he has been shooting some movie. He smelled a little.

Crosby knee injury looked harmless from the first replay. This was also the first time I recall Johan Franzen being alive in the last couple of games.

Max Talbot, welcome to snipe city. What a goal.

Of course Detroit was going to score on a play that started with a shot from the point. At this point we are drunk and going nuts on every close play. Bress's beard was starting to perspire.

Someone on Detroit hit the crossbar and Bress's friend, Tasha nearly got trampled. Ugly scene for a minute. It looked like Iranian election aftermath 2009.

I was standing on a couch at one point and completely fell on the ground. My girlfriend had to help me up.

MAF's save on Lidstrom was perfect. What a sick was to end Game 7.

If Black Guerin had scored we would have burned the place down.

Lots of shots were passed around during the game. Plenty, our good buddy and mens league netminder was in attendance and likes to mix Goldschlager and Jameson to make a "Dirty Lenti". It's his signature shot and he goes overboard with them. It's not to be confused with a "Dirty Weindel" which was Mr. W's signature shot in college. Here's a little NYC secret: If you go to the spot where Finnerty's used to be on 3rd Ave and whisper "Dirty Weindel" 3 times in the reflection of the Robin Raj windows our buddy Matty will haunt you like the Candyman.

The Tavern filled up with a few Pens fans after the game. They looked so happy and I was jealous. I can't wait until Boston gets to lift the Cup.

Luis Castillo tried his hardest to ruin our night. Unreal ending to the Mets/Yanks game. I didn't puke from all the Jager but I got the spits when I saw that dropped ball.

Late night Scotty and I hit up McDonalds and I woke up with a bag full of nuggets and a double cheeseburger. Thanks, Crosby.

Great season, great ending now let's shoot some hockey interviews.

-Nemmy

Oh Yawn Yawn!

Game 6 tonight. Pray that the Pens win tonight so we can get a game 7 on a Friday night. That would be 10,000. You know it too. The type and amount of drinking games that will go on that night will be extravagant. No girlfriends just a shot of beer for every shot on goal. A shot of diaper for every hit Satan throws. A beer chug for a short-handed goal. If it goes to 7, people submit your drinking game bids throughout the remainder of the week. Chew on these little vids in the meantime because the song in this video is very soothing and nice and grows on you as the video progresses.


I love the momentum in this one. Comment from the broadcasters about Melrose is just awesome.


Heysus!

My video game team is almost thru the perfect season without losing a game. Matty W scored his 201st goal the other day and Scotty Barbonus reached his 200th assist in the same game. Heals is a perfect 73-0 with 26 shutouts. Dyanism.

Enjoy the game later people.

P.S. Don't forget to explode off of your calves!

- Barbone

As you were furiously racing out of the bottom...

Thanks for ultimate Beer Pong. Scott and Green in the aftermath of Heavy Bike on my parents driveway with a suite at the bottom.

Yea so the Bruins lost. Nemy is pissed and the bottom is still no where in sight. Stick with turkey and a chipotle mayo until we find it. It's their own fault, they should have never let it get to 7. Detroit almost blew it as well. Game 7's are game 7's for a reason. I cannot believe that Scott Walker put it in. That was a negative hemoglobin shot for Nemy. It was his girlfriends bday yesterday and when Walker scored he turned and I didn't see him again until roller hockey that is slated for later.

The level...the shear level of snap toewys that will occur later barring rain, other roller games, kids and anything else that can possibly go wrong will be immense. That court is almost like my college locker room to me. Shirts off, tits up and blockers on!

If you had to choose a Carolina Dman and a Chicago Dman who would they be? Duncan Keith, Soupy, Babchuk, Corvo, Pitkanen? Black Guerin?

Leonard continues to predict Detroits domination over the rest of the NHL. As of right now, it looks as though it will be a rematch of last years cup with Marion Hossa on the other side this time. Imagine if they lose to the Penguins? That would be ridiculous. If they win, it just shows Hossa's proper choice. Anaheim made them look human. Is Chicago really ready to beat this team 4 times? Is Pitt or Carolina? Dan Cleary got it done last night. Imagine when Datsyuk gets going and Hossa ignites? Last night was the closest that they come to losing again until the playoffs next season. Yes I know...very bullish on Detroit.


Just a simple snap toewy for the road people.


This is probably a close representation of Nemy at work today a day after a second round game 7 loss. Just pushing it as far and wide as he can.

Nemy stormed out of the bar last night better than Timmy Thomas does after a shoot-out loss. No joke! My girlfriend just kept saying the whole cab ride back, "I feel so bad for Nemy! I feel so bad for him!" Than she made me a grill cheese before bed. Gotta love hockey and gotta love that girl.

Gotta hate that there is no puck on til Sunday afternoon.

Friends of the 2man Heals and Mac are heading in to town. Well you know how that goes.

Have a safe and a healthy weekend people.

- Zelli

What can Black do for you

First off, are we done with the cold weather in NYC yet? I hate to whine but I haven’t seen my sack in 2 weeks. Times like these I wonder how anything gets done in Alberta when the temps are worse on average than what we’ve been going through. How do people work outside? How do people have sex? It takes me 2 hours just to warm up from my walk from the subway when I get home. The real winner from yesterday’s trade deadline was anyone who got traded to Phoenix. Enjoy the weather down there because yesterday I had use a roach clip to take a leak.

I won’t recap the deadline deals. Bress did a great job of putting together the trades and summing up some immediate thoughts. You can read the other blogs for their analysis. I just want to take the opportunity to praise the Pens on grabbing a 2Man favorite yesterday.

Congrats, Pittsburgh. You managed to add Billy Black Guerin to your squad by giving up what, at the most, could be a 3rd round draft pick. I’m not an Islander fan; I’m not here to scream and shout about the Lighthouse Project or dickride Rick Dipietro. I am a Billy Black Guerin fan and having worked with the Islanders for the last two seasons I can say that Penguins fans got great value.

The Penguins are treading water and Marian Hossa wasn’t available this deadline. Billy Black won’t win the day but he will bring sick value for what could be a 4th round pick. Being an American, a Bruins fan and a complete badass I probably overvalue Black and his skillset but here is what the Pens can expect from Guerin.

You’re getting a winner
Guerin got a Cup with Jerz. He didn’t light up the playoffs that year but he was a factor and a beast and he forever has that Stanley Cup stink on him. The man has been dragging wagon on Long Island for two years so a trip to a squad with a rosier outlook will do him very good. In Pittsburgh he’s going to act like those Amish kids who get to go to keg parties in that Devil’s Playground dvd that Mason has.

You’re getting a leader
Our first trip to Moncton for the Islanders training camp was Guerin’s first with the squad. He was named the captain before he put on the sweater because GM Snow and Co. knew what kind of man they had signed.

Guerin has lived up to every expectation and more. I could ramble all day about his signing autographs and doing charity work and that’s all great but that doesn’t win you playoff games. Black’s real leadership is how he takes care of business on and off the ice. Guys follow his lead. Off the ice it was interesting to watch Guerin walk around and see guys like Rick Dipietro and Mike Comrie scurry behind him. He was the cool kid in school the second he walked into the arena.

Our second year at camp the 2Man crew was out getting oiled up at a local bar when Black walked in and immediately dominated the entire place. He walked right up to Ken Morrow and Gerry Hart and just took over the entire room. Those old timers fawned over him like he was Will Smith or Barack Obama or Will Smith playing Barack Obama. Black has that total badass biker quality.

His numbers may be closer to Miro Satan that I would like to admit but Miro doesn’t walk into a locker room holding his dick like a fireman lugs hose up a ladder. Miro doesn’t get shit done and guys don’t follow him.

You’re getting a beast
When Guerin is on the ice don’t expect Sid to get cheapshotted without repercussions. Now Crosby gets run and bullied and the only answer is Max Talbot giving some guy a facewash. Guerin holds court on the ice and hasn’t lost that nasty streak in his old age.

Consider Black the new Gary Roberts except that Black can actually do something with a puck on his stick. He still rips shots early and often. Guerin has worked long and hard to earn his space on the ice and makes the most of it. With some room he can bury the puck and he hasn’t lost that powerful stride to get open.

His game is simple but welcome on a Pittsburgh team that gets too cute on the powerplay. Malkin and Crosby steer the ship but you need a street tough like Black to go far in the playoffs.

At some point in the next 25 games Black will be sitting in the box after scrapping with some douche who tried to run Marc-Andre. His facial hair will be as coarse as 40 grit sandpaper and his sweat will irritate your nose like Deep Woods Off. He will have a few points already after being freed from the New York Islanders and his example will rub off on young Crosby teaching him a thing or two about how to handle shit like a man. Crosby is an unbelievable player but he can learn some things from a veteran like Black.

I’m not sure what GM Garth Snow had planned when he pulled Guerin of the ice last Saturday. I doubt he was getting ready to trade Black for a conditional pick but we may never know what happened. I’m sneaky hoping there were better offers but Snow and Black took this one to fulfill Guerin’s wishes. Who knows?

Sometimes the deals down by NHL rainmakers make no sense to me. It’s like the time I tried to read what the latest Terminator movie plot was about and my brain short-circuited my cell phone. I’m not the brightest guy but sometimes I do feel like Garth Snow is over his skis.

To me Garth Snow always seems unprepared for situations. He’s like the kid in your midget locker room that was always looking for coins to put in his garter belt to keep his socks up. But that’s just me. If I really knew how to run a team I sure as shit wouldn’t be blogging about it, right?

Anyways

Is Guerin the bug-eyed young gun skating for Jersey? No. Although he’s past his prime it doesn’t mean that he can’t bring the pain. The 2 ladies from Heart used to be smoking hot back in the day but those fatties can still rock out. Black’s got some juice left and the Pens fans will find out that they got a steal at the deadline and a horse for the course.

For the next few weeks we will be posting short webisodes from our interview with Black and Doug Weight from training camp. On Friday the 2Man crew will get together to toast Black for getting out of Long Island prison for time served with good behavior. We will never forget that time we were sitting around eating when Black walked in the room and said “What’s up, shitheads!” as he walked by. That is still one of the coolest things ever.

Congrats, Pittsburgh and good luck Black on your new team



- Nemmy

Bill Guerin (to PIT) for a conditional draft pick (to NYI)

Its a 5th round for now. 4th if they make the playoffs. 3rd if they win the first round, but won't go to a 2nd after that.

I guess I'll root for the penguins this post season.

Danny Richmond (to PIT) for Andy Wozniewski (to STL)

Two Illinois kids traded. I'll call it now: The least impactful trade of 09