What you missed last night while you were on a flight back from Vancouver

Red Wings beat the Avalanche, 3-2: This was really good hockey game. Not as a far of a drop-off in energy or skill from the Olympics that might have been expected. Granted, Detroits power play is full of 5 current or former olympians and they showed it. Datsyuks fake shot drop pass to Lidstrom was dirty it fooled Craig Anderson and 3 of the 4 Avs penalty killers. Johan Franzen's goal was superb; he recognized the forthcoming poke check, so he roofed the puck short side. I still don't understand the "incidental contact rule" that washed out a Detroit goal. Just take a note from international play and call in the crease violations. If Holmstrom stands in the crease, its a face-off outside the zone. If Anderson comes out side the crease, well then, incidental contact might occur.

What you missed this past weekend

Thank you Nemy for finding this and putting this in my life because if he hadn't, I never would have known that Guerin did this ridiculous pose in a pic.

This is all you missed this weekend so get some.

Great seats at the Ranger game last night...me and Nemy were cashew nuts on a super sunday night. I'm tired today and the game was very uneventful except for the 5 minute 5 on 5 powerplay that Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Holmstrom, Rafalski and Lidstrom had. It was truly great to watch even though they didn't score.


Msgless Scotty

What you missed last night while you were watching the dissapointing season opener of 30 Rock

And my answer to Nemmy's question is A. I think the reason Evan choose B is because RWRR Challenges don't test for Roids.

Onto the haikus!

Senators beat the Lightning 6-1:
Michalek got a
hat trick. So is the trade now
even. Where is Cheech?

Avalanche win over the Canadeins, 3-2:
Even with 7
skaters, Montreal
could not tie the game.

Red Wings beat the Kings, 5-2:
Lidstrom got his one
thousandth point. Thats like seven
thousand Swedish points. (its a currency exchange joke)

Hawks beat the Predators, 4-1:
Even when Nashville
was good they couldn't fill seats.
What will happen now?

Capitals beat the Sharks, 4-1:
Saucers passes were
the reason for 2 cap's goals.
One was a backhand!

Coyotes beat the Blues in OT, 3-2:
Darren Pang is the
most excitable person.
quote, "holy jumpin!!!!!"

Non-hockey hockey line

First off let me couch this post by saying that I'm not sure if I've written about this subject already. I did a quick search in the Blogger and couldn't find it so I guess I'm safe. My memory isn't great and my girlfriend frequently tells me that I use the same jokes over and over. She's heard me tell her about my cabbie with a ball cap over his turban 7,000 times - "What are you a Cleveland Indian?". Whoever I stole that joke from needs to be assaulted.

Wednesday was supposed to be question day but I want to start this a night early.

Let's say that you had to create a starting 5 from non hockey players, who would you pick? Assume that anyone you pick could actually skate and all that. Here's my made up hypothetical fantasy land lineup.

Starting Center - Allen Iverson

Why? In a perfect world my starting center would be the fearless, gritty playmaker who goes into the high traffic spots to make passes and create plays. AI is tough enough to go into corners and creative enough to set up his linemates. He's quick enough to dart in and out of trouble and has the court vision my team is looking for in a No. 1 center. Too many times AI gets criticized for being a shoot first guard but that could round out his effectiveness at the pivot. The guy can take bumps and still has a motor in his older age. Plus he's a total thug and I'm grabbing him before Brian Burke sends him an offer sheet. Consider AI a tougher tatted-up Pavel Datsyuk.

Right Wing - Face from the A-Team

Lieutenant Templeton "Face" Peck played by Dirk Benedict was a closer and a winner. He made everything happen for that A-Team squad and always got laid. When the team needed to up-armor the black van (like they did every 3rd episode) who finagled the parts? Yeah BA always straightened out the trash cans for metal sheeting but Face always managed to get the big ticket items using his charm. The guy was smooth enough to talk his way out of capture or into a woman's gaucho pants and badass enough to shoot a rocket to make a forest green Jeep full of Honduran military policemen flip on it's side. That combination of suave and grit with a side of pure finish makes him the perfect RW. Consider him Jeremy Roenick with slightly less cool hair.

Note: if Brad Pitt's character in Ocean's 13 could use a blowtorch like Face he might have made the starting lineup.

Left Wing - Pitt Bull

I'm looking for a left-handed Tochett or Neeley here. I need a guy on LW that goes north-south with a heavy shot and a pair of hands. This Spanish rapper Pitt Bull is gritty enough to be my left winger. Why? I saw a youtube video of this guy rapping on stage when some fan gets too close and he knocks the fan's ass out and keeps on rapping with the song. Let's see Eminem's pussy ass do that. I'm not a fan of his music but his name is Pitt Bull and he campaigned for John McCain last election so he skates onto my starting lineup right there. Consider him a Puerto Rican Milan Lucic.

Defense - Alexander Skarsgård

My first Dman needs to be the point man. Who knows what this guy is like in real life but Skarsgård plays the 2 coolest characters on HBO. He was Ice Man in Generation Kill (shame on you if you haven't seen this 300 times) and the Viking vampire on True Blood. Plus he's Swedish and I need a Lidstrom-type to man the point. Seriously, True Blood isn't all that great except for the vampire sex but what this guy did on Generation Kill was fantastic. His character was so badass and cool, such a leader. There were only 6 or so episodes of that series but I still feel like I owe this guy a beer. My girlfriend would set fire to my genitals for a chance to hug this guy and my lineup needs that calm killer on the point for the breakout passes and cutting off angles. Consider this guy Nik Lidstrom carrying an M4 with the night vision optics.

Defense - Matt Stairs
I need some muscle on D. NEED IT. Matt Stairs and his big mouth full o' chaw will keep opposing heads up and have guys looking over their shoulders. Stairs has been through it all. He's got scars and war stories and you're just hoping he doesn't have some violent flashback when you skate into his corner. God forbid he catches you at the foot of the crease or if he mistakes you for the family court judge that took away his kids in '98. And don't get in the way of the heavy shot from the point. He fires hard and often and is about as accurate as indiscriminate mortar fire. I can just imagine the presence Stairs would bring to my lineup when he's sitting on the bench during warmups smoking a Winston. Your boy's probably got a playoff beard started before the 2nd period and a water bottle full of stuff they used to power Sputnik. His teammates all know that he takes too many roughing calls but they put up with it because he makes his men feel 150 lbs bigger on the ice. Consider him a more muscular Marty McSorley with 10x more PTSD.

No one is fucking with that lineup.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you eating at olive garden with your girlfriend's friends

Penguins beat the Red Wings, 2-1 (series tied 3-3): Why I am happy with this result? Because there will be a game 7 and game 7s are awesome. And this particular game 7 will be on a friday night. When Draper scored that goal to cut the lead in half, I felt awful - I can't imagine how Pens fans felt.
Pavel Datsyuk must get his skates sharpened before every period. How else do explain how he can do those super tight turns and cuts (with the puck!). There was one play early in the third when he absolutely turned Crosby inside out and then fed a pass to Zetterberg. And he hardly ever gets hit... in open ice. Along the boards, well Matt Cooke got a good piece of him (no its not interference, Pierre Maguire).
Matt Cooke was impactful last night. So was Tyler Kennedy obviously. His goal was set up nicely by Ruslan Fedentanko (beating Lidstrom to a puck) and Max Talbot (with good body position along the boards). And lets not forget about Fleury's save on Cleary (perfect positioning) or Scuderi's saves at the end (he must watch Nemmy in the roller game).

I can't wait for Friday

Clean Sweep and Aramis Ramirez

Imagine if your name was Aramis? Imagine if I actually got into a fight out one night with a black dude who thought I was being racist because I said Billy Black Guerin and that shot was just sooo Blaaacckk! Nothing to do with the color of a person but I could totally see it being mistaken for that. Watch for Black to be black tonight and put the series away. Malkin has been simply hot Magenta and Crosby has been very Wawa-esque. I'd really like to see some lash-back from Carolina and win one or two but down by 3 to a team that has been playing solidly doesn't leave much room for a comeback.

Bress you good over there? I miss Bress.

People Detroit whooped Chicago without Datsyuk and Lidstrom? Oh man! That is brutal. Yea the goalie situation has just gone poopy-off-a-cliff over there but jeez! So a rematch of last year huh? Hossa on the other side? Did he make the right choice? I think both Detroit and Pitt are better barring Gonchar playing as well as Datsyuk and Lidstrom than they were last year. I said the other day that if Datsyuk and Lidstrom both did not play in the finals that Pitt could easily win. I mean Nikky Lidstrom goes out for 5 minute clips regularly. Despite Datsyuk not scoring much this playoff he provides space for Franzen and Zetts to get the job done as the Hossa/Datsyuk line gets keyed on. If Malkin scores like he has been, they will DEFINITELY win. He is magenta right now.

This week starting on a Tuesday...tits up!

11:30 game tomorrow without Lenti against a team I haven't beaten in over a year? What do you guys think?

2man pilot being picked up? 1000 (Barring Artem actually making it)

The Incredible Sliding Guerin - hmmm...


Yes to Mikey Douglas in this movie.

- Scotty "Barzus" trying to trade Generaal Motors

Seriously at this point....

First off...hats off to a godly Monday night game from the two superstars of the NHL. Caps off to the both of them. Steckel was the difference. Nice goal by him though too! To be honest I really don't understand how OVY drills those shots right in the zone from way out. Puts it on the net hard with that natural Russian Force. It's really quite remarkable...Federov hesitation, Kozlov banging his stick he wants it, even though it's a tight fit...grabs it and slaps it over to OVY and BANG! Than the 4th goal with the swerve in at the line, get the d's feet moving the other way along with Fleury looking the other way than Ovy, toewy snap, hop right, toewy in wrister wide jesus christ! Fleury was like, "Really?" Than the best part of the whole game. 1000!


You can't see it clearly here but you can see the makes of it. Right after he scores, OVY jumps so hard and far into the boards that I thought they were going to shatter all over those poor caps fans. One day...seriously, mark my words in his career, he will smash the glass, and I just hope no one including him gets hurt. So much energy is Alex Ovechkin.

The 2man is in a playoff fantasy grouping in which you choose a line from the east and one from the west. From the east, we have Thomas in net with Green and Gonchar at the points and Crosby, Staal and Ovy up front. We got like 10 points from that game alone last night. Just juicing. Out of the west we went with Bobby Lu in net, Lidstrom and Niedermayer at the point and Getzlaf, Franzen and Zetterberg up front. We were torn between Staal and Savard and we basically flipped a coin if you will but I think Staal is scrapping this playoff and will take this to at least 6 games so he serves as a beautiful hedge against Bruin drought as we saw in game 2. He pumped out a goal and an assist so call Staal your ultrashort. For example while long a certain number of us equities, I am long a little TWM and SDS which go up when the market moves down. Don't ask me why these things exist. Don't ask m e why Nemy won't watch a Bruins game with us. Don't ask me why Sue Sung is in fact Sue Sung. Just listen to Billy and get pumped for Tuesday nights games.


Why is it still raining in New York? I feel like I'm with Frasier in Seattle.

And dude if your going to swing your stick in anger please watch your goalie.

- Scotty

Weekend Wrap Up OR College hockey was crazy, but I'm not going to talk about it

I watched hockey every time it was on this weekend, but I couldn't figure out what game I was watching in the NCAA's. Cornell was in the mid-west regional - thats confusing.


The Islanders shut-out the Red Wings Friday night. Yes, Hossa and company hit about a thousand posts, but Joey MacDonald made saves like this:



He looks like Nemmy during roller hockey.

Ovechkin embarrassed the Lightning again. Not with a stupid celebration, but with a solid night. Ovy had 2 and 2 assists:



Saturday night was fight night at the Coliseum, this heavy weight bought came right after Nate Thompson fought Dan Carcillo and before Aaron Asham dropped Tim Jackman. Also Doug Weight fought!



While the fights were happening on the island, a pond hockey game was breaking out in Toronto. Justin Pogge sucks. Or he's learning. He got pulled for CuJo - exactly the opposite of what happened the night before. Recchi had 2 sweet tip-ins. He's not a Jew, because he knows how to tip. (ed note: bress is a jew).
Of the 7 Boston scored this one is my favorite. Really make sure to watch the nice pass from Lucic.



Earlier on Saturday Crosby was Crosby and got the game winner versus the Rangers. Uhhh, good effort, Redden?


The Blue Jackets and the Blues played a home-and-home series (or more accurately home-and-away). The BJs lost both and Mr. Nash has a new nemesis.





Yea, thats TJ Oshie.

I can't think of a better way to end this recap than with this ridiculous slap-pass from Lidstrom to Zetterberg. And watch how Rik really put thats backhand through the five-hole, strong!





What did I miss?

-Bress

What you missed last night while you were learning the samba with LT

Flames beat the Red Wings, 5-3: Chris Osgood got pulled after giving up 3 goals on 14 shots. Thats bad in itself, but have you seen the goals? Two of them were banked off Osgood and the other, well, he just should have had it. Think about Osgood's career arc in Detroit: Goat (losing the sharks in 7 games>contributor (Wings win cup with him)>hero (last years cup win)>possible goat again. Also, did anyone see Nik Lidstrom's neutral zone slap pass to Maltby? Silly.

Flyers beat the Devils, 4-2: Jeff Carter was trade bait last year and now he has 40 goals. A little patience goes a long way. The Devils now look like last weeks Bruins and the Flyers look like last years team. That is good stuff for Philly fans. Also, how good of a hockey name is Darren Powe? Awesome.

Hurricanes beat the Panthers, in OT, 3-2: The Panthers got a point, but are falling apart down the stretch. Its unfortunate. I want to see them in the playoffs. They have good youth and smart veterans and good keepers. Seriously, Carolina is playing super good hockey right now and will probably upset someone in the first round of the playoffs. Ray Whitney, one-timer, was the game winner. The pass was from Joni Pitkanen, who faked a slap shot and passed it cross-zone.

Blog Survey

A little while ago ESPN conducted an NHL player survey and blah blah blah you've probably read it already.

The only question that was really interesting was Question 3: IF YOU COULD CHANGE LIVES WITH ANOTHER PLAYER, WHO WOULD IT BE?

The NHL players surveyed picked Ovy. We are more interested in what our 6 readers have to say.

Below are the results of the ESPN survey in order of number of votes. We've included a short description of the players to get the thought process started. Don't feel limited by the players on this list. The entire league roster is up for debate.

Ovechkin - best player in the league

Lecavalier - set for life, 6'4 220lbs.

Sakic - unquestioned leader, Cup champion

Lidstrom - 4 Cups, bunch of Norris trophies, Swedish girls

Thornton - 6'4 230lbs+, gets to play in San Jose

Crosby - face of the NHL, really good at hockey

Mike Fisher - dates Carrie Underwood

Modano - American hero, married to Willa Ford

Chelios - still alive

Comrie - dates Hillary Duff

Iginla - probably has a bigger dick than you

Kovalev - "most talented", flies planes

Lundquist - cleans up in NYC, probably kills in Sweden

S. Niedermayer - 4 time Cup winner (?), perma-playoff beard

I don't know how to post an actual poll so leave a comment if you want to opine.

-Nemmy