Who do you call at that point...has to be Gretz

How ridiculous does Bridget Moynihan look here. Tha might be the sexiest photo I have ever seen. Always liked Brady's pick there.

Let's start off with some Datsyuk sneak compliments of Branis's eye.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93bpmaBmYPg&p=AEB1C2D63CFC884A&playnext=1&index=51

sorry couldn't get the embedding with my browser but watch sneaky pavel with some behind the backness, gettin the joints loosy-goosy.

So last night I saw Ovy do such a sneaky thing, that I never thought about. In the NHL as in men's league for all us idiots you can't make a change when you ice the puck. I like this rule because it forces teams to deal with a break-out or gives the other team a chance to capitalize on a tired line in their zone. Ovy stayed out for an entire powerplay last night and should have gotten off with 10 seconds left in it when they broke it out, however he did not and they got caught in their zone. They could not get it out so Ovy iced it because he was dead tired. Now in men's league when this happens, I am like shit I am so tired and now I have to deal with clearing it or breaking it out and I am so tired. Ovy used his brain and realized, hey we need some more rest so they won the next draw and Ovy iced it again to give him and the boys a bit more time to re-group. They wound up taking a penalty anyway but a smart heads up (capacity utilization move) by OV to by some rest time. Really thinking outside the box.

Artem he does look like a Russian Mig fighter jet pilot out there from Top Gun.
There was a back to back Kyle Brodziak goal situation in the Minnesota game and the San Jose box score had a back to back Joey Pavelski assists from Heater and Marlenis.

Dany Sedin keeps throwin ppg's into the kitty and Kelsey Grammar's new girlfriend already mis-carried on a child. I love that man.

Sean Bergenheim had a breakaway goal and Dp played it perfectly and than had a short-handed situation against DP that DP said no to thank god. That would be the last thing we need is a win streak stopped because Doug Weight keeps getting roasted on the powerplay blue-line and a guy that never did anything for us comes out and scores a shorthanded game winner in our eye.

If any of you have not heard about or seen the Isles finish last night in overtime. Matty Mouls-juice is just being Matty Mouls. He may have 37 goals this year. Yes I have Gloria Estefan on while I write so hold on.

The isles are......well.....ok....but please this Doug Weight thing at the point...I get it but he is just too slow to catch people that break the other way. Remember when DP bailed out Dougy when he pulled Gaborik down and gave him a penalty shot. Dp bailed him out once at least with Bergenheim last night. I mean come on now. I love Dougy but we need at least another speedy D man that can cover when this happens.

Matt Cullen is a mule deer right now. An absolute minotaur. Well maybe he's not Arnold of the NHL right now, that may go to Hossa or the Kid or Stamkos but Cullen may finally have a break out season with all those sneaky guys in Minnesota.

We added hits to our fantasy leagues this year. Really puts much more emphasis on players that previously had been discarded in the trash can or places more emphasis on bruisers like Downie and Morrow. OVY is almost unfair in a league with hits because he gets 200 hits on top of everything else he does. I thought he was going to score 20 game winners at one point this season but Boston put him and the Caps in their place. BErgeron missed an empty net short handed goal in the first game for me. Come on dude. I needed that one.

Which brings me to my final point. The Isles goal in overtime went to video review. The longest review ever. If you saw the goal...it trickled off Ellis's back and he swung his glove around and caught the puck shoving it out of the net. It never actually hit the ground but it crossed the goal line plane in mid-air. I think they were consulting the hockey grail as to whether or not this counts as crossing the line. Who should they call in the event that someone had to make that precedent right than if there wasn't one. Does it have to hit the floor or can it just cross the plane in air without touching net and be pulled out? You woudl have to theoretically call Gretz no? He would have to stamp it as the supreme court justice of the land. Right? Maybe a panel of Gretz, Mess and Yzerman with Roenick cooking food in the background adding a little say.

Stay long Clark MacT and give him a chance to fully squeeze out all short positions against him this season. Stevey Sulls was interesting but I just can't tell. I'm long a little Tommy Kopecky playing with Fuegas Hossa right now. Buy the Kesler dip and pile into the Dallas Stars this season...everyone from Lehtonen to Jamie Benn. I have Steve Downie in all three of my leagues. He is going to just add so much value to your squad this season playing with Stamkos and collecting pims like crazy. He will re-define the word Arabian for me this year.

Remember the end goal of life is to sell someone this hard at least one point.

Thats enough for now.

Barzelli

What you missed last night because you were Shane Doan

Well, I guess that kind of when expectantly

Goal of the game:

What you missed last night while you were charing your roomba (not a euphamism)

Red Wings beat the Flames, 2-1: The Wings goals were scored in the exact fashion that you would expect them to score. Datsyuk makes a move and with no release, snipes high blocker. Holmstrom in front, tip, goal.

Devils beat the Bruins, 3-2: Marty Brodeur caught the puck, made a sick saucer pass to Clarkson, who scored on Thomas. Was anyone else surprised that Chara made no play on Clarkson?

BJs beat the Oilers, 5-3: Why would I watch this game?

What you missed last night while you were on a flight back from Vancouver

Red Wings beat the Avalanche, 3-2: This was really good hockey game. Not as a far of a drop-off in energy or skill from the Olympics that might have been expected. Granted, Detroits power play is full of 5 current or former olympians and they showed it. Datsyuks fake shot drop pass to Lidstrom was dirty it fooled Craig Anderson and 3 of the 4 Avs penalty killers. Johan Franzen's goal was superb; he recognized the forthcoming poke check, so he roofed the puck short side. I still don't understand the "incidental contact rule" that washed out a Detroit goal. Just take a note from international play and call in the crease violations. If Holmstrom stands in the crease, its a face-off outside the zone. If Anderson comes out side the crease, well then, incidental contact might occur.

What you missed last night while watching, hopefully, the final episode ever of the jersey shore

There were a lot of games last night. some haikus might be better than others. lets go!

Blackhawks beat the Flames, 3-1:
Only Kipper seems
to want to win. The rest of
the Flames just plain sucked.

Lightning beat the Leafs in OT, 3-2:
Matt Walker had to
fight twice in the first. He knocked
out Rosehill, tied Orr.

Canucks beat the Stars, 4-3:
Alex Auld tried to
toe-drag Burrows and failed. Is
Turco teaching him?

Senators beat the Blues, 3-2:
The Senators are
the hottest team right now. What if
they had goaltending?

Capitals beat the Penguins, 6-3:
Ovy scores, Sid scores
whatever. This game sucked
I will care in May

Kings beat the Sabres in the shoot-out, 4-3:
All the Sabres must
hate going back home after
being in SoCal.

Sharks beat the Ducks, 3-1:
Now the Sharks have a
three game winning streak, where they've
outscored others a lot.

Coyotes beat the Predators, 4-2:
Both teams have heads
as logos. Only one team
has Upshall with 3.

Red Wings beat the Wild in the shoot-out, 4-3:
Datsyuk's breakaway
pass to Big Bert was perfect.
Backhand, weighted. Yes!

Hurricanes win over the Thrashers, 5-3:
The C does not weigh
Stall down. A trick and a win
for his first game. Nice!

Islanders beat the Panthers in the shoot-out, 2-1:
Best shift of the night
led to the Isles goal. Hit,
cycle, pass, shoot, score!

BJs beat the Bruins, 3-2:
Lucic was back, but
cost his team with a late high
stick. Tough loss, Bruins.

Flyers shut-out the Rangers, 2-0:
Hey Torts, Gabby dropped
his gloves first, so just shut up
about honor, dick.

3-day Weekend Wrap Up OR Is Winter over? What the hell is up with this weather

Friday night Ovechkin had 5 points (a goal and 2 assists), Sunday Ovechkin had only 2 points (a goal and assist), but his goal was on a penalty shot, which is always cool and what Ovy has sometimes sucked at.



Rick Dipietro is back for the Islanders. He won Saturday and shut the Devils out on Monday. Thats the first time the Devils have been shut-out all season. Of the 6 goals the Isles scored this weekend. This was my favorite:




Speaking of slap-passes, Daniel Alfredsson had a hat-trick against the Bruins.Here's, obviously, my favorite:



Ok, its a slap-pass at all, just a great look from Kuba and tip by Alfie.

If you watched NBC's first non-winter-classic game of the season, you know they still have some kinks to work out:



What the hell?

but, if you stuck around you also got to see this sweetness in the shoot-out:



and there was also a pretty good fight:




What did I miss?

Bress

What you missed this past weekend

Thank you Nemy for finding this and putting this in my life because if he hadn't, I never would have known that Guerin did this ridiculous pose in a pic.

This is all you missed this weekend so get some.

Great seats at the Ranger game last night...me and Nemy were cashew nuts on a super sunday night. I'm tired today and the game was very uneventful except for the 5 minute 5 on 5 powerplay that Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Holmstrom, Rafalski and Lidstrom had. It was truly great to watch even though they didn't score.


Msgless Scotty

Non-hockey hockey line

First off let me couch this post by saying that I'm not sure if I've written about this subject already. I did a quick search in the Blogger and couldn't find it so I guess I'm safe. My memory isn't great and my girlfriend frequently tells me that I use the same jokes over and over. She's heard me tell her about my cabbie with a ball cap over his turban 7,000 times - "What are you a Cleveland Indian?". Whoever I stole that joke from needs to be assaulted.

Wednesday was supposed to be question day but I want to start this a night early.

Let's say that you had to create a starting 5 from non hockey players, who would you pick? Assume that anyone you pick could actually skate and all that. Here's my made up hypothetical fantasy land lineup.

Starting Center - Allen Iverson

Why? In a perfect world my starting center would be the fearless, gritty playmaker who goes into the high traffic spots to make passes and create plays. AI is tough enough to go into corners and creative enough to set up his linemates. He's quick enough to dart in and out of trouble and has the court vision my team is looking for in a No. 1 center. Too many times AI gets criticized for being a shoot first guard but that could round out his effectiveness at the pivot. The guy can take bumps and still has a motor in his older age. Plus he's a total thug and I'm grabbing him before Brian Burke sends him an offer sheet. Consider AI a tougher tatted-up Pavel Datsyuk.

Right Wing - Face from the A-Team

Lieutenant Templeton "Face" Peck played by Dirk Benedict was a closer and a winner. He made everything happen for that A-Team squad and always got laid. When the team needed to up-armor the black van (like they did every 3rd episode) who finagled the parts? Yeah BA always straightened out the trash cans for metal sheeting but Face always managed to get the big ticket items using his charm. The guy was smooth enough to talk his way out of capture or into a woman's gaucho pants and badass enough to shoot a rocket to make a forest green Jeep full of Honduran military policemen flip on it's side. That combination of suave and grit with a side of pure finish makes him the perfect RW. Consider him Jeremy Roenick with slightly less cool hair.

Note: if Brad Pitt's character in Ocean's 13 could use a blowtorch like Face he might have made the starting lineup.

Left Wing - Pitt Bull

I'm looking for a left-handed Tochett or Neeley here. I need a guy on LW that goes north-south with a heavy shot and a pair of hands. This Spanish rapper Pitt Bull is gritty enough to be my left winger. Why? I saw a youtube video of this guy rapping on stage when some fan gets too close and he knocks the fan's ass out and keeps on rapping with the song. Let's see Eminem's pussy ass do that. I'm not a fan of his music but his name is Pitt Bull and he campaigned for John McCain last election so he skates onto my starting lineup right there. Consider him a Puerto Rican Milan Lucic.

Defense - Alexander Skarsgård

My first Dman needs to be the point man. Who knows what this guy is like in real life but Skarsgård plays the 2 coolest characters on HBO. He was Ice Man in Generation Kill (shame on you if you haven't seen this 300 times) and the Viking vampire on True Blood. Plus he's Swedish and I need a Lidstrom-type to man the point. Seriously, True Blood isn't all that great except for the vampire sex but what this guy did on Generation Kill was fantastic. His character was so badass and cool, such a leader. There were only 6 or so episodes of that series but I still feel like I owe this guy a beer. My girlfriend would set fire to my genitals for a chance to hug this guy and my lineup needs that calm killer on the point for the breakout passes and cutting off angles. Consider this guy Nik Lidstrom carrying an M4 with the night vision optics.

Defense - Matt Stairs
I need some muscle on D. NEED IT. Matt Stairs and his big mouth full o' chaw will keep opposing heads up and have guys looking over their shoulders. Stairs has been through it all. He's got scars and war stories and you're just hoping he doesn't have some violent flashback when you skate into his corner. God forbid he catches you at the foot of the crease or if he mistakes you for the family court judge that took away his kids in '98. And don't get in the way of the heavy shot from the point. He fires hard and often and is about as accurate as indiscriminate mortar fire. I can just imagine the presence Stairs would bring to my lineup when he's sitting on the bench during warmups smoking a Winston. Your boy's probably got a playoff beard started before the 2nd period and a water bottle full of stuff they used to power Sputnik. His teammates all know that he takes too many roughing calls but they put up with it because he makes his men feel 150 lbs bigger on the ice. Consider him a more muscular Marty McSorley with 10x more PTSD.

No one is fucking with that lineup.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you eating at olive garden with your girlfriend's friends

Penguins beat the Red Wings, 2-1 (series tied 3-3): Why I am happy with this result? Because there will be a game 7 and game 7s are awesome. And this particular game 7 will be on a friday night. When Draper scored that goal to cut the lead in half, I felt awful - I can't imagine how Pens fans felt.
Pavel Datsyuk must get his skates sharpened before every period. How else do explain how he can do those super tight turns and cuts (with the puck!). There was one play early in the third when he absolutely turned Crosby inside out and then fed a pass to Zetterberg. And he hardly ever gets hit... in open ice. Along the boards, well Matt Cooke got a good piece of him (no its not interference, Pierre Maguire).
Matt Cooke was impactful last night. So was Tyler Kennedy obviously. His goal was set up nicely by Ruslan Fedentanko (beating Lidstrom to a puck) and Max Talbot (with good body position along the boards). And lets not forget about Fleury's save on Cleary (perfect positioning) or Scuderi's saves at the end (he must watch Nemmy in the roller game).

I can't wait for Friday

Clean Sweep and Aramis Ramirez

Imagine if your name was Aramis? Imagine if I actually got into a fight out one night with a black dude who thought I was being racist because I said Billy Black Guerin and that shot was just sooo Blaaacckk! Nothing to do with the color of a person but I could totally see it being mistaken for that. Watch for Black to be black tonight and put the series away. Malkin has been simply hot Magenta and Crosby has been very Wawa-esque. I'd really like to see some lash-back from Carolina and win one or two but down by 3 to a team that has been playing solidly doesn't leave much room for a comeback.

Bress you good over there? I miss Bress.

People Detroit whooped Chicago without Datsyuk and Lidstrom? Oh man! That is brutal. Yea the goalie situation has just gone poopy-off-a-cliff over there but jeez! So a rematch of last year huh? Hossa on the other side? Did he make the right choice? I think both Detroit and Pitt are better barring Gonchar playing as well as Datsyuk and Lidstrom than they were last year. I said the other day that if Datsyuk and Lidstrom both did not play in the finals that Pitt could easily win. I mean Nikky Lidstrom goes out for 5 minute clips regularly. Despite Datsyuk not scoring much this playoff he provides space for Franzen and Zetts to get the job done as the Hossa/Datsyuk line gets keyed on. If Malkin scores like he has been, they will DEFINITELY win. He is magenta right now.

This week starting on a Tuesday...tits up!

11:30 game tomorrow without Lenti against a team I haven't beaten in over a year? What do you guys think?

2man pilot being picked up? 1000 (Barring Artem actually making it)

The Incredible Sliding Guerin - hmmm...


Yes to Mikey Douglas in this movie.

- Scotty "Barzus" trying to trade Generaal Motors

Juicing Scotty

Juicing Scotty came to visit Nemy on a lazy Sunday and vandalized his surroundings. This is what he looked like.Juicing Scotty might be necessary for the Hawks so that they can get back in the series. Darren Helm is the only reason it went to OT in the first place. Dan cleary is lighting the lamp which just leads me to believe that they are going to be so insurmountable. They rely on second tier guys like Samuelson and Hudler and Holmstrom to get scoring done when Datsyuk, Hossa and Zetterberg aren't doing it. Franzen is somewhere in between despite being a playoff meast but Cleary just makes it so hard to beat this team if he is scoring like this.

Juicing Scotty wants to to say yes to Memorial weekend. Yes to squats and hammer curls. No to deadlifts. Yes to back-hand snap toewys top shelf. No to men's league. No to saying they didn't receive my payment when I have the statement confirmation from Amex in my pocket. No to everything but sexual relations and the playoffs on Versus. Look at juicing Scotty's back muscles. Very real defined back muscles that Bress just loves. Hope your ok over in the east village Es?

This is Bress right now.

What you missed last night while you were learning that hot weather outdoor drinking is its own animal

Because I was at a golf tournament (watching, not playing) and didn't get home (hungover and sunburned), until 1 am last night and my only hockey intake was NHL on The Fly this morning, well then it looks like I'll be picking out the one high-light that you should know about from each game.

Devils beat the Blackhawks, 3-2: Yes Marty got win number 552, but the highlight of the night was Patrik Elias's backhand pass to Gionta that got Mr. Elias to be the all-time point leader for the Devils.

Oilers beat the Blues, in the shoot-out, 4-3: Dwayne Rolloson - he made some great saves, but its his salt that I loved - he's trying the be the west coast's Tim Thomas.

Canucks beat the Stars, 4-2: Tic-tac-goal - Bernier, from Mason Raymond, from Kevin Bieska. Yea, it was gorgeous.

Coyotes win over the Sharks, 4-3: Doan's GWG - off a broken faceoff play, Doan gets the puck, drives to the net, and scores falling down, with under a minute left in the game.

Rangers beat the Canadiens, in the shoot-out, 4-3: Kovalev's one timer - I don't know how Markov found him at the side of the net and I don't know how Kovalev put it in while falling, but its all impressive.

Senators beat the Sabres, 4-2: Spezza's sauce - On a 2-on-1 with Alfie, Spezza laid the perfect saucer pass onto Aflie's tape.

Maple Leafs beat the Lightning in the shoot-out, 4-3: Blakes goal - the fake pass at the blue line, and then skating around the offensive-zone and eventually tucking in the wrap-around. You might fight teammates Jason Blake, but you also score.

Penguins beat the Thrashers, 6-2: Malkin - 5 points. He'll score, he'll pass. whatever, he does it all so well.

Capitals shut-out the Panthers, 3-0: Kozlov's wrister - its just that good. one step in to the right and its in the back of the net.

Red Wings beat the Flyers, 3-2: Marty Biron's short side - it got beaten twice last night. The first was by Datsyuk after he faked Carcillo out of his shorts.

Wild win over the Avalanche in the shoot-out, 3-2: can a shoot-out goal be the highlight? if so, then Zidlicky's goal was great. patience and top shelf.

If you haven't...

Seen Alexander Semin's goal from his knees last night with no time left in the period please do so now.



Been a part of this internet ridiculousness please do so now. One of the sneakiest, greatest things I have ever seen in my life. Comedic timing and all. Please! These guys are about to move as a unit into a battle in a video game and the hilarity that ensues.


"What do you think Abdul? Can you give us a number crunch real quick?"
"Oh my god he just ran in!"

Taken Patty Bergeron's broad side shot deep into your head, please try.




Put Datsyuk, Crosby, Ovechkin, Phaneuf and Barbonus on a video game line...let it happen and don't fight it. In order to obtain my own made up player, Scotty Barbonus, whom I thought I had deleted, I had to give up Staal, Rafalski and a 1st round pick. Get some!

Seen this in your lifetime and have absolutely NOTHING on the horizon right now, I mean George Costanza had the paper he liked to read. You have to have nothing going on. Eeeery and funny with Dorn in it.



Part II


Yes I know. Never again. But I had to get it out of me. Happy Wednesday! And a happy Newmark/Ess Express Merger first game later against Goldman Sachs.

Barzell

What you missed last night because you took a nap and then went to bed really really really early

I was beat last night for some reason and woke up to various text messages about various games.

Panthers come back to beat the Maple Leafs in OT, 4-3: Everyone talks about this being the 1 year anniversary of tying goal and game winning goal scorer Richard Zednik getting sliced open like a horror movie victim. Why does everyone have to ruin Richard's night by bringing it up? Also, the pass from Stillman was perfect and a sneaky no look. Someone talk to that guy.

Canucks beat the Blues, 6-4: And Mats Sundin is finally showing up!

Sharks beat the Bruins, 5-2: Text from Nemmy: "No more posts for me from home. I threw my laptop into my bathroom. Thanks, dickhead Ryan Clowe"

Red Wings win over the Predators, 5-3: The Red Wings seem to score a lot of backhanded goals. Also, I was surprised to see Datysuk not pass the puck over the Zetterberg on the empty net to get him at hat trick. Is someone jealous over someones extension?

Kings beat the Islanders in the shoot-out, 4-3: After the first Nemmy wrote, "Guerin still gets excited when his line scores." Post game Midas wrote, "Big kings win!"

BJs shut-out the Avalanche, 3-0: Who is Dan Lacosta (he got the shut-out last night). According to HockeyDB, he is 23 years old from New Foundland. A third round pick in 2004 and may have stolen the backup job from Dubie.

Thrashers beat the Lightning, 3-2: Dear NHL, get some laser technology between the posts so you can freaking be sure if its a goal or not. Get some x-ray goal cams, I don't care. Get it right!

Weekend Wrap Up OR Taken is all about kicking ass and taking names

If, per chance, you fell asleep without 2 minutes left in the 2nd period of the Stars/Rangers game Friday night, you might have been shocked by the final score of 10-2. See it was 3-2, Stars, until Mike Ribiero scored to make it 4-2 going into the final period. And then, well, as Nemmy might say, disaster.com. I'll try to break it down: Valiquette softening up + stupid penalties + low energy = 6 goals by the Dallas Stars in the 3rd. Steve Ott really had himself a game - a goal and 2 assists and 9 hits. And if hits could be assists, he would have gotten himself one for this play:



So Steve Mason is out for the BJs (and Rick Nash starts dusting off his irons) so Wade Dubielewicz got his first start in a country not named Russia. He played well, but not well enough and not better than his counterpart, MAF of the Penguins. I love the stretch he gets to keep Power Move Nash from putting in the wrap around:


Also on Friday night, Brendan Shanahan fought (yay)


Speaking of old man fights, Bill Guerin fought Ryan Malone, providing the only highlight in the Islanders/Lightning game:

I like Guerin protecting Sean Bergenheim.

To be honest, for all the games on Saturday, there were few great highlights.

Goalies, don't piss of the Red Wings they have a lot of firepower. Rolosson was chased shortly after this:


Mike Green kept his goal scoring streak alive (holy cow!). A really nice snipe and then an empty netter later:


Seriously, doesn't San Jose have a goalie coach to teach Nabakov how to handle a breakaway?


The Red Wings nicely schooled the Penguins yesterday in the very boring Game of the Week on NBC. The Penguins are uniquely bad. They have so much talent and just can't put it together. And I usually love Pierre Maguire, but calling out MAF for poor rebound control on this goal is just crazy. He puts the rebound in the corner, how about calling out the D, for letting Datsyuk get the puck first and then walking around him?


So what did I miss?

-Bress

What you missed last night while you were trying to stretch your hamstrings

Red Wings beat the Blues in the shoot-out, 4-3: There has been better goaltending in pewee games. Kris Draper played his thousandth game and is 20 shy of playing 1,000 with just the Red Wings. Has there ever been a more retrospective one-sided trade? The man was officially traded for "future considerations" which eventually amounted to $1 (canadien or US, I'm not sure). The man is everything a hockey player should be and has been integral in all Red Wing cups since his arrival (this could be an entire post, so I'll stop now). I was dissapointed that Datsyuk tried a different move in the shoot-out. Even if the goalie knows that the backhand toey is coming, it still works.

Avalanche win over the Flames, 4-3: Svatos had 2. The second was sneaky impressive. Analysts like to say that he outmuscled Dion Phaneuf to tip in McLeod's centering pass. Actually, he got the correct body positioning first and thats the only reason he could "outmuscle" Dion. The play to get that positioning actually started in the neutral zone where Svatos appeared to take the long way to the net, as soon as Dion turned his hips, Marek cut to the inside (with his stick on the ice!) and the rest is history.

Ducks beat the Sabres, 3-2: How long have the Sabres been on this road trip? I feel like it started in 2008. Anyway Craig Rivet had a goal and 12 PIMs. Solid fantast night.