What you missed last night while you were making last minute adjustments to your halloween costume

Oilers beat the Red Wings in the shoot-out, 6-5:
I can't believe that
Howard didn't get pulled. I
guess Osgood ain't good.

Canucks beat the Kings in the shoot-out, 2-1:
Kopitar did all
he could, but couldn't score. Nucks,
do fine with guys hurt.

Lightning beat the Senators, 5-2:
No sophomore slump for
Stamkos. Can we call it a
Sophomore step up? Slam?

Capitals beat the Thrashers, 4-3:
As long as Ovy
keeps on pace, I am happy.
50 in 50!

Coyotes shut-out the Blues, 2-o:
If the Coyotes
make the play-offs and no one
comes. Does it still count?

Devils beat the Bruins, 2-1:
Both of the Devils'
goals literally slipped through
Tim Thomas' legs

Predators shut-out the Blackhawks, 1-0:
This is a score you
hardly ever see at all
anymore. I'm done!

Friday Question

This is Philadelphia's Mr. W. He's a total maniac.

He and his 15 friends will be going to the Pearl Jam concert on Saturday night at the Spectrum. By the time this post is published on Friday he will have started pregamming for the show. Afterwards he will most likely stay up all night boozing and screaming the lyrics to State of Love and Trust.

The next day he will tornado himself into the Linc parking lot to get ready for the Eagles/Jints game. After the Giants win Mr. W will pour himself into spot near a beer pong table until the Phils/Yanks game. Chances are that his Halloween costume will have been permanently etched into his skin by then. Mr. W also tends to drool when he gets boozy. His seat at Citizens Bank park will be soaked. If he's still solvent and manages to stay out of jail it will be a miracle.

But seriously there's a chance that Mr. W gets to see the best American rock band live, the Eagles take 1st place and the Phils win game 4 all in person (and in costume). Hopefully he'll remember some of it.

Has anyone been on a stronger 2 day adventure?

What does the 2Man Executive Committee have to say about Mr. W's weekend plans?

Luke Richardson


"The Yankees? If I wanted to watch a bunch of pussies in tight pants I'd dvr something on Bravo"

Max Cavalera


"In 1992 I toured Indonesia with Sepultura where I saw a crazy ritual. There was self-inflicted pain, knives, blood, fire. It was insane. It stuck in my head. My wife Gloria was pregnant at the time and drank snake’s blood. So every time our son acts crazy I tell her it’s from the snake blood."

Kru Bestor Karte


"I am no longer a competitive fighter but I still make bi-yearly training trips to Bangkok to keep on top of the Muay Thai’s latest techniques, regulations, training strategies and conditioning methods. One time I killed a would-be assassin because he caught me up to my knuckle in his old lady."

Dennis "The Snake" Chalker


"We did a HALO jump into Grenada for Operation Urgent Fury in 83. After 7 days of intense firefighting we were pulled out onto a destroyer anchored offshore. When I got to the boat another SEAL team member noticed my fly was down. I guess I had my cock out the whole time while I was in country. We all had a good laugh about that"

Stay safe, Mr. W.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were drinking away the pain of getting older

Sooo, I'm going to change this week's Mid-Week Monster to today, just because there were so many damn games on last night.

Islanders beat the Rangers (in regulation!), 3-1: Dwayne Roloson - the guy made the necessary saves to be the first star of the game and then did a post-game interview with his mask on. He must be a Ricky Williams fan.

Avalanche beat the Flames, 3-2: Craig Anderson - maybe he was supposed to get a day off, but the swine flu got to Peter Budaj, so once again Anderson won. The first goal he let in was a bit of a softie, but he made the difference from there as Wolski scored a sweet game winner.

Penguins beat the Canadiens, 6-1: Sidney Crosby - he had a hat trick. His first goal is what will eventually be termed, "vintage Crosby." He sits on right post and even when the keeper anticipates, Crosby sneaks that one-timer inside the post. His second goal was a spin around back hand that he ROOFED. He might have kicked the third one in.

Sabres win over the Devils, 4-1: Ryan Miller - I didn't watch this game, but since he only gave up one (Scotty hates him for never getting shut-out), I'll assume he deserves it.

Stars beat the Maple Leafs in OT, 4-3: James Neal - He got the game winner, but he's also the guy that when you say, "howd the stars win the puck in the corner?" it was him.

Sharks beat the Kings i n the shoot-out, 2-1: Patrick Marleau - his slap shot goal, literally put a hole in Jon Quick. Seriously. Also, does the HP Center have the worst camera angles in the league? Its an arena that only has hockey and they couldn't do a better job setting up the cameras? For shame, sharks. For shame.

Blues beat the Hurricanes, 5-2: Andy MacDonald/Scott Walker - these 2 guys had the bests goals of the game. Scott Walker batted his own rebound out of mid-air. MacDonald took a sweet pass from Big Walt and cut in on Ward and scored.

Coyotes beat the BJs, 4-1: Robert Lang/Keith Yandl - its duo because of the sick goal. Yandle on the point on the PP, walks in and does a fake-slap-shot-pass. This is different from a slap-pass because in the slap-pass its all in one motion. In the fake-slap-shot-pass, Yandle turned his body, because he found Lang away from the goal and some how Lang on no angle, tucked the puck in the top of the net.

Senators beat the Panthers, 4-3: Pascal Leclaire - even though he got hurt. he has sweet pads.

Predators beat the Wild, 4-3: Jerred Smithson - game winner and short handed, you sir are a Mid-Week Monster (to be said in booming voice).

The Secret of Mike Richards

What makes this guys so good? What makes him different than the rest. Yes, the power 'I' can lead a team...they like this guy. Why do I call him Mike the power 'I' Richards...I don't quite know but I know that I visualize the football I form spread when the tailbacks line up behind the quarterback when I hear Miek Richards. He isn't dirty but he plays a mean and fiesty game. Yes he will get 70-90 points a season which is mightier than the sword obviously but what are the really separating factors. I noticed something last night versus the Caps.

See if you can follow this.


Notice where Mike is positioned to make this hit on Black Booth. He attempted to do this to Ovy last night but Ovy always is watching...Ovy is 230 pounds...Ovy is dirtier than sword but in all seriousness, Richards in his back-check shades away on the far side of the ice..he loves using his left shoulder and waits for the forward coming in on the far side wing to cut into the middle, making a move on the D and he is ready to come flying in. This is a set play that he runs...that is his back-check. A clean...100% attempt to lay someone out and swing momentum there way. He does this almost every shift. Like a tiger shark swarming on an opportunity. This type of play separates himself above everyone else. Not to mention this ridiculous pass to Hartnall last night. Needlepoint.com.

16,000 Power I juicing.

I think Matty was out this night and broke Richards' and Jeff Carters' bottle of Goose. I wish I was there to see that. I think they must have seen his genuine enthusiasm for seeing them out and maybe even felt that he was a native hockey legend of Philly. This guy is Awesome! Mike Awesome as well works. Remember that guy.

- Zoni

What you missed last night while you were eating a superb burger

Red Wings beat the Canucks, 5-4: Maybe the Wings shouldn't start Osgood until the 2nd half of the season or maybe he gets all his bad start out of the way now. The 2 goals he have up last night were softer than soft. So air? Yes, they were air goals. That doesn't make sense. Anyway, the Wings came back, because they are the Wings. And Tomas Holmstrom was in front. And thats how it goes

Avalanche shut-out the Oilers, 3-0: I know we are only through 1/8 of the season, but are the Avalanche actually good? And can Craig Anderson keep this pace up? The answers to these questions are yes and maybe. The Avalanche were terrible last year, but mostly because of injuries and terrible goaltending. Not only is there 1st round pick playing, but their 2nd round pick is in the lineup and actually playing better. Plus it seems like some of the west (ducks, wings) have gotten worse.

Capitals beat the Flyers, 4-2: Semin's game winner was so amazing. His wrister isn't even fundamentally sound. He shots off his back foot with no weight transfer. Its all wrist. Unreal.

What you missed last night while trying to figure out the post below

Maple Leafs beat the Ducks, 6-3: Now the only team without a win in regulation are the Islanders. Are the Ducks really that bad this year? What are they missing? I'm going to go with goaltending. Neither Giguere nor Hiller is playing at the level of last year. I bet both guys think that they deserve the starting nod and the focus of the competition isn't there anymore.

Canadiens beat the Islanders in OT, 3-2: Only good thing for the Islanders is Jeff Tambellini scoring. Nice sauce pass from Cammaleri to Hamrlik for the game-winner.

Rangers win over the Coyotes, 5-2: The sports section of NYMag has a great description of the Gabby hat-trick. A goal, an assist, and an injury. It was fun while it lasted ranger fans.

Hawks beat the Wild, 3-1: Pat Kane is this generation's Gretzky. Maybe, eventually, he'll score like Wayne, but its more in the sense that a guy that small could play so well. How does Kane do that? He scored a goal last night coming from behind the net and turning and tucking a shot short-side high. Sick! But how does he not get knocked around more.

Colton Orr has reached the 1000 marker

Notice the refs come in and try and dismantle the fight eventually and Colton Orr says, "Hey, there's a f-ckin reason why George and I have led the league in fighting majors for the last few years, so please back away!" Such 1000 like behavior pushing the ref back.

And Tomas Kaberle putting up the best night ogf his career probably with 5 points ALL on the powerplay. It just frustrates me that he was -1. I undertsand that they were all on the PP but you couldn't at least be responsible enough to finish flat for the night or even plus 1 with 5 points bro. So soft. So soft.

And congrats to Jeff Tambo for getting his first 2 goal game of his career. I dropped him a message after I saw they had made it to overtime and told him I wanted to see more of the power move to the net. He has sick hands, sick speed but he is small. That limits his ice-time and confidence. Being on the bubble of playing consistently and being a top 6 starter kills your confidence. I would rather he play and develop what could be something terrific than Jon Sim go out there all the time. Simer is awesome in his own way but he is nearing the end of his career while the Isles are clinging to what youth they have so stick with that. Yea Jeffrey!

Insert Darren McCarty jokes here?

This weekend I found a hockey stick among a homeless man's belongings on East 52nd street.

That's it.

-Nemmy

Weekend Wrap Up OR I have seen the future... well the future of McDonalds

I have a theory about Sidney Crosby. I think he googles "crosby sucks" before every game.Nemmy thinks that he is too nice on the ice, but I think that Sid is deadly when he is motivated. And I can't think of another way he gets motivated. He's got the ring, the awards, and the press clippings that say otherwise, but Friday night and for most of the games this season, it looks like he is trying to prove himself all over again. He wants to put his team on his back. He did that against the Panthers. 2 goals to tie the game and then the eventual shoot-out winner.

Elsewhere on Friday night, Tuomo Ruutu did to Darcy Tucker what Darcy Tucker's probably done to many others before. Its a hit from behind and Ruutu deservedly got suspended, but why does the result of a hit decide the suspension instead of the hit itself? What I mean is, why because Scott Gomez didn't get hurt does Kozlov avoid suspension?


And wow, how about them Avalanche?

I really can't wait for afternoon Saturday games to comeback. Saturday night, Nemmy and I split time between the Islanders/Caps and Bruins/Senators games.


Both games had 2 goal comebacks, however only one of us was satisfied with said comeback. That would be Nemchek.


Moving on...


The Wild have the best third jersey in the league. And had the best GWG of the weekend.


This fight was awesome.





What did I miss?

Bress

For Real

RIGHT?

- Nemmy

Happy Friday People

Wow...notice the replay and how the Edmonton Oiler Gods magically make the puck jump over Stefan's stick at the last possible moment. Amazing but for some reason when you see that puck skip...not as bad as it seems...remarkable....its still terrible.



Again with this...these clips repeatedly have to make there way into our lives...Jack Edwards is 1000 here.

- Happy drinking people

What you missed last night while you were watching some unknown bands at a CMJ show

Friday, haikus, you know the drill.

Canadiens beat the Islanders, 5-1:
Islanders got their
first win and then go right back
to their losing ways.

Oilers beat the BJs, 6-4:
Best game of the night
and not just because of the
sweet Oiler jerseys.

Predators beat the Senators in OT, 6-5:
A back and forth game
with tons of goals ends with a
Weber game-winner.

Kings beat the Stars, 5-4:
Kopitar's hat trick
had 3 good goals, but the first
was pure skill and stretch.

Coyotes beat the Red Wings in OT, 3-2:
Every year I
am down on Osgood, but come
on! What a soft goal!

Capitals beat the Thrashers, 5-4:
How can the Caps score
5 and Ovy has zero?
He needs to keep pace!

Lightning win over the Sharks, 5-2:
Mike Smith always wants
to play the puck. Stamkos scored
again. Worst haiku?

Devils beat the Rangers, 4-2:
Nemmy texted me,
"I love when the rangers lose
at home." Me too, Nem.

Flyers beat the Bruins in the shoot-out, 5-4:
When will we get to
see the Bruins third jerseys?
Not till the Classic?

My Favorite Hockey Card

So like any kid growing up, I had a bazillion trading cards. I spent hours staring at them and imagining watching the games when the pictures were taken. I would pour over the stats on the back and do quick and dirty inter-year comparisons or put certain guys against each other. I used to get a little chubby when guys finished the season with a crooked number in PIMS because I would imagine all the fighting majors. I would study how players wore their socks and which gloves guys wore. For some reason it was important to me to know what year Ray Bourque switched from D&R gloves to a pair of Sherwoods. Now I have the internet and Youtube so I don't need to stare at a Murray Craven card and use my imagination to see how he scored his 30 goals in a certain year.

Somewhere in my parent's basement in Connecticut I still have a pile of binders but there is one hockey card that really stuck with me. It's the 91-92 Upper Deck of Cujo making a ridiculous save. Look at it at the top of the page. Let it sink in.

(It took me 35 minutes on Google to find this card so when I finally found a picture of it I freaked out like one of those dopes that find out that the wings they are enjoying at a restaurant is actually made by Pizza Hut. "This isn't a restauant at all, motherfuckers! Woooo!")

A few thoughts on:
- Upper Deck had the shiniest, sharpest colored trading cards on the planet. Before 91-92 cards were brown pulpy shit. Upper Deck looked like they invented HD.

- Those St. Louis sweaters were TITS. Great (1,000) breazers. I might look for an old pair on eBay. The Wings may have the best pants in the league right now but older school, Capitals, North Stars and Flames are right up there. Some kid on our men's league teams wears green Devils breazers. I think I've written about that fact 60 times on this blog. I also really like the Tampa pants with the bolt on the side. I also had a trading card of Jeff Lazaro that showed that he had Zs shaved into the side of his head. Okay.

- Look at the save. What a picture! I always tried to figure out what angle the shot came from and how Cujo got to it. I think that Roenick tried to go low blocker and Cujo kicked this shit into the rafters. I want to think that any butterfly style netminder would have been to slow to get down on this puck but young Cujo was able to ninja kick his right leg out and get a stick on the shot.

- I love the way his glove hand flares out for balance. I think he ended up in a full split at the end of the play.

- Standup goalies were the shit. Positional goalies ruined hockey cards forever. To have a good goalie shot you need to kick out a leg and flash some glove.

- Check out the kid from A Christmas Story studying the save from the front row. How cool would it be if it turns out that that kid is actually a young Patty Berglund?

- Can we go back to the time when goalies had scuffed up pads? And how cool are those Heaton pads? That is why I love the Joey MacDonald pads because they looked like throwback pads from the 1990's. Andy Moog and Billy Ranford and all the Vaughn guys had pads in the same style.



BTW Don't get me started on this Bill Ranford picture. I could be here all day.



- I brought up the fact that I liked the Joey Mac pads to him when we shot the backup goalie show for the Isles. He choose the pads because he loves the classic look. He's the man.



- Nemmy

what you missed last night while you were flipping over taxis

Canucks beat the Hawks, 3-2: The Hawks had this game and then Willie Mitchell stepped out of the box and lit up John Toews. Clean hit, but unfortunate for the Hawks. It rattled the team and I guess goalie Anti Niemmi. The game-tyer and game winner were low stick side saveable shots (alliteration!). Cheesy line of the night from Ray Ferraro, after the play-by-play guy talked about the crowd cheering for Niemmi, "They're not anti Niemmi, they're pro-Niemmi." Meh.

Islanders beat the Hurricanes in the shoot-out, 4-3: I predicted a shoot-out loss for the Isles after the 2nd period when they were up by 2 goals. I guess I'm happy I was wrong. I really like Eric Staal's goal - making sure he put that puck in the open net. All three Isle's shoot-out goals were sweet and different: The Truth's snipe, the danish prince went top cheese on the back hand, and the future (patent pending) had a nice move, bar and in on the forehand.

Stars beat the Ducks, 4-2: Are the cameras at the Honda Center the farthest away in the league? I hate watching games on TV from there. It's like I'm pretty much overhead. Anyway, both goalies gave up goals by misplaying the puck.

Bruins beat the Predators, 3-2: This is the kind of game the Bruins are going to have to play with Savaard and Lucic out. All the goals were dirty, garbage goals. I loved it.

Sabres run over the Panthers, 5-2: Surprisingly, Bryan McCabe was NOT a minus 5 in this game.

Wild beat the Avalanche 3-2 in the shoot-out: How sweet are those Minny third jerseys? It was fun watching Boogard beat up Koci in one. It made the fight a bit more classy. Koivu's game tyer was a great tip, but I think the shot-pass was intended for the far post.

What you missed last night while you were experiencing/watching/participating in a show/art piece/wierdness

Its the Mid-Week Monster Wednesday


Canadiens beat the Thrashers in the shoot-out, 2-1: If Ondrej Pavelec had won the game, he'd be the Monster. He had some sick saves in the 35 or so. But since he lost, it goes to Scott Gomez. Gomez scored in the shoot-out and beat a little piss about Slava Kozlov after Kozlov hit him from behind in OT.

Penguins win over the Blues, 5-1: Dear announcers, not every time Sidney Crosby makes a pass is it a "great pass from Sidney Crosby." A lot of pros can make that pass. Case in point, Sid's assist to Alex Goligoski. The d-man was wide open in the slot and Sid had a ton of time. I think I can put that pass on his tape. Anyway, the Monster for this game was Marc-Andre Fleury. Maybe he didn't have that much work, but he made the saves and kept his head in the game.

Flames beat the BJs, 6-3: Both captains had their Monster moments. Nash scoring short-handed on the 5-on-3 and Iggy's sick snipe in the third period. But the Monster play goes to Freddy Sjorstrom. I can't describe it. I've never seen a play like this.

Vito Barbaralis & Tony Muskrat

This is fluidity 101 compliments of Adam Weinbranis. Adam sat behind Neil Smith at the Ranger game last night. What a 2man throwback. If you see us on tv again this season, you can thank that man.



Landon Donovan and Jeff Woywitka.

Dany Heatley is playing on the second unit for San Jose's powerplay. Interesting. Thank god the Rangers win streak ended because that was just getting too out of hand. I mean the islanders haven't even one a game yet...let's just take it a little slower ok. A little more homeostasis in the league to start. Let's calm down...prospal is centering your first unit on the PP. Yes he's doing well and yes I have him on a squad but please...calm down.

Sue Sung and hanging on to it all

Jeff Woywitka!

What you missed last night while you were

Sharks beat the Rangers, 7-3: I guess highlights for the Rangers would be that they did keep on pushing. They have confidence that they can score, but Valiquette in net just couldn't get it done. None of the goals scored were particularly nice. It must have been a frustrating game for the Ranger fans to watch; having the lead then losing then almost coming back then Marleau snipe and over.

Kings beat the Stars, 4-1: Seriously, there were more posts hit than goals scored in this game. After the sweet no look pass from behind the net from Morrow to Jamie Benn, the Stars hit at least 4 posts.

Oilers beat the Canucks, 2-1: Holy crap, can Rick Rypien fight. He pretty much dominated Zach Stortini who had to resort to an eyes-closed swing away method. The game almost had a ridiculous ending as Kyle Wellwood cut through the entire Oiler team and just missing tying the game by about a second.

Rev Run's Words Of Wisdom - Oct 20th

Good Morning.
Don't take life so seriously. Life is a game. Play to win.
If you lose one day, there's always tomorrow. When problems arise, try to figure it out but don't complain. Get out there and work hard, have fun and relax. It always works out in the end. :)

P.S. I tried to tell you that the Rangers defense was terrible. Del Zotto can put up 50 PP goals this season but he can't play in the corners.

GOD IS LOVE
REV RUN

Weekend Wrap Up OR Making my roller hockey comeback

After months of rehab and pain, I made my debut in net for a fall roller hockey game on Saturday. I didn't skate (that debut will happen in a few weeks). I played pretty awful, but it was nice to get back out there. Followed that will some towers of beer at the bowling alley and then hanging out with the Stuy-town legend himself, Johnny Dubs.

Needless to say, I only know about Saturday's games based on the ESPN mobile app on my black berry and NHL on the Fly on Sunday.


Is it too early for me to get excited about the possibility of Ovechkin getting 50 in 50? He has in 9 in 8 right now. When can I get excited? When this pace extends to game 25?

Here's his second from Saturday night. Is it better than the one-timer? Not so sure, but it shows that if you give him any kind of space he scores.



I thought Maxim Afinogenov went to the KHL, and then I saw this goal and thought, he's probably only playing inspired because that his old team.



Congrats to Matt Duchene on getting his first goal. Kind of a softy. Will Colorado keep up this pace? Who drafted Craig Anderson?



Cody Mcleod had a great game, 2 goals and a fight.



If he gets the hat trick and an assist is it a Gordie Howe Hat Trick Hat Trick?

Kovalev made his return to Montreal, was soundly booed and then made this sweet pass.



Thornton had 3 points (not 3 assists scotty) and the Isles lost again.

What else did I miss?

-Bress

What you missed last night while you were watching the dissapointing season opener of 30 Rock

And my answer to Nemmy's question is A. I think the reason Evan choose B is because RWRR Challenges don't test for Roids.

Onto the haikus!

Senators beat the Lightning 6-1:
Michalek got a
hat trick. So is the trade now
even. Where is Cheech?

Avalanche win over the Canadeins, 3-2:
Even with 7
skaters, Montreal
could not tie the game.

Red Wings beat the Kings, 5-2:
Lidstrom got his one
thousandth point. Thats like seven
thousand Swedish points. (its a currency exchange joke)

Hawks beat the Predators, 4-1:
Even when Nashville
was good they couldn't fill seats.
What will happen now?

Capitals beat the Sharks, 4-1:
Saucers passes were
the reason for 2 cap's goals.
One was a backhand!

Coyotes beat the Blues in OT, 3-2:
Darren Pang is the
most excitable person.
quote, "holy jumpin!!!!!"

Question of the Day

This is Evan Starkman. He is the beast that has won a few Real World/Road Rules Challenges/Duels/Gauntlets whichever. He is on the current season of the show and hooking up with the old chubby broad that used to be kind of strong.

Anyways (according to a little Googling) I think he's a Canadian kid who went to Cornell on a hockey scholarship. Hockeydb has nothing on him but I found a link of his profile on the ACHA website. The ACHA is club hockey and far from the Cornell varsity team but that's besides the point. He says in this interview that he was on scholarship so let's take his word on it. This kid now makes a living getting drunk and hooking up in exotic places for MTV and appearing at clubs for $2,500 cash.

Here's your question
What would you rather do:

a) Be a Cornell hockey player or
b) Be an MTV Challenge/Duel/Gauntlet star

Let's assume for A that you are a 4-year player on scholarship.
Let's assume for B that you are a regular contestant on these shows and you make your money giving speeches at colleges, appearing a bars and embarrassing your family.

Any thoughts?

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were coming up with bad top 10 lists

Penguins beat the Hurricanes in the shoot-out 3-2: 2 best young goalies in the NHL + 2 fast, skilled teams = GREAT hockey game. This highlight sums it up:


Rangers beat the Kings, 4-2: Are these really the 2 hottest teams in the NHL right now? I smell a conspiracy - NY and LA, come on! It was an entertaining game. Gabby scored with his patented no-release snipe. Lundqvist is the Ranger's D.

Blackhawks beat the Oilers, 4-3: Khabibulin played well against his old teammates, but just couldn't get it done. Chicago's offense is a well-oiled machine. When they aren't scoring pretty goals, they get gritty a la Jack Skille's goal.

Stars shut-out the Predators, 6-0: Marty Turco uses the 2 pad slide very liberally.

Ducks beat the Wild, 3-2: Corey Perry scored 2 really really nice goals. The backhand, reachback move on his first was great invention. The snipe for goal 2 is just really really good skill.

Top 10 Reasons Your Fantasy Hockey Team Sucks

The category: top 10 reasons your fantasy hockey team sucks.

10: Rush Limbaugh is part of the group bidding on your team
9: Yahoo auto-picked the entire 1984 Washington Bullets roster
8: Drafted Scott Nichol in round 3 because he looked firm in his Underarmor
7: You can't figure out why Robert Kron doesn't show on the waiver wire
6: Spotty Internet access from your cave in Tora Bora

5: You're threatening to move the laptop to Kansas City if your mother doesn't carpet the basement
4: You got high and traded the Sedin twins for a box of Nilla wafers
3: Late round sleeper pick - Alexei Cherepanov

2: You're too busy posting "3rd Rock from the Sun" transcripts on the league's message board

And finally the number 1 reason why your fantasy team sucks:
1: Your name is Brian Burke



- Nemmy

What you missed last night while attending the premier of "Weiner and Weiner"

2Man director/editor has some other side projects. Last night I went out to watch this:



Anyway, its Wednesday, so lets find each game's Mid-Week Monster!
Avalanche beat the Maple Leafs, 4-1: The Leafs are terrible, but I would go to games just to watch Colton Orr. They guy fought Donald Brashear the night before and then early in the first fights Koci. That's why he' s a monster.


BJs beat the Flames, 2-1: Jakub Voracek - Kid didn't get on the scoreboard, but he has a super mane of hair and hit everything that moved.

Sabres beat the Red Wings, 6-2: Tomas Vanek - 2 goals, the 2nd was super crashing the net play, which actually injured the man.

What you missed last night because you stopped watching the Chicago/Calgary game after the first period

Blackhawks came back to beat the Flames in OT, 6-5: Seriously, you should have not stopped watching this game. I didn't start watching until the third, so I didn't know about the epic comeback until post game. The Flames racked up 5 goals in the first period and then slowly watched the lead slip away. All ten goals were scored in all different ways, odd man rushes, breakaways, rebounds, tips, good old fashion garbage goals, etc. I proclaimed the Flames to have the best D in the league, but if you can't hold a 5 goal lead, well, simply put you're not the best D.



Rangers win over the Maple Leafs, 7-2: Oh dear god, the Maple Leafs are bad. I would compare them to the Mighty Ducks (movie version), but the Ducks couldn't fight. I can't compare them to either the Thunder Bay Bombers or the Syracuse Bulldogs, because those teams were at least good enough to make the finals. Its a disaster in Toronto. I bet Phil Kessel can't wait to skate.





Oilers beat the Predators, 6-1: If you have Zach Stortini on your fantasy team, you are a happy fantasy owner today. However, I can't imagine anyone having him, unless the whole league is based on some sort of PIMs-to-ice time ratio. Anyway, the guy had 2 goals (one was on the PP) and a nice fight.



Penguins beat the Senators, 4-1: Pascal Leclaire isn't good. His pads are too good for his play. That upsets me.



Coyotes win over the Sharks in the shoot-out, 1-0: Do both goalies get credit for a shut-out?



Devils beat the Capitals in the shoot-out, 3-2: Alex Ovechkin is a sneaky good all-around player. Still everyone, myself included, expects and wants him to shoot everytime, but he can put a pass tape-to-tape as good as anyone. His cross-ice pass to Mike Knuble last night was faster than my slap shot and obviously more accurate. Great play, but I still want to see Ovy get 50 in 50, so as those Rangers fans say, "Shooooooooooooot."



Lightning beat the Panthers, 3-2: All the Lightning goals last night were the stereotypical goals you would expect from those players. Stamkos: in the high slot, one-timer on the PP. St. Louis: one-timer, bad angle, five hole. Malone: crashing the net.



Kings beat the Islanders, 2-1: Matt Moulson is a first line player. Who? Exactly.



Avalanche win over the Bruins, 4-3: Blake Wheelers mid-air tip was sweet. Not much else to say about this game.

Weekend Wrap Up OR The Islanders melt down as described in text messages

Nemmy is a Bruins fan, I'm an Islanders fan. Friday night, we were in separate locals watching the game. Here's how it went down:



Bress: ROOF

Nemmy: Who? Not watching

Bress: Sim on Rask



Bress: Be glad you aren't watching

Nemmy: I ssw everything since

Nemmy: The Bruins stink. Tavares is the real deal.

Bress: SNIPE

Nemmy: Boston is poop

Three Bruin goals later and the game is tied.

Bress: The Islanders are poop

Bress: Brutal

Bress: Terrible

Nemmy: I can't believe they won

Artem: Painful loss...

END SCENE

Besides that game, there was a lot of good hockey this weekend. Friday only had 2 games and to be honest, nothing stands out in my mind as impressive from either of them.

Saturday, however is a different story.



In the dictionary, this goal is next to "Ryan Smyth"



In front, and just keeps hacking away until he scores. I bet he hates LA and keeps his house at a chilly 54 degrees just so its more like Alberta.


The goal from Comrie here is nice (maybe soft on Price's part), but I LOVE the pass that sets it up.



This stands out from the Flyers/Ducks game:










Sick save by Emery with the pad.

I went to the garden yesterday to watch the Ducks play the Rangers. They were tired from last nights game (1 shot in the first period!). The highlight of the game for me was Gaborik ringing a shot off the cross-bar. Its not that he has a quick release. Its a non-existent release.


What did I miss?

-Bress

What you missed last night while you were angrily watching Jim and Pam's wedding

Its Friday, so its back to Hockey Haikus. There were a ton of games last night.


Flames beat the Oilers in the shoot-out, 4-3:
Khabibulin has
problems late in the third. He
is probably drunk.

Sharks beat the BJs, 6-3:
Heatley got the trick.
Joe had four assists. The Sharks
need the same in May.

Senators beat the Islanders in OT, 3-2:
Okposo had a
sweet goal. Pascal Leclaire's pads are sweet.
Does anyone care?

Penguins beat the Flyers, 5-4:
Would you really be
surprised if Hartnell does like
the taste of humans?

Rangers beat the Capitals, 4-3:
After Henrik's brain
fart, Gabby scores. When will his
groin finally break?

Thrashers win over the Blues, 4-2:
The commentator
call Tkachuk, "Big Walt." That's the
Best. Nickname. Ever.

Red Wings beat the Hawks, 3-2:
This game wasn't close
to being sold out. Detroit
has mad problems, yo.

Devils beat the Lightning in the shoot-out, 4-3:
Stamkos will not have
a sophmore slump. His release
is "lightning" fast. HA!

Predators beat the Avalanche, 3-2:
Nashville has a real
sneaky home-ice advantage.
Duchene is mad fast.

Sabres win over the Coyotes, 2-1:
Is there anyone
outside of Buffalo that
cared about this game?

Ducks beat the Bruins, 7-1:
"Perry scored off his
head. Boston sucks,"says Nemmy
in text from last night.

Kings win over the Wild, 6-3:
So far this season,
the Kings get big leads, then lose
them, but win the game.

What you missed last night while you were learning the official rock of Alberta

(answer at the bottom)

Coyotes shut-out the Penguins, 3-0: I don't think anyone saw this coming. When it was 2-0 late in the 3rd, Scotty texted me, "Do they make it a game?" I replied, "they should get at least 1." I'm glad I left and didn't watch the rest. Someone on NHL on the Fly: Final said it best, "the coyotes played a text book away game." They got the first goal, took the crowd out of it and played some good D. Brent Johnson must have still been thinking about Nemmy's super questions, but he did make some nice saves.

Canucks wallop the Canadiens, 7-1: Yes, I used the word "wallop." There's no other way to describe it. Everybody in Vancouver can relax now. The first 2 goals from Raymond and Kessler were just awesome speed demon goals. Kessler with a sweet move on the breakaway and Kessler cutting in on the D-man for the eventual game winner. Price didn't even finish the game.


oh, and the official rock of Alberta is petrified wood.

What you missed last night while you were watching the Twins win

For this season, Wednesday recaps will be known as Mid-week Monsters. I'll pick the best player from each game and tell you why.

Senators beat the Maple Leafs, 2-1: Alfie - he got the game winner with a nice move in during a penalty shot. He didn't draw it, but finished it nicely, with a move that froze the new bad Leafs goalie and then roofed the backhand.

Flyers win over the Capitals in OT, 6-5: Capt. Mike - Richards had a 2nd period hat-trick. Enough said. His first goals was a bad angle snipe off a great slap-pass. The second was a little luck on a wrister and the third was him going hard to the net and roofing Varlemov's goof.

Flames beat the Canadiens, 4-3: Eric Nystrom - 2 goals and a fight. None of it was pretty, but it all looks the same on a scoresheet.

Oilers beat the Stars in the shoot-out, 5-4: This wasn't a pretty game. I guess I'll say Khabibulin, because he got the win.

Kings win over the Sharks, 6-4: Jack Johnson - His goal was special. Handzus gave me an awful waist high saucer pass and some how JJ batted it in. But when you're up 4-0 and give away the lead, its tough to give the MwM award to a d-man, but that goal was sneaky special.

Wild beat the Ducks in OT, 4-3: John Scott - How does Minnesota have another huge fighter besides Boogard. Anyway, Scott dominated his fight agains t2MA! favorite George Parros

So I'm sitting across the aisle from Brent Johnson

Bress mentioned our trip to the Isles home opener here.

Every time we've gone to film the tailgating we have a shitload of fun. Tons of hockey fans, food, booze and a few old friends. After the Vodka, some free beer and a ceremonial joint of medicinal dope I ended up seated by the Pittsburgh Penguins tunnel across from backup netminder Brent Johnson. So of course I was inappropriate and peppered him with questions. I tried to wait until tv timeouts and only asked after the 1st period when it looked like the Pens were fine game-wise but I was probably annoying.

All answers are from what I think Brent Said. I'm not a journalist, I'm an idiot who shouldn't be within 20 feet of another living person after being over served.

Q: Does the US team have any shot at Gold in Vancouver?
A: He thought so but said that the team needed to play it's best hockey.

Q: Which team is more talented from your experience during practice shootarounds: DC or PIT?
(Note: I think I may have asked which team lit you up more in practice.)
A: Washington

Q: Why does he wear gel in his hair when he may have to jump into net?
Q: Does the gel ever get into his eyes and distract him?
A: Apparently the gel doesn't bother him and he is always gelled up even before starts. A little water in the hair before he gets out there is fine. (Brent is starting to get annoyed so I started spacing questions out a little more.)

Q: Does he ever not shower after sitting through a game?
A: Always showers. One of the NHL crew guys standing around him laughs at the question. Brent didn't find the humor in it.

I asked him something about Billy Guerin I think but I can't really recall. I was just trying to pick his brain but I may have bugged this shit out of him.

- Nemmy

What you missed last night while you were talking about Brett Favre and then lighting yourself on fire

Rangers beat the Devils, 4-3: Ok, who picked up Michael del Zotto in fantasy? Obviously, I don't think he'll keep up this pace of goal scoring, but he runs the PP, so points are there. The Rangers were impressive last night. I wonder how much of that can be attributed to Tortorella's early game time-out and subsequent yell-fest. I thought that might come back to bite the Rangers in the ass when, late in the third, the same Ranger's line kept icing the puck. It didn't, because of a Lundquist's great blocker save into the stands.
I understand that Bryce Salvador needs to stand up for Paul Martin, but it actually cost the Devils. Instead of going on the PP, the Rangers win the face-off in the 4-on-4, and score to tie up the game. Oh, and Paul Martin was fine.

BJs beat the Canucks, 5-3: Canuck fans must be flipping out. Its not just the 3 losses, but Luongo got pulled last night and except for the 3rd period, the BJs kind of worked the Canucks. I don't understand how the Canucks gave up a 3-on-2 shorthanded goal while on the powerplay. Hey forwards, backcheck! It was a sweeting passing play though. Simple drop from Nash, who went to the side of the net, got the puck back and then fed a sweet cross-crease pass to Vermette. By the way, Nash had a playmaker last night.

Weekend Wrap Up OR What I missed because my DVR failed to record any NHL: On the Fly

So even though I should have been able to see highlights from the 20 or so games this weekend, I only caught 2 full games instead. I watched the Hawks embarrass the Panthers in front of a less than capacity crowd of Finlanders. And The 2 Man went to the Islanders home opener and chatted with Brent Johnson (not on film), while the Islanders lost in the shoot-out.

For the Islander game, we lucked out with the weather. It was pouring as we crawled along in traffic on the LIE, but just as pulled into the parking lot, it cleared up (relatively) and we got some great footage.

Some thoughts from the game:

Sidney Crosby is great and again just wants to put his team on his back. He scored twice on Rolosson (once in the shoot out), by going five-hole.

Tim Jackman knows when to fight. This happened shortly after Crosby put the Pens up 1-0.



Tavares got is first goal. I'm sure he'll have many more from that about area. Watch Trent Hunter get the puck for him.




So thats all I really got for this first weekend wrap-up. Yea I saw Khabibulin's fuck up. And I learned you never, ever fight Milan Lucic.





Tell me what I missed.

-Bress

What you missed you last night because you have DirectTV

Every game had great energy last night. Usually, Friday is reserved for hockey haikus, but since its the first night of games, I'm just going to bullet point the best parts of each game.

Capitals beat the Bruins, 4-1:

• Ovechkin had quite the game, 2 goals and an assist
• His assist started off that pretty passing play for the first goal
• His second goal was pure STRENGTH as he beat Lucic's stick check in front and somehow converted the pass.

Canadiens beat the Leafs in OT, 4-3:

• What the hell was Ron Wilson wearing?
• Great fights in this game. Is Jay Rosehill a Jew? He sure doesn't fight like one.
• Both Stajan's and Metropolit's goals were super sweet tips. Stajans was more the result of a great slap pass from Kaberle. Metropolit's was pure coolness, through his legs
• It was weird to see Gomez with number 91

Avalanche beat the Sharks, 5-2:

• Take the C off Marleau and he responds with 2 goals. They should have done that during the play-offs

Flames win over the Canucks, 5-3:

• Those throwback jerseys look awesome
• The Calgary D is probably the best in the League. No one talks about Mark Giordano made a sweet move on point and scored the first goal of the game and later had an assist.
• Kiprusoff should always, always have a beard