What went wrong: Philadelphia Flyers

Since Nemmy no longer owns a home computer he's asked guest writers to fill in for his blogging duties.

Today's guest blogger is the kid who was drinking beer at the Phillies game.



Yo, bitches! Even though Nemmy asked me to write what went wrong with the Flyers this postseason I can't really complain about the team. Leighton sucked a few times but that jawn was diiiirtty against the Bruins. I could have stopped Kane's GWG with my fucking Speak and Spell but it was a nasty move to get some space from Kimmo. I guess I blame Mike Richards and that monkey-looking Simon Gagne. They needed to blow some shit up in the final and 6 points in 6 games is bullshit. I found a yellow Chinese Checker in my diaper that got it done harder than that prick Jeff Carter. When Hartnell's done with his wife I'm thinking about giving her my angry inch.

Also, Pronger wasn't nasty enough in the final but he's good people because he got wasted with me and my boys last summer. We were doing shots of Jameson and Pedialyte and Pronger bought like 4 rounds. That night I nearly drove my big wheel through the 15th street bus stop - it was sick! I think the Flyers needed Upshall because Carcillo didn't bring enough to the fucking table. Back in the day when I was hardcore nursing me and Scotty would be downtown with a nipple in our mouths and a Yuengling in our hands. That's Philly hockey, mufu!

I hope the Flyers trade for that LEGO-headed mufu Tim Thomas and we roll in the Final again next season. Peace!

Montreal 5, Philly 1

Montreal won at home and finally beat Leighton. Thankfully, no one was killed in the post game celebration.

Tom Pyatt and Dominic Moore each had a goal and assist. I can never remember those guys' first names.

The 2Man is very excited to have day games this weekend and Pearl Jam at MSG tonight. Although the day games put a wrench in our plans to play Tony ball we will make it up by licking Kathryn Bigelow's furry post-menopausal face. Things are starting to make sense again.

Here's a quick primer on how to kick down a door:

1) Make sure you are wearing something cool. Whoever is inside the room needs to see you looking sweet right before you rush in.

2) Pick a door that can be kicked open. Don't mess around with metal doors or anything too thick.

3) Stand sideways with your power leg closest to the door. Give a side kick to the area right under the door knob. If you are super badass face the door and muay thai jab kick the door into 1,000 pieces.

4)Say something really sweet like "Morgan Freeman says sup" or something better right after you boot the door and rush into the room.

- Nemmy

So...

Here's something I tweeted a week ago just as I felt the rug coming out from under me:

"Being fan of the Bruins can be fun as long as you know you'll eventually get crushed. It's like having sex with Oprah. - t2ma"

Called it!

Here's an earlier tweet that really sums up the Bruins season:

"Turnovers and letting in goals with less than a minute to play: 2
signs of bad pee-wee hockey. Be better. - t2ma"

Even though the Bruins fought past the Sabres and got up on Philly I sneaky knew that the bs turnovers and tendencies like allowing goals late in periods would catch up to them. Those are signs of a rudderless operation and it's not that much of a shock that they ended up making history.

But even watching this team all season and knowing that the emperor was nude I still thought the Bruins would tie it late in the game and force OT. You know why? Because I'm an ASSHOLE. I never learn. I root for teams that don't give a shit yet it crushes me when they don't give a shit. And I'm such an asshole that I'll do the same thing next season. I'm actually looking forward to watching this team turn Taylor or Tyler into a men's league player. I can't wait until I convince myself that a Ryder or Wheeler or Wideman will snap into it and start killing shit. I can't wait until I'm crying into my beer wondering why some of Recchi's man button can't rub off on one of the other forwards.

Normally when I complain about the Bruins Bressler snaps me back into reality with his Islanders talk. So I'm done complaining.

Congrats to the Flyers who have a 2-0 choke hold on the Canadiens and look as strong as ever. Wasn't it a month ago that there were reports that the dressing room was a mess and didn't they fire their coach this year and don't they have an 8th string goalie who hasn't been scored on in 57 periods and wasn't Simon Gagne injured? I'm not sure what is going on. All I know is that the Flyers are strong, balanced and there is no situation where they are out of the fight. That's scary and I hope they smoke the Hawks in the Cup final.

I'm going to see Pearl Jam this Friday with Flyer fan, Mr. W. on Friday. We wouldn't speak to each other during the series so I'm hoping he lets me cry on his shoulder.



- Nemmy

Friday Question

This is Philadelphia's Mr. W. He's a total maniac.

He and his 15 friends will be going to the Pearl Jam concert on Saturday night at the Spectrum. By the time this post is published on Friday he will have started pregamming for the show. Afterwards he will most likely stay up all night boozing and screaming the lyrics to State of Love and Trust.

The next day he will tornado himself into the Linc parking lot to get ready for the Eagles/Jints game. After the Giants win Mr. W will pour himself into spot near a beer pong table until the Phils/Yanks game. Chances are that his Halloween costume will have been permanently etched into his skin by then. Mr. W also tends to drool when he gets boozy. His seat at Citizens Bank park will be soaked. If he's still solvent and manages to stay out of jail it will be a miracle.

But seriously there's a chance that Mr. W gets to see the best American rock band live, the Eagles take 1st place and the Phils win game 4 all in person (and in costume). Hopefully he'll remember some of it.

Has anyone been on a stronger 2 day adventure?

What does the 2Man Executive Committee have to say about Mr. W's weekend plans?

Luke Richardson


"The Yankees? If I wanted to watch a bunch of pussies in tight pants I'd dvr something on Bravo"

Max Cavalera


"In 1992 I toured Indonesia with Sepultura where I saw a crazy ritual. There was self-inflicted pain, knives, blood, fire. It was insane. It stuck in my head. My wife Gloria was pregnant at the time and drank snake’s blood. So every time our son acts crazy I tell her it’s from the snake blood."

Kru Bestor Karte


"I am no longer a competitive fighter but I still make bi-yearly training trips to Bangkok to keep on top of the Muay Thai’s latest techniques, regulations, training strategies and conditioning methods. One time I killed a would-be assassin because he caught me up to my knuckle in his old lady."

Dennis "The Snake" Chalker


"We did a HALO jump into Grenada for Operation Urgent Fury in 83. After 7 days of intense firefighting we were pulled out onto a destroyer anchored offshore. When I got to the boat another SEAL team member noticed my fly was down. I guess I had my cock out the whole time while I was in country. We all had a good laugh about that"

Stay safe, Mr. W.

- Nemmy

The Secret of Mike Richards

What makes this guys so good? What makes him different than the rest. Yes, the power 'I' can lead a team...they like this guy. Why do I call him Mike the power 'I' Richards...I don't quite know but I know that I visualize the football I form spread when the tailbacks line up behind the quarterback when I hear Miek Richards. He isn't dirty but he plays a mean and fiesty game. Yes he will get 70-90 points a season which is mightier than the sword obviously but what are the really separating factors. I noticed something last night versus the Caps.

See if you can follow this.


Notice where Mike is positioned to make this hit on Black Booth. He attempted to do this to Ovy last night but Ovy always is watching...Ovy is 230 pounds...Ovy is dirtier than sword but in all seriousness, Richards in his back-check shades away on the far side of the ice..he loves using his left shoulder and waits for the forward coming in on the far side wing to cut into the middle, making a move on the D and he is ready to come flying in. This is a set play that he runs...that is his back-check. A clean...100% attempt to lay someone out and swing momentum there way. He does this almost every shift. Like a tiger shark swarming on an opportunity. This type of play separates himself above everyone else. Not to mention this ridiculous pass to Hartnall last night. Needlepoint.com.

16,000 Power I juicing.

I think Matty was out this night and broke Richards' and Jeff Carters' bottle of Goose. I wish I was there to see that. I think they must have seen his genuine enthusiasm for seeing them out and maybe even felt that he was a native hockey legend of Philly. This guy is Awesome! Mike Awesome as well works. Remember that guy.

- Zoni

Crib Notes - Philadelphia Flyers

I'm going cover all 30 teams. Aggressive? Not really. No information in these crib notes is new or useful.



Philidelphia Flyers
Last season - 3rd in the Atlantic, Lost to eventual Cup winner, Pittsburgh in round 1of the playoffs
Lost steady winger, Mike Knuble to Washington via free agency
Lost Andrew Alberts to Carolina via free agency - whatever
Lost goalies Marty Biron and Antero Niittymaki to NYI and Tampa, respectively, via free agency - this must have felt like finally passing a kidney stone
Acquired oft-injured O-K Tollefsen from Columbus via free agency
Signed Ray Emery from some garbage squad in the KHL
Traded Joffrey Lupul, Luca Sbisa and 2 1st round draft picks for 6'6 215 lbs. of pure aggression in Chris Pronger

Questions going into 2009-2010:
Is the Brian Boucher and Ray Emery combo really an improvement from the Biron and Niittymaki duo?
How long before Ray Emery fights in and/or shows up late to practice?
Will Daniel Briere stay healthy enough to help this squad past the first round?
Is Simon Gagne's groin tweak at the Canadian Olympic camp anything to worry about?
Will Scott Hartnell cut that ridiculous head of hair?
How many suspensions will this team accrue with full seasons from Pronger and Carcillo?
How long can Philly go without striking gold with a goalie prospect? Hasn't every other NHL team drafted and developed a strong netminder except Philly?
On paper doesn't this roster look like a serious contender?

Questions after 2008-2009:
Didn't it feel like Biron and Niittymaki were always good at the same time or bad at the same time?

Poised for a breakout season:
Claude Giroux. Young guy was strong against Pittsburgh last playoffs.

Dodgy math:
Coming up with Scott Hartnell



If you had to buy one Philly sweater:
Mike Richards is the obvious choice. I'm not tough enough to wear a Cote or a Laperriere and I can't wear a Briere because I have a set of balls.
If you want to get a throwback go with a Kjell Samuelsson.

Player whose game you sneaky like:
I've said it before but if Scott Hartnell is on your favorite team he automatically becomes your boy.

Player on the Philadelphia Eagles roster with no soul:
Mike Vick - tortured and killed animals.

Old guys:
Ian Laperriere is 35 but still plays like Rambo
Pronger and Timonen are 34

Young guys:
Carter, Carcillo, Richards, Powe, Coburn and Carle are 24.
Claude Giroux is only 21.

Tough guys:
Pretty much everyone other than Briere and Gagne.
Cote is the heavyweight but takes more headshots than John Kennedy Jr.

Interesting:
Arron Asham once spent a total of 15 minutes at an Ace Bailey Children's Foundation function in Brooklyn. He signed 3 autographs and ducked an interview request by the 2Man while Adam graves spent 2 hours on the ice handing out trophies. Not our first snub but come, Aaron.

Nostalgia:
Seeing a skater with the name "Parent" on the Flyers throwback 3rd jersey in 2009.

NHL 94 players:
Lindros, Recchi and Rod the Bod started up front. Hard to believe that the one guy not still playing is Lindros.
Dmitri Yushkevich on D and Tommy Soderstrom in net. Dave Brown was rated a 35.

YouTube:
Dave Poulin rips one top shelf on Mario Gosselin shorthanded. Is that Tim Kerr coming over for a hug? What a crowd.



- Nemmy